Refuses to Eat Dinner

Please see my response to Leanor about her 8 year old being picky about eating. My doctor's advice was invaluable.

5pm seems pretty late for snacks. Try just giving him one snack after lunch at about 3. He should be ready to eat again by 6:30. If you really want him to eat at dinner time you will have to regulate his other meals more strictly. If not then maybe he just does not want to eat after his late snack.

Hi A.!

My son has done this periodically and it doesn't last more than a few days - maybe this will pass. Sounds like he is eating great his other meals so don't worry - these little guys switch things around a bit from time to time - makes life interesting I guess.

A.

I would say pick your battles. If he is eating well rounded breakfasts and lunchs, some snacks, then its ok to skip dinner every now and then. You may want to cut back portions on the earlier meals and cut down on milk. My daughter is an extremely picky eater, today she had a great breakfast, small lunch and I offered dinner (she refused) I put it back in the fridge for tomorrow. Hope this helps.~M

Cut the snacks off at 3. When you set his dinner in front of him tell him eat like a big boy and you will give him a snack/treat. This should work. 3 and 1/2 hours will not be to long for him to go without snacks matter of fact he probably is not hungy at that point being snacks are not cut off until 5. Hope this helps... I am 47 mother of 3 all grown and I have seen a lot lol with kids and now 10 granbabies..

Asolutely! My son, who's now 3, is a fantastic eater. He can put away some food and he loves unusual dishes that most older kids hate. But from time to time, he'll go through a phase (since he was about 18 mos. old) where he won't eat hardly anything for a week or two at any meal. He's just coming off that phase now as a matter of fact. He ate like a horse last night but hasn't eaten enough to feed a bird for the last two weeks. I've heard this starts to happen during the newfound mobile stage and continues because they don't want to sit still long enough to eat but my son will sit in his high chair for an hour if I let him, although I usually do not. If he hasn't eaten or won't let me feed him within 30 minutes, I quietly put everything away and let him down. He has only complained later of being hungry once. Usually, if I see he's not eating on his own, I'll make a game of him eating certain characters he likes and that usually will get a few bites in him, if not the rest of his meal. But honestly, I would suggest to just keep an eye on his weight and as long as he stays within a few pounds of what's normal for him, don't stress over it and he'll eat when he's hungry. Hope that helps you!

Little babys stomaches are different from ours plus they are going through growing sperts. My kids do this all the time. Its normal. There will also be times where it seems like you cant keep enough food in the house for them, because their eating everything in site. If you are truely worried try to stop the snacking after 3pm Your little man will more then likely eat better at dinner. As long as your son is healthy dont worry about it too much right now...

I cut snacks off before 4. That way I know my kids will be hungry for dinner. If they are crying while I'm making dinner then I let them snack on carrots, celery, apples,etc. Fruits and veggies and then at dinner time if they don't eat their fruits or veggies I don't worry because they had their serving before.

A.,
My daughter did & still somtimes does at 4now the same thing. Her Dr said that just like we have times where we aren't hungry so too for little ones, they are just a mini us. We would give her just a little portion & ask her to try to eat some, but we wouldn't force it. We did though still make her sit with us while we ate, dinner time is family time & you want to instill that in them early. If at all possible we eat together & when Daddy is gone on reserve duty we pray for him & that makes her feel like he is with us. Your little one will start eating dinners again. Once he starts another growth spurt he'll be eating you out of house & home again. Isn't raising kids fun!!:-)

There may be times when your little one is just not hungry -- if he has gotten good nutrition during the day - don't force food on him - it only makes food a battle for the both of you and a tug of war of control as time goes on. Children go thru growth spurts where they eat everything in sight and then they slow down because they don't need the extra calories. If it happens over and over and his daytime eating changes, then he may be sick - but if he is still active and happy and eating at other times, relax. Babies and young children don't always follow some set rules or guidelines - they are people with their own personalities - quirks - just make sure his daytime meals and snacks are quality nutrition.

Hi A.,

I have a 19 month old and aside from only a short fussy spurt she is a good eater. I was told by my pedi a while ago that as long and they eat at least ONE really good meal a day, then supplement with fruits, good snacks etc. your baby should be just fine.

Maybe he's going through some teething or something that just doesn't leave him hungry at the end of the day.

J.

Don't worry about it...sounds like he is full! My pediatrician told me that babies/toddlers are good about knowing when to stop eating. She's not sure what happens to that in adulthood...LOL! :)

Toddlers will eat when they are hungry! You really have to judge his nutrition on what Let him eat when he is hungry, keep it healthy, and don't worry about whether or not he eats when YOU want him to.

I have trouble getting my 20 month old to eat lately. Usually he eats nonstop. I couldn't get him to eat hardly anything this past weekend. I'm thinking that was just a phase. For yours my suggestion would be to try cutting off snacks earlier, say maybe 4 or 4:30.

There was a time that I took my daughter to daycare and they feed her cookies then she got to the point she didn't want to eat for dinner but cookies. She sat in the highchair until she ate it. I didn't force it in her mouth but she stayed in high chair until she took bites even after we all finished we took her and high chair to family room watched tv and talked to her about eating half of the chicken. Which she gave in at that point it took 1 hour 1/2 but it got her to eat. she realized she wasn't moving out of the highchair until she took some bites this was for 2 weeks now she eats and I removed her from the daycare. No spanking no screaming lots of talking and explaining they do hear you weither they want to listen is another but they come to realize that they have no say. She eat all three meals on her own now. We all sit together as a family. I kept this as a routine.

My daughter was a strange eater and it used to worry me terribly. When she was on a growth spurt she would eat as much as a grown man, but when she wasn't I was lucky to get a handful of food down her all day. My doctor said she was growing fine and was very healthy so let her decide when and how much she wants to eat. She is 18 now and has always been healthy and happy. She also wouldn't eat meat, but would gladly eat eggs, peanut butter and cheese. (this was before they knew about peanut allergies) so the doctor said she was getting plenty of nutrition. Since obesity is such a problem today, you don't want him to learn to eat when he isn't hungry.

I'm going through the same thing. My son is 27 months. He eats breakfast at home fairly well, always eats everything for lunch at day care, but very, very picky at night. I wouldn't freak if he didn't wake up in the middle of the night. He basically lives off of mac and cheese in the evenings. I start out with my balanced meal. He will usually eat fishsticks, Fisher Boy is very fortified. He sometimes eats spinach and sometimes Stouffer's Chicken alfredo. If he wasn't a great eater during the day, I'd really be obsessing. He's very healthy and weight loss is not a problem. It's that having something in his belly through the night.

On the weekends, if he doesn't eat well, I hold all snacks and juice. Sometimes that helps and sometimes not.

I had read toddlers usually have only one good meal a day. He's been a BIG, BIG eater since he was a baby, though.

I also make sure he gets his vitamins EVERY day! I'm counting the days down until we're out of this phase.

It took me a while to realize why my toddlers weren't eating much for dinner. They eat TONS at breakfast and lunch so they just aren't that hungry for the third meal. I don't give them snacks after 2pm then they eat dinner at 5:30. I've noticed that when they don't get any afternoon snack, they clean up at dinner. That's a long time to go with out eating, though. I've just decided that two huge meals are plenty. I consider dinner a snack and I'm not as frustrated by the refusal to eat much. I make sure they get their veggies and protein in the first to meals.

I've read that as long as your child eats one really good meal a day, then they'll be fine. My son's one good meal that he loves is usually breakfast. I have a somewhat picky eater...sometimes for dinner he'll eat two green beans, and tell me he's 'all done'. It can quickly become a battle if I force him to eat...he'll put it in his mouth and then spit it right out...we have to try to make it fun, but even then, he might eat just a few more bites. I wonder how in the world could my son be off the charts in height and weight with how little he eats some days.

Mine is an everyday occurance. If yours just began this week, then you might want to talk to your pediatrician to see if there's anything that might be wrong. i.e. my son doesn't usually eat if he's sick.

You said it yourself, pick your battles. My son and daughter done the very same thing, except they got to points they wouldn't eat very good lunches or breakfast either. My grandmother got soworried she made me worry because they would just pick at food. I did end up taking them to the doctor and he said as long as they are getting plenty of fluids and at least pick at food to leave them alone. Encourage but do not force, because they go through growth spurts and when they aren't, they don't care as much for food. Not all children are this way either. He said even if I could get them to eat a table spoon of peanutbutter or a slice or two of cheese they would get a little protein. Just offer things that aren't a "full meal deal" when he acts as if he just can't eat. He should get back to what you think is the norm before long. He will not starve himself, you just have to make sure he drinks enough. Hope this helps, good luck.

Hi there,

If I were you I wouldn't offer snacks after 3:00. Make it healthy like cheese, yogurt or fruit. At dinner make portions very small so it doesn't look overwhelming to your little one. Hope this helps.

kids are smart...they won't starve themselves. Continue to offer him choices at dinner and if he eats great, but if not, give him a toy to play with at the table until dinner is over. They way he is still learning table manners and you get to eat with your husband.

I think you lost this one. Kids are great because they have a natural knowledge of their food intake needs. Once they get their calories for the day, they are essentially done. While you may think he is eating great at breakfast and lunch, he may be getting too much to eat at those times. His body gets all his nutrition needs met early and then spends the rest of the day processing them. Either cut back on the amount you give him early or just let him skip dinner. The other option is that he may be so excited to see Daddy that eathing is the last thing on his mind. Maybe Daddy can sit next to him and try feeding him. If he doesn't want to eat, do not force him to...this can lead to overeating as an adult (I know, it happened to me!). Let your son take the lead on the food as long as he is eating a balanced diet and he is growing well. Good luck!

My kids did the same thing at around 2 yrs old. My pediatrician told me that as long as they were getting two good meals a day, don't worry about it. Sit them at the table and offer food, but if they don't want it, let it go. They will eat when they are hungry. They soon grew out of it and are now eating very well, although my son is still a little picky. My daughter will try everything now at 8 yrs old.

Don't worry. Just concentrate on breakfast and lunch. Nature will take care of the rest.

J.
www.livetotalwellness.com/janislanz
____@____.com

Nobody says you have to eat 3 meals a day. In many cultures the big meal for the day is lunch or supper and dinner is very light. Actually this is better for you. I have had a weight problem my whole life and I decided I was going to let my son decide how he will eat. He eats when he's hungry and stops when he's full and at 11 he has no weight issues. Yes, he eats veggies and fruits and whole grains and instant foods. Your boy is 20 months old. If he's of a healthy weight and otherwise eats well at other meals then he's fine. Remember 2 very important things. 1. If you follow evolution, we were designed to eat here and there where we could find things and so forth. Meals is just part of culture. 2. Watch the dog whisperer. I know it sounds odd but Kids at this age are very much like puppies. If you have anxiety about an issue the kid will pick it up and guess what? He's installed a button. So if he says no then say OK. Say if you get hungry I'll make you a snack but I won't make you a meal. That way you are still in control of what he eats but he thinks he is control. The perfect man woman relationship!
Good Luck!
Pen

Maybe he isn't hungry. I would cut him off at 5, like you are doing, and then if he doesn't eat dinner, don't let him eat until the usual breakfast time. He can get enough nutrition in 2 meals.

I have a two yr old that eats great most of the time and sometimes will refuse a meal. I figure if she's hungry, she'll eat. I would never let her scream and cry until vomitting to get her to eat. I believe food issues come from stict meal time rules like clean your plate. I like her to eat when she is hungry and don't eat when she is not. Wouldn't it be great if someone had taught that to us? Let that battle go he's not gonna starve himself. Good luck.

Well, you can't force them to eat. The only thing you can do is to offer only nutritious things so they can't fill up on junk. I think that works, generally, if you make an effort to make the nutritious things inviting (cutting veggies into attractive shapes, for instance, also using very fresh stuff that has a lot of flavor (Organic is best!))

Sometimes my son refuses to eat and we just say, ok, and proceed with our dinner. Most of the time he comes around to it when it is allowed to be his own choice. I also tell him that he can't have any sweets or chips (a favorite) until he's eaten something nutritious. Sometimes I also put a very tiny portion of the food in a corner and tell him that if he eats at least that tiny bit, he can have some other thing that he wants (as long as it's at least moderately nutritious). At least he tries it, and sometimes he actually likes it and continues to eat more. All these things work well, and on the very few occasions that he actually refuses, he fares well afterwards.

good luck!
G.

I worked with toddlers for sometime at our church's MDO. It is very normal for toddler to eat a good breakfast and lunch, but show little to no interest in dinner. My daughter is 18 months and is showing the same trend. Don't force feed your child, as this may lead to eating problems later. I know its hard to do, but trust that your child knows when he's hungry and when he's not.

Kids eat when they are hungry. They won't eat if they aren't hungry. At that age, they are NOT going to starve themselves. Sometimes they are not feeling well, maybe they are teething, have a tummy ache, or an ear ache. They may have no symptoms yet.

I remember one time that I encouraged one of my sons to eat even tho he showed no interest. Later that night, he began throwing up. Boy did I feel bad! He had a virus.

Like pp said they are going thru growth spurts. Sometimes they are hungry ALL the time and others they aren't. I let my kids snack. I am not always hungry at the same time every day either! Even if the baby doesn't eat w/the rest of the family, I keep him in the high chair so he is w/the family.

If one of my kids doesn't want to eat, I tell them, "ok. That's your choice but you won't be able to eat dessert like everyone else." I never fight about it. Then I proceed to offer dessert to the other children. If they are feeling well, they will eat up their food. Otherwise they don't care. I start them like this very young.

Blessings,
M.
www.4MyChildrenSake.com
Moms Helping Moms

Children know when they are hungry and when they aren't. You wouldn't eat if you weren't hungry, right? There are days when my seven year old will eat hardly anything, then about three days later, he's back on his eating habits. I think it's all part of their growing pattern.

Hi A.,

I had the same problem with my first child. She would eat good during the day, but would not like to eat dinner even when we would eat late. So I stopped letting her have snakes or juice after three. That worked for a little while, then if she wouldn't eat I told her it was time for bed and would not make her eat. The second night I did that she got out of bed and joined us for dinner. I really didn't have any more problems with her after that. She would even try new things and then let me know the next day if she did not like it. Good luck and he will eat if he gets too hungry.

L.

I have 5 kids and one thing I have learnt is that they all have different eating habits. Two of mine are HUGE breakfast eaters, three barely pick at it. One is a HUGE dinner eater - she is one of the ones who hardly eats breakfast.

KIds for the most part know their own bodies best - it is only when we start to force food on them, or use it as a reward, or as a comfort that you begin to see overweight/obese children. I know our first instinct is to think our kids are going to starve if they don't eat at every meal, but that is simply not true.

Don't sweat over it, as long as he is eating well during the day then he is fine. At dinner I would put a few things on his tray/plate and let him eat them if he chooses. Don't make it an issue, or a power thing, just ignore it, talk to your husband and let him sit there and choose whether he wants to eat or not. Even if he doesn't eat he is now learning table manners and skills. It worked wonders with my kids and even my kids who eat very little at the dinner table know to sit and converse with others at the table.

I had the same problem with my daughter and her pediatrician recommended cutting out drinks before she eats. The liquids fill them up and then they have no appetite.

Yes it is a battle you don't need to fight. Kids this age don't always eat at every meal and it doesn't seem to affect them in the least. Just offer him food but keep it in smaller amounts until he is ready to start eating at that meal again. It might be days, weeks or months before he eats "normal" again, but it is OK as long as he is not losing weight. I would also keep the snacks as nutritious as possible.

Take care!

Hi A.. I read somewhere that dinner for most toddlers is mostly a social event, and that they generally get most of their calories from earlier in the day. I remember that when my 3.5 year old daughter barely touches her dinner plate, which is more than half of the time! I wouldn't worry about it too much if he's not going hungry and eating nutritiously during the rest of the day.

Have a wonderful day with your beautiful boy!

Hi:

Our 3 year old boy is the same (it can take him up to nearly 2 hours to eat one meal). After lots of scream fests and ruined meals we have instituted the plan that once we sit down for dinner he's got 30 minutes or when the last person (other than him) finishes whichever is later. Once that happens we take his plate away and if he didn't finish that particular meal (our son does this at breakfast and lunch sometimes as well), then there is no snacks or other food until the next scheduled meal. Seems to be slowly working and it has had no ill effects (like loss of weight). I would mention that we've had our son checked out by doctors to make sure there wasn't a physical reason for his refusal to eat to be sure he wasn't eating b/c he was sick. Good luck.

We had the same problem. Our pedi told us that the kiddos (I have 3) will eat when they are hungry and not to worry about if they do not eat - a child that young will not intentionally starve itself and it sounds as if he is actually eating quite well most of the time. Also, to have meal time turn into a combat zone will serve no purpose except to cause problems later. So we would present to food in smaller portions (might as well not waste it). If they ate and wanted more, no biggie. If they refused - no biggie either. However, I did not offer a 24/7 buffet environment. If one of them became hungry later after dinner time, i would offer some juice or milk. I maintained the boundaries of a specified "meal time." BTW - all my children turned out healthy with great appetites and no picky eater problems. Good Luck!

Hi A.,

If your beautiful son is healthy why do you wish him to conform to a set schedule of eating food that he does not seem to require?
Yes, I think this is one of those power struggles parents go through or not. Why do it? Other than because you have been programmed to think that three good meals a day is the way. Ooops. Perhaps the programme needs to be rewritten. We do get to choose.

Love
Z.