Recovering from a C-section

N.,
One reason you can't get over it is b/c you (like most of us) spent 9 months reading all the books about creating a birth plan, creating the perfect nursey, blah blah blah. Pregnancy is a money making industry and we were constently being told what to do and expect.

I don't think you 'get over' it as your friends suggest. I think you choose to not focus on it and focus on the positive. I think that is the one thing that has gotten me through becoming a wife, mother, working mom. As women we can be so detailed oriented that we create sceniros (sp) of how things are going to be. I thought I would be married in my 20's and have a great husband, great career, well mannered kids and a clean house. The reality is I didn't get married till I was 37. My husband is great but great in a different way than I pictured. I have 2 kids (by C-cections) but I also got a stepson living with us who is challenging to no end. I thought I would use formula and bottlefeed, but ended up trying & LOVING breastfeeding and did that for a year each kid. Let's not even talk about my house! My co-workers without kids, don't get why i'm so forgetfull or why I stop working at 5:00pm instead of 7:00. Nothing usually goes as planned, so don't be so hard on yourself.

Please see your doctor about PP and make sure everything is fine there. Be sure to get as much sleep as you can (wink, wink), don't be afraid to ask for help and try to focus on what went right. Since you are an artist, try expressing your feelings through art, or write a short story about your frustrations. You are going to feel a lot of emotions as you grow fully into motherhood, and that's ok. You didn't do anything wrong by having the c-sections. You did everything right by following the doctors advice for getting your kids safely into the world.

~D.~

Hi N.,

It's G. again, the fellow mom of b/b twins. I'm sorry to hear that the c-section was so traumatic for you. I can't really offer any insight because mine was pretty uneventful. I have a friend, though, that had a baby over a year ago (vaginal) and had a very bad health scare that from what I understand could have killed her if it hadn't been fixed. Our mutual friend, Tricia (who also reads this site and may come in with more details) said many months later this friend started having nightmares about dying. She works in an addiction recovery facility so I heard some of the counselors there told her that it was quite normal to have these types of reactions after what really was a near death experience (not sure if yours was that dramatic). Do you think it could be related to post partum depression? Are the boys sleeping through the night yet or are you still very sleep deprived? If you can make the time (I know, what mom of mulitples has time???) you should go in an discuss it with your OB. Mine was very insistent that if I had thoughts and feelings that didn't seem normal to come in and discuss it with him. I would really encourage you to do that.

On another note, I was thinking about you the other day and was going to PM you with an offer. When my guys were about 6 months old, my husband went to Orlando for a work trip and came home with the CUTEST t-shirts that said "Thing 1" and "Thing 2". Everytime they have worn them, my boys have gotten so much attention and giggles from people who pass us by. Well, my friend just got back from Disney World on Saturday and while she was in Orlando, she picked me up two more of the same shirts in bigger sizes so I'm looking for the perfect person to take the smaller versions. They are still in wonderful condition if you would like them. Let me know and I'll be happy to put them in the mail to you this week!

I hope you get to feeling better, I know how overwhelming being a mommy to twins can be. I had my own little crying spell when my husband got home last night so he took us all out for ice cream. I felt much better!! LOL

I had an emergency C-Section after a failed inducement so I know what you mean. One thing you have to remember is that you DID have a loving, safe and healthy birth. It sounds from your post that the birth trauma isn't too serious. Forgive me if it was. No matter how your children come into the world, you did the very best thing for them medically. Sure a C-Section is far from ideal, but think of what would have happened if it was not possible. The surgery could well have saved their and/or your lives. I know I felt like I was robbed of a fundamental starting point in motherhood. I so looked forward to having my baby placed on my chest immediately after birth and having his first feeding right there. I still have that regret, but as time passes I realize that he is growing up no differently after that first few hours. You have all the love in the world for those kids, and they are lucky to have you. It was not your fault. Just look to the future and how great parenting will be.

Hi N. -
I'm sorry you are feeling this way about your c-section, I went through something similar. I too had a c-section, but somewhat knew I would throughout my entire pregnancy. My son was breech the entire time and I could tell he would never rotate. He was SO tight inside me. People kept giving me suggestions on how to get him to turn, but he honestly didn't have the room. My doctor said that there was a way to turn him, but he didn't recommend it. So, I went ahead and went to the birthing classes - with hopes and prayers that I would be able to deliver like God intended. He never turned. And it was in the middle of a birthing class that I came to realize that I would not experience the whole birthing process. I ended up crying and having to leave the room. Everyone completely understood - and I got a lot of great support from so many people.

One thing I felt good about was I looked forward to going into labor! Well, even that didn't work for me because I got cholestasis and they had to get him out sooner than expected. :-) It was then that I realized that the way God actually intended it to be was the safest and healthiest way - which was a c-section. But! I did get to feel some minor contractions - which I was SO excited about. :-)

You are no less a woman or a mom because of this. No matter how your child comes to you, whether it be vaginally, by c-section, or adoption, you are still their Mama and no less because of how they came to you and first placed in your arms. Going through what you went through is something to be very proud of.

-S.

I also was VERY dissapointed when I had to have a C-section after planning everything meticulously, but when I find myself mourning over my loss of that experiece, I look at my beautiful baby girl and smile. Besides, hopefully there will be a next time.

HOWEVER, my questions are these...are you breastfeeding? are you significantly sleep deprived? I ask because if you answered 'yes' to either or both of these, then either can very likely be the reason for your feeling the way that you do. All women who breastfeed have a normal hormonal surge a couple of months after starting breastfeeding. For many of us (myself included), this surge results in major moodswings, depression, and/or hotflashes. ALSO, the symptoms of significant sleep deprivation look JUST LIKE depression and sometimes poor anger management. I was a real B**** one minute and crying the next...constantly on my hubbies but for something! I couldn't let things go, but I didn't have post partum depression, I had serious sleep deprivation.

If you think this might be you, I would encourage you to make arrangements for family or someone to come over during the day to allow you to sleep more AND/OR to have your significant other start feeding the babies bottles at night and allow you to sleep. My hubby temporarily moved to a seperate room, where he could hear and care for the babies part of the night. I would then close my door and turn on the fan, so I could get a good solid chunk of sleep prior to my turn.

This method made a WORLD of difference in my emotional well being and ability to gain perspective with issues that upset me.

GOOD LUCK! and I hope some of this long response is helpful to you.

N.,

There could be multiple reasons why you are still feeling let down by the experience. One reason is that we may set our bar so high without the medical knowledge that keeps us reasonable that we then feel like a failure when we don't realize the "desired" outcome. what you need to do is examine the thought process and expectations. The majority of hospital twin deliveries really are c/s now days because of all of the ensuing complication potentials. The Dr's really try to anticipate everything and keep you and the babies as safe as possible. This sometimes relates in a less than desireable experience even thought you and the babies are safe.

Another reason may be some lingering postpartum depression is keeping you focused on the method rather than the outcome of your delivery. That is that bug in our ear that says "see, what a failure, and it will always be that way and never get better and everyone probably knows I failed" etc, etc, etc.

Please know that any safe delivery is a great outcome for everyone. Did you know that Cesarean Section is named after Julius Cesar because that is how he was delivered?

Thats how long is has been around. So that moms and babies could delivery safely with a minimum of complications.

I don't mean this to negate your feelings. When you get yourself prepared for the one way without any room for options, it is normal to really feel let down by circumstances out of your control. Look at, journal, and talk about those feelings with others that understand and eventually you can let go of the negative and embrace the positive. This board is a wonderful way to begin.

Oh yeah, don't forget to touch base with your OB and see if she thinks you may have some lingering postpartum depression issues that she can help you deal with.
And get some sleep occasionally.
good luck,
K.@ The Nestingplace

I know just what you mean! I read every book I could find about natural childbirth and fully intended on giving birth "the natural way"! I went through 13 hours of labor without any drugs and ended up having a c/s. I still don't believe it was necessary since there were no problems at all. I believe the dr was tired and was ready to go. She'd 14 other c/s that day and it was new year's eve/day! I even got my med records and she stated that I was at a 9 for over 3 hours which wasn't even true!! So w/my second I was determined to have a vbac. It was so difficult finding a dr who was willing to "allow" this. I did (I thought), but again ended up w/a c/s for some reason I'd never even heard of being a problem! (too much amniotic fluid?!) Anyway, the only thing that helped me somewhat get over this was watching a friend go thru a natural birth. Afterwards, we had the same result but I actually was with my baby right away for a much longer time! I always thought I'd give birth and not have my babies "surgically removed", but it just didn't happen that way. What's worst is I'll never believe it was necessary as I know I was perfectly capable of giving birth since this is what I was made to do!! (I know some c/s are necessary). I know this won't help, but I really understand and it just took time to "get over it".

My birth experience didn't go so well. I had an Amniotic Fluid Embolism with resulted in Disseminated Intravascular Coagulation (you are not able to clot). After 6 hours of surgery, they stopped the bleeding. Only about 1% of women & children survive neurologically intact. Most die within the hour.

http://www.emedicine.com/med/topic122.htm

I was put into a drug-induced coma for kidney & lung failure for 4 weeks while I was on dialysis. I was in the hospital for another another months because of muscle atrophy, clots, & fever. I don't remember my son's birth & didn't get to meet him until he was 6 weeks old.

So having a c-section isn't that bad.

HI N.,

I too, had a c/s, even though I was very well medically informed, I was very disappointed. I felt robbed of the 'total experience'. I dubbed my feelings as "C-Section Remorse" because I didn't really have any other symptoms of PPD, just the regret of the c/s. I sort of felt like a little bit of a failure, even though everything else was perfect. My c/s remorse didn't get bad for the first couple of months, but I didn't escape it. The thing that helped me (besides time) was to have the reassurance from my hubby that I was a great mother, and in no way failed my dd. Be sure to talk to him about your feelings. If he is reluctant to reassure you, give him some reading material about PPD. Keep leaning on your outside resources, including your OB and this site. It has been two years now, and I am 'healed' of my "C-Section Remorse". I am great mother. :) I don't mind patting myself on the back when needed, and neither should you!! Hang in there and keep focusing on the positives. Time really does help, and when you hear "I wub oo mommy" coming from those sweet lips, this too shall be a faded memory!!

And don't forget to capture the sweet memories in portraits. You will definitely want to look back on these times through pictures without the haze of disappointment clouding your vision. Even though I am a photographer, I regret not capturing MORE of my baby when she was so tiny. It really does help. Please don't hesitate to PM me if you want to talk. :)

Hugs coming your way!!

You are not alone. Just reading your post gets me teary eyed.

I had an emergency c-section with my first baby and then a failed VBAC with the second baby. I still get emotional over each birth. My husband and I are strict Bradley Method couple.

I am always told by others that I have two healthy beautiful children and that is all that counts. Which some of it is true, but it was difficult for me to accept my birth experiences at first. I just felt like my body failed me and this was something that was suppose to be so natural and I couldn't even do it right no matter how much I told myself I could while laboring. I also felt like I missed out on something very beautiful, like cuddling my baby right when he and she came out and my husband cutting the cord. Those sort of things.

How I began to heal was to let go of my perfect magical birth experience. I had to realize that if it were not for the technology of c-sections, my children and I could have died while giving birth. Both my children were very large babies. I focus on the positive aspects of their birth, like all the really neat surgery pictures, my husband taken each baby to the nursery, and how cute and pink they were instead of a bruised smashed cone headed baby (LOL) You have to find your own positives. I also keep a journal and it helps to vent to that. You are an awesome mom - you'll get through the this! Good Luck with your twins :)

W.

You're no less a woman or mother by having a C-section. A heatlhy baby out weighs anything.

I too, had an emergency C-section with my first, and opt to have my other two by planned C-sections. I have never looked back to regret my decisions or some how wished that I would have given birth naturally. I believe things always happen for a reason, and as I look at my 3 healthy children that's reason enough.

I think "time" will help you heal, since the first 3 months after giving birth are in such a whirl wind anyway.

Please take care.

I have had both natural and c-section births. You feeling are understandable. I missed the natural process with my twins too because the first one was breech. Unfortunately some things are out of our control. I'm sure you wonder about what you missed out on by ending up with a section, this is natural, cause having had a previous natural I knew what I missed out on. I just kept in mind after the section that I got to bring home 2 healthy babies. You might want to discuss with your doctor and see if they think there is a chance you could have post-partum depression if your feeling of sadness are bad.

you should know they always do what is best for the babies. i had prepared so much for when i had my son, they ended up inducing me and i only dialated 2 cm in 17 hours and his heart rate started dropping. they had to do an emergency c-sect. i was heartbroken. it was so hard on me i felt that i had failed at my job in life. my mom was a big emotional support for me. she helped me under stand that getting him out c-sect was the only way for him to live. if i had waited any longer his heard would have stopped. and i would not have him at all. it doesnt matter what way they come out. just that they are in your arms and receiving LOVE. you should not feel guilty about bring life into the world. not very many moms of multipules go with out c sect. alot of times they have to c sect the other ones. but you might want to talk to your dr. about how your feeling.

I fully understand how you are feeling. I had a emergancy c-section with my daughter. She was 24 weeks(weighed only 1.89pounds @ birth) and my water broke for no reason. It took 5 days of keeping my labor from happing but then she was breached and her heart and blood rate were dropping fast. My idea of having a baby never involved surgery and definately not having a child so early that had to intabated and stay at the hospital while I had to go home. I feel as thought I got my pregancy ripped out from underneath me. When the man came to wheel me down the day I was going home he even had the nerve to say "What no baby" I was an emotional basketcase. I went home in so much pain from the c-section and majorly depressed b/c my child was barley haning on to life at the hops. with out me. I think alot of my problems is that my child was taken out of me months b-4 she should have by c-section and I couldnt get over it for some reason. Luckily she only had a mild grade of head trauma w/ grade 2 bleeding and only 1 heart surgery...we ended up being so lucky seeing how early she was. I dont think you ever "heal" persae butyou tent to not thik about it as often and try to enjoy hte positives in life instead. Good Luck with your journey and I wish you the very best.