Recently, My Nephew Died....

Give her what you would normally give. Nothing is going to make her feel good this year. It will take her years to come to terms with this loss. Knowing she has people around who care will help.

Oh my goodness, I think the ring is a wonderful idea, and I think it is fine to give it to her at Christmas. It will be very dear to her. Anyone would be quite grateful to have a friend like you in their life.

One of the things that my family does is have a special teddy bear that we use to "hug" the family member that we miss. We got the idea during the holidays after my uncle passed - my mom and grandfather received "Johnny bears" (as we call them) at a support group.

It might help.

The holidays will always be hard for the grieving Mom. Offer to go with her to the cemetary and place something special on his grave for Christmas. Maybe contact the local library and buy a new book to be placed in his memory. Its a way of letting the Mom know you will always care and remember her son.
Kay

Our Baby Daughter ( Delaney Marie Hamm ) was born on July 27, 2006 Shortly after her birth it was discovered that there were some heart complications. The part of the heart
that pumped blood to the lungs was not functioning like it should so
Delaney's body was not getting the oxygen she needed. They put her on a
ventilator and gave her medication to help get the blood pumping.
At this point we asked for friends & family to help us pray and put her
in God's hands for His will and we would allow Him to have His way with her
and our lives.
On July 28 at a little after 7am the doctor came to talk to us and
said Delaney did not have long to live, a couple hours at most because the
problems with her heart were causing her other organs to shut down and they
could not reverse it. We were able to get our families to the hospital and
they all got to say good-bye to Delaney as I held her still on the
ventilator.
They took Delaney off all the machines and gave Mm husband, Delaney, and I
a private room to be in. Delaney Marie Hamm past away peacefully in our arms
sometime after 9 am. We were able to usher our baby girl into the arms of
the Lord without all the tubes, wires, and doctors. She lived for 20 hours.
This was not detectable because inside the womb she was perfect.
Everything worked as intended. When she was disconnected from the placenta
cord and her organs were to completely take over they could not keep enough
oxygen in her body. We are at Peace with the situation as we believe this was God's plan design. Delaney touched more lives in her 20 hrs of life than some people in 20 years.. there was 400 people at her wake.....I could go on for a long time about how God held us in the palm of his hands and gave us the "peace that passes all understanding" he also gave us a gift in the new life in our pup....... About a month after Delaney's passing my husband and I were out and about and he took me to the APL for some puppy love ( we already had 2 large dogs 110lbs & 85lb ) needless to say we were not looking for another dog....of course we found one and fell in love but he had been promised to someone else...so the next week my husband and I went to a no-kill shelter where they rescue dogs that would have been euthanized...and I fell head over heels for a little pup ...they told us at the time she was a beagle -Chihuahua....so we figured on between 15-20 lbs at most....anyway....we took her home and she became part of our familyOnce we got her home we named her Kami (for her camouflage coat) and she took a turn for the worse , she wouldn't eat, or drink we took her to the Vet and he knew what we had just been though with our daughter and wanted to be honest and said " I got to tell you I don't think she is going to make it ...she was emaciated and weighed a mere 3lbs...we of course were heart broken but bound and determined to do whatever was in our power to nurse her back to health.....at the time I was pumped my breast milk in order to donate to the Mother's Milk Bank of Ohio that gives this life bearing milk to NICU babies for survival....(just another testament to others Delaney's life has helped) well knowing it would be the best thing for a baby , I decided to out some in a little cup for my new pup, Kami ....not sure if this made us turn the corner or just out overwhelming love but I am happy to report Kami is now Two Years Old and about 55-60 lbs (we think she may be a beagle, boxer, bulldog)....the reason I wanted to share this story is Kami has been an integral part of out healing over this few years....she gave us someone new to come home to and care for.. when our hearts were aching for our daughter we were able to hold her and watch her grow....she does obviously not take the place of our Delaney but as Delaney is our Angel in Heaven we believe Kami was sent to be our Angel on earth ( I even think Delaney may have picked our Kami especially for us) God gave us and our families the ability to nurse Kami back to health and restore some hope. We are thrilled to report we are now pregnant with our third child (due this Februray) we are excited and believe that in some small way Kami gives us a piece of our daughter (personality and all) that our daughters can grow up with and hold onto.I know you will make the right decision for you are your family....perhaps the time will be later...but I know for certain animals are used as a tool but God to bring hope, peace, & love. We never know when we will need that kind of puppy therapy in our lives...... In Christ, A. Hamm; Mother of Angel Delaney, Cheyenne ( 14 Months Old & Baby Girl hamm Due Feb/ 2009)...& Spaz, Max & Kami ( our three loving pups)
PS. There are also some beautiful memorial jewlery websites that can help heal along with framed poems....this is one of my favorites you could modify or find your own for your precious nephew good luck and may God carry you in his peace ....P.S. your sister may contact me at any time of she needs a friend to lean on....

i feel ur pain. i had a daughter who died at 15 days old.
she would have been 18 now. i still cry at times, but it doesn't mean i wanna forget. i know your friend is going thru a tuff time rite now. i would still give the bother his ring. as for the nephew who died his ring i would definitely give it to his mother, she would like it very much. as for the when to give it to her, i could not answer that. sorry, good luck

I think the ring is a wonderful gift. And I'm sure your SIL (?) would cherish it. If you're nervous about giving it to her for Christmas, just wrap it in something other than Christmas paper, and give it to her whenever you feel it is a good time.

If you're looking for something less direct, here's an idea. I don't know how old your nephew was or the circumstances surrounding his death, but I have an acquaintance who lost her son at birth. Every year several women get together and make memory boxes and take them to the hospital to be given to other families who lose their child at birth. They also give as many stuffed animals as they can because she said the hardest part of leaving the hospital was leaving empty handed. They do this to honor this little life and let others know there are others who have been through it, and it is possible to continue on and for the child to be remembered.

Depending on the circumstances of his death, you might be able to do something similar. The child's birthday I'm talking about was on Sunday. He would have been 2. The family took the memory boxes that were made to the hospital where he was born, and then went to the cemetary and released balloons. She has two other boys, and that is what they wanted to do.

Whatever you do, I'm sure she will appreciate it. It sounds like you are a wonderful friend to her right now.

When my nephew died, the one thing that helped my family to get through it was understanding where he was and what experiences he would have while there. This came in the form of a message by a man named Jesse Duplantis who shares about a trip he made into heaven. He's written a book about it, but also shares this message on a CD which would probably be easier for your sister as focusing on reading a book right now would not be an easy task. You can find the CD here: https://www.jdmstore.org/ps-116-5-heaven-close-encounters...

You are sweet for wanting to help her. I lost my son's twin early in the pregnancy, and I still think of it 10 years later. I understand the holiday thing with wishing it to pass quickly, too.
Perhaps you could give her the ring and let her know that although you know he's not here on Earth, he is here in her heart and yours. Acknowledgement by friends has been a great comfort to me.

There is a small book called THE HEART'S JOURNEY. There are NO WORDS until the last page, but the first time I "read it"......I CRIED AND CRIED. I lost a fiance' at 24 and it was me to a T, several years after. There is also a place you can "dedicate" the book or "in memory of", but it will be a book she can look at over and over and over again and see herself at different stages of the healing process.

I keep 2-3 copies on hand AT ALL TIMES! You never know when it may be needed for death, divorce, etc. PHENOMINAL little book!

In addition, if she is a reader, I'd suggest WHEN GOD DOESN'T MAKE SENSE by James Dobson. That book helped me a LOT!!!

I think the ring with her son's name is a wonderufl Christmas gift. The first Xmas after our son died was awful and what made it worse was how NOBODY talked about it. I know they didn't want us to feel bad, but it's not as if we had forgotten. The only kind moment in that whole Xmas was when my stepmother-in-law gave me a little angel and said this was for our son. It wasn't during the big opening of gifts, so people weren't watching me respond. Absolutley acknowledge to her that you realize how hard this season must be. That you miss him too. You will be one of the few people who do and she will appreciate your bravery to talk about what no one else will talk about.

My mom's mom died a few years ago in the summer and her Birthday was the 20 of December. At Christmas my step-dad buys my mom a dozen red roses and cuts the rose off of one of the stems and leaves the bare stem in the vase. The stem with the missing rose bud is in rememberance of her mom.
Also, I enjoy scrap booking and last year my family members got scrap books for Christmas. You could consider making a small book full of pictures of her son and family.

Ah! Does she rent or own her own home? If she owns - get a live tree to plant out in yard (small) and have a family time to decorate it together in memory of loved one. Money will also help her. Hugs, tears. memories. Scrapbooking. Making a small stone with the child's name and DOB and DOD on it. I have one for my son and the stone sits in my yard as well as my father's and my son's dad's stones. My son just passed away in august of this year and we're getting a live tree to plant in our yard and every year we're going to decorate it in his memory with items that wildlife can eat. I commend you on being sensitive.

D.,

I am sorry for your/your friend's loss. I love the idea of a ring with his name on it. If you give the gift to his brother, I would give the ring to your friend. It will be hard for her to receive at Christmas, but I think it will more to her than you will ever know.

Happy Holidays,
F.

Hello D....I am truly sorry to hear the loss..~HUGS~ and prayers to you and your family..especially your sister in law and her family! This is one of the most hardest times of the year, especially when you lose someone so close.
And honestly, I think the ring would still be an awesome gift! You originally bought it for her son right?? Well what you can do is write a sympathatic note to go along with it...letting her know that you thought of her at this time of year and especially how truly missed he is. I really don't think it would be a horrible gift, but a good one. Rememberance is one of the best gifts anyone could give. And it could be a symbol of a memorium for her. Also you could get her a different gift (stick with what you usually get)..with an extra special gift (the ring)!! Or you can get her what you usually do and ask her if she would love to have the ring that you had boughten her son, since you was gonna give it to him for christmas. Good Luck, God Bless...especially on your act of Kindness...And Merry Christmas & Happy New Years to you all!

Hi Diana,

I am so sorry for the loss of your nephew. My prayers are with your family.
As a mom who has also lost a child, I can agree that we would rather "fast forward" through this season. Over the years, I have received several beautiful angel ornaments, all of which I treasure. There are also ornaments that are specific to the loss of a loved one. They are harder to find, but I think Hallmark has one, and you can find them on-line as well.
I think the ring is a beautiful thing, and I'm sure she will appreciate it no matter when you give it to her.

many hugs...

Do you have photos of him? If you do, put them into artwork & frame & give to her. Make a memorial in his name & present to her (donation to a cause that handles what he died of if applicable like March of Dimes, Autism Awareness, SIDS, ...,), plant a tree or garden in his name with a plaque saying "In honor of ...", buy little things that would of been good for him if he'd of lived like hot wheels, bears, cars, whatever & put them at his gravesite.

The rings sound beautiful & I'm pretty sure she'd really appreciate them.

You can create photo memory books online at walmart or any online phote processing center. They are very nice hard bound coffee table type books. As for the holidays maybe try taking her out somewhere just to be able to get away from the house and talk for a bit. Maybe a little break would do her some good, do something that makes her feel good like her hair or nails a message or just a drive through the country.

when my mom passed away the first Christmas was a very hard one. I did receive a Christmas ornament honoring my mom and it is a treasure in our home. I am pretty sure it was purchased on line. She will be so grateful for it each year as she puts up her tree.

As a mother who has lost a child I encourage you to give your sister the gift!!! She may have a difficult time with it so please do so in private so she can express her feelings to you honestly. I would also suggest giving her the gifts early. It may help her to know that her child has not been forgotten and that others also miss him during this holiday season.

Have a wonderful holiday!!!

The ring is a wonderful idea. When my children loss their father I went on line and found beautiful leather journals which I had personalized. I made the first entry by recalling a special memory of them with their dad. I suggested they use the journal to write down their memories or just talk to their dad when they missed him. I also found an ornament at Hallmark dedicated to those we have lost. Donations to charity in the loved one's name is also nice gesture, especially if the charity is tied to something about the person you are remembering.