I have a friend that had a still born baby this past year.. I'd like to get them a gift in remembrance of their first Christmas of being parents...
Any thoughts on what to do? I was thinking of getting an ornament.. maybe I could make one with his name on it?
I'm going to add that this friend is a very good friend of our's.. she has pics of the baby all through her house, has a blog and remembers the milestones.. like he was six months old today, 9 months old etc... and she was upset a bit when only one person gave her a mother's day card on Mother's Day.
She's pregnant with her 2nd and due in April.
Thanks for all the ideas.. I decided on an engraved angel ornament. It'll say the baby's name and Remembered Always.. I hope it will help her realize we won't forget their little angel. I may also take a stuffed animal to the gravesite.
I'll probably use the other ideas from this post for the next years. : )
Someone recently told me a friend of theirs got them a small diamond necklace and said that it's sparkle represents how their babies soul is shining even thought they are not with us. I thought it was a great idea.
What a wonderful idea. A friend of mine sent a rose on the birthday of a friend's still-born baby every year. Then it happened to her with her fifth. The husbands never really understood but it was very comforting to both of them.
Hi C.,
What a great person you are for letting your friend know that her baby was important and is not forgotten. I gave birth to my stillborn son, Carter, September 15, 2006 just 5 days before his due date. The one thing that I think means the most to families who have lost a child is for people to still remember. A call/card on their child's birthday or a Christmas tree ornament is so powerful because you know that other people care too. Many people made us ornaments for our tree and they are so precious to us. We have a website in memory of our son if you would like to pass it on to your friend. It's www.preciouscarter.com. She is always welcome to email me if she is looking to talk. I'm at ____@____.com care,
C.
You are such a thoughtful friend! I like all the ideas the other moms have given, but just wanted to add one more. I don't know what your friend's religious beliefs are, but if she is Christian there's a church in New York called The Church of the Holy Innocents. They have a "Book of Life" where they will inscribe the names of babies who were stillborn or lost to miscarriage. They regularly pray for these babies and their families. They will also send you a certificate with your baby's name on it - kind of like a certificate recognizing their existence and importance in your life (I don't know how it is with stillborns, but with miscarriages you typically don't receive any kind of "birth certificate" or anything from the hospital). The mom who told me about this church said that it really helped her to have something more formal to recognize the baby she lost through a miscarriage, and to know that others were praying for her through her grief. Here's the web site where you can submit the baby's information and request a certificate: http://www.innocents.com/shrine.asp
Hi C.,
You sound like a very thoughtful friend. www.bronners.com has some cute christmas ornaments for both memorial and for new coming arrivals. Another suggestion, my sister in law had a full term still born and the precious little girl had many defects and medical problems. Every Christmas I make a donation to St. Jude or make a wish foundation. As it's possible if Abby survived she would have used either of these wonderful services. Good Luck....sounds like you've got a lot of great ideas from mom's.
K.
C.: Here is a website to check out. It is www.abbeypress.com. Browse the memorial gifts. My friend purchased the memorial cheer drop when my mom died and it is beautiful. Comes with a card that explains the significance of the teardrop. So touching. Hope this helps you out. S.
If she displays pictures around her home, then I believe she'd appreciate a gift of rememberance. The year my son was stillborn we received a very simple ornament with his name on it and we were really touched that someone else would remember him at such a special time. That ornament is now hung along with the ornaments of the children we've had since losing him. After all, he's an important part of our family. She might also appreciate a simple birthstone pendant to wear around her neck. That way, you can give her another pendant next year to honor her second child in the same way. The mass card is another wonderful idea -- or, if her child has a gravesite, simply leaving a token gift (small stuffed animal or rose) there with a small card would be nice.
In 2005 I had a miscarriage in April (I was absolutely devestated over it) and was then pregnant again in October.
At Christmas time we hung two baby booties on the tree. A blue one for the baby I miscarried (I had a feeling it was a boy) and a white one for the baby I was 10 weeks pregnant with.
I think an ornanment for both of her babies is a fantastic idea! We still put our baby booties on the tree every year and will be adding a pink one this year!
A mother NEVER forgets about a baby she's lost, so I think your friend would really appreciate that you acknowledge both of her babies :)
You could get an ornament/statue of an angel holding a baby. I do agree with the other poster that you may want to be sure that it is something they will appreciate. I have never lost a child but I think that I would want him to be remembered by both my family and friends.
Blessings, K.
What about getting them a small tree or plant that they can have indoors for now and then plant in the baby's rememberance in the spring?
You are a very thoughtful friend. Grieving is a uniquely individual process, and this is a sensitive subject. No matter how you acknowledge it or don't , it could go either way. Even though you had one friend who was upset at the lack of acknowledgements, that isn't true for all parents that have suffered through this tragedy. I wouldn't assume that they want a token remembrance, do you know for sure that they do? If you are sure, the other responders gave great ideas. If you're not sure, you can get them a present that focuses on them, or a token friendship gift that lets her know that you are there for her. This has to be a difficult and exciting time for them and your support will mean a lot.
C.,
You are a kind person to want to do something for your friends. Rather than a gift to them maybe a memorial contribution to their church or some other charitable organization would be more appropriate. When a co-worker had a stillborn baby we took up a collection and sent it to the church so a mass could be said in memorial to the child. If they are not Catholic the church may have other programs that are related to children that you could make a donation too.
S.
there are places that have engravable personalized ornaments. I would think that there would be an angel available, since it is Christmas. Maybe a nice angel christmas ornament with his name on it and the year.
You are a great friend!! It has got to be a very hard time for her, since i'm sure she must have imagined what his first christmas would be like....
Hi C....
Friends of ours had a stillborn baby some years ago. At the funeral I gave her a memory box with the babies name engraved on it. It was very simple, but something she could put the hospital wrist bracelet in, lock of hair, photo.. what have you.
I also liked the donation idea.... and the birthstone idea. Very good suggestions too.
Its nice that you want to remember her baby.
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. I am the mommy of a baby angel as well. My daughter, Cheyenne, was stillborn 14 years ago. It really upset on my first mother's day when no one acknowledged me as being a mother. It would be really nice if you made her an ornament and/or had a stepping stone made that she could put in her yard with his name and birthdate on it. Your friend will be in my prayers. :) God bless!
Maybe it's time to help them start to look forward. Since they have another baby coming, perhaps you could incorporate both babies into an ornament or something. I don't mean to imply that they should forget the stillborn baby...but now they have another to think of, too!
~L.
Considering that she is dealing really well with it (better than I think that I could), you might consider making her an angel ornament (not sure what material you would use) and then put his name on that. After all, he is an Angel in Heaven looking down on them.
I had a still born 4 years ago and I, personally, wouldn't want someone to get me a remembrance gift of my lost child. Are you sure that is something they would want you to get them?? Everyone deals with it differently and they may not want that reminder. I'd find out for sure if they would appreciate it before doing it. You don't want to upset them on Christmas. Good luck!
i had a stillborn baby with my first preg. and a x-mas ornament is a good idea. we had a memorial service for our little boy and the cemetary sent us an ornament. that was over 4 years ago. and still to this day we have a picture collauge picture of his birth in our room. we now have a beautiful and smart 2 1/2 year old, who is the light of my life!!! if the baby was burried, than maybe you could suggest getting a grave blanket or something.
best wishes to you and your best friend,
K.
I'm so sorry for your friend's loss. Maybe you could give a donation in the baby's name or your friend's name to an organization of their choice. Maybe March of Dimes or something like that. Just being a good friend is important too and it sounds like you have that covered! :)
Good Luck and best wishes for a healthy baby in April for your friend.
