Ready to Ferberize (I Think...) 8 Month Old

i have a 9 1/2 month old with similar issues. working mom with 2 and tired. also concerned he was hungry in the night -he is almost 26lbs. but ped says he should have enough calories in the day. they become conditioned to eat in the night with the association of malk to go back to sleep.so , i started to pump and give bottle at night so i can see how much he is drinking. also giving more at about 11. we started ferber exactly by the book recently- seems to be working. he got a cold and regressed a bit but we are back on track now. i do believe in CIO.

If your son is still breastfed and he wakes at 3 am then chances are he's actually hungry. It's not conditioning... his body needs the fluids, calories and nutrition because that's still where he gets the majority of his nutrients and antibodies. It's generally not a good idea to Ferberize a breastfed baby until he's no longer breastfeeding at night whether you wean him or whether he self-weans.

You should also research the Ferber method a bit, because Dr. Ferber never once suggests letting the baby 'cry it out.' That term was adopted by people who don't understand the method. It's a good idea to get the book so that if you Ferberize you can do it properly and gently.

I am in total agreeance with Danielle. If your baby wants to nurse, nurse him. He needs it. It's a soother and comforter as well as food for him. And I agree with the co-sleeping, too. I would have co-slept with my daughter for much longer if she wasn't so picky. She didn't like sleeping in bed with us, and then eventually, she didn't even want to sleep in our room. So, if it was me, I'd do the co-sleeping thing and feeding him when he needs it. Hope this helps.

Hi J.,
My son did the same thing and by 7 mos. old I thought I was going to go insane. I read Dr. Ferber's book, which gives great scientific advice on what you should expect of your kid at what age. Then I read, The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley and the Baby Whisperer and did a combination of the 3.

First I cut him off from the milk slowly, cutting the nursing down by minutes 10-8-6 etc, until he no longer expected it during the night. After about a week of that, I did a combination of cio for a certain amount of time (10 min worked for my ds). then went in did the "pick up put down" while telling him "it's sleepy time" using the same phrase every time. Once back in bed, I'd pat his back a few minutes still talking quietly, then leave. Again cry for 10 minutes.....and on and on.

So I'd say my plan, cutting him off from the nursing took a week and the sleeping through the night took three days. The first night being the worst as I was trying to not let him cry into hysteria and it took about an hour and a half during the night of me going and "picking up and putting down", patting and talking every ten minutes. Ugh! But the second night it took less than 40 minutes and the 3rd. night was one visit!!! Hurray! I remember it like it was yesterday and it was a 1.5 yrs ago.

Good luck, getting your sleep back! I think the key is to help them to realize that they can do this on their own without thinking you've abandoned them.

H.

Please don't do this. Why on earth do we believe people who write books. It is just one person's opinion. Do what is right for your child. He/she may need you more, may not be as secure or settled. It just is. Bring the baby to bed and go back to sleep. They will be twenty before you know it. You are sending a message. When you cry, we take care of you. In their teens, their natural inclination is to move away from you. You want them to do that with an intact sense of self. Be warm, loving, kind yet strong. Limit tv, limit computer, make your own family rules. But don't limit comfort.
Give yourself permission to treat your children with kindness and love. When people say "well that is how I was raised and look at me, I am ok", just nod, and smile and say to yourself "we make our own rules and write our own scripts".
I hope you experience a million happy moments.
M.

J.,
There are different ways of doing it; Some are less CIO then others...
Supervised Crying--(Moving the chair father and farther),
Checking Method- (frequent checks at progressively longer intervals)
Gentle Approach- (putting him down and leaving, doing frequent checks with out picking him up but if he wakes in the night you sooth him the way your normally would)
Or Complete Cry IT Out- (adopt a good night time routine, snuggle, hug and kiss lay him down and leave, and don't go back in until morning)
Any of these methods will work as long as you are consistent.
It is helpful to nurse him after his nap rather then before. Or at least at the start of his nap or bed time routine then read him a book or snuggle for a min, and then lay him down.
He should be getting about 8-10 hrs at night and 5-6 in the day. FYI during sleep we have Active sleep and relaxed sleep patters. One cycle (with one of each) is about 30-45 min. So for nap times he should be sleeping close to 2 hrs per nap. If he is getting good naps this will help him sleep better at night too.
It sounds as though he is getting enough calories especially since he is getting 3 meals and breastfeeding. He needs about 4-5 nursings in 24 hrs. And like you said he is probably waking out of habit, and wants help getting back to sleep. Some times it helps to have dad go in at night and comfort him for the first few days instead of you. Because if you go in it is too easy to give in and nurse him. But at some point dad has to stop going in too.
So that is where one of the techniques above would come in. So if you are ready, pick one you feel comfortable with and go for it.
I think you will find you have a totally different happy child on your hands in a few weeks, you can do this!
Best of luck!
E.
P.S. I too put a water bottle in bed with them once they start sleeping all night. Sometimes they really are just thirsty:)

I am not sure about whether your son really is hungry or not, but my oldest son was sleeping through the night (at least 7 hr) from a much younger age. My middle son didn't sleep through until 13 months, when we finally cut off his nighttime supply. I don't know whether this will be helpful or necessary in your situation, but because my son is so stubborn and such a mommy's boy, my husband went in his room to tell him it was time to go back to sleep when he woke up. If he saw me, he was much more insistant about nursing. It took a week of rough nights, but ever afterward he has been a great sleeper at night.

I'd say give CIO or some combination method a try for at least a week, and if you're not getting anywhere, try a different method or conclude that your son really is hungry.

My son was bf exclusively until 6 mos and then partially til 13+ mos. He slept "through the night" (meaning from about 10 until about 5) by 5-6 mos of age. I did use Dr Ferber's book to sleep train when he was around 16 weeks (to help him learn to fall asleep on his own). I highly recommend it but I also recommend that you go to the library (or bookstore) and get the book! He does NOT recommend just letting a child cry. This is has become a common and terrible distortion of what he does recommend. Read his suggestions and plan and if after that you are TRULY comfortable with the fact that your son may be doing some crying (you will be doing some comforting too) then go for it. That said, there are multiple other successful methods to helping a child learn to sleep through the night and he is certainly old enough/big enough to do it. Find one that fits with YOUR parenting style the best and you'll have the most luck helping your son (and you!) sleep.

For both of our girls we used Dr. Marc Weissbluth's book, "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" (or is it Happy Baby?). He gives fantastic advice about how much sleep kids need at each age, he addresses common sleep problems individually, and he will make you feel much better about CIO as a techinque to help your child sleep. I can't recommend the book highly enough! Good luck! Sleep problems really stink!

Hi J.,

My question to you would be, why WOULD you want your 8 month old INFANT to cry ANYTHING out? He's still a baby and needs to be soothed in EVERYTHING he does. Personally, I believe in not letting children cry anything out...it's simply ridiculous to me in every way.

Because of all these none-sense parenting books, mothers and fathers have totally lost the meaning of what it is to be parents. You make the decision to have a child...now own up and parent. Yes..this means that if your children are hungry you feed them, regardless of what time it is.

Your son is simply hungry at night, what's the big deal? If it is such a hassle for you to get up to feed him, take him to bed with you and feed him when he wakes. I bet that if you co-sleep with him, you'll notice not only does he sleep longer throughout the night, but so will you as a result.

I understand that not every one agrees or practices co-sleeping and that's totally fine. It has worked wonders for my now 3 year old son and myself. When he woke as an infant to feed, I simply fed him while we were in bed...when he was done, we both went back to sleep.

I think you're also forgetting that at 8 months old, your son's stomach is tiny...hence his wanting to feed. I see your "problem" as not a problem at all, it's simply that your baby wants to eat.

Good luck.

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I used a little bottle of water for my son at this age and it worked. He stopped waking up to eat after a couple of nights. He would still wake up but I finally started to ignore the fussiness and he would put himself right back to sleep. This was after a few nights of going in and rubbing his back and singing to him etc. He needed to know that he could fall back to sleep on his own. He was a BF baby and I co-slept for 10 months waking every 3 hours in bed with me. If I knew how easy the ferberize method would be I would have put him in his own crib sooner. But by 11 months he was sleeping 12 hours straight. If you have any questions let me know. :)

Read "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley, and NEVER leave your child to CIO. It's emotionally, psychologically, and even physically harmful to your child. I know you are desperate, but you have options other than neglecting your child. If you are still not convinced that CIO is horrible, go to this website http://www.whatmakesyoutick.org/ and watch the video at the bottom of the page. It explains the immediate and permanent neurological effects and the long-term psychological effects of CIO and other similarly detached parenting methods.

We are right now in the process of night weaning/sleep training our 8 month old, who was getting up several times a night to nurse. We've used the Sleep Lady book (Good Night, Sleep Tight by Kim West). It hasn't been an easy process, but last night he slept 11 hours straight for first time ever! I think it's important at this age to find a way to get more sleep yourself and to help your son learn to sleep. After sleep training our 8 month old daughter some 3 years ago, she was so much happier and better rested almost immediately.

It doesn't have to be a choice of CIO or you being sleep deprived forever. There are gentler ways to get them sleeping. I'd recommend Elizabeth Pantley's No Cry Sleep Solution. Since he can sttn, seems like you could get him to do it consistently with a little patience. There is a learning curve for them to figure out that they can get back to sleep on their own. But do remember that they have various periods of sleep disruption during their baby years. So if you get him sttn now in a few weeks or months you may be doing it again.

If you hate the thought of CIO, you should look into other methods. There is a reason that it makes you feel icky. He's been doing this for 8 months, it is crazy to think you can immediately force a new habit on him. It will take some time and patience on your part (which I know is especially difficult in the middle of the night). Good luck.

That is a tough decision. None of my 3 slept through the night until they were potty trained. And that is the honest truth. I tried to Ferber with my 1st born and it was torture. The next day, the poor guy had a hoarse voice. I felt guilty for days.
It's not great when Mom doesn't sleep, believe me I know. Does your son have a pacifier? Or another thing that was helpful was to put a cd player in their bedroom. I played some classical music, but also some kid favorites like Dora and Backyardigans. Or I would put on the radio on the classical station and leave it on softly all night.
You have to experiment with different tricks. Each child is different.
Eventually children need to learn how to put themselves to sleep. If you do attempt the CIO method, be prepared to go in and comfort him every 10 minutes for a whole night.
Good luck. Be sure to post back when he finally sleeps through the night and what worked for you.

Hi J..
My son is 10 month sold, is breastfed and gets pumped milk during the day. He was doing the same thing as your son. I went in aqt the 2am feeding with a paci and just rocked him. it took about 4 nights, but he now sleeps 12 straight hours! Good luck!