Re: Adoption Options & Infertility

I can't help much on the adoption front. BUT I can suggest that if all 4 In-Vitro attempts have been through the same doctor, then at the very least, you should get a second opinion.

We went through 2 cycles (1 invitro, the other started as an invitro and became an IUI after I wasn't responding as well to the meds) and were successful with both.

I can give you my dr.'s info if you're interested in contacting them.

Also, a good book to read is by Alice Domar - Conquering Infertility.

I have helped two couples with open adoption through placing classified ads in the newspaper across the country. I know it sounds weird, but apparently it is less expensive than going through an agency and possibly quicker. You have to take adoption classes and be certified and have attorney representation, but I was amazed at how the process worked for them! Something to consider.

Regarding infertility not sure if will help there is a program called Creighton Model yes form of family planning, that is know to help track problems and can be sucessful. Has worked for people after failed in vitos.You can look it up on line. I can tell you from experience it works. I also had a wonderful doctor, but without them I wouldnt have my 2 wonderful children. If i can be of any further help please let me know. I understand how hard physically and emotionally it is. Good Luck and God Bless

Hi A.,
I feel for your situation and just can't imagine the pain you're going through. It is a reminder to us Moms that our little ones are special gifts.
Have you considered fostering children? I know many people are able to adopt via fostering and it sounds as if you would provide a perfect environment. It's just a thought and I believe it's lower cost than going through an agency...best of luck!

Hi A.,

I haven't read all the responses so please forgive any repetition.

I am so sorry for the pain of going through the infertility stuff--we went through it briefly (not as involved as you have).

I believe I would not have conceived if a sympathetic doctor hadn't let me try thyroid hormone--I had all the symptoms of underactive thyroid except for the tests were always "Normal"! There is a specialty called Reproductive Endocrinology, perhaps this could help you.

Also there was a support group at the time called Resolve for couples dealing with infertility. I think they now call themselves Resolve Through Sharing. I would check into them and see if there is a group in your area (we were iin South Bend, Indiana at the time). Of course they may have an online presence as well--this was in the Pre-Internet days. There's probably someone in the group who has a good inexpensive adoption route.

I find it interesting that someone said she had to go gluten-free before she could conceive. I have read that gluten issues and thyroid issues often go together.

Prayer does not hurt either--I know my Mom had many friends praying for me!

I have also heard good things about the book "Your Fertility Signals" Sorry, don't know the author.

BTW I have 2 teenagers now, and conceiving the second wasn't nearly as hard as the first!

All the best to you on your joourney to parenthood!

K. Z.

I struggled with infertility for more than 16 years before our little miracle was born - all quite naturally. There are many reasons you may have difficulty conceiving, so don't give up looking, just quit trying so hard -- that's usually when it happens.

Myself, I suffered from something which I am just learning about now. It didn't make sense at the time, but it makes more sense to me now. I have an intolerance to gluten (wheat, rye, barley, oats). Ingesting too much gluten can cause your body to fight itself and make you and/or your husband infertile, amongst a whole lot of other issues. It wasn't until last year when my doctor started trying in earnest to figure out what my symptoms could mean. I was even tested for Cushings Syndrome/Disease to rule that out, and he did. The symptoms are similar, and both cause infertility.

Do a little research on those two issues (Ciliac Disease/Gluten intolerance and Cushings) and see if you have any of those symptoms. If not, keep looking. There are lots of possibilities out there.

I got pregnant when I started watching my diet very closely, systematically eliminating and replacing foods, eating more healthy, and lost a little weight. I'm not saying that will help you, but just offering some hope. Traditional Doctors don't always know what they're talking about... they told us we would never have children, they just couldn't tell us WHY! You might also seek the counsel of someone in holistic medicine for more information.

I would HIGHLY RECOMMEND you read a book called "EMPTY WOMB, ACHING HEART: Hope and Help for Those Struggling With Infertility" by Marlo Schalesky. It's a great book for anyone who has struggled with the heart break of infertility and/or child loss.

A.,

I feel your pain and know what it feels like to be in this place! My husband and I were there many years ago. We had spent enough time on the emotional, physical, and financial roller coaster of fertility treatments! We had lost a pregnancy and still were childless. We had enough and turned to adoption. We brought home our daughter at 7 months old through children services and she is now 5. We were placed with our son in November and he also was 7 months old. I can not say enough about adoption! We are sooo truley B. and when it came time to add to our family again we did not even think of going down the fertility road again. Our daughters adoption was through word of mouth and the birthparents signed their rights our son's adoption was through Action adoption in Dayton ohio and the cost is very low. $4,000. Action places children through the entire USA foster care system. Rights have already been terminated in most all cases and the placement chance are quicker because it is not limited to Ohio. I am not sure how far you are from Dayton but i know couples who come from Columbus and Cincinnati at Action. If you need any other info let me know. I wish you the best in your journey and decision.

Adoption is a wonderful option! We have a two year old girl who was adopted and are adopting again. Cost is high depending on what you are willing to do. Adopting African American is less expensive but you need to consider carefully if that will work for your family as you would for any adoptive situation. Drat that infertility treatments are so expensive and so many couples are deep in debt by the time the consider adoption. We have had a great experience with adoption and would be happy to answer questions if you'd like. Good luck!

I had a friend that tried for years and years to have a baby and through acrapunctur (spelling?)and it worked. Her daughter is now over a year old. Good luck to you!!

Have you thought about adopting other than a white baby? As horrible as it sounds, my sister found that adopting minority children carried a different price tag than adopting a white baby when dealing with her lawyer. White babies-$20,000, bi-racial babies-$15,000, black babies-$10-12,000. Just a thought to consider.
R.

Hi A.,
I am so very sorry to hear of your infertility problems. It is so hard I know. My husband and I cannot have children either and were looking into adoption. We were one of 3 couples last Sept. and were turned down for a private adoption and another couple were choosen. I too have tried so much, and it is just heartbreaking. I just wanted to wish you much luck and tell you I will say a prayer for you!!
S. J.

accupuncturists have fertility treatments also> you may want to look up adoptions on the internet. I know there are some that are through religious affiliations and also independent ones that help people who may not be able to afford. Moody radio just had someone on not too long ago that was talking about adoptions. If you are in the Cleveland area that woud be 103.3 fm WCRF. If you call them they may be able to help.

A. -

I've been down that road and can certainly empathize with you. I highly recommend Families Thru International Adoption (FTIA) in Evansville, IN. You might call them or check their website for further information. We now have a beautiful, healthy 12 year old daughter that we adopted from China almost 11 years ago at the age of 15 months. FTIA actually has an adoption seminar coming up in May I think -- so you might call them to find out more.

Good luck!

L. L.

A., I know how you and your husband are feeling having been through it myself. My husband and I adopted both of our through Adoption By Gentle Care. They are located in Columbus but work in the entire state (we live in the Cleveland area). Our children were both 3 days old when they were placed w/us. With this agency you don't have to worry about an attorney or any "hidden" fees. They are up front and will tell you what to expect. The website is www.adoptionbygentlecare.org They are an amazing group of people that are very loving & caring. I want to say the with my daughter's adoption in 2003 it cost us about $20,000.00 With my son's adoption in 2006 it ran about $10,000.00 but I know that's not the case anymore. It is more expensive now. However, Pres. Bush signed and Adoption Tax credit and we got $10,000.00 back for each child a year after we finalized with them. I'm not sure if that still exsists but might help. We also looked in to Foreign Adoption but the money was so high, plus you adopt these children from a country and 9 times out of 10 you don't know anything about the family history. With ABGC you get a medical and family history background w/the children. We have 2 Open Adoptions so we know pretty much everything there is to know about our children. And please don't let Open Adoption scare you. It is completely up to the Adoptive Family as to how much openness you are willing to have with the birthparents. Best of luck to you and please contact me if you want more info or want to get together. We are in North Ridgeville and not far from Medina.
L.

Have you checked into Foster care? I know many people have done this and have ended up adopting the children placed w/ them for relatively little money (Just court costs). There are so many unwanted kids in the system that would be lucky to have a loving home. The ages vary and you can go through a private foster care agency that will try to meet your specifications for kids. Meaning what you think you can take care of, what you have room for, etc.. (IE: Babies or toddlers, teens etc..)
Now please keep in mind that this is NOT a system where you can tell the caseworker I want a blond, blue eyed, baby boy with chubby legs. These kids need real & loving homes. Some of them have been put through the wringer by the system and by their very own parents. You're going to have your special needs kids, your victimized kids, and the kids who where too much to handle by their own parents. You're also going to have normal kids who fell into bad situations.
Good luck with whatever choice you make and good luck conceiving naturally.

I don't know if you belive in prayer.For us prayer is powerful.I and my husband couldn't have any kids.I had miscourage once.after look at several option about adoption Yes...It is funny that it look like good business ( for Agency )15,000 to 25,000 just to adopt a child.We wre looking at International and domistic adoption but its tooo much money.
to make the story short.We prayed....and pray.. and three months later we have a call from a lady that she have a 8 month girl and will be due in three month for the second one . She said if we were interested she will choice to be the parents of her baby boy. Now our son is 6yrs old spent $980.00 for the lawyer.I belived in the power of prayer...

We went through A Child's Waiting to adopt. They do everything with adoptions. You can do private adoption, open adoption, or foster care adoptions. We did the foster care adoption. So far we adopted one, but we would like to adopt again. Its such a misconception that all the kids come from neglect and come with so many problems. The birthmother of our daughter was 19, dad was not in the picture, and she could not financially support her. My friend adopted 2 children, each newborns, in 2 separate adoptions from the Gladney Center in TX. Those are mostly teen moms that want to give their babies a better life and don't want to abort. My friend's other 2 adoptions were from IN. My neighbor adopted 3 children from foster care in our county. None have any physical or behavioral needs. Each of them were toddlers when they got custody. At my church, a couple have 5 adopted kids from our county. Two were siblings. One of the adoptions was a Safe Haven Baby, dropped off at a hospital, no questions asked. They got her at 4 days old. Another couple from church adopted two sibling daughters. They got them at 6 months and 18 months. Foster adoptions cost very little. The counties pay for the expense. There are classes to take and paperwork to complete, plus having your Home Study done. Its worth it and you don't have to repeat it all for each adoption. God bless you on your journey to become a parent.

Hi, A.,
My heart aches for you and your situation. I am an older mom, and had lots of trouble getting pregnant, but finally did, twice, with only one miscarriage between. I thank the Lord every day for my blessings.

I don't know what spiritual/religious affiliation you have, but I do know that both times I got pregnant, my mom's whole ABF class was praying for me weekly. Plus I was under chiropractic care. Some will think it's silly, but I do believe that's why I got pregnant. The chiropractor was getting my body aligned and ready, and God answered our prayers. So, while you are going through the adoption process, perhaps you can continue to pray, and ask for prayers, and see a chiropractor (or I've heard acupuncturists are helpful, too).

As for adoption, I know several people who have adopted, and they did not pay anywhere near what I'm hearing from the other moms. Two were open adoptions (eight years ago and six years ago) and one was through the system - a bi-racial 10 month old who is now four, and another through some Catholic group, which cost them $5000.

My cousin has a website, helping people with open adoptions, if you want to explore that route. (Let me know if you do, and I'll send you her website.) And I would recommend that you check into the Lutheran Services or Catholic services to see what they cost, exactly. Or, call ODJFS and see if you can help a child who is in the system. There are a lot of good kids stuck in it, who would love to find a good home.

Blessings,
J.

One of the things I know for sure in all my research is that DIET plays a HUGE part of the infertility issues. Lots of perservatives, dyes, chemicals in food, lack of specific nutrients which are necessary for the process to take place, etc.......ALL are huge factors.

Stop and think about it. In the last 10-15 years, the infertility rate has sky rocketed. 30-40 years ago, you RARELY heard about it. Our diets are so full of chemicals, perservatives, and lacking in what our bodies were DESIGNED TO DO WHEN GIVEN THE PROPRER NUTRIENTS. You shouldn't have much problem researching this. This applys to BOTH of you!

I also am not sure I would risk things any more financially. Issues w/ finances can RUIN a marriage or relationship. Is it really worth it? Have you thought about adopting a child from another country or even talking to crisis pregnancy centers?

accupuncture can help with fertility. it's amazing.

Hi A.,

I am sorry you have had to endure so much. I was wondering if you have tried Chiropractic? You would need to find a wellness chiropractor in your area (not just one that treats symptoms or injuries, etc) Basically one that treats Vertebral Subluxations. My son just started seeing a Chiropractor and he gave me a book that has a chapter on infertility. There should be lots of info online regarding this, and if you have insurance, you probably get a number of sessions free of charge, so it will definitely be affordable, especially with what you have been paying. Here is a link I found: http://www.chiro.org/research/ABSTRACTS/Infertility.shtml

Good Luck!!

We went through infertility too and decided to adopt instead of investing lots of money in treatments that may or may not be successful. We adopted two children domesticly who we found out about through friends, and we recouped all our expenses with the adoption tax credit. I know we were incredibly blessed, but you should talk to as many people as possible about your desire to adopt and see if someone knows someone with an unplanned pregnancy. Foster to adopt(as others have mentioned) is another way to
go which is inexpensive but risky. (We started that process just before we found out about our daughter.) In the meantime, it's great that you have 6 little ones in your home every day to enjoy! May God grant you the desire of your heart(Psalm 20:4, Psalm 37:4).

A. - First of all, I want to tell you that I understand how hard infertility is. It can be so misunderstood. I have two kids - both in vitro. My son was our first try and our daughter was the 7th. We had 2 miscarriages in between. If you have any frozens from your donor cycle that you can get yourself up for trying, ask about using heparin. It seemed to be my miscarriage cure. Secondly, we were looking into adoption before I got pg with my second. There is a private agency that is supposed to be very good - Adoption by Gentle Care. They have a Web site. Check them out. AND, best of luck!

Have you considered private adoptions? My husband and I adopted our boys as newborns right from the hospital in 1998 and 1999. One birth mom found us through an attorney's office, the other was a friend of a friend. The total cost for both boys was under 9,000. At that time the current tax credit was $5,000, so essentially there was no cost at all. I believe the current tax credit is over $11,000 - so don't let expenses hold you back. In that decade since we adopted, there are fewer children available because more birth moms are kleeping their babies, but I had a friend that adopted a newborn through an agency last year. So, it is still possible! We couldn't love these boys any more than if I had given birth to them - it just isn't possible. Oh, and we have openness with both birth families - it helps the boys and their families. It truly is the best for everyone involved. Wish you the best!

my sister & her husband struggled for 6 years to try & conceive. after their last atempt ended in niscarriage, thier doctor told them they might ant to check out other options. they were told it's alot less expensive if you become foster parents first, then if a child is placed with you that can be adopted you can contact CPS for adoption. my sister and her husband are now the proud parents of an 8 year old girl who is the sweetest thing. all they paid for was their lawyer fees. good luck & God be with you.

First let me say my heart goes out to you. My first daughter we conceived with just a little help. My second one we tried invitro and that failed then we had to go to egg donor. So our second child is about a $33,000 baby.
Foster parents is the cheapest way to adopt, but sometimes you don't know what you are getting with a child from job and family services. There are things they cant' predict, plus this is from other foster parents that we've known, and job and family services doesn't always tell you all they know about a child.
As far as the cost for US domestic adoption, the $30,000 sounds pretty high.
There is a group of adoption lawyers, sort of an association, and that is where you should start if you want to do US adoption. Some potential moms, just want to find good family to adopt their baby. Others are looking for money for the baby. There is also some bio parents that would like to have occasional updates etc.... of their baby that you might adopt.
From when we looked into it, most US adoptions that you have to pay for, were only about $10,000 to 20,000.
For US adoption you really need to find the association of adoption lawyers. They can tell you of all of the different options and costs.
If you live anywhere near Columbus, OH, I know of a couple lawyers there that are members of this group of adoption lawyers.
If you are willing to consider foreign adoption, your costs from beginning to end, for adoption fees, your travel expenses etc... will be around $15,000--$25,000. Part depends on what country (Russia is more, but the kids/people look more like US people).
One key to foreign adoption is if you want more than one child, put down right away on forms that you are willing to adopt sibling group of how many ever, and then the cost is much more reasonable. I would say for 2-3 kids, no more than about $25,000. It's cheaper to adopt all at once if you want more than one child.
Lutheran Social Services is one organization that does foreign adoption. There are many here that do foreign adoptions.
Also, the adoption lawyers group, can point you in the right direction for foreign adoption as well.
I may still have a card for the Columbus lawyer if you are interested. Just send me a private response.

L.