Question for Single Moms

Two friends married men from Match. They both have met wonderful men and have families now. Both men are extremely successful and great husbands and fathers.

It sounds like you are apologizing for wanting to date. Do what you want to do--you do not need to explain to us.

Online dating is the way I go as there are no other places for me to meet singles. I do not go to bars alone.

Go for it. No judgment.

I'm not a single mama anymore - when I was - online dating was NOT "invented"!! LOL!!

I went to church and got involved in the single parents group. They had a sitter lined up for the evening so my daughter was NOT alone and I wasn't spending a ton of money on one.

That's not where I met my husband - I met him at work.

I have friends that are on Match and eharmony. One girlfriend, who owns her own store, met her guy on eharmony - to be honest - she wasn't impressed by his picture - but she went out anyway - and now two years later??? SERIOUS...looking at rings! And I like him!!!

Let your married friends know you are looking. They might know some single people.

Go to church.
Go to a gym.

Good luck!

While I was single I joined eHarmony. The commercials make it sound so good but it is pure luck if you meet anyone worthwhile.

My husband was on match with no luck either. We met at a craft brewery, actually the bartender introduced us because he felt we should both stop dating losers. :)

Even if we were on the same dating sites we would never have met. Those stupid filters, and must haves, are very limiting.

My suggestion is you figure out some hobby you enjoy and set time aside for that. If you don't have a day a week or so to put to a hobby you don't have time to date anyway. That way you are meeting people with similar interests. There also isn't that pressure of looking for a mate.

Oh and the really dumb thing about those dating sites, about 80% of people treat it like a catalog. Like they are ordering a girlfriend/boyfriend. Well sure if you have money you can get a nicer car than the poor guy but that doesn't actually work with dating. You would not believe how many times guys that had no chance with a woman would think she should date him because he ordered her online.

Online dating was just starting out when I was a single mom so I met my husband at work (not a great choice in retrospect but I digress...).

Two of my single mom friends met their (current) husbands on match.com and that's the site I've heard the most success stories coming out of from people I know. I know quite a few non-parents who also met their spouses there.

Good luck and have fun!

I was a divorced mom when I signed up to match.com in 2002. I met my now wonderful husband of 10 years on match.com. Before I signed up to match.com, I had a terrible time finding dates. I did not go away to college, did not have a high school sweetheart, I did not meet any men at church or work, and I did not drink alcohol, so I had really no way to find a potential husband. Actually, my first husband, whom I met at on a bowling league, was an abusive drunk who I divorced after one year of marriage.

God bless match.com. I am a happily married woman with a wonderful husband who I love and he loves me. We have two beautiful sons, I am a stay at home mom, we have a beautiful house and live in a nice area. Life is great. I am a lucky lady.

Please, try a dating site if you want to find a husband. When I was on match, I met several nice men. Some were not a perfect fit, but I kept searching. I vowed I would look for one full year before I gave up on internet dating. It worked. After a few dates though, I met my now husband. Here is how I did it: I made sure I only dated men that had a similar background to me, similar personality to mine, etc. In other words, find someone who shares the same goals as you. Make sure he likes kids too. Chat online for a few weeks, then call each other, then finally, meet in a public place. I always met my guys at coffee shops. Also, make sure that your family and friends know who you are meeting and where, just to be safe.

My nephew is getting married in two weeks. He met his fiancee on eharmony. She is a great fit for him. They have known each other two years.

T., go for it! Don't give up...your perfect match is out there waiting for you. Keep looking until you find him. Meanwhile, enjoy the fun of online dating. It is one adventurous ride.:)

Wishing you the best,

M.

I'm not single but my neighbor is, and she dated several people she met on Match.com- she is steadily involved with one of those men now. She has more free time than you because the kids go to their father. She did not bring any of the men home to her children for a long time. Another friend is single but used Match.com as well - as in regular circles, sometimes a date is a good match and sometimes it's not. But it's the same risk as with "referrals" from friends. Their advice is to be honest about your wishes, meet in public places, and make dates where you are doing things you really enjoy doing, not just drinks & dinner. So if you love movies or museums or bike rides or historic sites, do those things. You'll find you have more in common with the dates and spend less time with the awkward conversation over dinner where you are asking questions of each other. That's not to rule out dinner by any means! Just put in your profile those things you really like, but be open to trying new activities with a new date. If you haven't gone to the symphony but would like to try it, go ahead. If you're not a hiker but there's a "novice" trail in a local nature area and there's a beautiful fall weekend ahead, do that. To meet a prince, you may have to kiss a few frogs, as the saying goes, but you might as well have a productive and fun day doing it. If you are really restricted in terms of budget, these activities can be else expensive than sharing the cost of a pricey dinner.

Good luck! You need some adult time. And remember that, even if you don't meet the perfect guy, he may have friends! A good referral is just as valuable!

T., I haven't used any of the sites myself (my hubby & I met online before "the web" was created! Very different back then, & it was just for college students to chat).

That said, however, I know a bunch of 30-something friends who have used different sites. Match & eHarmony have a lot of plusses, but there is a fee. Its Just Lunch is apparently outrageously expensive!

My uncle met a fabulous woman (now engaged) on Plenty of Fish, which is a free dating site. There are some other sites out there (not sure if they are free or charge) OKcupid & Badoo that I've heard of.

Here is some helpful advice from a forum regarding online dating success stories -
"But before I met him, I did meet my share of losers. The losers mess up the experience for anybody who is on there actually trying to find a decent person to date and hopefully move on to a relationship. With so many sites out there dedicated to quick, no strings attached s*x, it bothers me that people looking for that waste the time of those who indicated “seeking a relationship.” Sleazos looking to screw within an hour of you replying to their message mess it up for the guys who actually want to get to know a woman.

You have to stick to your convictions on that site. If you told yourself you won’t reply to one word messages “hey” or “hey sexy”…then don’t. It will be a waste of time. If he isn’t trying to go out on a date (e.g., meeting somewhere for the purpose of doing a nonsexual activity together to get to know each other better), but instead is trying to “come over and watch a movie”…then don’t respond. It will be a waste of time.

My hubby actually used the site as intended and was truthfully looking for love. So was I. It cuts out a lot of BS when two people are honest in their profiles and aren’t afraid to put their cards on the table upfront."

Good luck in finding Mr. Right! T.

When my friend was looking to date again (she'd been widowed, married again then divorced) she joined her local chamber of commerce.
It's where she met her next husband.
They've been happily married for 11 yrs now.
Guys who are business owners aren't in bars and are not likely to sign up on dating sites - they are busy guys - so go where you can meet them and you might find one who's compatible.

I was a single mom for many years - way before internet dating! I do, however, have a friend who has tried those dating sites without much luck. The first guy was very obviously only interested in sex - that's all he talked about. 15 minute conversation and she knew all she needed to know! Then the next guy was apparently looking for a woman to take care of him. He spent the night after their first date (MISTAKE!) and never left. After a few weeks, she had to kick him out. After that, another guy who had to leave for Africa. They stayed in touch until she purchased a laptop and had it shipped to him - he was supposed to pay her back - She's not heard from him again. So, my opinion of those sites is not very high.

You could look around your area for a Parents Without Partners. It's not a dating site and they do a lot of family-oriented stuff. You might meet someone that way that you start out being friends with.

Hi, I think you should give it a try - eHarmony has some discounts depending on the time of the year so you can save a few bucks - there is also an app called "tinder" is free and apparently they match you with people in your area - be careful since most people just one "one-night stands" but others have found good relationships.
Always meet in a public place for the first time - and let someone know where you will be (just in case)
Good luck - finding love this days is not easy!

My single daughter is on match. She comes and goes on the site. Recently, she began talking to a guy and thought he would be a great match for her friend, who was outside of his online age range. She asked if he would mind and the two went on a date to find that they really like each other. They met for breakfast and ended up on a 4 hour date. It will be interesting to find out if they continue their interest.

The only other way my daughter meets people is through work friends or on bicycle rides. She will not date men she meets in bars.

At first my husband and I were a little bothered by the online dating thing, but we realize that is how they do it now.

I put a very vague profile on Plenty of Fish just to see what would happen, and got some very strange responses.
I know of one person who met her soul-mate on a dating site. One.
I would recommend meeting people the old-fashioned way. Get involved in something you enjoy, whether it's a book club, a pottery class, or a bowling league. You will be around people who enjoy at least one thing in common with you. I met the love of my life at a community theater audition.

I tried eHarmony and Match.com several years ago without much luck. But at the beginning of this year, I joined OKCupid (free) and had several coffee dates with nice guys. I am now in a relationship with a great guy. Interestingly, he had lived only six blocks from me for almost 4 years when we met online, but we may never have connected without the online help.

I'm a single mom who is dating a bit too and oddly, despite being with kids 24/7, I did meet the guys in person. While I was WITH my kids. Just attending casual events with other parents...so don't give up on that. It's good for your kids to have you out being social and making new friends anyway, and where there are people there are bound to be bachelors and people who know bachelors.

I have not used dating sites, but I certainly would if I never met people. I know LOTS of people who have met great people through them, including my uncle who met his AMAZING wife on Match. There is the luck factor on any of the sites. Sometimes there are no interesting people on them and sometimes there are, so you have to try not to take it too seriously or get too disappointed or put too much stock in it. Just do it. But don't give up on possibly meeting a person in the flesh either. Always try to look nice when you have to go face the world, and force yourself out of your comfort zone to attend things. And don't be afraid to reach out and meet people whenever you do get out.

The area I live in is really tough online I've heard. My friends have been very frustrated with lack of selection online, and they end up dating guys from really far away because no one good is listed locally. Yet there are bachelors around locally who don't use sites. Usually attending easy things like friend's barb q's and stuff. And even if you don't meet THEM at those events, the more people you know, the more likely you'll meet someone through friends eventually. Cover all your bases :) Treat yourself well, look good, be happy and kind, and have fun.

Right now I'm seeing a really nice artist who I met at a pool party of a mutual friend. My kids were there playing with other kids, I never intended to meet anyone there. He was there with his buddy just because they have art studios in the building with hostess of party. I ALMOST went all frumpy because I was tired and I knew it would be just a bunch of kids, but I forced myself to dress a little bit cute "just because" and sure enough to this day he recalls how "cute I looked that day" and exactly what I was wearing.

I also almost brought a friend so I wouldn't be stuck striking up conversations with strangers, but decided to just go and wing it. And if I would have had a friend with me, I probably wouldn't have bothered chatting with him. So. Just keep those types of things in mind..and pursue your OWN non-kid related interests! I'm a painter. And I drag my kids to lots of art openings because of it. And I have lots of art friends because of it. And lots of artists are single...And that's the crowd who had the pool party...

If ALL your events are child-based and attended by married couples, you should try to branch out socially al little more just for your own sanity and sense of balance. I still do MOSTLY child-centered things with married couples, but I had to force myself to do more at least a small percentage of the time.

I would make sure I had a sitter or two on call before starting to set up dates. I myself have not used them, but my aunt met her now husband on eharmony.