So I sent out the birthday invites a couple of weeks ago for my daughter's party June 1st. I put the RSVP by date as today and requested a response either way. We invited 35 kids (yes I know crazy) but so far I've only gotten 12 responses. My daughter has come home from school over the last several days saying "so and so is coming to my party." But the kids are only 8 and I don't really want to 'take their word', ya know? I'd rather have it come from the parents cuz the kids don't always know what's going on. I keep telling my daughter to tell those kids that are telling her that to have their moms or dads contact me and let me know.
So what do I do about the kids who don't RSVP? Do I get enough supplies for the kids who don't or who told my kid they were coming (but the parents didn't RSVP) just in case they show up? I don't want a bunch of kids to show up and I don't have enough stuff for everyone but on the other hand I don't want to buy supplies, etc for 35 kids and only 15 show up and I'm out that money.
I don't feel comfortable contacting each of the parents and saying hey is your kid coming to my kid's party or not? A lot of the moms are pretty snooty (I put on the invites that they can drop their kids off for this very reason) and kind of have this inner circle thing going on. The high school popular kid clique all grown up, and I am so not in that circle. Plus I think I'd feel like I'm badgering them but I would like to know. We threw her a party in kindergarten and invited 15 girls (all the girls in her class). 3 showed up, none of which had RSVP'd and only 1 parent called to let me know their daughter wasn't coming.
So what do I do ladies? Help me out. This is the 2nd party I've thrown my daughter and the 1st didn't go to well with the low turn out and one little girl (my bff's daughter) ran into a wall and split her head open and I had to take her to the ER. I really want this to go well. Plus it's the final birthday party of the year (my kid is the youngest in her class) and I want it to be memorable.
Thanks ladies. I don't know the other parents emails and most phone numbers so I think I'll just do what many suggested and buy enough for all and open stuff as we go. We rented a pavilion at a park so we didn't have to pay by the head and I'm not serving food- just cake and ice cream and juice. And the goody bags are going to be bags they decorate themselves and then they will put their art projects in them to go home and I'm going to add some rock candy I'm making and a little bag of seeds to plant in their pot they are painting and a little kid worded bio on Pollock and how to do the milk art we're gonna do. So I can make extra of those things.
I wanted to have a headcount for things like paper products and art supplies and to make sure I have a big enough cake. But we'll return what paper products we don't use (plus my daughter picked out a zebra theme which the packages of plates, napkins, etc are a buck each so not to much outlay) and if we have extra cake it WILL get eaten in this house. LOL And if we have leftover art supplies I'll just add it to my kid's art stash.
And yeah it annoys me that people don't take a minute to RSVP no. I had my email on the invite as well as cell and said they could text to. Would take 10 seconds to say yes or no. I always RSVP as soon as I get the invite and if plans change I call the parent as soon as I know. To me it's the polite thing to do, esp. since this person is inviting your child to a party.
I'd just bite the bullet and make the calls. Simply say something like, "Sally's birthday party is coming up on June 1st, and Mary told Sally that she was coming, but I wanted to confirm with you first since we hadn't yet gotten an RSVP."
"Oh, she is? Great! So glad she can make it!" OR "Ok, sorry she'll miss it. Hope you have a great summer!"
This is such a common problem... People are so rude. What I would do is call the moms (or email if you can) and say "Sorry to bother you but DD told me "Suzy" said she's coming to her bday party but it's hard to rely on what 8 year olds say... I haven't seen an rsvp from you so could you just confirm?" That way you're not badgering them without very good reason. It subtly calls out their rudeness without making you seem desperate at all. With kids you've heard nothing about, I'd go the no goodie bag route. Or I might have 3-4 extras but make a point of it. This happened to me with a bday party (fortunatley only a couple of people) so when it was time to go I said "oh, I"m sorry, you didn't tell me Suzy was comign so I don't know if I have enough goodie bags for her." This was in front of other moms and she was embarrassed. I did have something but only bc most people had rsvp'd so I didn't need to spend on 10 extra bags or something. So maybe do 3 or 4 extras, give those out with a loud comment and if there's more than that, say "Oh, I had extras for people who didn't rsvp but I guess not enough." F 'em. And at 8, the kids can deal with it. Say clearly to the kid that mom didn't tell me you were coming...
We get the RSVP question often so it must be a new thing that people just don't RSVP any more. I've had plenty of birthday parties, and we get a decent number of RSVPs but most of them are at the very LAST minute, like literally the party-goers are ON THEIR WAY when their Mom RSVPs. I'm ok with it, I know we all have busy lives. I certainly do.
What I do is I make enough goody-bags and food for the number of kids I invited. If I invited 20 kids, 20 goody-bags and enough food for 20 kids. The thing is, some people bring siblings, etc., so it usually ends up evening out, at least for us.
We don't do venue parties because of the RSVP issue. I wouldn't want to pay all that money for kids and have no idea who or how many is showing up.
For your sanity just call the parents who's kids said they were coming to verify that is correct.
I always set the cut off the day before the real cut off so that I could call those that hadn't RSVPed. Sure they should do it but my goal is a happy birthday for my kids without drama.
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Okay neglecting the kids who's parents don't RSVP doesn't punish the parents, it punishes the kid who may not have know their parent didn't call! But more than that it punishes you own child who has to have a party with unhappy friends!
Sure if you goal is to be right, don't make favors for those kids but if the idea behind the party it for it to be a happy event, be the grown up and make the calls!
This edit if not directed at the OP but the answers from parents who apparently put their need to be right above the need for their kids to be happy.
You call each and every home.
And get a yes or a no.
And ask.
It's THEM who should feel uncomfortable. Not you.
They're the ones who were raised by wolves, apparently.
Having kids makes us push our comfort levels. This is O. of those times.
Best!
It is SO frustrating, right?? I can't stand the non-rsvpers, but it's just the way things seem to be now. So rude.
Anyway, in my experience the ones who don't rsvp are usually no's. A couple of people may not rsvp and show, but more often than not, it's a no.
I like Queen's advice of just calling, though I would leave off the 'because I never got an rsvp part', just say x told y that she is coming but wanted to confirm. If you really don't want to do that, I would buy supplies for maybe 25 and call it good. This gives you a decent buffer. What are the supplies? Hopefully it's something you'd be able to stretch out if more showed than you expected.
Have fun and don't stress! It's highly unlikely that all who were invited would come, hardly ever happens!
RSVP's don't seem to matter w/most parents UNFORTUNATELY :(
I always plan for the total invited & hope for the best. I hope your daughter's party turns out to be a great time and you aren't too disappointed. One thing that I've learned to do that seems to work a little better is to ask for REGRETS ONLY - they seem to respond more then those coming. Again, best of luck!
It's lame, what can I say. For future parties, I'd keep the head count low and just invite your daughter's "best" friends, four or five, whatever the number may be. When we've done that, everyone responds either way. And I know them well enough (since they *are* her best friends) that I feel totally comfortable asking the parents if they are going to attend if I haven't heard from them.
Did you send out paper invites or an Evite? I love Evites because you can send out reminders and email once again those who haven't responded.
Good luck.
I would give them until Friday before contacting them. Also, I sent out an email to my daughter's friends parents who didn't respond. I simply said, I'm sorry, I may have missed your RSVP email or phone message, but I was wondering if you were planning on attending the party. This way there is no phone call to "bother" them. I'm glad I did, two parents thought they RSVP'd and didn't. By doing this, I actually got an RSVP from everyone invited.
I call it breast feeding. You just have to hunt down the parents and ask them.. It is not your fault if they feel uncomfortable when you ask them....people are just rude.. They think they are so important they do not need to respond.. Which takes about a minute..
I have learned to mail and email at the same time, the invitesThat way they can email me back.
Updated
I call it breast feeding. You just have to hunt down the parents and ask them.. It is not your fault if they feel uncomfortable when you ask them....people are just rude.. They think they are so important they do not need to respond.. Which takes about a minute..
I have learned to mail and email at the same time, the invitesThat way they can email me back.
get the stuff for the amount you have invited but don't open all of it. open it as kids get there. most of the stuff can be returned if it is not used. is someone helping you? they can be in charge of opening the next package as needed. I have been reading your birthday questions and I would just go as they kids get there. some parents don't rsvp. some do. but either way it is not the kids fault so jsut take the ones who come and have fun.
We typically send out a little "reminder" when an RSVP is overdue. Our wording was something like:
"J___ is so excited to celebrate on June ___ at _____! We need a head count so we have enough treats for everyone. Please call me at _____ or email me _______ as soon as you can. Thanks!"
The reminder was a huge help and we got a bunch of responses right away.
In your case, though, I would bite the bullet and call the remaining moms. Jill's wording is great!
I would definitely have enough supplies for a large group, but don't open the items until you actually need them... most things (even food items) can be returned. We've returned bags of chips, unopened burger buns, etc when folks don't show!
I am having this very problem right now. We're having a party for my son's college graduation and MANY people have not replied either way. I have come to expect it with the 18-25 year olds (they just show up and hang out) but grown adult relatives make it hard because when they come it is sometimes as many as 8 people multiple that by how many haven't RSVP'd and I could have 150 or 80 people.
Send a note in with your daughter for her friends that says "Just a quick reminder that Suzy's party is June 1st. We need to know the headcount by this Friday at the latest. If you haven't already RSVP'd to Suzy's mom (A.) please call (xxx-xxxx) or email (____@____.com) ASAP. Thank you."
I had to do that for my daughter's party. I got a few that finally replied but others that didn't. It seems people think they only need to reply if they are coming...they don't seem to think that the unknowns make planning difficult.
I would plan for the number of people that RSVPd. If others show up without letting you know, oh well. Maybe if this happens a few times, they will learn to respond. Sounds mean, but I bet it works.
I would have stuff for the people who RSVPed, and I would label the bags with their names. The others could participate in the activities, but they wouldn't have the perk-y stuff.
People who say that that would be punishing the child are wrong. Their parents are punishing them by not doing their part. I can't imagine that I'll ever just accept and conform.
Start calling and/or emailing the parents now. Sadly many people don't rsvp for birthday parties, if you're going to invite such a large number you really need to follow up.
My husband's family very much has the philosophy "the more the merrier." He and his brother and sister will bring people to Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner without telling their mom. It's just how they do things. They consider it being hospitalble.
Not what I was used to growing up, but I've adjusted. We always have more than enough food. Sometimes we're stuck eating it ourselves for the week. Sometimes we can freeze it. Either way, we don't have the stress of thinking we might run out.
Personally, I would just be prepared for all the kids who have RSVP'd saying they were coming and all the kids who have not responded. I'd rather be over-prepared and relaxed the day of.
If I invite 20 kids I have supplies for 20 kids, regardless of the number of RSVPs, because a lot of people simply won't respond. In fact if I invite 20 I have supplies for 25-30 just in case siblings show up uninvited, I will never make a child feel left out if I can help it.
You won't really know until tomorrow, because many will wait until the last possible moment (like midnight) to RSVP. I am assuming you put an email address on the invite. If not, consider doing that next time, because many parents will respond more through email. And sometimes if you handed them out in school, they may not make it home. I have pulled out crumpled invites from the bottom of back packs after the rsvp date. In my experience, even if the kid says they are coming, they don't unless the parent rsvps. If 12 are coming, that sounds like a good turn out. Just buy some extras in case.
my daughter just turned 8 in March and she had said that some girls said they were coming. I told her the same thing "tell them to have their parents let me know". I never heard from them and they never showed to the party. We had a great group of 12 girls over. I had invited 22 total. I really bugs me to death when people can't take 2 minutes to let someone know a yes or no answer. It's just so rude. So, if I didn't get an official yes or no from the parent, then I consider it a no and I do not buy anything extra.
If you have email addresses, a reminder to those who haven't RSVP'd is the right way to go. It's not badgering if you send one reminder. Five would be badgering!
If you know the phone number or email of the girls that told your daughter they were coming, I would call the parents just to double check.
12 RSVPs is GOOD! I would have supplies for at least 20 if not all 35. Only do up goody bags for those that did RSVP. Keep receipts and don't open packages until you need to. Then, if you are left with extra, unopened stuff, take it back.
1. It's a bday party - keep things in perspective.
2. Give people a few more days to call in the RSVP
3. Buy what you need for those that RSVP'd and 5 extra
If you find that more people are there then make adjustments on the fly. If you are doing "goody bags" then give them to those that RSVP'd and help the parents learn a lesson.
YES! Moms totally have cliques and 'inner circles' and you TOTALLY do NOT want to be part of that crud. I accidentally got into one and am desperately trying to get out but I do like a few of them. I do think that a few of them do not realize they are acting this way - but I KNOW that a couple are very aware. So, anyhow I would plan for the RSVPs to show and have enough for 5 extra.
People do not respond to RSVP's. I think the sooner we learn to accept that times have changed then the sooner we'll start changing how we do invitations.
Get your daughter to give you a hand written list of each child's phone number and call each one. This is the only way you will know if the parent's even got the invitations. Kids this age should know their own phone number.
I've had much better luck with evites than traditional invitations or even standard email invitations that I made myself. Just a thought for next year. It seems like evite with it's reminders and easy check box for RSVP'ing, makes it all go smoother.
I usually plan on having plenty of goody bag ingredients on hand, just in case we have some non-RSVPers. For our last party I had enough goody bags for all of the kids we invited, so we had plenty for the two last minute RSVP kids and siblings.
I don't understand how you could show up to a birthday party without RSVPing. Seems like your kiddo would run the risk of not being able to participate or not get a goody bag, since they weren't supposed to be there.
I would definitely have some extra supplies on hand. If at all possible I try to get things that can be returned if not used. I get that the RSVP issue is a major pain, but I would definitely rather have things on hand for kids that show up. For my daughter's last party we had someone RSVP yes and not show up. We had to give a headcount before the actual party, so I was a little annoyed that I had to spend extra money. But honestly, I think it goes with the territory of throwing parties. i hope things go well and your daughter has a good time.
if they didn't RSVP you can call them, like if it's the best friend, but otherwise it usually means they will not be there. Maybe plan on an extra two kids.
Your response rate is actually great. We invited the whole class for K, 1st, 2nd and 3rd and got MAYBE 10 out of 35 kids in a good year. Sad!
This is why I have always had my kids invite 1-3 of the friends they KNOW to do a fun activity instead of a party with the entire class invited. Maybe you can do this next time. Take them to a movie, bowling, bounce house, swimming, etc.
To answer your question, if 12 RSVP'd, then I would plan for those. If people show up and didn't RSVP, when you are handing out gift bags, say, "sorry, I don't have a bag for you since you didn't rsvp". Instead have a little candy bar or something easy for them so they get something but isn't a big financial loss for you. Maybe if more moms do this, then the other moms will learn to RSVP when they should. This is only one of the reasons I hate these parties. lol Hope you figure out something that works for you. Good luck!
I always use Evite and if I don't I send an email in addition to the paper invite. If no RSVP, I assume they are not coming. We invite a lot of people to our kids' parties, so it is never a big deal.
