How Many Kids Invited vs How Many Show Up?

A friend of mine also feels that rsvp'ing is a lost art. She doesn't put the address/location of the party on the invitation. This pretty much forces people to call you to find out the location and let you know that they are coming.

Just about every child we invite comes to the party (I think it's the time of year). I've sometimes received RSVP's the day of the party and some ask if they can bring a sibling. I always have enough for the kids we invited a few extra (because I never say no to siblings and don't want them to feel left out). Instead of a bag of toys that will most likely end up in the trash anyway, maybe get coupons for a free ice cream from Baskin Robins and tie it to a lollipop. If there are leftovers, then you know you'll use them.

If you are having the type of party where you need a more definitive head count, just make the rsvp date about 4 days before the party and then call the people who didn't rsvp.

Good luck!

I expect the number that RSVP. Because we tend to send invites out 3-4 wks in advance, I send an email reminder the day before RSVPs are due. Generally, the parties have had # limits (rock climbing and horse back riding), and I've printed on the invite "no siblings."

I think it is fair to be clear and upfront. I have had people ask the day before the party and have had to say no because of the limits placed by the location and I say that. "When we didn't hear from you, she invited a friend from gymnastics."

Stephanie

Hi R.,

This works and saves, time, money and headaches if you stick to it.

“Mystery Party”

Evan is almost 5 years old and we are having a “Mystery Party”. Please RSVP via phone or email, by _______date, if you would like to come. The “Secret” details and destination will be given only to those who RSVP by the “deadline”. Don’t miss out, we really want you to be there!

Blessings….

I am hooked on Evite, so if you have their email address's that is a great way to go. Plus, you can send reminder emails to the ones who have not RSVP'd and I have even emailed out like 2 days before the RSVP date is due "anyone who has not RSVP'd by xyz date, we will assume is not coming and remove their name from the guest list - hope you can make it next time!:)" Maybe it is not the "polite" thing to do, but the "polite" thing would have been to RSVP. If someone does show up, you can very nicely say to the mom, "Oh I am so sorry XXX, we didn't hear from you so assumed you were not coming. I don't have a goody bag for your child".

Option 2 we did with my daughter and it was a no gift birthday. Everyone just brought a new book (priced $5 - $10) and we did a fun book exchange where all of the kids sat in a circle and they got to bring home a new book. That was it. We did it at the park so they had fun running around and we BBQ hamburgers and hotdogs and they loved it. I had a lot of moms commenting that it was a great idea. This is especially good if you are new, people don't have to buy presents for someone they barely know.

Option 3 is too have them make a craft or something there, so whoever shows up makes their own goody bag of fun gifts. Anything you don't use either return it or save in a bag for misc items for next years party.

Just some thought!

For my daughter's last birthday I did the ice cream gift cert for the shop near our house and tied them to a pack of Fun Dip. The kids liked them. I did have about 10 left over. Everytime my kids earn a treat, we use them.

Skip the goodie bags. I've had so many friends have this same problem, and why? I had an awesome time at all the parties I went to growing up and there were no goodie bags. I know it's fun and all, but why spend the extra money on things most kids won't miss anyway? Have enough food and cake for the number of kids who RSVP, plus a handful extra and call it a day. Or if you insist on goodie bags, call all those parents who didn't RSVP about a week ahead and flat-out ask them if they plan to attend or not. Tell them you need a final yes or no, nicely of course. Just say, "Gee, we haven't heard from you and I'm making final arrangements for the food and cake and all, so I need a headcount. Does little Billy plan to attend?" I don't know about anyone else, but I always RSVP, and in today's economy, I can't afford to buy stuff for people who may or may not show up. Maybe that's incredibly cranky, but that's what I would do. In fact, it's what I did for a friend's bridal shower. No one minded, in fact some people were happy I called because they'd misplaced the invite and wanted to let me know if they were coming or not. And, I knew exactly how many gift bags (requested by the bride) to provide. Hope that helps...

Always plan on having enough food for everyone you invite - just in case. You can always either save and use the leftovers for your own family and/or send some home with some of the guests. As for the goodie bags, skip them. When did it become a requirement to provide the guests that you invite to a party you are throwing with gifts - especially cheap throw away junk that just clutters up the house for the parents of the child and that the child doesn't really use or care about for more than two minutes anyway? We are teaching our children to expect a gift (or gift bag) every time they are invited to a party instead of teaching them to be appreciative of having friends who want to spend time with them and to celebrate the occasion giving rise to the party! That's just not right. The gift to the invitee is being invited to a great party where s/he gets to have lots of fun with friends and maybe even make new friends. That's what it is supposed to be about - even for the guest of honor.

All that said, people should still RSVP. It is extremely rude not to do so. You've gotten some great suggestions on how to ensure that they do - I really like the idea of not putting the time or location on the invite!

Good luck and Have Fun!

At our last "big" birthday party, I assumed 50% would show up, so I invited 30...well low and behold, we ended up with 33 kids! I put things I knew we would use in teh goody bags, (IE: pencils, crayons, little notepads, a stanp and a few stickers) and then loaded the pinata with the goodies. I made sure to have at least 35 premade bags and then a few empty ones in case someone misplaced theirs, and it all worked out in the end.

Remember the party is not about the goodies, but about celebrating someones birthday.

L.

This year I tried using evite for my girls' b-day party and I think it helped with the RSVP's ... maybe I'm contributing to the decline in popular etiquette by doing this, but I think it's helpful that the recipient just needs to click a few keys to let you know whether or not their child is coming (I always make a point to RSVP for parties my kids are invited to, but have to admit that I'm much quicker to respond when it's an evite than when it's a regular invitation b/c sometimes I misplace the invitation or by the time I get a moment in the day where I could call and RSVP, I'm afraid that it's too late in the evening and wouldn't want to interrupt their household bedtime routine. With the evite I know I can click my response when I'm online late at night after the kids are in bed, and know I'm not bothering anyone).
and FWIW we invited 20 kids and 16 came. And for favors I prefer practical things like pencils, erasers, sticky notes etc. - they come in so many fun colors and patterns that they look festive, and if you have leftovers you can actually USE them :-).

Dear R.,
Birthday parties can be so fun and yet so frustrating. If you are inviting everyone in the class, ask the teacher's permission to let the children provide their phone numbers. That way, you have the numbers to follow up on. Plan and ask in advance. See if it's possible to allow the invitations to be sent home in the weekly packet...(if they have one). It was always my policy with my children, that if they were going to take valentines or treats, there had to be one for every kid. Same for b-day invitations. There are always occasions where you may decide to have a party with just a few, select friends to do a slumber party or go to a special event. Those plans and invitations should be kept completely separate from the classroom, to avoid any hurt feelings.
I always kept my fingers crossed that people would RSVP, but the reality is that kids lose things, leave them in their desks or cubbies and the parents might not even see them. That's why having the phone numbers so you can follow up is really important.
I also found that how many children attend depends on the time of year. For instance, my daughter's birthday is the day before Halloween. Many times, people weren't able to attend because they had other holiday parties to go to or had spent so much money on custumes and candy that a birthday party was the last thing they could squeeze in. My son's birthday is in the summertime and very few people can make it on his actual day due to being gone on vacation, etc. We always have a class party for my son before school lets out for the summer. The last big one we threw even included everyone on his baseball team. We had it at the park so the kids could play and we bbq'd hot dogs and had chips, potato salad, drinks and cake. We didn't do goodie bags. We just had enough food for brothers, sisters, moms and dads. We made a picnic of it and let everyone that wanted to have a baseball game.
We usually had my daughter's parties at a pizza parlor. The bowling alley was another favorite. If we paid for the kids to bowl or have money for the juke box or arcade games, we did not supply goody bags. But, in those instances, I wanted the kids to have something to take home with them. You can't go wrong with pencils or erasers or noisemakers or other party favors that you can get in packs at that dollar store. I always had more than enough. But those are little things that can always be used. The noise makers and other favors can be tied on packages for someone else having a birthday.
The main thing is to make sure that everyone has fun and that you have enough cake. If you invite 30, have enough for 30.
E-invitations sound great, but that entails making sure you have all the e-mail addresses.
Try not to stress. Plan your party at a time you are pretty sure doesn't conflict with holidays etc, (as a Christmas baby, I learned that lesson as a child) and just make it fun for your child and their guests. Birthday parties are a wonderful way of teaching your child how to be a gracious host.

You can ask the teacher if it is possible to have a little party in class at the end of the day, perhaps on a Friday.
That way, all the kids will be there and included. You can bring balloons and a cupcake or healthy treat for each child.
The other thing is, to avoid overwhelming your child, another rule of thumb for an actual party is to invite one child for each year of age. That way, the whole thing isn't just a total blur and they can actually enjoy the party participants.

Just some ideas.
Whatever you do....just have fun! That's what parties are for!

R.,

I agree with the previous posting. Just make a few extras and call it a day! Parents and children need to be roesponsible, and it's a parents job to RSVP. I have learned from the past to put on the invitation that I need a head count for goody bags, and that if I don't receive an RSVP, there will be no goody bag for that child! I will also at times include the same thing regarding food! I am a mother of 4, and I home school 2 of my 4 boys, no one is that busy that they can't RSVP! It's a matter of parents being responsible and accountable with their children. My boys know and will remind me that we need to RSVP, and will ask me if I've done so yet! I hope this helps, and I hope your son has a really wonderful birthday!

A little about me:

I am 35 and a happily married sahm. We are a Christian family, and a homeschooling family. I love the Lord, and am so grateful for all he's done in our lives, HE is an awesome God!

I realize this is a late response, but I wantd to make a suggestion about the leftover goody bags. Our daughter's teachers use "reward" items throughout the school year for the students & have occassionally asked for donations to the treasure box. Why not donate the leftover goody bag items to the classroom treasure box? It gets the bags out of your way & helps a teacher at the same time. Have a great time at the party!

I, too, have found that even with RSVPs, about 50% actually show.

I personally think if you haven't RSVPd, you shouldn't expect to be accommodated. I think it's only a lost art because not RSVPing has been accepted and accommodated.

Granted, kids shouldn't be punished, but you can't expect to know they are coming if they don't tell you. Not fair of you to spend money on stuff.

Happy birthday to your son!

I have been hosting various parties----children's and adults'----for about 17 years now. There are several rules of thumb that I have encountered: (1) The higher grade the party, the higher the response rate (formal weddings get higher RSVP rates than kids' birthday parties); (2) With average parties, usually about 50% of those you invited will RSVP; the others won't respond or come to the party (3) Of those who RSVP "yes" only 75% of them will actually come, even after saying "yes." (4) Only a few (not more than 20%) will RSVP "no." The bottom line is that about 25% of those you invite will actually attend. That has been my experience. I. Collins, Executive Senior Sales Director for Mary Kay, pink Cadillac driver, skin care and makeup expert, who can help you with your skin, your makeup, a new career or inspiration in general. ###-###-####

It's unfortunate that good manners are rarely or consistently practiced these days. RSVP's are a simple request and for the host, is critical in planning the correct amount of food, drink and favors. Guessing how many invitees will attend and therefore how many favors to buy is tricky. Too few is embarassing and will end with a child in tears (and not necessarily the one that did not RSVP). Too many is a waste of money. I'm usually stuck with extra goodie bags which my child gets (not a great solution since s/he has just scored a bunch of gifts).

My suggestion to you is to make a quick phone call to the parents of all invitees that have not responded. I've made these calls a week before the party or when I'm about to go out and buy the goodie bags. Everyone is usually apologetic about not responding. Your headcount will be pretty accurate barring any accidents and illnesses. Hopefully your phone call will work as a nice reminder that invitees should respond when an RSVP is requested.

I HAVE BEEN IN THE SAME BOAT! I actually waited at my son's classroom and asked all the parents who hadn't RSVP'd if they were coming or not. I tried to be as polite as possible, and let them know I just needed to be able to plan accordingly. With my budget, I can't afford to buy extra for the people who may or may not show up, and I didn't want to eat leftover pizza for the next 3 days! I don't know if the 50% rule applies to special needs families (we are one) b/c if the friends are typically developing, they may not want to come - and if they're special needs kids, they may be having a bad day. Anyway, good luck!

I thought the same would be true for my son's party. I did get most everyone to RSVP(the school people, I would ask when I saw them)but there were a few who didn't, why people don't RSVP is a mystery to me, it's just kind of rude. Anyway, only three or four kids didn't show up.so I don't think you can count on the %50 rule. And yes, I have extra favors floating around. But better extra than not enough I guess. I'm passing my extra ones around during Halloween, maybe you could save yours and do the same next year. Good luck!

That's a hard one! You just never know so I always buy enough for everyone who's invited. Granted, you may have some left, but better to have extra than not to have enough. I mean, really, what would you do if you only had favors for seven and nine children showed up? You can always use the extras for the next party. I have found that I have to buy favors for a couple of parties and then by the next I have enough left over that I really don't have to buy much at all. Of course, I'm giving birthday parties for the majority of my seven grandchildren so I give lots of birthday parties and as a result, have had LOTS of left overs for the next time!

When I invite kids to a party, I indicate an RSVP for the party and I also indicate whether siblings are allowed. You have control over the situation, use it. If the party is within a week and people haven't RSVPed, contact them to get an answer.

When you are invited to a party, it is common courtesy to reply, even if you are a little slow to respond and need a little nudge to give an answer. To show up at a party without indicating you are coming is rude (if RSVPing is shown).

You are paying for the party - it isn't a classroom free-for-all at the school. It is a special moment for your child - make it special.

Good luck,
V.

I have a daycare and with parents working so many different shifts these days....I never am sure how many will be here for whomever's big day. One way to not have to worry about gift bags is to buy whatever you were planning for gift bags and put in a big container and play bingo!!!!!! If it is 'Jeff's bday' it is 'happy birthday Jeff Bingo' & that is what they yell when they get the bingo! They love it! And if you have lots of kids, everyone seems to win something...if just a few...they get to play and win LOTS! Everyone is happy!

always consider they will all be there. LOL extra favors. i think it depends on how big you go too. i also started doing a bowl of goodies instead of bags. i got plastic cups that were themed for each of them to take home... (xtras can always be used at home for many things) and then a big bowl with what ever... bubbles, necklaces, pirate patches, stickers, tattoos..... they can each take three things or what ever. then if you get more kids than expected, you don 't feel like anyone is left out. can do brown paper bags too, have them each decorat their own loot bag. inexpensive and fun for them. :) oh but he's 9... hmmm... ok maybe not decorate. but you see where i'm going. LOL

hi
I think that should call or email each person
And get them to RSVP.
People still RSVP if you request it.
Www.evite.com
Is good site to get people to RSVP for future
Parties.
Bye K.

Sorry about this late post! I read this and came away with great ideas for my own daughters birthdays! We were having a party for her 5th birthday (she is now 10) and I swore there would never be another one! We invited all her classmates and a few kids from afterschool care. It was a nightmare!!!! I actually had parents who called to RSVP who told me that the child she invited couldn't come if the siblings couldn't come too. I caved and said yes. Never again!!!! One mom actually brought her daughters and then left to go shopping!!!! The party was over, everything cleaned up and packed up,and we couldn't leave until this woman came back to get her kids!!!! Not to mention, we had it at the park, so kids who weren't even invited showed up! It just ended up being a nightmare for me! I like the writing "no siblings" on the invies!

Try sending an evite. You may get more rsvps when all they have to do is hit a button.

R.,

I'm not sure when you originally posted and although I know I'm very late with my thoughts, I would still like to include them since they didn't seem to be part of the other responses.

First, I NEVER put the words "regrets only" on an invitation, for a child's party or adult's, for the simple reason that it's difficult to get people to respond at all. I always always use R.S.V.P. that way I have a clear list of those who said yes or no and those that need to be contacted for an answer. Using regrets only leaves my food, my time, my money, my arrangements to the whims of others.

Secondly, I believe that one of the main reasons people don't send their children to birthday parties (although this has nothing to do with the extreme rudeness of not responding) is because of the time and expense involved in sending their child to anywhere from 15-30 parties per school year.. and per child if they have more than one. It's something that most won't say, don't want to say, don't want to sound rude, but I have heard it said and if I were being honest it is something I myself have thought too.

I limited my invitations to my children's closest friends, I invited them personally rather than invitation, and we didn't have one every year. Many years it was a family celebration. Having smaller parties opens the choices of what to do because of the number and cost. Everyone has a lot of fun and it eliminated my own sense of obligation and guilt as well as lessening my kids "expectation" of a birthday party of that size every year. Also diminished their disappointment in some of their classmates not showing up.

Just my thoughts. Thanks for being patient with me. It's a really difficult situation we have all faced. Good luck with everything. Oh... I reaaaally loved the idea of the mystery party. Definitely going to try that one. :o) Liked the gift certificate wrapped with a piece of candy too.

Happy New Year.
L.

Late post. I'm sorry you and many of us have to deal with planning a party without knowing how many or whom to plan for. I hope we can reverse the trend of ignoring invitations. It's simply rude. Sounds like you did a great job under the circumstances.

Funny story - I thought a birthday party would be like a wedding...about 50% showing up....little did I know - I invited 20 kids to my daughter's birthday party - expecting half or less (wanted about 5, but knew some people would be busy)....most of them showed up! Lucky for me I prepared for all of them to come - people around here are serious about birthday parties...and most of them were kind enough to RSVP....but I guess it depends on the area, also. I will not compare a birthday party to a wedding again! :)

Paper invitations are great, but if you do an e-vite you're pretty much guaranteed to get RSVPs and remove the guesswork! I like to do both, since kids like invitations and parents like e-vites. Just a thought.
K. in EC

I have found that to be true. Since most people don't RSVP anymore about half of who you invite show up.

Believe it or not, my kids are 6 and 8 and every kid we have invited to a birthday party has shown up! As far as the RSVP, try calling anyone who has not responded so that you will have a better idea for a guest count. Also, I have found including your e-mail on the invite helps out with the RSVP's. Have fun!

My kid is older now but I use to invite only people we knew would show, and I would always make sure there was a phone number to call if not coming....Regrets ###-###-####. People are busy and they forget so don't send out too early, but definitely ask for Regrets to call. Not old fashion at all. My son is diasbled and we had party's every year until he was 10. We also had bowling parties for my daughter and that was fun too...

Hi,

I am in the same situation. My daughter's 5th bday is coming up in a few weeks.
I've found that using Evite on the web (in addition to a paper invitation) is very helpful since it kindly requires the person to respond and it is great because it automatically sends reminders a few days before the event.

Also, I try to keep in mind which kids would mostly likely attend and double that number(just in case). I think its better to have a few more than to run out of favors and food.

Extra favors can also be used for his next party!

Hope this helps,

Kristina

Don't get me started - we just had our son's 4th birthday party. 2 families that DID RSVP had sick kids and couldn't come - it's flu season! Other kids including my son's best buddy from preschool said they were coming and didn't call or show up. I have a TON of extra goodie bags - I'm going to give them out to trick-or-treaters. Anybody want 20 lbs of turkey hot dogs??
Nobody RSVP'd except my girlfriends and my hubby ended up inviting co-workers with kids last minute to help us eat the food and huge cake.
We ended up having fun - but my son was really upset that his friends from school were a no-show.
I think 50% is a good guess - be prepared for last-minute flu cancellations. I'm glad they stayed home with their cootie germs - but I felt sorry for the kids having to miss the party.
People just don't RSVP anymore - I think eVite is the way to go next time - it will save a ton of postage if nothing else!

My experience (3 kids, about 15 bday parties) has been that everyone you invite shows up, so be prepared, and don't invite more than you (and your son) are comfortable entertaining. Good luck and have fun :)

I used the evite for the parents that I had there e-mail and paper invites for those I did not for my daughter's 3rd birthday party this last summer. It was her first "friend" party and I was so excited. I wanted her friends and their family (parents and siblings) to come for a back yard party with games and a pool for the kids. I invited 30-40 people total 3 families said that they would be there. She has a July birthday and everyone was out of town at a lake somewhere. My husband even went out of town for the weekend. I think I will try Chuckie Cheese or something next time LOL. Good luck and stay positive!!

It really just depends on how tight knit the group is. My youngest daughter's classmate will usually ALL show up to all the kids birthday parties, but my eldest daughter's class is less committed to socializing, so it's about 50 - 75%.

I usually have a pretty good ides as to who will show and who won't by talking to parents and kids at school and phone calls to all that I have numbers for, but I always have a little extra just in case.