Pumping - Funny Stories

I had a baby a couple of weeks ago and my 3 year old is convinced that when I'm pumping that I'm "putting milk into my nipples for the baby to drink."

Well, I can't think of any that happened to me, but my husband...

My son was a newborn and we just bought a pump. I had been looking at it and reading the directions and my husband walks in the room, pull his shirt up and sticks it on. He turned it on (on the highest setting) and SCREAMED! It was really funny for me to watch, and from then on he had a lot of respect for my pumping. :)

Ok, so we were at a petting zoo when my son was about 7 months old and still nursing. I had a bottle of expressed milk in the side pocket of my diaper bag (with the lid on, of course.) But if you've been to a petting zoo where they let you feed the goats milk from bottles, you know how aggressive those darned goats can be to get to that milk! So a mother sees my bottle of milk in my bag and some eager goats sniffing around it, and she warns me that they'll take it right out of my bag... and she goes on to warn me to be careful if I'm breastfeeding, because they can smell MY milk too... She said that she had been in a petting zoo like the one we were in when she was nursing... and being totally unsuspecting, she was bending over to feed one of the goats a bottle of milk, and just then, a very eager little goat snuck right over and latched right onto her breast and started sucking!!! She was appalled, and had a hard time getting it off!!! Good Lord, could you imagine the sight! I'm sure it was as funny as it was horrifying!!

While my son was still in the NICU, I got really sick and had to go to the hospital. Of course, we just went to the same hospital he was in so dad could visit while I was being treated. I asked them if there was somewhere I could pump, and they looked a little stunned. One very nice (male) nurse said he had a spot for me...in the psych hold room with padded walls!!! In retrospect, it was highly appropriate, but very weird at the time!

How funny!!! I have two breastfeeding stories that are kinda cute/funny...
One of the first times I fed my youngest at home, my toddler asked me "what is she doing?" I said "she's eating." She said "She's eating your apple?" All I could think was "bless you child for not calling it a banana!"

Then one day I went out to adjust our water sprinkler in the yard and my neighbor was out there. He kinda half waved and was looking at me funny but seemed amused. I didn't think much of it until I got in and caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror... the flap on my nursing tank was unflapped. That explained the weird look on my neighbors face. UGH.

I don't have a funny pumping story, but I was really fascinated by how the milk came out of my breast - that it wasn't just one stream, and that it seemed to come out with a lot of force. My husband was standing about 6 feet away and said something to me about breastmilk, and I spurted him from across the room! LOL - I couldn't believe it shot that far!

I'm a teacher, and I was nursing twins and pumping at work. To give some perspective, I would pump 25 ounces of milk from two sessions. So, if I had to unexpectedly skip a session, holy cow, was I in pain!! We had an end of the year field trip to a park, and there was no where I could pump. I had checked in the park district building, and there was nowhere private. Well, we had some parent chaperones that drove to the park in their own cars. I asked one of my parents if I could use her car to pump. She drove it to a secluded corner of the parking lot, and away I pumped!

I JUST did the body check before opening up the door. I also have that fear because I will walk from one room to another at home with a boob hanging out for whatever reason. For some of the reasons you mentioned, I have had to buy a pump for work, just because I kept forgetting all the parts. Still though, I have had to wash out my perrier bottle because I forgot the storage containers a couple of times.

1. I was traveling for work when I was pumping for my son and had told my client that I needed a room I could pump in - I too would rather use the back of my car (I have a hooter hider in there just in case), than a public bathroom. I was told no problem. When I asked which room, they scrambled, and finally came up with my using my contact's new office since he hadn't actually moved into it, and it had a lock.

There I am, pumping away and I hear voices outside the door. Not unusual, but just to be safe, I slip the hooter hider over my head. Next second someone unlocks the door and there are 4 men standing in the threshold!! The leader looks at me, then glances into my contact's old office, where he is still working, and says, "hey, is this your consultant?" They carry on a short conversation with all the men still just standing there looking at me and my pump, pumping away. They tell me that they need the room (which they hadn't told the owner of the office), and I tell them I will just be a minute. Just waiting for maybe an apology, or at least for them to shut the door!

My body had frozen up, so I don't think I would have gotten any more milk that session anyway, so I packed it all away, and when I opened the door 60 seconds later, there was no one in sight!! That afternoon, I went back to the hotel to pump, and never pumped at that client's office again.

2. I try to get work done while I pump and I had to call Verizon for some reason, so I figured, why waste the time. The guy that answered it eventually asked...what's that noise. I told him it was construction next door. After about five minutes, "Wow, that is some noisy construction!!" LOL. I'm not sure why the hands free bras show the woman on the phone, as you can't help but hear the pump.

This is funny NOW, but was not then...I was a new mom and my SO and I were trying to figure out the pump. Well, I put the cup over my breast and he turned it on. I yelped! Come to find out, it was on the highest possible setting for suction. OUCH!!
Needless to say, the SO was sucking up to me for a while. LOL.

I don't have any funny pumping stories, but do have a humorous nursing story...
I was shopping in some store (Walmart, or Target, or something) and needed to feed my baby. I was in the middle of shopping, so my options were limited. I decided to use the chairs in the customer service area so I could take my cart with me. While nursing, this 4 year old boy came and sat next to me ans carefully watched me for a few minutes. I have no idea where his mother was. He started asking me questions about my baby, then what I was doing. I said I was feeding him. He asked where the bottle was, and I told him there was no bottle, my body makes milk for my baby. He lifted up his shirt and inspected himself, then back at me for another few minutes, then finally said (while pointing to his belly button) "my body makes water, can I try?

HAHA! Love it.
I was on a day trip to Austin, and brought my pump. I was pumping in a vacant office with a note on the door that SPECIFICALLY said "do not disturb". So much for working with A Type real estate brokers, because of course, that sign meant "please, open the door". Luckily my back was facing the door. No HR complaints :)
Another time, I was on my way to pump and had my insulated 'lunch bag' that stored the milk. I had to stop at one of my boss's desk and put my bag on his desk. He commented "Thanks for bringing your 'project' to my office.". He has two kids and a weird sense of humor like me, but it was still a "whoops" moment.

Thank you ladies for a good laugh!! I wish I had a good one but all are worth reading.!

Updated

Thank you ladies for a good laugh!! I wish I had a good one but all are worth reading.!

My husband and I went on an overnight trip for our anniversary. I went to pump and realized I had forgotten the suction cups. We were 3 hours from our home. Expressing in the shower with the assistance of my husband made for an interesting anniversary trip=)!