Preschooler Hates School - Help!

Two suggestions:

1 - help him find the words that it's not that he hates school, it's that he misses you. Then he doesn't have to feel bad being in school, because it's okay to both feel good about being in school and bad about being away from you.

2 - give him a special charm that he can rub (bracelet, stone to keep in his pocket) something. Tell him it has magical powers and it helps him not miss you as much. It really helps a lot. Explain to his teacher that he gets to wear the charm and can rub it as he needs it.

He's just at the age where real fears about losing you are smashing up against his little brain's inability to process reality, and so lots of kids have a hard time at this age. I would try to cut drop off time too. 30 minutes is too long for both of you to feel that bad.

Good luck.

Like the teacher who posted said -- be quick. You mentioned staying at the school for 30 minutes; that only makes him believe that his crying and fussing will indeed get you to stay. Even if he's in the middle of crying, hand him off to the teacher with "I know you'll feel better once you start playing, I will pick you up at the end of your day, bye" and depart immediately. Don't let him see you upset. The teachers have dealt with this before and I'd bet if you asked them they'd say they want fast departures, even if tearful, instead of lingering ones.

The fact that this is starting up after he's been happy to go there for a while may mean nothing more than this: The novelty of preschool has worn off and he misses you more than at first. That's normal and yes, it'll take time and a little more maturity for it to pass. It's wrenching for mom to just be cheery and walk away when the child is upset, but it does work eventually. And very importantly -- it shows him that YOU trust the preschool teachers so he should trust them too.

I have K.!
I think the thing that helped my preschooler the most was to talk about fears. We are religious, so we talked about giving our fears to God and that when we pray to Him and ask for His help He will comfort and help us. We also have a fear box, is a tangible object and makes the prayer a little more concrete for a 4 year old. I write the fear down (and then we say our pray here, but if you are not religious...) then put the little paper in the fear box.
It also helped to meet with her teacher and make some goals, about participating and trying her best in everything. She is afraid of trying anything new, cause she has never done it before :) (love that one)
Having her know that her teacher knew about her fears and goals, totally helper her realize that she can trust and feel safe with her, and not just me.
I also have a saying "Sometimes we all have to do things we don't want to do" I talked with her about why school is important and why it is a problem if she doesn't want to go or doesn't go. I also shared with her some of the things that I do even though I don't want to, and what would happen if I didn't do them... house cleaning, meals etc. This helped her realize she is not the only one that has these feelings, but that there is a way to concur them.
I also like to say "you don't really have a choice to go or not to go, your choice is to have a happy attitude and have fun or be sad and miserable, what are you choosing?"

These conversations were of course at different times and many times. But she finally decided that it wasn't such a bad place to be.

Your little guy is 4 and it is such a great time because you can actually reason with him. Try a goal chart that if he cooperates for a week he can earn a treat, then after two weeks dollar toy then three weeks a date with mom or dad. keep building on that until it has been a month and you have your happy child back.
Good luck, message me if you have questions.
E.

It stinks doesn't it?!? I've been the teacher and told parents to give their kids a quick goodbye and then turn them over to me. They'll be fine after a couple of minutes. (The longer the goodbye, the longer the tears.) And it's true. They would always calm down in a matter of minutes.

Fast forward to now ... it's so much easier to be the teacher on this one. My son went through phases of smiling and saying goodbye, as well as crying and saying, Mommy don't go! It just broke my heart. And the teachers said the same thing to me. Quick goodbye, he'll be fine.

I would check with his teachers just to make sure there isn't something going on. Quick goodbye with "I love you" and hugs/kisses. He'll get through this :-)

Always make a quick exit, tell them you love them and that they are fine and will have a great fun day... 30 minutes is too long to say good bye. I worked in a daycare in HS. Often kids would cry as their parents were leaving. We used to tell the parents just leave, count to 10 and look in the window, you will see your child is 100% fine.

Hi, K.:
Does he have to go to preschool?
Have you thought about babysitting in
your home.
Any other options for you and your child?
Good luck.
D.

My daughter did this when she was 4. She had gone to the 3 yr old class and had been fine but at 4 she cried every day. I took her out halfway through the year. And tried again this year. She is going 4 days a week this year and loves her pre-school! Now she runs in without even looking back or saying goodbye. I think it was the age. And i think keeping her home the rest of that year helped. Now she gets upset when she can't go to school. If you can keep him home, I would, if you can't it should pass by next year.

We used "The Kissing hand" book to help my son. It is a really cute book and it worked for him in pre-school. Check it out. Good luck, I know how hard it is to leave them when they are upset.
G.

my oldest went thru this when he started preschool. I felt horrible having him pryed off me to go to class - until the first time I saw him not 30 seconds after the usual crying, "don't go" ordeal NOT crying and perfectly fine in his classroom. After that I would talk to him on the drive to school about how much fun he was going to have and we were going to kiss and hug and he would go to class - and the first time we had this conversation he said to me "No, mommy, I have to cry first." That ended any shred of guilt that still lingered. He's now 9, hasn't had a blip of seperation anxiety in over 5 years. You have to be clam when you leave him, no matter how you feel, or he'll feed off your anxiety. Good luck! It's not easy, but they really are fine less than 5 minutes after you leave.