Preschool Problems - Macomb,MI

I didn't start my daughter into pre-k until she was 4 because of this reason. I KNEW she wouldn't be good for it. I did the socializing through friends and playdates and inviting groups of moms over with their kids. Then I slowly started to 'pull away' from her when she was playing with her friends. I would let another mom know that I'd be back in a few. They knew what I was doing and why. They helped me. She freaked for the first couple times, but the more I did that and she realized that I'd be back, she was fine. I took the 'babystep' approach with her.

My son... He's completely different. He is in daycare now at 2 because he WANTS to 'pway wit FRIENDS!' He is "Mr. Social Butterfly".

First of all whether he has been separated from you or not prior to preschool has not much to do with his reaction now. I work with children three and under, and some of the clingiest kids have been daycare kids (who perhaps are without mom for too long) But I would agree that you don't want it to be a bad experience for him. Has he gone to mom and me classes or activities where he has to be directed by others (like a soccer or swim class)? Are you talking to him about going to school in a positive way? Was it hard for you to separate and how would you have felt had his transition been really smooth. (I have seen Mom's say they don't feel needed). Don't dismiss the value of verbal dialogue with him. But in the end if he is upset talk to the teacher and get her suggestions. She has typically been through this before. Perhaps he is not yet ready, or maybe he just needs a little more time.

My daughter is 4 yrs old and is in her second year of preschool. Luckily I didn't have any problems with her, she was pushing me out the door. Her class size is two teachers and 15 children is the limit. Does his teacher try to comfort him? Our preschool teacher will hold the children and play with them when they start crying in the mornings. She has been doing this since the 1st day with a couple children and its been going on every morning for about 5 weeks now. I think that if his teacher is getting aggravated with his behavior and that shes not try to help I would look into another preschool or wait another year to enroll him.

He just turned 3, that is on the young side for preschool. Especially if he hasn't been in a daycare setting, he probably just isn't ready yet. If you've given it a fair amount of time, and you sense the teacher is frustrated with him, I'd discontinue. I'd pull him and tell him you've decided to try something different. Then sign up for a class or activity that you can stay with him, like Music Together, or something. In a year or even 2, you can try again with a different preschool. A good preschool should be able to help kids work through separation anxiety, and should plan to have enough helpers to do that, because there are ALWAYS a few kids that have a hard time. But I think waiting to start preschool until he is a little older would help too. Good luck!

Hi L.,

I am one of those moms that doesn't think you should leave him in to teach him a lesson. There's a time to stand your ground and say, "No, this is what we do." I just think that this isn't one of those times. If your son is to the point where he is dreading going, then keeping him there could make the situation worse. I don't think he is being manipulative. I think he feels really insecure with the change of environment.

I like MechanicMama's ideas. Pull him out and start socializing him in other ways. Get involved in a mom's group with him. Take him to the park and help him learn to make friends. Have lots of playdates and work on doing this gradually. Give him some time to grow comfortable with being independent while you introduce him to new experiences and then try again in a few months or when he is 4.

Hope this helps,

L.

Can you stay for part of day a be a teachers helper? So you are there but not there to coddle him? My son needed my presence in the classroom until he went to kindergarten. I was able to become the helper in the classroom for part of each morning it helped a lot.He also wore pants with pockets and I would put a small picture of me and him together in it so if needed me I was there.
Have you guys done any mom and me classes before school started? It may be that he is just not ready for school yet. If he is really that upset and disruptive in the class maybe pull him for the semester and join a gymnastics class,or music class where you go with him, story hour at the library to get him in groups of kids in small doses. Trust your gut and good luck!
J. O

See if they will let you try this. Bring him in and stay with him. Tell him that he needs to play and do what the teachers say. Essentially just stay where he can see you and have little to no interaction with him. Should he come to you tell him to talk to his teacher. One day stay the whole day. The next don't stay as long and then so on. Kind of weaning him into being there with out you. Let the school know that you would like to work with them on how to make situation better for everyone. If that doesn't work a smaller class size would probably be beneficial but harder to find. I wouldn't just throw in the towel though. Social interaction with peers is important. If you pull him find some way to replace that social interaction. As someone who used to do daycare and work in a preschool I never had a problem with a parent wanting to help. If your sons school does I don't think I would keep him there.

He isn't ready. I think that parents need to stop thinking about this mysterious "schedule" that we're all supposed to be on and think about what makes sense for each child. Take him to story time at the library where he can play with your safely nearby. Expose him to children and organized activities slowly and then reassess his readiness for preschool next year. A friend who was a Kindergarten teacher of 30 years told me that many children should be kept in preschool an extra year. She quoted studies that have shown that children, especially boys, who are rushed into school on a peer-pressured time table have difficulties academically and socially in the 3rd and 4th grades and beyond. Three year olds are good at manipulating for some things, but don't usually demonstrate sincere panic and distress just to get your goat. Finally, never being separated from you is a problem. You both should be able to let go a little. Look for a playgroup and then practice being away in another room for an hour or two until he's ready. It also probably wouldn't hurt to prepare him ahead of time with where he is going, what will happen, who will be there, etc. so that he gets used to that. Picture schedules can help, too. Good luck.

My 1st son was the same way when I would leave him at preschool. He would run to the class door and kick and scream with tears running down his face. My 2nd son loved going to preschool, bye mom love you turn and run to see what he could play with. My older son is still reserved with his personality at 12. If you decided to pull him out all together, and you are searching for other kid interaction try moms groups, they have a lot of play dates where you are still there (he feels safe), he plays with kids.
Teachers deal with children who have separation anxiety through their years of teaching. In my opinion this teacher should not be making you feel frustrated, but should be partnering with you on how to help your son together.

"Remember feelings are Real, but often they are not True." So talk with your teacher and the director, and see how or what can be done to work together to help your little man. If nothing seems to be helpful, then find another school. Teachers are helpers in raising your children especially at such a tender age. So good communication between teachers and parents is key!

Hang in there mom you are going to make a great choice for your son!!

How long has he been going? A week or 3 weeks? If he is crying the whole time and not participating I vote to pull him! Bed the idea of preschool for a while and look hard for a place with less kids, more teachers, fewer hours and try again. It is normal to be upset going to preschool but to cry the entire time, everytime he goes is something else. To top it off, if the teacher is done with the situation, then how is it going to improve? GL!

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I didn't read all the other responses so I am sorry if I am repeating something...

If I were you, I would make some time and attend school with him for a day or two...try to do all the stuff with him and get him interested in it and excited about all the fun stiff they get to do...if that doesn't work then I would pull him out. I agree that preschool is good for kids and all of mine have went (my 2nd to last kid is in Jr. K right now) but I also believe that some kids either don't need it or aren't ready for it...you can always try again next year when he is 4?

Good Luck Mommy...it is HARD watching our kids being sad and miserable.

I work in the field and it's really, really, really important that the first school experience is a positive one. My son had a very hard time adjusting to preschool last year. Luckily, he goes to a Co-op so I was welcome to stay in the classroom for as long as he needed and I would come back early to eat snack with him. Would your preschool allow you to do that? If not, I would probably pull him out and try a Mommy & Me class from now until Christmas. After the holidays I would retry 3-year-old preschool and if it's still a traumatic experience, I'd wait until next year.
When is his birthday? Often children with July- August- Sept- Oct- Nov birthdays have difficulty because they're on the young side.
I've been in your shoes and it's really hard as both a parent and a teacher. I wasn't able to leave my son if he was hysterical (it broke my heart) so I stayed with him for a while until he developed a close relationship with the teacher assistant. When it was time for me to leave he would stick with her (like glue!) until I came to pick him up. He also brings his stuffed dog "Love" as a comfort object.
Good luck to you, I know it's really hard!

You could either pull him out till he's a little older or see if you can stay with him and then wean yourself away gradually over time. I think I'd pull him out for now.

I might be in the minority here, but I think you should give it a little more time for the adjustment phase. Pulling him now will likely only enforce the idea that school is something to be afraid of and also give him the impression that crying and making you feel guilty will earn him a reward in the end (getting his way). I'm not saying he should have to spend every day feeling sad and alone, but he's still going to need to learn to cope with life without mom around all the time.

With my first born, he was in daycare from infantcy (I worked outside the home). I think he thrived immensely from time away from me. I'm now a SAHM and have a 7 month old. I've already been contemplating working part time, if for no other reason than to be able to afford daycare a few times a week. I would likely not be working for any money, because it would all go to pay for daycare. But I'm so worried of this very thing.....the clingy child who can't function in social settings without mom.

I do agree with some of the previous posters....try spending time in the class with him and then gradually decrease that time until he's a little more comfortable. But overall, he needs to see YOU comfortable in this situation as well. Your anxiety will feed his anxiety.

Good luck and try to hang in there. Its one of the hardest things to do, but I hope I gave a little insight without coming off like there's only one right way to do it.

Maybe you could try a co-op preschool where a parent helps out in the classroom sometime too or stay a bit longer. I know Troy-coop preschool in troy of course, lets the parent stay as long as they want with the child even the whole class if need be so that could be an option for next year. Class sizes are much smaller 1 adult to 4 kids. good luck.

I would try another preschool with less kids. The three year olds are a "needy" age and it is hard for the the first time they attend preschool. My daughter attended last year when she was three and she had a hard time the first month. She only had a hard in the mornings at drop off and then she was "okay". After a month she loved it. There were two teachers for 11 kids. I teach in the four year old class and we are two teachers for 10 kids one day and 11 the next day. I love having such a small class size because I can spend lots of time with each student...they all need one-on-one sometime during the day!

My mom didn't put me in daycare as a child. My aunt (who was a SAHM) and my maternal grandmother kept me. The year I turned 4, everyone told her that if she didn't put me in daycare, I would be behind socially. So she enrolled me in the daycare across the street from where she worked. My first day, I sat in a chair in front of the window and stared at the place where she worked and cried all day.
When she came that afternoon to pick me up, they told her what happened. She took me out, my grandmother went back to keeping me, and I was fine.
I didn't suffer one bit from not going to daycare. As a mom, I knew I didn't want to have to put my son in daycare unless I had to. Luckily, I have a great family and in-laws who have kept him since I went back to work when he was 12 weeks old. I think he is beyond where he should be for his age. his language and cognition skills are more advanced than other 18 month olds I know.
Take him out, and don't feel guilty about it.

I would pull him from the school and don't rush him. Boys actually mature alot slower than girls. I really think hes too small right now for preschool. I would see what you can do to get him out of that school nd maybe do a parent tot class so he gets more interaction with others.

Hmmmmm....tough situation and upsetting for you as well as him, I'm sure.
How long has he been "in" school? It's not unusual for kids to cry for a few weeks, but if it's been a month or 6 weeks, I'd probably pull him out and wait til next fall and in the meantime get him into some other activities (MOPS, etc) where he can "practice" his socializing times maybe once per week.
If it's only been a week or two, I like Jenny's advice of talking to the teachers to see if you could take a week of being there, then less, etc.
Also, the really important thing is to be extremely positive with him about school, friends, the teachers, etc. Never let him see that this is upsetting you. Very difficult, but the first of many such situations. Good luck. He'll be OK either way, whatever you decide to do or try.

As many other previous post stated, he is probably not ready. I have a 3 year old daughter and did not do preschool with her this year. Is she ready for it probably, but I am a part-time SAHM and decided to enroll her in our park and recreation program's "All by myself" class. She is in two of those classes. They are an hour a day at our recreation center (each class is 6 weeks long). She loves it. It is great exposure to other kids and learning to listen and follow directions. Prior to this we did a mommy and tot class (offered in various ages levels 18-3 years). Maybe you should try a mommy and tot class first and then move on to a 1 hour all by myself class. We are in Sterling Heights (and the programs are open to residents outside sterling heights). Good luck.

The first new seperation and experience is rough for both the child and parent. I taught preschool for 25 years. One thing that Itried and usually workede was to have the parent give the child a picture or something of the moms to hold until the mom comes back. Or sometimes I would have the mom spend some time until the child felt safe then havemom slip out quietly and each day I would have mom shorten the length of time spent in the classroom. When you are talking to your son about school reassure him that you know the teacher is nice and will help him.Don't giveup it is a hard time for both of you . Another thing I've done is given mom a copy of the class schedule and lesson plan so she can talk to the child about what he will be doing and how much fun he will have.