Preschool Let Down

teachers do not have time to chat at drop off and pick up times. too busy.

there should be a conference time when you can chat with the teacher.

I made lots of mom friends with my daughters kinder class. but my sons kinder class does not seem to have the same friendly moms..

I have found some teachers interact much better with kids than they do adults and that's why they teach little kids. I have had school teachers like that with my boys. I would talk to the director or whom ever is in charge to ask about volunteering. The teacher may not be in charge of that. If you want specifics you may have to ask for them.

It seems like you're wanting to benefit socially from his pre-school education. That's not really the point. Is HE doing well? Is HE learning new things? Is HE fitting in and making new friends? I don't bother the teacher during school hours, they have plenty enough on their plates. They don't need to be bombarded by parents asking for impromptu progress reports. I'm sure that if there were any problems, she would make you aware.

I don't think your expectations were too high, but maybe you missed the mark. Preschool isn't social time for parents. Not that there's anything wrong with that... and there are lots of other options, I'm sure (posters mentioned co-ops). Once your son is in Elementary, you can join the PTA and do that kind of thing. I don't think this is about parents being "too busy".

Pre-school is for the child, not for the parents. I would rather the teacher pay attention to the children, and not stand around chatting with moms and dads. The teacher will speak to you if there is a problem with your child, but if everything is great, then there is no more to say. Our pre-school did not allow parents to volunteer. PArt of hte whole point of pre-school is to teach these little ones to get along without mom, so having mom helping out defeats the purpose. If you want to get to know parents, ask your son who his friends are and arrange play dates with his friends and their moms. Drop off and pick up times are too busy to stop and chat. If your son seems happy then leave him.

I think maybe your expectations are a little unrealistic.
Many parents (most?) sign their kids up for preschool so they (the kids) have the opportunity to socialize, learn and play in a structured environment, it's not really about the parents, it's about the children.
My kids also went three mornings a week. I didn't really socialize, I just dropped them off and went to work out and/or run errands. No one volunteered there, as far as I know, except for classroom parties and the occasional field trip, which I was always happy to do. And I didn't chat it up too much with the teachers during drop off/pick up as they need to keep their focus on the kids, unless I had a particular concern or issue, and of course they always let me know if there were any incidents I needed to be aware of. Otherwise I could tell by the big grin on my kids' faces that they had a great day.
Once your child starts elementary school and other organized activities like sports you will have the opportunities you are looking for, MANY of them! I think that's part of the reason I didn't really think about socializing with the preschool families, we were only there for two years, and almost none of them would go to my kids' elementary school anyway. Elementary school is six years long, you will meet a lot of people and friendships will form and dissolve over time, for both you and your kids.

You may just have really high expectations or they're off-base as someone else put it. I have really high expectations of teachers mainly because I am a teacher, and especially high expectations of programs I put my son into. At times, I feel this can almost be a little bit of a fault of mine because things often don't live up to my expectations...even though they're still pretty good programs.

This happened with my son's preschool. I got hardly anything out of the teachers when I asked about my son, and it drove me nuts. So I asked to meet with her AFTER school, when there were no kids or parents around, and it was better...I got a little more out of her, not as much as I would like but better. The teachers are BUSY at drop-off and really need to put the kids needs first, not the parents...so try and talk with her at a less busy time. As far as making friends through the school, people really are busy. The best way to make friends is to get involved in anything extra the school does...fundraisers, charity events, socials, host a park play date.

And what keeps me happy, is knowing that my son LOVES his school and that the school has a strong developmentally appropriate curriculum. He likes his teacher a lot too which is important. Maybe just give it time, unless your gut instinct is telling you this isn't the best thing for your son right now, then look elsewhere.

I never expect to talk to the teacher before or after school. She is trying to juggle a bunch of 3-4 year olds and it's not the right time. I volunteer in my son't class regularly, and the teacher doesn't give me much more than a hello at drop off and pick up. It's too busy trying to juggle the little ones. I send emails or set up a meeting, if necessary. I wasn't able to attend my son's preschool parent night because it was the time as my daughters 1st grade parent night and I had to know what was expected of her during the year. Yes, other parents have other things going on and use those couple hours to breeze through their errands and grocery shopping in peace.

I've chattend with a few moms and pick up and drop off, but it never turns into a real friendship - it's very much a feeling of we're both in the same place at the same time so let's shoot the breeze for a few minutes.

If you want to volunteer in the classroom, I'd email the teacher to set that up. If it's a good preschool, then you should be openly invited. If you asked her before or after school, then it's impossible to set up something up then.

Before you change schools, you have to decide if it is a let down for his sake our your own? Is he being prepared for Kindergarten and becoming more comfortable in a group / classroom setting?

If you want to volunteer sometimes, send in a note or call at after hours. The teacher doesn't have time to chat at school, she needs to focus on all those little kids.
"best in town" should mean great for the kids, NOT a great social situation for parents.........
You're expectations weren't too high, they were just off base.

He only just began.
It's his first year. And yours.
He's had only weeks to adjust. So have you.
.
Every school has its own "culture" and that can include being big on parent volunteers, or not; having fast and efficient dropoffs, or long and chatty ones; having families where the parents are into socializing, or families where they have other kids to run here or there and don't have time to chat. But the culture does not have to click for YOU; the classroom has to click for your son.

You are expecting far too much of preschool. It's three days a week, for him, and if you find friends, great -- but why expect that to happen so quickly in the year? Especially when you already have work friends and other friends and family? It takes time for those friendships at school to get going; give it time but also do not be so crushed if it doesn't happen. Invite kids from preschool for play dates where the mom stays or where you all meet somewhere, so you can talk to the mom while the kids play. It's that simple.

As for volunteering, different teachers have very different feelings about that. I would not change him to a co-op if he is thriving and the co-op situation would be more for your own social benefit. Find out if there are other things you can be doing besides in-classroom volunteering; there may be a need for parents to help with the holiday events, or the parent-child spring "tea" or whatever. Not all volunteering is in the classroom itself.

I assume there will be a parent-teacher conference at some point so you will get more than a quick "great" from the teacher. But asking her about him at pickup and dropoff is asking for a short answer, honestly. And those other parents who can't chat are likely on the way to drop another child at another place, or pick up someone, or get their child to a class or kiddie sport or whatever. Don't take it personally if they aren't chatty. They likely wish they could stop and chat, believe me, so that's why it's good to start having play dates with parents coming (and at preschool age it's a good idea to have the parent come along).

You have a lot in your post.

1. Is he in preschool for himself or for you?
2. If you need friends, what else are you doing to find/make them? I am not friends with any parent in DD's school, though I might say hi and chat now and then.
3. Are you concerned about his teacher's inattention to him during the day? Drop offs and pickups are busy times. Maybe she doesn't have much to say and maybe it's a good thing - your kid isn't a problem.
4. Find out the protocol for volunteering. She may not have a specific need if it's not a special event and it's not a co-op program.

I love our preschool in part because DD loves it. She comes home with new things every day, full of chatter about what they did.

If you want a more interactive school, perhaps next year look into a co-op program where parents are required to put in time in the school.

Remember that preschool isn't daycare and as they get older, you will hear less and less specifically unless there is an issue.

It sounds like the issue is more of a social one for you, so I'd look for other outlets for yourself and not move schools.

I felt the exact same way, and due to moving and having 2 kids we went through a total of 4 preschools in 5 years.

I used to teach preschool and It seemed to me ( maybe it didn't to the paretns) but i would try to tell each parent a little something at pick up and drop off each day, and at least once a week or every other week share something unique to that child.

So, today we weighed a pumpkin, ask jillian to tell you who weighed more the pumpkin or mrs lilly.

and then once a week, ryan had so many stories to day to tell us about how he helps you weigh things when he goes grocery shopping with you.

As a mom, I was always looking for those little comments or remarks that let me know the teacher KNEW my child, Valued my child's contributions, and frankly enjoyed her own job. Those aren't the kind of things you get when you have to call up and request a conference. They are the spur of the moment things that happen each day and get noted and shared. It was never a 20 min conversation, and definitately if hte parent had a whiney infant, i wouldn't keep them, nor if they gave me an unfriendly hurried vibe.
But the first time mom's with the big smiles and friendly hellos. Yes, those were the ones I wanted to chat with and I would hope a truly excellent teacher would take a second every once in a while and do that.
unfortunately face time is more often spent with the parents of the more "ahem... challenging" chldren.

as to making friends with the parents. I for one expected it, Where else are you likely to hang around and have a common topic of converstation??? i would be much more likely to meet a friend at preschool drop off than at the grocery store or a dr's waiting room. But i will say, i can be pretty judgemental and if someone doesn't make eyecontact, or is busy talking on their cell, or yells at their kid for no reason, or doens't yell at their kid when there is a reason, I will tend to write them off and not make an effort.
if they make eyecontact and smile and seem to have similar parenting and general life styles, i will extend myself. but even then i still really protect my famliy time and hubby time and me time. So yeah i am busy.
and forget about the parents with older siblings they generally don't have room for a friendship with a parent of a younger sibling, unless they end up like a mentor. I am generalizing though i guess.

Bottom line, this is just how it is. Don't expect anything more at parent conferences, you'll probably get a very dry, johnny is an angel in class he can identify numbers, and knows these letter sounds, he shares and contributes to class, ..... and you will want to cry and say But who are his friends and what does he like best to play with and What do you love about him, but you can't really say that, because they would think you are crazy.

big hugs, If i ruled the world, this is one question that would never come up! because preschool would embrace the whole family in a cooperative endevor with the teacher.

I'd send an email to his teacher about anything beyond a hello. My sons teacher is in teacher mode at drop off and pick up so I don't bother her with specifics. If I have a concern or would like to come in the room to volunteer for the day I send her an email or leave her a voicemail. I know at drop off especially my "me time" clock starts after I leave him there. That means I have 2.5 hours to get my errands done, clean the house etc. I'm more apt to chat at pick up because more than likely we don't have to be anywhere right away.

I sympathize with you on the social aspect. We are new in town and I was sort of hoping to meet other families thru preschool too. This is our second year at the school and we are finally meeting other families but the first year was rough! The kids at our preschool rarely have the big birthday parties that I hear about at other preschools (i.e. the whole class is invited) and the parents are nice but they don't go out of their way to introduce themselves. Some do, but most don't. The best thing I've done is to take the initiative and send out invites for playdates. We've met a few kids at the park and had one playdate at our house. The one mom said she never has playdates because they live in an apartment and they don't have lots of room so you just never know. Like others said below, find out who your son is hanging out with in class (put it in an email to the teacher) and ask them for a playdate.

And at the end of the day, after preschool the kids go to all different elementary schools so you'll likely start over in kindergarten. Fun times! As for you if you are still looking for new friends check out Newcomers and Neighbors, meetup.com or a woman's club in town! You may even meet a few parents from that school that way. Good luck!

We just changed daycare and are in a similar situation - we were very friendly with her old teacher and knew most if not all of the parents in her room - now we start at zero.
Most people, even if it is a part time preschool, have things planned for the time their kid attends school so yes, they will be busy and not hang out to chat. The teachers are also busy tending to the kids and at pickup making sure everyone gets picked up by the right person... plus the school year has just started, so there may not be too much to report yet.
For the teacher I would suggest make an appointment with her at the 3 months mark. That should be enough time for her to get to know your son and have something meaningful to say about him. Schedule the appointment for after class (or a different day) so she has time to prepare for it and time to talk to you.
We usually meet other parents through birthday parties, that's how we got to know all the other parents at my DD's old daycare. Once you are through a couple of months of birthdays you will have talked to and met other moms and dads and know them well enough to schedule play dates. That's how it worked for us.
This year my DD had her birthday soon after switching schools so we spend a little more and made the effort to invite her entire class (never done this before), specifically because it's a good opportunity to meet other parents. About half of the kids came and it was great to have at least seen many of the parents.
I think that maybe you just need to be a little more patient. I am sure with all the upcoming holidays, which usually include parties that the entire family is invited to, you will meet some parents and make some friends.
Good luck.

Oh and as for volunteering... all daycares that DD went to accept parent volunteers only for classes and activities (kitchen, office) OTHER then where the child is. In most groups it is really disruptive when a parent of one of the kids is present and many schools require that ALL classroom volunteers are background checked... so that may be an issue as well.

It sounds like you may want to have him in a co-op preschool where the parents are involved too.
It is hard to meet people when you are only picking up and dropping off, but does your son mention any specific friends? If so, you could mention to the parent that your son would love to have "Jimmy" over to play and invite them over for lunch one day. Since they are still young most parents won't just drop their child off so you will get to visit with the parent as well. Just know that they may bring siblings, too. I don't have a problem with that, but some people do.

Sometimes you are going to find that teachers are great with the children but no much the adults. Preschool is also your child's only time to figure things out on his own, without his mom and dad there to assist.

Yes he is young, but many children really flourish being able to observe others and without their parents. He is learning you go and then you come back.. This is also good for times when he will need to stay with grand parents..etc..

If you really want to get to know the other families.. Plan gatherings outside of school.. On the weekends.

We used to meet at a neighborhood park on some of the Sat mornings from 10 - 12.. We all took a lunch or our own snacks.. This is where my husband learned to play Bocce ball with one of the day care dads.

There is also an annual Parade here in town the day after Thanksgiving (children giving to children, for the blue santa organization) that we would attend. We would lace a notice at he daycare and encourage families to join us...We announced the corner we would be standing at and after the parade, gathered for lunch at a burger place...

You can do these things to help this group of families to know each other...

Think of solutions.....

I've felt like that on and off throughout my kids' "careers" :) so far. Give it time. The beginning of my first year at our elementary school I thought it was horrible. Now I'm not even sure why... I guess I expected like first week of college and everyone all excited to meet each other or something. Now I see what a fantastic group of parents it is and I've met lots of people. I may have felt the same way with preschool but of course it's a smaller audience so never made tons of friends but definitely a few. But it took a bit of time. What I realize now too is that moms with older kids are no where near as focused on preschool or K. I could tell last year in my younger daughter's K class which moms were there for the first time. They were much more interested in becoming friendly and not like I didn't like them but I didn't have as much capacity as when my oldest started... I also to this day don't see why my older daughter loved her 1st grade teacher but she did and that's what's impt. So I'd say give it time... If you have other friends and family, refocus on them for awhile. Say you'll reevaluate in 6 months or something. You're allowed to be disappointed though. But keep an eye out - there may be another mom or two there just like you. Likely there is.

It sounds like you would do better with a co-op preschool where the parents help in the classroom. My son went to a great co-op and I got to know all the parents. It was so nice. There were 2 teachers and 2 parents were volunteers each day. I had to be there about 3 mornings a month. Maybe you should look around at other preschools! My daughter is now in preschool and we found one that is similar but not as great as where we used to live. They also take parent volunteers but it is just one parent at a time so I'm not really getting to know many people as well. If you don't want to switch preschools why don't you talk to the director and tell him/her what it is you want out of a preschool. If nothing changes then perhaps you can talk to the teacher about your expectations.

This isn't the preschool experience I have - just the opposite. If you know it can be better and you are paying for it I think it's worth researching other schools but at the same time take accountability and try to make it work the way you want it to. Most Moms are busy but also interested in meeting other Mom's - especially ones their kids are in contact with. The first couple of months the kids are independently playing but by January-ish they start really connecting with the other kids and asking for playdates. Do you have a class roster? I would email all the mom's and see if they can meet up for coffee after drop off one morning. Sometimes you just need someone to be an "organizer" for social things to bring everyone together. At our preschool if there is an event almost everyone goes. An open house sounds like an event for new parents and if they have already toured the place maybe some feel unnecessary? It's got to be worth while to get a babysitter! I also feel teachers have different strengths. Talk to other parents about the teachers especially those with more than one kid that know the preschool better. If you do end up with a concern for the teacher talk to someone at the school. I would do all this but at the same time doesn't hurt to look at other schools to see if its a better culture fit. You have control now...not like public school...make it the best experience you can! Good luck!

wow! I must belong to a really great preschool! The one my sone goes to, St. James is a parent co-operative and have been around for over 25 years. With us, the parents all help with the school. Each day, there is a different 'parent helper' in the class. That parent in brings the snack also. And at the beginning of the school year, the participating parent is asked to sign up to help with 3 special events during the school year. The school does a few fundraising events that the moms help run and one of the moms organized a coffee hour last month that was held for an hour after kids were dropped off. I really got familiar with most of the moms at the school.
My sons teacher sends out an email each evening letting the parents know what they did that day. If I have a question about how my son was doing in class (he has been having some problems which I believe may be ADHD... getting Early Intervention sessions at school), I will email his teacher, or ask her how he did when I pick him up.
Maybe this school isn't for you. My preschool is part of a church (not my church... I'm not even religious but was highly recommended by my neighbor). I would go nuts if I didn't know exactly what was going on. I know all the kids in my sons class and all their mothers too. Look around for a parent cooperative school and ask the moms about their experience with the school.

Hi J.. I too am from Reno, and I too struggled in finding a preschool that not only had the "best in town" reputation yet felt like the right fit for my family. After waiting on wait lists and doing fairly extensive research I felt so excited to take my 3.5 year old to preschool. While she did seem very happy there, there was no effort made by the school to connect the family into any sort of a community. I wondered if it was completely normal to never know anything about all of the other families that rushed by during pick up and drop off. Or if it was normal that the school advertised "healthy, nutritious" snacks yet routinely served frozen pizza bites, or saltines with processed cheese. To make a really long story shorter, we found out in a painful way that the school I had picked was all wrong. In the end, their interests were purely financial and this afforded my young preschooler the opportunity to be sent home in the middle of the day never to be invited back. And this was after having some questions for the director about our daughters education for kindergarten, the director couldn't see wasting a spot in her school on a kid whose parents would question her. I'm telling you about the traumatic experience of preschool in hopes you can get out there and keep looking! I feel confident that the right environment and community is out there for you and your son! Where my daughter is going now, and has for over a year, has proven that my standards weren't too high, and that I wasn't some over protective weird mom! Their community is constantly coming together and it would be impossible to not make friends and engage with other parents. All while knowing your child's teacher and feeling wonderful about where he/she is. Best of luck!!

How long has he been there? I found it took time, however the teacher brushing you off you may want to bring up to the director. As to volunteering, they may not be able to allow you to volunteer for insurance reasons, again talk to the director

Hmmm. I would say my experience is definitely a little different. I work full time but have gotten updates on my sons progress from the teacher via email and also communicated back to us through our nanny. Is there an email list that you missed getting on? I am on an email distribution list and it seems that I am getting an email at least every 2 weeks about a new school activiity or a meet up for the parents. Perhaps you missed getting on the list?
I don't think you are over reacting. You should really go with your gut here but I think you should exhaust all avenues before you pull your son out and have him get readjusted to another school.

I am a preschool teacher with some answers, you are right. All the parents are busy, to busy to stop and say hello to you. They are running against the clock as you are. Teacher's are trained to greet each parent and give one or two good answers to how your child is doing. We are to keep a daily record of how the children are doing and convey this to the parents. This is also letting the parents know the development of their child, concerns. The teacher as everyone has a good/bad day. The parents in my class usually know three wks. Ahead of any class activity, such as open house, meetings, or i usually have each parent meet with me at their time, so parent/teacher know what is developing with their child pro/con. If the teacher is organized then all should go well. The parent/child are her job and responsibility. Enjoy these years, they go by so fast. I know from being a busy parent with two sons in the same situation. Talk to the teacher and explain your concerns. Good luck!