Preschool and Separation Anxiety

No advice to offer because I'm right there with you. I have picked a school, though, so at least that anxiety is behind me. Now to come to terms with actually leaving him there in a (short) couple of months. BTW - just visiting the first school and seeing the little tables, chairs, and potties was enough to make me cry. So you are definitely NOT alone!

Hi B., once you pick the school she is going to go to.....stop by a few times so you both can spend a little time there and check it out so she can see what will be going on there. It works two-fold, helps you be comfortable with your decision in the school and helps her see what she will be doing and all the fun stuff there is at school.

Make sure you always make it a "fun" topic of conversation, beginning now. When she is at home coloring say, "Wow Julia, that picture is great, I can't wait to see all the great pictures you get to draw and color at school ~ how many crayons do you think they have there?".

Clear a spot on the refrigerator, back of the front door, her closet, wherever, and proudly tell her "this is where mommy will be hanging your pictures from school - I can hardly wait".

When reading her favorite book, remind her "I bet you can take this book to school to share one day and your teach can read to your entire class, that will be so much fun."

By doing this, I think you are preparing BOTH of you. I am so blessed that my daughter has been a the same daycare/preschool since she was 3 months old (now 3 1/2 years)...so when we transition classes, it isn't any real big deal for her, more for me and that she is growing way too fast.

When you drop her off, kiss your hand and put it in her pocket...tell her it is there if she needs it during the day...then ask her to give you a kiss to put in your pocket so you have it if you need it. :) (I do this and sometimes give her loving little 'spanks' to her bottom and tell her, "just in case you need a spanking and I'm not around" (mind you she has received 2 spankings in her 3 1/2 years.....)...this cracks her up!

OMG, Emma P said it best....there is nothing, and I mean nothing better, like the sheer excitement and love you get when you pick her up and she comes running across the playground screaming your name!

When you get in the car, rember to ask her what the best part of her day was. I also ask my daughter, "did you get super smart today?" she says "nope"...I tell her "well, then, you are coming back tomorrow until you get super smart". She outsmarted me one day and said "Yes mommie, I got super smart!"...I told her "wow, that is great! then tomorrow you can come back and get even smarter!"

And lastly (sorry for being so long....), when you do leave her, try not to worry if she is the least bit upset ~ the teacher will take care of her and you can bet that she will probably be fine before you can even get your car out of the parking lot. Just keep a positive attitude, don't let her know you are sad too........wait til you get in the car to cry.....and it's okay to!

Hang in there Mommy, you will both do great!

You have to look at this as she is taking her first steps into becoming the person you know she can become.

As for school, I'm sure you will pick a good one and she will be able to have so many great conversations with you about what she has learned and the things she is doing, so the relationship is going to be more her than just you now..........

You will not only become Mom, but her best friend too........this is such a fun time........watching them struggle to find out just who they are and you being able to help them with that struggle..........building a lasting and trusting relationship with them.

Ahhh, you are going to be just fine and things are going to get so much better until those dreadful teen years!!! Then you look back and say, where did my sweet and adorable little girl go that needed me every step of the way..........

Hang in there Mom, you're going to be fine.......it's a new adventure and you will love it.....

Find a MOPS group (moms of preschoolers). They'll help you out SO much! You need support! It happens at different stages of their lives: find day of preschool, kindergarten, first overnight, first time at sleep away camp, etc. Hang in there!

"The Kissing Hand" is a real classic and a cute book, about going to school. I got this when my daughter was starting Preschool. She loved it.

Don't worry... she will love preschool.

all the best,
Susan

Hi B. for me I didn't use books, I always found good straight communication with my children the best way to go. With my first born I went to mommy & me classes when he was 2 - 4 then one month before he turned 5 I took him to his first day of kindergarden, I thought this was going to be a real emotional time for him, we had talked, went school shopping, we talked when we went to go buy him his lunch box and back back. I was a SAHM so I thought he would have a hard time, got to the class room he said by mom see you later and i was left at the door, I had cleared my whole day, for this big good bye, and it was hard on me but I realized my husband and I did such a great job with him that he felt safe and secure away from us for a couple hours. keep great communication and know you are ding what is best for your child and you both will be fine. J.

Updated

Hi B. for me I didn't use books, I always found good straight communication with my children the best way to go. With my first born I went to mommy & me classes when he was 2 - 4 then one month before he turned 5 I took him to his first day of kindergarden, I thought this was going to be a real emotional time for him, we had talked, went school shopping, we talked when we went to go buy him his lunch box and back back. I was a SAHM so I thought he would have a hard time, got to the class room he said by mom see you later and i was left at the door, I had cleared my whole day, for this big good bye, and it was hard on me but I realized my husband and I did such a great job with him that he felt safe and secure away from us for a couple hours. keep great communication and know you are ding what is best for your child and you both will be fine. J.

I thought your message was going to be about your childs anxiety, but it is more about yours! Yes, I can relate. I knew that things were getting better when I stopped crying when I left him. He cried and hung on me, but stopped within 10 minutes of me being gone. The most important thing I learned is to smile, give big hugs, tell her you love her and that you will be back to get her after school. Then LEAVE!! No second hugs, consoling, looking in the window, etc. Cry when you get in the car. This is another step in her getting older--she will learn how to figure stuff out without you.
I visited all the preschools my kids went to before they went. We hung out during circle time, played on the playground, I pointed out activities I knew they liked, and maybe even find a friend to hook them up with.
I'm sending my son to college in a month and I still have "those feelings", but I will, again, kiss him and tell him he'll do well!

Oh my gosh, yes, any mom who has sent her kid off to daycare/pre-school/kindergarten has been right there with you! And we all cry the first day, and maybe even a few after that. And we all fretted like crazy about it ahead of time. BUT, it turns out FINE! I would even say GREAT!

I'm sure that you have picked a great school. While you won't be there for her when she gets hurt or cries, her teachers will. And they will love her and she will love them, and they will be able to give her a hug and make her feel better. That's why most of them become preschool teachers!

My youngest has been in preschool for a year (she started at about 20 months) and I am actually sad that she is moving up to a new classroom because she LOVES her teachers and they love her. School has been absolutely awesome for her and I think your daughter will thrive as well.

Just bring plenty of kleenex that first day and don't plan to drive home until you've parked and finished off that cry!

I think we all go through it...or the opposite. Some kids take to it with no problem and that still hurts feelings.
As far as separation anxiety, it might be difficult depending on your child. Just make sure you pick a school your very comfortable with. My daughter was always watched by grandmothers so it was a big transition for her. The first day she was super cool about everything, up until the point i had to leave then she cried and cried. The next day she had to be peeled off of my leg. And I was so upset inside. I felt like I was abandoning her. It was hard on both of us but by the third day she made a friend and all was pretty good from that point on. It still took my daughter about a month to really participate but after that her routine was her routine and she loved school and her friends.
Just know when the time comes she will adjust and it will be hard on you but you'll both get through it. Oh and I also agree the Kissing hand is a great book.

You'll both be fine! I had to put my son in daycare at 2 months old with someone I didn't know (but she was a friend of a friend so at least I had that). I cried the first day but then I got over it. He started preschool when he was 2 years old. He didn't want me to stay, he pushed me out the door. He loved it there and learned so much from being around the other kids. Your daughter is used to being with someone else during the day and she knows you always come back to get her. She'll have so much fun at preschool with all the kids that she will forget she misses you. When we picked a preschool, we checked out about 3 schools and took our son with us. He helped us pick. Meet the teachers. Look in on the classes. If you pick the place together, you'll both feel better. Ask to speak to other parents who send their kids there. Most importantly don't let your daughter know you're freaking out because then she will too. She has to go to school and you'll get used to it once you see she is ok. If you decide you don't like the school, pick a different place.

Hope this helps! Good luck!

Hi B.. I know how you feel, and it's very normal. I have 2 girls and the older one will be starting Kindergarten this fall! I still remember when I first put her in pre-school after having been at home with my auntie (like you) for the first couple of years of her life. I work full time as well. I cried on her first day. But, honestly, I actually wanted her to go to pre-school when she turned 2. I thought about all the fun she'll be doing at school, coloring, reading, playing with other kids. At my auntie's, she had no interaction with other kids, and probably just watched a lot of TV. I did make sure I wasn't the one dropping her off as it would never have worked. I didn't have the heart to leave her. My hubby dropped her off in the mornings, and still does to this day. I picked her up after work and it's the best thing ever to see her running towards me with a full smile after having just played with her friends. Now, it's a struggle to get her to go home. She wants to stay and finish playing! So, just think of it that way. It'll be okay. You'll be okay and I know she will be.

Hello B.,
B. A. made a great point when she said find a school you are comfortable with. My experience as a preschool teacher years ago was the children who had a hard time were from parents who were having a hard time. The parents transferred their anxiety onto their children and they would cling to their parents' legs. If it is your problem be careful not to transfer it to your child, your trauma becomes theirs. Haven't you ever been in a situation where someone panicked and you started to feel anxiety as well? Same thing.
Understanding this now may help you figure out your perspective and prepare yourself for parenting decisions.
Good luck,
Wendy

I wanted to be the example for my children not other kids who were dropped off at preschool. And I wanted to have them around for the reasons you mentioned. My kids never went to preschool and they are intelligent secure kids and will know how to do run a home. Find a way. She will bond with you(not her many caretakers) and have self discipline as a grown up if you do. ; )

sniff, sniff....is RIGHT :)

You have every reason to feel the way you do, it's the many things involved in starting school that make it so hard. I feel so bad for you , because I know firsthand what you're feeling...it's tough. My only advice is to just simply go through the experience, and just glide with all of the emotions that go along with it, don't fight them (like I did). It's the beginning of the next stage of her little life...sigh! I never thought that something as simple as PreK was going to be so hard for me...LOL! But, I made it through the year and my son graduated. We are on to kindergarten, which is a whole nuther thing :) They learn and experience SO much in preschool. There are good days and bad days, and sad days when none of their friends wanted to play or said something mean. At the end of the day, my son thoroughly enjoyed it and a pat on the back for us in getting through it :) Don't underestimate your feelings or think you're going over-board, you're not...you simply love your daughter and realize...this is the beginning of the next stage of her little life WITHOUT you. Hang in there, you will survive...I promise! xo