Pregnant with an Older Child Wants to Separate from Her Husband * 2 * - River Grove,IL

Although it's illegal to discriminate against a woman because she is pregnant while looking for a job, I was even told by headhunters that they wouldn't even send me out on interviews because no one would hire me because I was pregnant. There is a wonderful, safe crisis center in Tinley Park. If you feel you are in danger, please let me know and I will get the info to you.

Petya,
God bless you and guide you through this. Try to take things one step at a time and not second-guess yourself about your pregnancy. My husband of 15 years has not been good to me, but I have a 4 year old son with him named Kenny who I just love more than anything! What may have seemed like a bad decision at the time turned out to be one of the biggest blessings of my life - for me, and for my 19 year old son who has disabilities. Your older boy will love this baby, too, and also be blessed because he/she is here.

There is a saying, to try and "bloom where you are planted." Take things one day at a time, try to do the best you can for that day whatever the circumstances are. See if you can get yourself established with some help, and then gradually see where things take you. If you are in danger, respond accordingly. You are in my prayers. I just had to respond to you. I can relate to alot of it.
C.

Call someone. If he is abusive, you need to get out. There are places that will help you. Go to a local church if you are religious or call the local police dept. Since you have access to a computer, use that to see if you have a community center that has help for women. If you can get out and they can help you get a job, an apartment, a drivers license. You need help with learning the language enough to get a job, they can help you with classes on that as well. Good luck

Dear Petya, I feel very badly for you. My first husband was from BG, and he was quite verbally abusive and often lied. I have to forgive him now, since he died from cancer, but he was typical of many of the men he knew (his father was even worse). I still love BG and its people, and not all its men are like that. Since you are pregnant, you can possibly look for help at one of the Churches (I know of two Orthodox and one Evangelical in the Chicago area, but I don't know how helpful they are in domestic situations). You could even try going to the nearest non-BG church--Catholic or Protestant. Explain that you need immediate financial help and a place to stay with you mom (if she can come) and your boy and future baby. They are supposed to help women in your situation. Don't give up your green card or your opportunity to raise your children here in the States. You will get through it. I am now remarried (my new husband is only 1/4 BG), with a 13 month old boy and I am 6-1/2 months pregnant with another boy.We are really crowded, here.In the past, I helped lots of Bulgarians who needed a place to stay, but I am not in a position to do that now. My prayers are with you! ____@____.com
IMPORTANT: In the meantime, go to Leyden Family Services at 10001 West Grand Ave, FP (corner of Grand & Scott) and talk to a consular regarding your options.

Check with your landlord, I believe in Illinois it is illegal to have 4 people in a one bedroom apartment, especially if 2 are children. I believe you would at least have to have a 2 bedroom apartment.

I would strongly recommend counseling for both you and your husband and if you belong to a church check there first for counseling. You can get a tremendous amount of support from other women. Your husband sounds like he wants to control you. He needs to understand that you need a drivers license in case something happens to the children and you need to get to the hospital/doctor etc. Also, being pregnant, unless he is going to be with you constantly you need to have a license. Explain to him that just because you have a license it does not mean you don't love him. Independence is good for a relationship.

I have put you on my prayer list. I will be praying for God to give you guidance and strength during this trying time.
God Bless

Petya,
Try to find a family planning clinic and church. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

God Bless You,
D.

I'm pretty sure it is against the law in our country to all live in 1 bedroom. Your landlord will not renew the lease once the next child is born. You're probably a lot smarter than he is so he doesn't want you to take classes. He wants to hold you back it sounds like to me....Don't let him.

Petya, I left my husband with a tiny baby and my son was almost six years old. You can do it but it was very, very hard. And I'm an American citizen and it was hard for me. I married my second husband and helped him acquire a green card and then citizenship throughout the years. I know your husband is boring, and if he is abusive physically or so emotionally to do damage you must contact a shelter or somewhere where they can help you. But if you can stand his boringness and his what sounds like he is scared to move or worrying himself about a baby, then clench your teeth and hang in there until after the baby is born. You will need his assitance and he will be just as boring later unless you see what it is that made you fall in love with him in the first place. Turn to God in your difficult moments. And reach out to your community church, schools, programs, etc. You can create a second family for yourself. And keep writing us.The moms here have comforted many of ourselves with our caring thoughts. Plus, I apologize for misunderstanding about your green cards and in that case I think you also have a legal issue here, too if you are trying to divorce him. So seek counsel for that situation since you are both residents with green cards. That brings up another question I have, did you get married here or in Europe? Well, anyway, best of luck to you.

If he is that abusive, you need to get out of there and get to a woman's shelter as soon as possible. Don't tell him where you are going, Don't let him apologize for anything because he will continue to hurt you. He wants the control! He wants the power over you! Next time it could be your baby you are carrying that would get hurt.

I know what you are going through. I have been there, Been through it all. Don't take him back. He will only get worse!!!