Potty Training Trouble with Almost 3 Year Old Boy

My son was also potty trained just before turning 3, and we had a 10-month old in the house. I'm sure it's harder with a younger baby. He didn't have quite the big problems you're describing, but after the first week or so when things seemed to go great we have had some setbacks. Pooping in the potty was the first hurdle that took at least a few days (and more than a few #2 accidents in his undies, yuk!) He's had mini leaking accidents ever since he was trained, where he won't go potty himself unless he has to go REALLY bad, and already leaked, needing a pants change anyway. This has gone on for weeks now and we're not sure how to stop it. Also, we have night wettings and such, but we just take it a day at a time. Plus, he'll never go when we suggest it. It has to be his idea. We tried setting a timer, and when it goes off, it's time to go potty- that way it's the timer's fault, not mine! That works sometimes.
We've also had periods where my 3-year old seemed to be dropping his nap. Don't let him, though. Keep trying. We have had days where he will stay in his room for a short time and then come out, refusing to rest, and other days he took a 3-hour nap. It was crazy. Now, however, we're back to napping about 2 hours most days, and I'm so glad I didn't give up. You might have to try the normal naptime routine (read a story, whatever you do) and then if he leaves his room he gets the door closed on him- my son hates that, and will usually stay in his bed then so I won't close the door. Same goes for crying- door gets closed (and I have had to hold it shut sometimess). Or, try lying down with him if the baby's sleeping (try to coordinate their naps). You could also give him a stack of books or quiet toys and tell him as long as he's quiet and stays in his room he can read/play, but if he leaves then he'll be in the corner/time out chair/ get a spanking (whatever you do) as punishment. Stand strong mommy your time is worth it, and he needs the sleep as you know, and you are the parent- he shouldn't be calling the shots (but I know that's hard sometimes since we can't control their every move. But we can influence it strongly)! Our doctor's office told us to not let our 3-year old drop his nap- that kids up to kindergarten age need at least a quiet time. Best wishes!

My son always gave us problems with his diaper changes, refusing to lay down for them and then refusing to stay put once we got him down. This was pretty much EVERY time he needed to be changed so I can identify with what you are going through (it totally sucks!). Finally at about 3 1/2 he started wanting to use the potty and is now totally potty trained and doesn't even wear a diaper at night (he'll be 4 in January). There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You also might want to try Desitin Clear for the diaper rash, we started using it and the kids said it didn't burn like the "white kind". Also when his diaper rash was really really bad I would just use kleenex and water to wipe him and that really seemed to help. Hang in there, it sounds like you are in the trenches right now, it will get better.

My son had NO interest what-so-ever in using the potty until after he turned 3. He had never even "gone" on the potty and was still 100% in diapers on his 3rd b-day. However, about 2 months later he "made up his mind" and was completely diaper-free in less than a week (including nights!) without any accidents.

I am a strong believer in waiting until the child is ready. With so much going on right now, is this a battle you really want to fight? Of course it will be easier for you when he is out of diapers, but right now it sounds like this is just making things crazier. Once you take the pressure off, and basically leave it up to him, he will relax too and that will help all of you. No one goes off to kindergarten in diapers! LOL

Anyway, you have to remember that this is one of the few things in his life that he can control. I've learned that in most situations there is no benefit to a power struggle (especially with our kids!) and no one comes out happy in the end. There is also no way (as you're finding out) that you will "win" this one.

As far as naps, I know you would absolutely benefit from some quiet time with both of them napping, but it's the same sort of thing. My son also gave up his nap early--there was just too much going on that he didn't want to miss anything. Sometimes we would just happen ;o) to go run errands mid-afternoon and I could get him to fall asleep in the car.

Anyway, my suggestion is to give all of you a break for right now. Make it a non-issue as much as possible. Once the "pressure" is off, you may just find that he decides, on his own, that he doesn't want to sit in a stinky diaper for 6 hours. Who would?? However, it is successful in getting him attention. So, turn the situation in your favor as much as possible by awarding him with positive attention for anything you can. When he lets you change him without complaint, thank him. When he asks to be changed, make a big deal out of it. Don't even mention using the potty for a while and then, when you do, just make it as a suggestion and don't get into the power struggle.

You may just be surprised.... Also, just to help you know you're not alone, it is NOT uncommon for kids to still be in diapers at 3, AND it is especially not uncommon for BOYS to still be in diapers at 3. Sometimes we feel so pressured to do everything early, but your little guy is clearly telling you he is not ready for all this right now.

My daughter was potty trained at 2. My son was NOT interested in the toilet at all. He went to his first day of preschool (age 3) in a pull-up and once he saw the other kids in underpants he started going on a regular basis. It happened overnight without me prodding him constantly.

I firmly believe they are ready when THEY are not when YOU WANT them to be.

I agree with the other poster, sounds like your son needs more rest. Perhaps you need to lay down with him, I have done that with my son, just to get him to rest. Or we have reading time, or coloring. Something NOT active.

As for him NOT letting you change his diaper. I am kind of wondering who is in control over there. Don't get me wrong I have wrestled with mine before but sitting in POOP for 6 hours! EEKKK!! Holy diaper rash and icky smelling house! Do you change on the floor? If so, perhaps he needs to be UP on a changing table like a "baby" if he won't cooperate.

Unfortunately children are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. Sounds like your son is wearing the pants in your house. I feel badly for you as you have a lot going on with a new baby.

My suggestion, forget the training until he is ready, put your foot down, be the parent and get him changed and rested when needed. It'll be rough but the benefits will be a happier mom.

Good Luck!

Oh dear. You have a lot going on. This is what I would do. DITCH the potty training. Try again in a few months or so. I think you may need a behavior plan. Try this:
-Put magnets on the back of 5 nickels
-Buy a refrigerator photo frame and put the magnets inside the frame on the fridge.
-He can cash in his coins for little prizes that you can keep in a clear shoe box.
-When he disobeys say very firmly, "This is your warning. You need to do ___________ or I am going to take a coin away."
Then you must follow through.
In order for this to work, he is going to have to earn a coin on the first day so start mid day. :)
Our plan was that he had to earn 10 coins for a prize.
Nap time is so tricky.My friend went back to a crib with a tent because it got so bad when she brought her baby home.
Best of luck to you! My boys are 3 years apart and the spacing is great! It will get better.

You can't "baby" him anymore. It's too confusing to him. He can't be a baby and a big boy at the same time. Make sure you reward him in some small way every tme he is "a big boy" and does what is expected of him. Even a big hug and mommy loves her big boy, etc. He'll come around all in good time. Try to lay down with him at nap time for a special treat to both of you. Good luck

The word diaper is what I'm reading. I'd go the oppostie approach and do the BIG BOY approach. Three year olds have complete control, it is the place that they have control over their parents.

I'd go get some Briefs with his favorite characters. (NOT PULL UPS) Forget the pullups. Save yourself a lot of money and a lot of aggravation. ( PUllups were a marketing ploy, I swear. Just think if you could have kids in some sort of diaper until they are 4 instead of 2. That would be doubling your bottome line.) They also don't allow the kids to feel or know when they are wet.

Figure you'll be doing a little extra laundry, but in a week, he'll be trained. He needs to be a bit uncomfortable and even embarassed. Stop babying him, that was fine in the beginning, but now he needs to take on the big brother role. Good Luck!

I know most of the advice here is for potty training but personally it sounds like your little guy needs more rest. For me, I find EVERYTHING is a lot more difficult when my children are cranky. Then everyone else in the house gets cranky too. Try and find some creative ways to get him better-rested. I have my son look at books and put the gate up in his room. I promise him that I will come back after I put the baby to sleep and tell him he can be a big boy to come downstairs with mommy. Then we spend some one-on-one time when baby is sleeping (even if it means doing laundry together and talking). They eat that up. When he is more content, you might be better suited to try potty training again. As for being independent, after I got tired of having battles, I decided to try and make things fun for him to do for himself -- i.e. me and my son used to see who could make more bubbles when we washed our hands together, etc. And try as much as possible to keep a sense of humor - for your own sanity! I know, so much easier said then done. Lots of luck to you. I've been there!

My now 17 year old son went to pre-K in pull ups and by the time he turned four he never had another accident. A little peer pressure in pre-K helps I beleive. I know that they say that they have to be trained before pre-K but he was never kicked out and he rarely went in his pull-ups for the two hours that he was there.

T.