Potty Training the Intrainable

Try having her blow bubbles into a cup thru a straw. This relaxes her muscles and allows her to go.

J. H

Maybe you should start with one certain time. The first thing everyone does when they first wake up in the morning is go to the bathroom. Maybe you should wake her 5 minutes before her normal wake up time and take her to the potty in the mornings. This way, unless she holds it, something will happen in the potty. It's a way to get progress going. Hope it helps.

I imagine with so many kids, friends and other distractions around that being the last one in the line leaves your daughter with less attention than she might like. Yet, she's the one you're concerned with, so perhaps she is gaining something important by doing something different than the other five have done before her, or her twin is doing now.

I see it as an incentive issue, and unfortunately it probably has to be a natural one. My children were not allowed to attend pre-school until they were fully potty trained, and it was important to them to be "big enough" to go. The peer pressure in the nurseries were enough to make them want to achieve this mile marker.

If she's able to "produce" in diapers or training pants, then she's able to produce on the commode. So I doubt it is a medical problem.

Good Luck!

I'd have her checked out by a doctor but I think the words "potty training" and "toilet training" are misleading.... Children will use them when they are ready... if they are not ready no amount of 'teaching' will change that.... put her in panties... (put a diaper over them to save you the trouble of wet clothes and floors)... she will hate having wet or dirty panties... and then she'll learn the signals to use the toilet... good luck

I was born with a neurogenic bladder which mean the nerves do not work properly and that the muscles simply can't fully empty the bladder....I was probably 7 when they finally figured this out. I would sit and sit on the potty chair straining as a toddler and always felt like I had to urinate but couldn't but then wearing a diaper I wouldn't be able to control it. I was born with scoliosis and when I went for that surgery I believe thats when they started me on a intermittent catheter...which means you put a tube in to empty the bladder take it out and clean it and you do this 4-5+ times a day. Its not the kind where you leave it in and wear the bag. I am now 39 and still do the self intermittent catheter, I do now also have to take Ditropan to control that urgency feeling my bladder gets...so I would recommed a urologist and get to the bottom of the problem....having to feel like you have to urinate all the time is one of the worse feelings...and she may not be old enough to communicate that to you. Hope that is of help.

Hi D.

My neice had a similar problem. She would not poop! She would go in her pull up but not in the potty. My sister tried everything under the sun and one day someone suggested going to a specialist for this problem. It turns out that in fact it was a medical issue. The doctor did an exam and told my sister that at some point my neice was over constipated. This never went away and now she is unable to go to the bathroom when she needs to. Instead she gets so backed up that it eventually comes out when she isn't able to stop it. So, the treatment was for some mineral oil to coat her system and slide everything out. Just a suggestion if you are having this problem to call your doctor and see if they do the anal exam. Good luck.

Hi,
Sorry to hear about your troubles. I would think if it was a medical issue you would have noticed irregularities with the pee pee before now (If she can go in the diaper eithout a problem, she should be able to go on the potty without a problem)After potty training five others I imagine its very frustrating to have problems. If you haven't already tried it, I highly recommend the 'no cry potty solution' by Elizabeth Panley (I think) She has suggests lots of different methods that make perfect sense, but that I never would have thought of before. In any case good luck and hang in there! Its so wonderful to think you might never have to change another diaper again sometime soon!

I don't think it's a medical issue. I think maybe you just need to back off for a few weeks and keep introducing it in a fun way but not everyday.My son gave me a hard time to and was in his late 3's when he mastered it.My doctor told me that he has never seen a child that is perfectly healthy not eventually learn to potty, he said it's second nature to us and will come when the time is right. He also told me not to push it b/c it could lead to bed wetting problems. No sooner than I backed off it got easier. I say relax and just like with anything else, don't rush it.

Hi D.,

When my daughter was 2, we had tried sitting on the potty etc. (because my Mom said I needed to be doing that) and it did not work. My pediatrician told me not to worry about it that she would go when she was ready. He said if we did not have success within a two day period to forget it for then. Around that time I went to a class that Egleston Children's Hosp. offered about terrible twos - age of four. The nurse at the class said that they should be going absolutely no later than the age of 4. I think I would mention what is going on to your daughter's doctor but wouldn't panic. I remember that my daughter turned 3 in October and on New Years Eve she announced that she was no longer going to wear the pull-up panties and that she only wanted to wear "big girl" panties. From that night on she only had one accident. We had picked out a few pairs of panties much earlier and I promised that we would go shopping to get some more when she actually started showing me that she could wear them without getting them wet. Picking out more cute panties was some incentive.

I would wonder if your daughter is in tune with what the feeling is before she has to go. I would have her tell you when she is actually going and have her pay attention to the pressure or whatever it is that she is feeling. Then remind her that that is a signal that she needs to get to the potty quick. The nurse at the class did say that if you wanted to get it over with quickly give yourself 2 days to stay at home the whole time and push the liquids. She suggested wearing something that they would feel the wet from because it would probably be uncomfortable to them since diapers, etc. tend to minimize the wet feeling. Good luck.

Hello...Im a mother of 5 and i came across that problem with my now 4 yr. old son..He had number one down pat, but not 2.He wanted to always poop in his pants but not in the potty and i had problems with that.Finally after months of trying so hard, he finally got it done.So dont fret, just be patient and keep trying.Maybe get her some books to read while she sits there and maybe that will encourage her..It will happen..

I just LOVE Liora's thoughts and I think she's probably dead-on. So, in training animals and children alike, we turn to positive reinforcement/negative reinforcement. Where attention is the reinforcement, that would mean making zero comment/fuss over messes and just going bananas over potty use. Also, with my daughter, she was aware that she would not be allowed to attend preschool until she was potty-trained. Maybe the incentive of preschool for potty training will work. Now, as a mother of six, I have no doubt that you have considered all of this and perhaps even tried it. I understand how frustrating this is for you. If she's a normal and healthy three-year-old, she is capable so it's just a matter of figuring out her mind. Good luck. I know you're super busy already with the other five. I was one of four and felt left out sometimes... By the way, I really commend you for having a big family!!! I LOVE big families!!!

I'm struggling potty training too. My daughter turned 3 in October. We have been potty training for 7 months. She will have a couple of days with no accidents then she will go through 3-5 pair of pants in a day. But we went on a week long road trip and she had only one accident the whole time. But when we are at home she has accidents. Before she would always poop in the potty, but she has constipation problems and has recently started pooping in her pants too. I have tried everything and I recently tried the m&m thing, but after the first day she started having accidents again. I know she knows what to do, but how do I get her to do it.

Hi D.,

I was just looking up some medical questions that I had and found a site by a Dr. that had some info on your topic. Check it out. www.askdrwarren.com

hi,
my ten year old son had a similar issue, back when he was three...he did want to go on there, but panicked and then couldn't go...i called the nurse line at scottish rite for suggestions, and they had lots...but consider that it could be a power issue. (being a twin myself, i can tell you that if you are comparing the one who doesn't go, with the one who does it, it could be causing stress...) what ended up working with our son is "cold turkey"...we stayed home one fourth of july long weekend, and he wore underwear, and once he had an accident or two that felt yucky, he started to do it. it was a miserable couple of days, but after that he was completely trained, even at night, with no accidents. my younger son seemed more interested in going, so we just used pull-ups, but it definitely took longer, and he had more accidents, since it doesn't feel so bad if it's a pull-up, or a diaper...good luck!

Some children have a rougher time with this issue. just a thought--have you tried buying her pretty panties and praising her when she stays dry for (at first---gradually lenghtening the lapsed time)? Also, try not allowing her to wear puu-ups or diapers except when you are out of the house and at night. Put the potty in the same room as your bathroom and take with you when you potty---let her sit on a child's potty while you are in there.Sometimes, you can get things started if you pour a small amt. of lukewarm water over her as she sits on the potty. Finally, don't fret--two of my kids had difficulty--my pediatric doc. said he had never seen a child to wear diapers to college--barring any major medical issues, of course.

If you are a stay at home mom then maybe this could work for you. Take her to the bathroom every 2 hours and let her sit for 5 to 10 minutes each time. Sooner or later she will go and then praise her and reward her in some way. She will like the time with you and the praise. Good luck. I hope this works.

Hi D., You've already had so many wonderful responses I'm sure they will be very helpful to you. I think Colleen has hit it on the head. I had seven children and never had a potty training problem. I think the reason for that is I'm very laid back. I figured they would figure it out by the time they were five and had to go to school. Of course they were naturally interested in what everyone else was doing, and since I wasn't pushing it, they wanted to do what everyone else was doing. They all potty trained themselves by the time they were 2 1/2. Like everyone has pointed out, it doesn't appear to be a medical problem. So, try backing off as if you don't even care anymore. Be resigned to diapers. It will take the pressure off the child to produce. Being relaxed is much more conducive to going potty. And then when she finally does it...!!!!go crazy with positive reinforcement. Isn't this fun?!

Have you tried putting her on the BIG potty and without a training seat? My daughter was the same way. She would not use the training potty or the cooshy tooshy seats. She had to hold herself up and her brothers would take turns reading to her and singing to her. My hubby would play his guitar for her and eventually she started going on her on. I know it sounds weird. But, she needed company in the bathroom. Not cruel either. The boys felt like they were helping their sister and it turned into a game to see who could get her to go. Funny huh? Good luck! Play some games with her and have her sit after a bath so she is relaxed.

Hey D.,

Ok. First things first. DO NOT stress it!! She will start when she is ready, and from the sounds of it she is trying because she knows you want her to, and likely she does too but just isn't ready yet. My eldest girl was about 3 1/2 when we were finally able to leave the diapers behind. It was like a light switch, she fell asleep one night with her panties still on and when she woke up the next day dry and diaperless she refused to ware a diaper again. I've also noticed that letting her go at her own pace we have only had about three nighttime accidents, all while she was ill.
Though I don't believe it is necessary for you to seek medical attention, at least not from the little I know, I do think it would be to your advantage to mention it at her next check up if she hasn't started yet. Your doctor would be able to give you some suggestions, like ours with having potty tea parties. We all sit around the kiddy table with the little one on her 'throne' and have 'tea' and cookies and read stories. It worked, until she got board of sitting. Just remember though you know your child best and 'all' that is going on and you will know if you need to see a doctor or if it's just worry. Though God knows I have taken my kids in to see the doctor many times that I didn't need to. :-) It's a Mom's way. ----Laugh----