Potty Training (Naps & Overnight)

My son is 4 and is having the same issues. Is he on any medication? My son takes Zyrtec for allergies and drinks a LOT of water so we know it will be a little while longer before he's trained at night. As far as naps are concerned, we started offering little rewards for him and so far he has now learned that if he wakes at naptime and has to go, he gets the teacher to take him to the bathroom. I just think patience, understanding, and not trying to force the issue helps. They learn in their own time and I think when we push them, it takes them longer. Just send an extra set of clothes to school with him and in the meantime try to come up with some creative ways to offer incentives. Good luck!

I actually have the same problem (except for naptime). My son will be 3 next month. I had him potty trained at 2.5. He was so good about waking up during the night to get me to help him in the bathroom but lately, he'll pee in his pull-up during the night or sometimes in the morning instead of going to the potty.

K.,

Boys do take longer to potty train than girls do and they do take longer to get out of the diaper/pull up at nap and bed times. I think he will do it when he's ready. When he wants to he will. My son didn't get potty trained until 3 months before his 3rd birthday and then he wore the pull up at night to bed for another whole year. We never pushed him or tried to get him out of wearing the pull up at night because he had to be ready to make the change. I felt that only he can do it, not me or his Dad. We did encourage him though and as his 4th birthday was nearing he all of a sudden was telling me how when he's four that he's not going to wear his pull up anymore. When I asked him what he's going to wear, his answer was "his spiderman underwear". So on his 4th birthday when it came to bed time we did the same routine as normal and as I pulled out his pull up to put on him he did not want it. He reminded me that he's wearing his spiderman underwear now. Well that was it. He never again wore a pull up. He woke up dry every morning. There were still an occasion accident once in a while, but that is normal until they turn 5 especially in boys. If your son is only 3.5 I wouldn't worry about it yet. He's still young and when he's ready he'll do it. Around age of 4 is when you should start to worry, but till then just show him encouragement and praise him a lot for the days that he wakes up dry. You can also make a chart or do some kind of a reward system for him for the dry days. Good Luck.

C.- mother of one son.

Hi K.,
When my boys were little-2 & 4, they both wore diapers to bed. The 4 yr old would always be wet when he awakened & I never knew if it occurred overnight or after he got up. Once the 2 yr old was potty trained through the night, I told my 4 yr old that if his brother could do it, he could too & he never wet the bed again--turns out the wet diaper in the AM was just being too lazy to get up & go. However, before you try this, a trip to your pediatrician is in order to make sure that there are not physiological or emotional problems causing the accidents. The naptime accidents sound like they may be behavioral in nature-maybe some sort of reward system-stickers on a calendar leading up to a prize or something like that might encourage him not to do this. Best of luck w/your adoption-getting 3 all at once has to be overwhelming! I hope everything works out for your son.

Hi ... 3.5 years of age children, particularly boys I think, are changing, they see their world changing. If he had it down and there is not an organic reason... an infection... just let it be. don't make him upset over it, or make a big deal about it. Just let him know that it would be more comfortable for him if he didn't.

don't tell him "don't you want to be a big boy?" that may be the problem. he doesn't. he wants to stay a baby. and you obviously have a lot going on in your lives. Maybe he needs a little more mommy time. Before he goes to sleep, and when he wakes up dry, spend the time you would have spent diaper changing reading, cuddling, loving him...

Offer him some extra security and you might find that this changes.

J

Hi K.,

I would say patience with him. He may be playing so hard that his little body is easier for him to pee on himself rather then to get up and go to the bathroom. Because all these accidents are happening at night time or while he is sleeping, that may be a sign of exhaustion. Try cutting back his fluids a little bit. Not to the point of dehydration, but if he goes to the bathroom before nap, during nap, and wets after nap....odds are that he is drinking a lot for his bladder to hold. All kids relapse too, so be patient with the little guy. I also noticed you said that you are in the process of adopting the three kids. That may be an adjustment too. Or a ploy for attention. Sometimes kids don't care how they get the attention, negative or positive. As long as they get it...I hope EVERYTHING works out for you...stay strong mom!
E.

It sounds as though your son might not be completely emptying his bladder before/during nap. My son would do the same thing if he was still half asleep at nap/morning time. I just tried to keep in mind that children's bladders grow at slower rates--meaning the stomach is often larger than the bladder and also sometimes kids wet while they sleep because they produce more urine during these times of rest (ask your pediatrician for the name of this condition). Here is a tip I did with my two kids, I took them to buy "nighttime/naptime" underware. I went to the Target and found the Gerber training pants that have more cotton in them and asked the kids to pick out what they wanted. They still wear these everynight. It took a few weeks of putting up with wet underware at these times but soon neither liked to be in wet pants. You might find they get up to go on their own or even change their own pants. You could try nightime first and then nap (if your daycare provider will permit pull-ups/diapers a little longer). BTW, I have heard that boys in particular can take longer for their bladders to grow to their bodies. Best of Luck.

Does he seem to be competing with the infant and the 2-yr old? Maybe he gets extra attention because he is still exhibiting "baby" behavior. Working full-time with 3 under 4 is daunting. How much time does the band take?Do you set aside time for him alone---away from sibs and other responsibilities? Who else is part of your support system--husband, other family members. Look at the whole family scenario. You can pursue any possible medical issues after you look at the big picture.

I had the same problem with my first child. Once I decided to go for it and get rid of the diapers/pullups for good everthing changed. Get a water proof matress pad and be prepared to clean up some messes for the first week and after that your child should be completely potty trained!! They know that when they sleep they have the "security blanket" of the diaper that is why when he wakes up dry he goes ahead and pees. I know it's scary but try it, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised.

I admire you for adopting. So many people need to do it! Let me know what you find out about your son. I have the same issue with my 3 year old!

Oh my goodness K., you sound EXACTLY like me!! My son is 3.5 years old too and does the EXACT same thing!! I can't wait to hear what people have to say.

I have actually talked with my grandmother about it because one of her children did the same thing too! Her doctor told her that he needed to have some responsibilities. So she gave him some and it stopped!! I guess maybe they are looking for attention???

I don't know the answer, but I am looking forward to hearing what Mamasource moms have to say!

K. C

I"m kind of stumped about the naptime wetting, especially since he gets taken to the toilet twice at that time...but at night at home, as long as he's got the diaper, he knows on some level that he can use it; the diaper sends the message that "this is OK to pee in". You could consider getting rid of the nighttime diaper, layering his bed with a couple of layers of waterproof cover/sheet/waterproof cover/sheet (to make it easier for you to strip the wet layers in the night and have a dry one already under them), and using one of these alarms on him -- the ones that buzz or otherwise send a gentle alarm when a kid even starts to wet regular underwear. Anyone out there have success with those?

Honestly...patience is key here. Children develop and tackle obstacles succesfully at different ages. I know it's a pain in the butt, but get rid of all your diapers and the pull ups. (Really, pull ups are nothing but diapers) Eventually, your son will get it. I have 3 girls and I heard that boys are the hardest to potty train completely. At night be sure your son has had nothing to drink 2 hours before he goes to bed and uses the bathroom before bed time. This should hopefully eliminate or reduce the size of the accident. At daycare find out how much and what he is drinking. Juice goes right through some kids as does water so find out what time he is drinking before nap time. Hopefully this will help. But its really patience. He will get it.

K.,
I'm in a similar boat. My 3 1/2 year old daughter is still wearing pull-ups at night. She does fine at nap time and has actually been great on the potty for quite a while. She never "poops" anywhere but the potty. I think (as previous responses) it may be just laziness in the morning since she has the security of the pull-up.

At her three year check up I talked with her pediatrician, who seemed unconcerned about the nighttime issue, even suggesting that a three year old's bladder wasn't ready for nighttime. I've seen varying opinions, but quite honestly feel I missed an opportunity during the initial potty training, so....am considering going cold turkey, as in previous advice. I've been having the discussions with her, so if you need someone to bounce off of while you're going through this let me know:-)

I appreciate the previous advice on double sheets and pads. That certainly will shorten the middle of the night wet bed routine! If, as someone else suggested, it only takes a week, I can certainly get though that. I have a friend who bribed hers with one M&M for each night she stayed dry and that worked (over the sticker chart) like a charm.

You have some added issues with adopted children, meaning he may have some issues that overshadow the potty training difficulties. I don't know how long they've been with you, but I imagine working to gain some semblance of "normal" has to be a good thing. Good luck to you!

Well, it's not that uncommon for kids to still wear diapers/pull ups to bed long after they are potty trained. My daughter was potty trained by 2 1/2 years old, but wore pull-ups at night until she was almost 5. She just is a heavy sleeper and did not wake up when she had to go. I had talked to her doctor about it and she said at this young age it is not a concern. My son is 3 1/2 and recently potty trained, and he too still needs the pull-ups at night. So honestly, I wouldn't worry about it too much at this point. The most important thing is that he's using the bathroom during the day when he's awake...that in itself is an accomplishment!

hey there... have you tried not giving him anything to drink after a certain time? We've had to set a time for our son. For him it's NOTHING to drink after dinner. (and I try and keep it to a very small amount of drink at that) (except a little sip of water when he brushes his teeth). If he drinks anything after dinner, he will usually wet the bed. We also HAVE to take him to the bathroom before we go to bed, around 11pm, or he's guaranteed to wet. Good luck!

Hi K.,

My son is also 3 1/2 and has potty issues (he won't poop on it and wears a diaper at night). He, too, was wetting the bed nearly every night and again at most naptimes. Exhausting!

After getting advice from this group, I decided to just forego any mention of potty-training AT ALL with my son for two weeks (it's been longer now and we're still not mentioning anything about it) but will discuss it if he brings it up.

He has virtually stopped wetting the bed (unexpected bonus!) : ) and we will soon begin implementing a chart for him to use when using the toilet. My husband and I have agreed this is the best thing to do for now and I, personally, have enjoyed NOT having to do bed laundry so often! : )

I know it's very difficult to pretend you're not frustrated when you really are, but if you're able to not mention it at all, maybe it might turn around for you.

D.

Hi K.,
I thought I would let you know a couple things that could help with your situation. First of all, how long has this been going on? Sometimes when another baby comes along, older children will find ways to get attention. You give the 4 month old attention when your changing his/her diaper so now the 3.5 year old might be thinking, oh ok, if I wet my diaper then I'll get more attention. Another option that comes to my mind is something's not right at daycare. If they are taking him to the bathroom right before nap then he should be fine. If they are taking him in the middle of nap and he still goes then, I strongly believe something is wrong at daycare. I'm a daycare provider myself and I've witnessed a little boy wet his pants because of the things going on in the daycare he was in. Not every child belongs in every daycare. How is he on the weekends, when you give him a nap? If it continues 7 days a week,then maybe it's back to the new baby. He's still getting attention by you when you pick him up whether it happens at daycare or home. One way to help is a sticker chart, tell him everytime he wakes up dry he get's a sticker on the chart, at the end of a day or two he get's a treat for the stickers. That way he's getting attention by you when you praise him and he get's a treat. It could simply be a cookie, or time with you on your lap for awhile. Hope some of this helps....good luck!

Not a great one to answer this one myself - my daughter will be 4 in 3 months and still wears a diaper at night. It has NEVER been dry!

If she falls asleep in the car - even for 30 minutes. I have friends whose children took a diaper off at 2.5 and went cold turkey night and day.

I don't know whether to attribute it to laziness and fear of changing sheets at night or to my pediatrition who said to me:
"Can you teach your daughter to do tricks in her sleep" me - "no" - her "well, peeing in their sleep in an unconcious activity, so unless you can teach her to do things in her subconcious, or while she is sleeping, there is not much you can TEACH her to do, unless she is ready." She told me it is completely normal, and some kids it takes until 5.

However, I have heard that getting up and taking them several times during the night helps - but I have also heard, if there diaper stays dry 2-3 nights in a row, then they CAN do it.

I am just not sure since mine can pee if she goes to sleep for 30 minutes in the car. Almost like her body just naturally relaxes.

Sorry if this doesn't sound like advice but your son sounds exactly like mine. The only thing we have done is wait for our son's system to mature. He is now 4.5 years and no longer wets during nap (2-3 hours). We try to make sure that his last drink is about an hour before bedtime. We have him use the potty at night at about 8:30 pm and then we take him to the potty between 11 and 12 midnight then again at about 3 or 3:30 am. We started this at about age 4. He is usually wet at the earlier time and for the past couple of months he has been dry on many mornings when he wakes at about 6:30 am. We will soon try overnight without a Goodnight, once he's staying dry at that 11 - 12 midnight period. You might also want to check with the pediatrician to rule out anything medical like diabetes...especially, if he drinks a lot and or is always thristy or asking for drinks.