Potty Training FAIL! Words of Encouragment? Advice? Experience? (Kinda Gross)

This is what my mom said 20 years ago when a certain 2 year old would not use the pot.
Guaranteed in 16 years he will walk across that stage and you will not have to wipe his butt nor hold his spoon. He will know everything and not need you. Right now he needs you. Be patient, 16 years is not that far away.

THat was so easy for her to say. She wasn't wiping his butt every second.

But... it does go by fast. Pretty soon he will be playing soccer with the other kids and then some instrument, on some team in high school and driving a car. One day he will have his own 2 year old. In the mean time exercise patience. If that means waiting until 3 then do so. Drop it altogether. He won't be in diapers at 18 when he walks across the stage and accepts his diploma.

And that 2 year old didn't potty train until he was past his 4th birthday, but he did not graduate in diapers. :o)

Back off, he's clearly not ready for this. It sounds like you want him potty trained so he can go to preschool but this is isn't about what you want. All the stickers, treats and promises aren't going to do any good unless HE'S ready.

JMHO,

Yeah......

My daughter wouldn't potty train until SHE was ready. It didn't matter what we did or didn't do. She just wasn't going to do it until she wanted to. She was around 3.25 to 3.5 by the time she was fully trained (no accidents, no night time diaper, able to just go when she needed to without being told to go).

I think you need to stop pushing the issue and let him try again when he is older.

Good luck.

Your plan doesn't really matter here.
He's clearly not ready.

Back off until HE is showing interest and readiness.
Google "potty readiness" and see if he is exhibiting ANY of the signs.

If he's not ready, you're just wasting your time and effort and causing him distress. Not cool.

Good luck.

The BEST advice I was given when I found myself getting frustrated with potty training was to stop. I thought my friend was insane...what about the progress we had made?? Then she reminded me that I was getting angry and frustrated over poop and pee and it was ridiculous. I decided to try it her way. I stopped worry about it and went back to pull ups. When HE mentioned it, we went. But I didn't ask or bring it up at all. I think we quit for two months or so. When we went back to it, it was so much better!! He potty trained rather quickly after our break. There was no more fighting, no more tears (for either of us). There were accidents, but no more randomly peeing on things. So yes mama. Take a break and try again later. I promise he won't be going to prom in diapers. He'll get it.

What I think I am hearing: You are/were determined your son will learn to use the potty by (date). He sort of went along with it until he realized he wasn't interested in your reward system. You push harder, or try something new, and he resists harder, resulting in withholding and pain. It's a common scenario. It can get worse.

There are babies who, with the right support from parents, do learn early. Sometimes they even do it independently. These babies are not the norm. When I was little, there was an unspoken competition between mothers to see whose babies were trained earliest, usually by 2. It was, according to my mother reminiscing decades later, a badge of good parenting. Nevertheless, I have a surprising number of friends who ended up in therapy as adults to deal with issues that were grounded in forceful potty training. These issues expressed themselves in different ways, from physical prissiness that made man-woman relationships challenging, to hating outside authority/feeling forced into doing any good thing for themselves, to chronic constipation.

Since then, the pendulum has largely swung in the opposite direction, to allowing children to take on the training when they are enthusiastic about it. For a huge majority of kids, this works well, and most kids do want to make that great leap of maturity when they figure out the personal rewards are worth it. For most kids, this approach generally quickly attains the desired goal, self-monitoring and responsibility, somewhere between the ages of 2+ to 4 or so (often a bit later for boys). Training can be complete in a week or less.

And always, some children do resist, sometimes out of timidity, even if there has been no overt pressure applied by parents or caregivers. That's just part of the mix.

But when pressure has been applied before the child is ready, complications happen (when what you really wish is that s#*t would happen :-). It will probably be a good idea to back away from the whole process, especially since your son has already experienced painful side effects which could make him even more reluctant to poop.

Check out this website, which is loaded with sound information and descriptions of various processes for engaging kids. Pay special attention to the readiness checklists, and be sure your son meets those basic criteria before you push further. If you try the "casual, no big deal approach," it really will have to be casual, without investment by parents for X results by Y date, or your son will know it is indeed a big deal to you, and you have motives that he'll be able to feel, if not verbalize. Kids are pretty amazing that way.

So do check out http://www.parentingscience.com/potty-training-tips.html. It's a really helpful resource!

Yes, I think you should scrap it and try when he's three. If he normally doesn't get constipated, I bet he was withholding because he didn't want to do it on the potty.

I tried starting before age 3 with my older two kids and it was a fail both times. Very frustrating for both me and them. My youngest is 2.5. He will turn 3 in mid-August and could go to preschool, but I'm not going to push him to potty train just for that reason.

It's kind of a shame that 3 yr old programs don't let them come in pull-ups and just call the parent if a change needs to take place. Many 3 yr olds are ready for preschool, but are not ready to potty train. I'll train him when he's 100% ready and send him to preschool when he's 4. Good luck!

Maybe he's just not ready. My DD is almost 3.5 and I thought I'd never get her trained, but in the last month, things have gone MUCH better. She is poop and pee trained and goes when she needs to go, not on a timer. I still ask her to sit before an outing or bed or bath, but most of the time she doesn't need to be told. I had to put up the training for a while b/c she wasn't ready.

Some kids train by 2 and some need longer. I would keep the potty around, but not push it as much. Don't be anxious about it. Put it aside for a bit and come back to it. When you hear of a friend or family member's child being trained, you can sincerely congratulate them on being out of diapers. I think it helped that DD has older friends. One of which, BTW, is a pediatrician's child and had a regression at 3ish and had to work back up to being trained. Kids don't get the memo.

As far as preschool, find out what they'll really accept. I found out that many 3s are sent to preschool at first in pull ups and there are those that will accept children not 100% trained. By 4 they are more strict. I think that if you wait and also explore your options, you will have a happier child and better experience.

Yes, you should just scrap it and wait until he's ready.

Goodness knows YOU are ready...I understand. But our kiddoes don't develop at OUR insistence...lol!

Continue to work with him on it gently...if he only wants to pee in the potty in the morning, well, okay! That's something. Just go with it.

The switch that happens isn't a conscious one (or no adults would need diapers!!!). It's a neurological one that goes from autonomic control (unconscious, like breathing, heart rate, etc.) to somatic (motor control, partly conscious).

It never FULLY switches over. Whenever you're scared, nervous, etc... people pee a lot more often (remember that for job interviews) even as adults. If an adult is REALLY scared, they'll still wet their pants. And the "I just sh*t myself" thing you hear from pilots, etc... isn't a joke. Well, it can be, but it happens.

Adrenaline YANKS control away from the conscious and into the unconscious. The longer you've been potty trained (like as an adult) the stronger the switch is. For kids, it can be really tenuous .

So if you're fighting at ALL, or they're upset at ALL... guess what? They have zero control.

You can spend the next 6mo-2years fighting (the more you fight the longer the process takes)... or you can take a few months off.

There's also a big difference between the KID being potty trained, and the parent being potty trained. If you're taking them to the bathroom every time they make that 'face', and every 30 minutes, and, and, and. and... the kid isn't potty trained. You are. I know a LOT of parents who say their child is (or was) potty trained at 1, 2, etc. SOME are. Most? Nope. Most of the time those "trained" kids are completely unable to recognize, retain, and release. It's the parents who are trained. Leave the kid with anyone else (or stop taking them every 15-30 minutes) and you have a soaking wet kid.

((Even babies 'hold it' for 15min-1 or 2 hours. The sphincter isn't just open all the time.))

Take a break. Let the adrenaline response wear off so the neurology actually has a chance to switch. Then when he's ready it will happen in a WEEK and not weeks and months. If it takes longer than a week, they're just not ready. Any by a week, that's 1-2 days of a lot of accidents. 1-2 days of a couple accidents. Then maybe 1 accident every few weeks (usually when....get this... they get really excited. The adrenaline.).

There is a HUGE difference in development in 6mo. Think newborn to 6mo. Think 6mo-1year.

Seriously. Drop this for now. Wait 6mo. Save EVERYONE the stress.

((Oh... and just as a heads up... it's common for poo training to not work for 6mo-1 year after pee training, and ditto for night training.))
Adrenaline

He is not ready. I am a preschool teacher and every year we have a parent or two enroll their children that are not potty trained. They send them in a pull-up. Since the kids are only with us for 2 1/2 hours you would think it wouldn't be a problem. Not true! We are not set up to change diapers...basically what a pull-up is. We do not have enough staff for one of us go off and change a diaper. When one of these children poops in their pants it affects the rest of the children negatively. It isn't fair to the rest of the class. Also, 9 times out of 10, these children whom are not potty trained are not mature enough to be in the preschool. They are less able to sit and listen for even 5 minutes, they don't play as nicely with the other children, and they are not able to follow simple rules. Our preschool, as well as many others, allow children to start at any time of the year, not just in the fall. If your son isn't potty trained by the fall wait a few months and then maybe he will be ready. If you take the pressure off of the situation you may see better results.
Good luck!

My son also holds going number 2 and ends up with one large toilet clogging mass. Unbelievable that all that comes out of such a small guy. Any amount of Miralax seemed to make his bowels too runny so we went to a fiber gummy vitamin (Target carries these near the other fiber supplements). It seems to be just enough for him to be more "regular", which for him is about twice a week. Good Luck to you, whatever you decide to do. It's definitely a hard process on us parents.

Trust me, when they are ready they will let you know! My daughter went through the same thing, I backed off and about a week before her brother was born she decided she wanted to use the big girl potty.. it's been about a month, I don't push it I wait for her tell let me know when she's ready and we're making it to the potty about 90% of the time... sometimes she refuses to poop, she'll wait until she absolutely has to go then she'll tell me and we'll go.. she's 100% on the poop, it's the pee that we're working on, I dont' think she empties her bladder all the way when she goes so we got A LOT. So relax and let him do his thing.

My son also had some problems with poop potty training. He was COMNPLETELY pee trained. What we ended up doing after a similar situation to yours was to allow him to go poop in a diaper, but he would have to be in the bathroom. As soon as he was done pooping we'd clean him up & he'd be back in underwear. If he only had to pee he'd use the toilet. After about 2 months of doing this he just went in the bathroom one day by himself & went poop on the potty.

Stop with the potty trainning! I know it's hard, as my son is 3 1/2 and still is not fully potty trained. He bucked the potty so bad that he has a huge problem with constipation now. He gets an adult dose of miralax every day, and the doctor wanted to have him get to the point of having a water like poop (showing his bowel is flushed out) Yup on a month of mirlax and he is still only pooping a little a day :(

I put a little flax seed in his yougurt, he gets a probiotic and drinks lots of water. I have been focusing more on fiber riched foods and still no major results. So the doctor told me to take away the undies and back on w the diapers. :( He still is going pee a little on the toilet, but now that he has that diaper on who cares right? I'm just going to have to wait for his bowl to shrink to where he can once again notice the sensation of the poo to where he can feel the pressure and push on his own. When will that happen, that is the question.
Not sure exactly why more boys are scared of going poop? Is it because something is falling out of them, they don't know where it's going? I always sit with w my son and let him push his legs into my chest so that I can feel him pushing, we also reads stories and I bring the computer in and let him play a game etc. Good Luck!

I don't really believe in the "he's not ready until he is 3" approach. My brother is intellectually limited and he was trained by age 2. That being said, my kids were both trained at age 3 years 3 months. My daughter was almost trained at 2 when my son was born and then we had to shelve it. With my son we just missed the magic window of when he turned 2 and wasn't into the control thing and I thought it would be easier when he was 3. It wasn't, he fought me more. For him, I was just happy that he was pee trained. He always pooped in the evenings, so I knew I didn't have to worry about that at preschool, just the pee. We put pull ups on for naps and nights, and I really didn't care that he pooped in the pull up as long as he didn't do it in his pants or in school. We eventually found the right reward for him and he was trained. Find something he really wants, or if he wants to go to school, tell him he can't unless he goes potty. For poop, it really does help to find out what is holding it up. My daughter bonded with her poop and hated to see it leave. We threw parties for the poop and sent it off to the poopy party in the toilet bowl (crazy I know, but it worked). We also had the potty in front of the TV for a long time (gross but effective).

Went through this with my little one too. She didn't completely train until she was a month past 4!! She pooped just fine in the potty (although gets backed up) since age 2.5, but the pee thing she wanted nothing to do with. I waited until right before Christmas and told her that Santa would be so proud if she started using the potty. It worked and she's peeing in the potty every time now.

I completely agree with those who say to wait til 3. We were pushing our son to be trained by age 3 too and it was horrible, he just was not ready. After he turned 3, it's like a switch turned on and he was more receptive and into the whole potty training thing and before we knew it he was 100% trained, day and night. My advice is to just relax and let him take the lead. If he senses you're tense and frustrated it makes things much worse. Good luck!

My friends have 5 kids (boys & girls).
The boys were slower. Each one was indeed finally potty trained when
they were "ready".
My son could pee in the toilet at 2 3/4 (almost 3) but still wears a diaper.
He refuses to poop in there yet. Pooping in the toilet to kids is like
letting a piece of themselves go plus it's not as comfy as it is to adults.
Give him time.
Potty chart didn't work as well w/all the boys I know.
What did? A potty treat. After they peed, they'd get a few M&M's or a small piece of chocolate.
Wearing diaper until they are fully potty trained.
It's kind of like going on a diet....there are days they will fall off. Not as a test of wills so much as a part of growing & learning.
Give it time and relax a bit.
Enemas are not needed.
A healthy diet is.
My son can take a bit of time to poop these days.
It's a process. No enema needed.
My son has taken awhile trying.
I was told by his ped that it is because they don't "recognize" the exact
need and time to poop. They just have a vague idea of it.
So hang in there & swap the chart for a more tangible reward: a treat.

I did NOTHING to attempt to potty train my girls (I know, they are different) until they were 3. They had NO interest (perfectly capable and perfectly good language skills) and resisted my occasional attempts. They hit 3, and pretty much figured it out themselves. I did essentially NO work, and had only a couple of accidents with each. Sounds soooo much nicer to me than scheduling my days off (we both work full time) around a pottty schedule and/or cleaning up carpet, bedding, toys etc. Just my experience. It was totally stress free this way, and they were ready and very proud of themselves. NIghttime was/is a whole other issue, but still not worried!

I think he'll poop when he's ready! (annoying I know) I tried to get my DD to go and nothing helped until she wanted to go. Try Miralax to help. Good luck I know it can be a frustrating time for Mommy and baby:)

Sounds like it is a good idea for you to hold off for a while and get your son back on a regular pooping schedule.

When you do decide to try it again, you might want to look into the Potty Boot Camp. You can buy the book on Amazon. It's a very short, easy read. I followed it with great success for both of my sons. (except for the naked part -- I personally feel that would only be effective for girls.)

The method is kind of hard core, as the kids really hate the "drills." However, I think it might be best to take a hard stance and just get it over with in a long weekend (yes, the program is only 3 days.)

I have a lot of friends who have dragged out their kids' potty training over a long period of time, and in hindsight, I am so glad I just got tough and got it over with. I will say however that I waited to do the boot camp until both of my kids were comfortable and skilled at going on the potty at least once or twice at the same time each day (i.e., before nap, before bed).

Good luck!!!!

It sounds like he is holding it it so much that it would cause it to block up. I don't remember how I got the boys to poop in the potty but to get them to go pee sometimes I would put food coloring in the tiolet or you can put fruit loops in there for him to aim at. When it get's warmer if you are still having a hard time getting him not to pee in the diper or pull up. Let him go pee outside. That is what my friend did. The kids sometime you would see them running out of the house to pee on the side of the house. It didn't take long before they where trained to not use the diaper. I think you have to get the pee under control before you do the other.

Good luck and God Bless!!

I don't bother trying to potty train until they are three. If you wait, it literally only takes about 5 days. I just finished with my youngest and poor thing got diarrhea two days in. I tried to put a diaper on her and she wouldn't have any of it. She made it every time.

I have taken care of plenty of kids and I don't know any boy that has been potty trained before the age of three.