Potty Training - Poulsbo,WA

Why don't you try letting him pee outside on a tree - if you have a private area/yard that he could do this in. That is how I trained my 3 year old who knew when he needed to go, but didn't like the potty. After peeing on the trees, we moved to peeing on Cheerios in the potty. I also would tell him that to watch his favorite cartoon or movie that he first needed to go pee pee in the potty. It gave him some control - if he really wanted to watch, he would go pee. Otherwise, he just didn't get to watch tv.

Hi K.,

I have to agree that you should try backing off. He seems truly freaked out by the potty and you continually pushing him into it will not only create more anxiety for him but also harm his relationship with you. I know that some may think that he is just controlling you. I disagree that kids out right try to control their parents by showing extreme fear. I believe that children can try to use power plays (which by the way is perfectly normal and appropriate at this age for their development) but that they rarely if every use extreme fear to accomplish such things.

Just in case, is this the same 4 year old that doesn't want to eat solid food? If so, you should consider if his fear of using the potty has begun to affect his eating behaviors. They may or may not be related but I would be willing to bet that something is going on that is creating both situations for him. Be honest with yourself and look at his whole life for clues as to what might be the true cause. It could simply be the potty fears, but look at other things if you you don't think that the potty fears are the original issue.

Take Care and know that you are not alone,
S.

Him bringing you a diaper when he needs to go means that he IS potty trained... he just isn't going in the toilet. The important part to teach him is to "hold it" until he has an appropriate place to go, and to only go in appropriate places. It sounds like he fully understands than it is not okay to go potty on the floor, and also understands that it is okay to go in a diaper. I'd back off a bit. Leave him naked through the day, or let him pick out some character undies to wear during the day. When he brings you a diaper, ask him gently if he wants to go potty in the toilet instead. If he says no, then put the diaper on him, without seeming frustrated, and let him do his business. Praise him for not going on the floor or in his undies, and then take the diaper back off him. If he allow him to do this in a way he is comfortable, after a while he may decide to go on the potty instead. As long as you are pushing for it though, he will resist. He is obviously freaked out about the potty for some reason and shouldn't be forced.

You could try going to Ikea and letting him pick out a potty chair ($3.99) in whatever color he wants. This will give him more control over the situation. Let him use the chair as a seat or a potty, however he sees fit... let it just be his. Also, when he does go poop in the diaper, take him to the bathroom with you, and dump it from the diaper into the toilet and let him flush it down. This will both show him that poo goes in the potty and how fun it is to flush it down. Once he comfortable with that step, it won't be so scary to go in the potty instead of his diaper. Letting him stand to pee in the potty and aim for fruit loops or something may make it more fun. We bought the Peter Potty urinal online and that made a huge difference for our son because he could see himself peeing.

This may sound harsh, but you can not let him continue to make this choice. It is a choice because he is all ready potty trained if he is bringing you a diaper when he needs to go. No longer allow that option. Get rid of the diapers and tell him that he is a big boy, he will wear underwear and use the toilet. This worked with mine and he was only 23 months old. He is using the crying to control you and get what he wants, which is to wear the diaper. You cannot let him control you with bad behavior now, or that will continue throughout his childhood.

Your problem is not uncommon, K., though I doubt that gives you much comfort. (Google "potty training fears" and you'll see what I mean.) Here's one very informative article: http://babyparenting.about.com/od/pottytraining/a/pottydo...

He might have a really negative association with sitting on a big, open hole. Flushing is loud enough to be scary for some kids. If you've really been pushing it, that anxiety could easily translate to a smaller potty chair. Is it possible for you to back off on the training for a couple of months, and then introduce it more gradually?

You might also introduce him to the "fun" of using the great outdoors as his toilet. Do you have an appropriate bush or tree in a backyard that could be the target? A daddy or older brother could demonstrate how easy this is. And I imagine you've tried using Cheerios in the toilet as targets.

Also, you don't say if he's unwilling to both pee and poop, or only poop. Some kids are afraid of losing part of themselves when they poop. This is less of an issue with a diaper, because they don't see the result of their efforts.

My son was still wearing diapers at 4. And would've gone on happily. But I was talking to his new preschool teacher in front of him. I mention to her that he was still wearing diapers. She said loud enough for him to hear, I don't change diapers, I don't take child who aren't potty trained.

He was potty trained the next day. Amazing.

Perhaps you can find some situation like that.

i never had this problem with my daughter, we potty trained her when she was about 20 months old..it took awhile...my be if you add warm water to the potty area and put food coloring to make it look fun..maybe he'll sit and not freak out as much..

Hugs!
But my best advise is to get rid of the diapers in the house, if they are there he will want to use them.
My coucin went through this, and her son was about the same as yours and so one day she ran out and he cried about it but he had one accident in his pants and realized it was yucky! So he went to big boy potty!

Best of luck to you.