Please Help!! - Middleburg,FL

I agree with GramaRocks. As scary as it sounds, this behavior had to be learned somewhere, and my first inclination is not a good one. Bring her in to see a social worker or counselor to see if you can get to the bottom of things.

You never know,, she may have heard a song, or seen an ad for a racy movie, or a movie itself, or magazine at the store, of some idiot teens with filthy language somewhere. Hard to know. But it would be good to calmly ask her where she got that idea. And then tell her its just not something she needs to talk about and certainly not do.

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Hi E.,

So your daughter told the little boy that she wanted to kiss his privates?? I would calmly ask her where she hear this. What did she mean when she said that--have her demonstrate on a doll if you have to--to see exactly what she meant. Then tell her that girls and boys don't touch or talk about anyone else's private parts. Her body is all her own and other's bodies are just theirs. Some things are ok to share but privates are meant to be private. Make sure she understands and just tell her you are so glad that she told you and proud of her for coming to you with that info. Tell her she can talk to you anytime and to not be ashamed. As for the future, I wouldn't worry about any other incidents for now. This should be sufficient unless something else is going on.----just to get this cleared up, is there any way that someone in her life could have touched her inappropriately???? My red flag is up because of her age and how she would have gotten this info. Keep an eye out for any other issuses. Gl

M

Kids are parrots and copy-cats.
Statements like that or ideas like that, from a young child, is learned most probably. Not some random original thought they grabbed out of thin air and invented.

Either way, you have an Ex. and who knows what his life is like or his environment or what it is like when your daughter is there.

But tread calmly.
Rationally.
Smartly.
And I am sure you have your Mommy-Radar on.

She had to have heard it from somewhere. Talk to her without scaring her and find out where she got that from, even if it's another kid, then take it from there. Make sure she knows that private areas are for you and you alone, no one else (except mommy if she's hurting, and the doctor while you're there). My pediatrician already started talking to my girls about this. At first I was a little shocked, but she told me that you can't ever start too early... the key is to educate without SCARING the child.

E.:

Take a VERY deep breath - let it out slowly...okay - take another....let it out slowly....

This is NOT a normal part of playing doctor....sorry...you need to get to the bottom of this...she SAW this somewhere and unfortunately, she's not going to tell you where she saw it....

Did the other child's parent tell you this?
Did you overhear it?
It would help a tad more if we had some context to this...

Overall? I would have a SERIOUS talk with her dad withOUT her around and tell him what she said/asked the boy...tell him that there is to be NO "fun" around the house when he has custody of her - unless the door is closed and locked. No movies that are NOT age appropriate, etc. that she can walk in on...

She needs to be told that things like that are NOT appropriate for little girls to do...if someone has asked her to do - it's OKAY to tell you - no one will hurt her (some of the sickos threaten to hurt family if they tell) and it won't happen again.
I personally would take her to a therapist that specializes in things like that and find out if she SAW IT or God forbid - someone ASKED her to do this...there are some sick people out there...I would find out WHERE she learned it and go from there.

Are you saying that your daughter asked a little boy if he wanted her to kiss his private parts? If so, it could be important to find out how she knows about this activity. She may have seen it on TV or in a movie or heard someone talk about it which tho not desirable still is innocent. Or someone may have asked her to do it.

I would remain calm and assume what ever happened was innocent. I'd be very casual when talking with your daughter but I would talk with her. Perhaps make up a story about this happening to a little girl and see what her reaction is. Tell the story casually and in the same manner as you read other stories to her.

You've tried the direct approach and it didn't work. If the indirect approach doesn't work I'd go back to being direct and tell her this is something that most kids don't know about and it's important for her to tell you how she learned about it. Do not give her suggestions on possible ways of hearing or learning about kissing. Reassure her she's not in trouble. If she still says she doesn't know let it drop and wait and see. This probably is a one time incident that you'll possibly never understand.

When my granddaughter was 4 or 5 her mother saw a little girl friend "humping" my granddaughter. The little girl's mom and my daughter have known each other since 1st grade and have very similar values. However, just as with you, there is an ex involved. The little girl insisted she didn't know how she knew to do that. Her mother said the father, who is much more casual about things didn't know how she'd learned to do it either. My daughter's friend decided that it was most likely that her little girl had either seen her father doing this (he and is girlfriend lived in a small mobile home) or had seen it done in a movie because the father wasn't concerned about exposure to sexual content.

That was the last time anything like this happened. It's been several years. The girls are now 11 and 12 and are OK girls with only knowledge of sex at the expected level for their age.

So,,,,,I wouldn't be concerned if this is the only incident.

I'm sorry... But age 6 is not 'The Blue Lagoon' age. In 'The Blue Lagoon' they were teens before they began doing things of sexual nature with one another.

My ex and I are very open with one another when it comes to our daughter. She had been running through the livingroom with her 1/2 brother when she fell over a kids chair. She bruised her pelvic bone. She'd told her dad what happened, but he still called me to ask what happened. Of course I told him exactly what happened and asked, "Didn't M tell you what happened?" He'd said she had but didn't automatically believe her... He was insinuating that my husband had abused her!!! I lit him up like a Christmas tree. I told him that he would never do anything of the sort and that shows lack of trust in me. The only reason I got remotely angry is because he was acting like he didn't believe either one of us!

As far as a 6yr old knowing about 'kissing private parts'... My 8yr old STILL doesn't know anything about that. When I caught her touching herself (age 4), I had to ask if she itched, hurt, or had to pee... When she told me no, I asked if she was doing that because it felt good, and she answered yes... I told her not to do that in the presence of others and that it's a private thing.

Now... She still doesn't know about the ACT of how babies get into mommy's bellies. She knows about periods and that it takes love and a man and a woman to make a baby. But doesn't know about the phyisical part of it.

I'd be questioning.

As a mother of two girls that were touched inappropriately by my nephew at the age of 4 this is most likely something that she heard or perhaps saw or was even done to her by someone else. However it could also mean it's just a milestone she is going through and perfectly normal. The way to tell the difference? Sometimes it's obvious such as the behaviors of my two girls-other times it's not so obvious. Even if you have "talked" to your daughter about inappropriate touches you need to have it again and again. Drill it into her brain. For me and my household one of the things I was taught is to teach your children that "we" as in this "family" do not keep "secrets" no matter who it is telling them to keep it a secret. We don't keep secrets-period. You need to have a talk with your daughter and try to explore where she learned this from but I wouldn't concentrate on it too much because then you could possibly upset her and she could close up. What I did when my did it and I had no clue where it had come from I told them up front that no matter what they would not get into trouble. Once they believed me that they wouldn't be in trouble for telling me what happened and "who" the offender was-they let it spill. If someone else is the offendor though let me be first to tell you be prepared that they may not take it very well or that they would handle it the way you would have handled it. However by you informing them of what was done you have done your job from that point forward what the parents decide to do is out of your control. However what IS in control is keeping your daughter away-family or not. It is your job to protect your daughter and as innocent as it may or may not seem.....I would choose to just keep my daughter away. Better safe than sorry. With me my nephew was 8 years old and my girls had been raised around this boy. What he did was most likely out of curosity from a porno left in a DVD player by his father. My issues extend beyond just the fact their son touched my two girls but I will say this....I don't blame or hate him for it. However it makes me sad the way his parents reacted and the way they dealt with the situation as a whole but that's okay because the way I parent and the way they decide to parent is our choice. I choose to keep my daughters away from their son and I can't say that if the situation would have been reversed that I would have taken the news well either-no one wants to believe that their child did wrong and honestly the child isn't to blame for-its the dad. He kept a loaded gun out to where his children had access to it for his own personal pleasure. I'm sure he didn't intend for his children to find what they found and act upon curosity on his neices but it happened and he should have been more responsible but I can't change the past and I can't change what happened so it is what it is but that doesn't mean I have to allow my daughters around him. Will it ever change? I don't know-I can only take it one day at a time and go from there. Luckily they live in a different state located 8 hours away so it's not difficult to keep my kids away. However there are family functions that only my husband attends because I know they will be there.....sad maybe one day I can feel different about this but for now I have to protect my daughters and I might be wrong in what I'm doing but if someone has the answer then I sure would like to know.............

Oh my goodness! How very scary!
Can you sit down and gently ask her why she asked him that?
Explain that mommy just needs to know where she got this idea from.
Just open the conversation up so she can say whatever she needs to.

Can you talk to her father about what she is exposed to when she is in his care?
Where else could she have come up w/ this?

I am so sorry you are going through this-(hugs). I would be completely freaking out too.

There are some super smart ladies here, hopefully some of them can provide you w/ more help...I don't have too many ideas.

My mom's best friend had a son about my age. When we were about 5 or six is when this stuff started. Neither of us were abused in any way, this was just the convergence of different new ideas. 1. Boys and girls are different. 2. Boys parts are "reactive." 3. Kissing is magic. You kiss your child to show affection, to heal boo boos, to say goodbye and hello...... So, what "magic" could kissing work on these "reactive" boy parts?

I believe it is a natural evolution of discovery and didn't necessarily have to be learned anywhere, and I truly don't believe there's anything really sexual about it. If the behavior is more specific, then I would worry more.

Remember in The Blue Lagoon. Nobody had taught them, but they figured it out.