My son was playing at his friend’s house on the weekend. At one point he was playing in the basement with his friend’s younger brother. We were just told by the boys’ parents that my son
showed the 4 year old how to “French kiss” by sticking their tongues out and actually kissing.
My son told the little boy not to tell his parents that they did that. I know I need to address this with my son; but I don’t know how. Can someone help?
I want to THANK YOU for all your response. It really helped me to have a really good conversation with my son. I needed to talk to him about it as soon as possible cuz I was really concerned that he’s being exposed to the same kind of thing by someone older. I got to the bottom of it. It all started when we saw this local newspaper called “Westender” in Vancouver Canada. It catered to the gay and lesbian readers. It was just sitting in one of those newspaper boxes along the sidewalk. It had 2 male adults sticking their tongues out and licking each others tongues. When my son saw it, he pointed that out to me and I just brushed him off. I can’t imagine how much it had sunk into his little mind!!!! First I am really glad that he wasn’t shown to do that by another adult around him. That was my biggest concern. So we had a really good conversation about how to treat ours and others private parts and also ran over what’s “good touching” and “bad touching”. He was pretty smart. He kept asking why I am talking about that with him. He was waiting for me to say that his friend told his mom. I didn’t say anything about the incident happened at his friend’s house. I didn’t want him to get mad at his little friend for telling. I will address the “don’t tell your mom” part in another day. I figure dealing with too many issues all at once would cloud things up for him. Again, thank you so much for all your help. Now I just have to figure out how to talk about the “not telling” part. Have a wonderful day you all!!!
its as simple as you are not old enough to do that yet. That is something people do when they grow up and start dating which you aren't allowed to do yet.
I would not panic on where the other boy learned to kiss.
My son crawled in my lap at 2 years old, grabbed my face and tried to lay one on me. I started laughing until I realized that he was serious. He had seen daddy kiss momma and wanted to show me that he loved me too.
I simply explained to him that it was a "daddy and mommy kiss" and was something we did as his parents and a married couple. Then we came up with other ways that he could show me that he loved me.
Just be calm and stick to the facts. If it is not a big deal to you than it will not be a big deal to him.
You need to be honest with him .. it's not ok, you also need to talk to him about where it is ok and not ok to touch if you have not already. It's time to start talking and the other family needs to have the same talk.
Sorry - didn't mean to repeat her post - LOL - she gave great advice!
I agree with Jen F - I would first ask where he learned to kiss like that - then remind him that is adult behavior and not suitable for little kids.
my worry would stem from the "don't tell" - it makes me wonder if whoever showed him said the same thing. :-(
Good luck
OK, This is not good.
Tell him that he can not do that again.
Tell him that he can kiss when he is a grown up.
Leave it at that .
I wish you the best with this.
I would not want to be in your shoes.
Oh and by the way, don't forget to say I'm sorry to the other family on behallf of your son.
Like someone else said, I would be worried about where he learned this and why he said not to tell. I'm sorry to say this - although you may have already considered it already - but I'd be very worried that an adult or older child has been sexually inappropriate with him. As someone else said, I wouldn't make it about him being in trouble, just about you wanting to understand more what happened and why he said and did those things. Even if he hasn't been molested, now might be a good time to talk with him about "good touch" and "bad touch."
I agree with Jen F. Where did he hear, don't tell anybody? And where did a six year old learn how to properly french kiss?
You really need to sit down calmly and lovingly with your son and figure out if there is something more going on. Hopefully it is all innocent, and you will just need to explain when, where, and who it is appropriate to give short quick kisses too. Kissing with tongues is for adults.
What happened to kids thinking kissing was yucky?
i'd be worried to where he learned it...if he did it properly that is not a something J. seen and understood...i wouldn't be mad or punnish im though...J. have a sit down...i'd also be worried that he told the kid not to say anything, I'd be worried hes repeating what he was told
ask him where he learned to kiss, and than just let him know that he is not yet old enough to be doing it. I would not mention the boy/girl issues at all.
Well first I would not freak out. They are all little children, no aggressor here. I would tell the parents that I was really sorry and that I would talk to my child and assure them that he would learn this was not appropriate behavior. I think I would then talk with my son and tell him that he was not in any trouble, I was just curious where he learned about french kissing. This could have happened so many ways, and plenty of them could be something really innocent. Like a friends older sibling kissing on the porch or talking about Frenching on the phone or something like that. Remember being 12? You have tongue on the brain!! Then the friend tells your son and there you go, he is informed about French kissing, but may have zero idea it is anything about a boy and girl or something like that. The fact he said not to tell is probably bc he had an idea it wasn't the coolest idea or wasn't sure if it was something that would get him in trouble. My son had a friend over and they kissed in his room. She told him not to tell bc she didn't want to get in trouble, who knows why, my son told me anyway and we just told them that kissing was not something children needed to do, it was for grown ups. I told my son the only people he needed to kiss at this age are me and his dad, his brother, grandma, you know the family. He got it, not biggie. He is very curious about kissing though, he thinks it's cool. I would not worry about it being with a boy either. My sons were in the tub together tonight and the little one was after the older one's privates! They were just another floaty toy to him! I put a stop to that, in a silly way, but a stop non-the less. He is only 6, very young. I would really make sure he knew he wasn't in trouble bc if he did find out about french kissing by someone older who told him not to tell, you really really need to find that out. But if you get to the bottom of it and it is just childhood silliness and fascination with everything in life basically, just give him clear definitions about who he can kiss and then tell him everyone else is off the list! Good luck, and don't feel bad, he is a child.
Have you discussed this with your husband?
What does he say?
