Playdate rejection?...Still in Shock.

I'd like to offer you a new barometer upon which you can gauge playdate rejection.......

Playdate rejection is when the dad comes home and finds you and his wife chatting and the girls (5 and 6) watching TV in the playroom but within 15 minutes announces that you are no longer welcome in his home because you are a bad influence for his wife (to be fair to him I did have a career and my own money and was talking to his wife about the two of us going to Dallas for a "girl's" weekend). He also announced that he didn't want his daughter watching shows that were inappropriate (Jimmy Neutron) and he felt like we were not the right "stock" to associate with his family.

THAT is playdate rejection.

Sandy B.
I think you might be reading too much into this. I have cancelled a couple playdates, because we have been swamped with work and my house is a mess and I'm embarrassed to have visits in this war zone, and my hubby is tired. Also, they might be expecting visits and are doing the prexmas cleaning this weekend, or had other plans the dad was unaware of.

I think they tried to be straightforward with you and I would let this one slip.

Let it go. I can feel overwhelmed with everything going on, and I just need normal to get through everything. That means not even having to arrange for my kid's hair to be brushed to go to another person's house. Or talking to him about his manners, etc. Or they could be trying to squeeze in some family time before Christmas. She postponed for week - she didn't say not ever.

You're taking this personally, and it's not. Yes, I do think you are reading WAY too much into this. I know this weekend we are running around like crazy getting ready for Christmas. No, we would not have an extra hour. I really think she was being honest.

I think you are over thinking it. I'm avoiding play dates right now too. I'm assuming other Mom's are just too busy right now getting ready. I also have a kindergartener, btw. I'm sure she isn't rejecting you or your son!

Sandy,

Get over your "fine self"...it is a very busy time and they were probably just being upfront with you.

Blessings....

Your post title infers that you were kicked to the curb, but that is not the case. Now I don't have to feel bad for you :) Don't be shocked, she was probably in a crappy mood and didn't feel like putting on her happy face...ya know what I mean. She could have just skipped calling you back all together, but she didn't. I'm not a big playdate kinda mom, but I love being asked and will have that person on my mind. They are usually the first person I plan something with when we're up for it. That was a very nice gesture on your part, feel good about reaching out and making the world a better place :) Happy Holidays!

Reading too much in!!!

And be prepared for a LOT of this now that you've hit K12

Here's an average week:

Morning madness, pick kids up from daycare at 5 or 6 (OR deal with the "I'm exhausted and have used up all of my self control at school meltdown, snack, homework), maybe jet out to an activity...dinner, bath, bed. WEEKEND saturday = game in the morning, birthday party in the afternoon (or temple & family day), and sun = church in the morning and family time OR a playdate in the afternoon.

This leaves MAYBE 1 afternoon a week for a playdate IF you're only willing to have 1 afternoon of family time on the other day AND you don't have a birthday party (with 30 kids in a class, it's possible to have a bday every weekend).

Throw in the holidays & that equals camps.

My son's 3 besties in K... we ROTATED playdates, 1 each weekend aka once a month. And NO playdates over holidays (like xmas)... because we were all slammed to the wall trying to get things done. And we ALL really liked each other!!! (parents and kids were all friends).

It was nuts.

I would give her the benefit of the doubt. They may have multiple family/ social engagements all week and more already planned for the weekend and any other "activity" may sound exhausting to her. I'm having an oh-soooo-tired day - maybe she is, too. Try her again in a day or two about choosing a day over the Christmas break to get them together. Hopefully she'll have the chance to get some rest between now and then. I could totally see myself reacting this way - for me, please don't take it personally!

Definitely reading too much into this. DH and I are both super busy during the week and the weekend is the only time we get to spend together as a family. I just rejected a good friend for a play date for the second time this month, because I just can't make it work without rushing everyone through the weekend. We still have some shopping to do, Santa Pictures, we have tickets for an afternoon kids choir performance on Sunday, I want to bake and decorate cookies with my DD and the list goes on and on...

This is a busy time of the year, I 100% believe them that they do not have time on the weekends. Maybe try again after the holidays.
Good luck.

In my family we had 31 holiday parties, musical productions or whatever events we expected to be at between dec. 1 and dec. 25... How do you know that she isn't schedualed up like we were growing up.... I on the other hand have no need to do everything but not everyone is like that.

Yep, I think you are over-thinking it.
I know that from Thanksgiving to New Years, there is no chance I will have time to get together with any of my friends (and we generally get together 1-2 times a week the rest of the year). I am also way too busy to host playdates at my house during the holidays. Too much going on:
-Holiday Shopping
-Holiday baking
-Christmas cards to write and address
-Gift wrapping
-decorating
-Holiday parties (for both sides of the family, work, etc)
-kid's school programs to attend (which means I have to make up work later in the day since I missed hours to attend the program)

My kiddos are very involved with all the baking, wrapping, cards, decorating, etc. Add to that their homework and the fact that it gets dark by 5:30 and the day just seems to be too full to add anything else to the mix. You also have no idea if this family has people visiting for the holidays or if they are going out of town. (We have had to go out of town 4 times in the last month for family holiday parties. We aren't even home on the weekends this month). Please don't be offended and try them again after January 1st.

I do not think she meant anything.... about it.
Don't infer.

Now, I am play-date central at my house. I have 2 kids and will OFTEN have play dates here for both my kids. My daughter's friends and my son's friends, ALL over at the same time. Sometimes 8 kids are here.

Now, the thing is though, I ABHOR... last minute play-dates or drop-ins or surprise play-dates. I... like to have, lead-time and warning... per play-dates. It is just me.
And though everyone knows me and my family and home... I STILL feel the need to make my home, at least cleaner/neater, than just our everyday level of it. So, that means... I do not like being ambushed... about play dates.
I have to mull it over.

Both my kids got lots of play date invitations for over Christmas break.
But along with my schedule/calendar and my kids and our family and what "I" need to do to get ready for the Holidays... I personally, do not know... "when" we can have those play dates. And it is not anything personal, against that other child or family.

I would just let it go. She may actually be getting ready for Christmas. Maybe they have a family get together this weekend for Christmas or Christmas crafts to finish up or some baking they are going to be doing. Who knows? This is the last weekend before Christmas to get all of the last minute things done.

could she spare an hour.. maybe. But it might fall into the middle of what she/ they are planning on doing. I would wait until Christmas break when things are calmer and the kids do have more free time. By then the kids will be looking for someone to play with and share their new gifts with.

Play dates can be hard during the holiday's - people packing for traveling, even local, wrapping presents, shopping, etc.

Don't take it the wrong way. Maybe you can call her next week and say "I bet you are busy getting ready for Christmas - can Johnny come over so you can wrap presents or go shopping without stress?"

I wouldn't stress over it though. Take a deep breath...let it out slow....you got this.

Hence another reason I detest that we have been cornered into scheduling "dates" and so many activities for our kids. Kids should be outside in the neighborhoods playing.

I am like you, just kind of care free and wanting to get my kids with other kids to hang out and play. But...we now have to set everything up and work with everyone's schedules. Kids used to just go outside and play..together..make up their own games and set up their own "play times". We purposely bought a home with a pool and in a court so it was very kid friendly and a place where all the parties could be.

The mom is probably busy and feels she would have to reciprocate a playdate and she feels overwhelmed already. Or..she may feel like she needs to tag along and hang out while the boys play. Some moms feel a little uncomfortable sending over their kids so they avoid it all together.

Don't take it personally. I know it is a bummer because all you want is to have your son have a playmate for a while..to you it doesn't seem like a big undertaking.

Sooo... pack him up and hit a couple parks. I used to do this all the time..we went looking for kids to play with at parks. And, it was sad to be at parks during the middle of the day and there were no kids. They were all at daycare or preschool.

Good luck and best wishes!!

The holidays are buts for many people and maybe she just didn't have the time to mess with it. I wouldn't take this personal at all.

If she's in a family that celebrates Christmas in the traditional, religious sense, she's probably not blowing you off.

We have been observing Advent for the last three weeks, and our schedule is jam packed with everything from church related activities, bake sales, holiday plays, holiday shopping, to holiday parties, and next week we'll be swamped with family from out of town and all that comes with that...THEN we'll celebrate Christmas Eve with midnight mass (and yes it is really at midnight and is about 2 -3 hours long) and then return to church the following day for Mass in the morning, then we rush off to meet up with family and friends for dinner and presents, and continue the merriment well into the next two weeks leading into the Epiphany (3 Wisemen Day and the first or second weekend in January). I didn't even mention New Years and parties for that.

I say you're reading too much into this. Don't take it personally. If she has a schedule like mine she truly is a busy person and isn't blowing you off. My kids realistically won't have any "playdates" per se until the week after Christmas. Since Thanksgiving weekend, we literally have been booked with holiday related activities every weekend. It would be a huge sacrifice to the schedule and my sanity if I had to squeeze in playdates for the kids right now. We don't have an hour to spare. We did schedule something with our kid's friends for the week they're out of school and I'm hopeful by then we'll have much of the family and Christmas party hoopla past us...that is if no one catches a cold or flu after all of this business and merriment.

Definitely don't take this personally. Call after Xmas and set a day/time. If you get shot down 2x more then I would feel rejected. Otherwise, just a case of the busy holiday season. Have a good holiday!

When we are rejected, there is no maybe play on x. It is "We are sooooo busy and can't really schedule things."
Frankly after doing all the special parties this week, I rejected a playdate which I don't think I have ever done. I just could not deal with one more thing.

I wouldn't do any playdates right now because we are toobusy with holiday plans!

Oh, yeah, absolutely, this time of year I pretty much avoid ALL playdates. It's a crazy time of year and the LAST thing I want to deal with is someone coming over and messing up my house RIGHT before my parents arrive, or driving my kids around to others' homes when I have a million other things to do. Take what your neighbor says at face value. She's not rejecting you, she probably truly is pretty busy right now. You'll have a wonderful playdate after Christmas when things settle down a bit.

Yes, you are reading into it too much. If people work, have other kids, kids in activities, have their own hobbies, are last minute shoppers, etc., then it's entirely feasible that they aren't ready for play dates right now. Just remember that sometimes people may have other things going on that you may not necessarily know about, and it's most likely not a personal thing.

I guess I'm not really sure why you are in shock if you've only tried once. If it becomes a pattern of excuses then you'll know that something is preventing them from making the play date happen, and it will be time to move on. The fact that she actually called you shows that she does want a play date to happen at some point.

I would just assume they are busy. I know for us we have several parties this weekend, so what little time we have left we want to spend with just the family. After Yule is over than we will resume playdates.

I wouldn't read too much into this. Perhaps she really did have a lot of stuff to get done. Perhaps she didn't want to have it at her house because it is a horrible mess. If this is the first rejection, then give her the benefit of the doubt. If you have made numerouse offers and all have been refused, then it is cause to stop asking....

I didn't read that as a rejection at all. She called you. She said let's try to get together over the break. Just because she couldn't get together when you wanted to doesn't mean that she didn't want to get together at all. If she were truly rejecting you, she probably wouldn't have bothered calling in the first place.

I did not read the other response....and I just told my kids a couple of days ago....that's it, no more playdates until after Christmas....I've got too much to do to be shuttling them back and forth, and someone always gets hurt, so in order to protect my sanity and my family time....I said no before the questions even started.

Not sure...but with a playdate...do you drop off your child at the other parents house or do you go with the child. I know my daughter experienced something horrible at a sleepover when she was 11. Parents ask my grandson all the time about playdates...but my daughter will absolutely NOT let him go over anyones house without her...EVER....I am sure of this.

Just based on that little bit of info, you may be reading too much into it. Many people are very busy at the holiday time and you don't know what their holiday traditions are. I wouldn't take this as her saying that her kid doesn't want top play with yours.
There are times when, holidays or not, someone is simply too busy to make a playdate a priority. They may have out of town company that comes to stay during the holidays or host a big event, in addition to being busy with work, kid events, etc.

I have to agree with the ones who say your are reading too much into it.
I have 4 kids. When moms wanted to have play dates with my little ones in Dec before the Christmas break it was just one more thing stress over.

Maybe ask if you can take her Johnny while she does some Christmas shopping, assure her that you have no issues taking care of him for the whole afternoon.

I didn't read all of your responses, but just thought I'd throw another "you're reading way too much into it!" your way :) Yeah, mom probably has a lot on her mind/plate for this weekend. If she's like me, she might not be able to think about 50 things at once, and the mere thought of playdate might send her over the edge (even if you're the one hosting!) Having some playdates set up for Christmas break is a great idea - something to look forward to. I better start making some phone calls myself :)

I know families who are tremendously busy this time of year. Let go of it and try again later.

Dawn

Sounds reasonable to me. Busy, busy time of year. Get together after
Christmas.

Aww. Don't think anything of it! Families get super busy around the holidays! The lady that runs my Bible study is seriously having a formal, fancified Christmas dinner party with OVER 40 PEOPLE in her HOME. I don't have a house that big, and I swear I doubt I have 40 people in my address book that are local, lol! She also leads the Bible study, we're having a little party, plus all the church events, community events, seasonal events, church events, school plays/musicals, charitable opportunities, some have family to visit and if not then at least family to shop for and other peoples' parties to attend. We also do several family crafts for fun (gingerbread trains, painting, ornament making, card/letter writing, taking annual family portraits, and we bake or make little treats with the children every couple days).
We have no family but us 4, but we still have our weekends COMPLETELY booked this month. (Some of it is "booked" as quiet family time or father/son, mother/son, or mommy/daddy dates, some of it is holiday fun).
We have a friend that we usually talk to and have weekly playdates, but in the past 2 weeks I've talked to her on the phone twice for less than 10 minutes, and I saw her once when she came by for ONE minute just to drop off something, and invite my son to her son's upcoming Polar Express party. We're still friends, everything is good, we just all have a lot going on right now. Part of the fun. In January, life will get back to its normal, slower, more predictable pace. Revisit the idea mid-to-late January when people have had a little time to recover, and I'm sure a playdate would be easy to plan.

I know what you mean, but don't read too much into it!

My step daughter is 10 and we have trouble getting her together with her friends. She is in many activities and so are her friends, plus her father and I work AND she goes to her mom's every other weekend. Sometimes on the weekends we just want to sit around a be a family.

My daughter has called her friends to play and she's been turned down--only to find out later on facebook that the family was just sitting around all day. Sometimes you just need some "down" time as a family.

We are looking forward to 2 weeks off from all our activities, and playdates would just be MORE planned activities. Maybe toward the end of Christmas break we'll do some playdates.

So don't be offended. Some people are just super busy!

I hate the busy-ness that overtakes the season. I have five kids and the oldest is 16 and youngest 4. Each has performances (day and evening) and needs snacks for them. Class parties, shopping and wrapping and just normal house upkeep have me an anxious mess. I do have a play date scheduled for this week, but we have put a "STOP!" on all new plans in order to (hopefully) maintain some space for sanity and possibly even peace and togetherness :)

Don't take it personally at all. I wouldn't have understood the stress of this, though, before I had all these different ages and events. Hang in there and enjoy your holidays!!

Please don't read too much into it. I confess my daughter is in kindergarten and I am not good at setting up playdates. I work 3 long days a week which means mostly on those days the only time I see my kids is to get them up and maybe put them to bed. That leaves 2 nights for family outside of the crazy weekends, which I work every other. To be honest, my time with my kids is pretty precious to me and I don't always like to share. I don't keep my daughter away from friends, but I do resent losing time to all the friends. I realize that is wrong and inevitable, but it is a hard transition. Please don't judge the mom, or me. :-) She just may not have seen her son for awhile and really wanted him home, or she may realize she won't see him for awhile, thus the same answer. We don't mean to be rude, just want to see our kids.

We do not allow playdates on weekends, or other special family times. Who know's grandma may be in town for Christmas. She may be juggling older kids' sports scheduales or social lives. It seems silly but sometimes an "hour" is too much for me to spare too. Just try again after break.

You are reading too much into this. You never know what is going on there, maybe dr appts and other commitments. So just leave it alone and plan for some play time during the break.

She said they are busy, planning family time, etc. But she did not rule out a play date.