My 7 year old daughter is going through friend drama. They have a threesome... one day two are besties and the other is "being mean", the next day my daughter feels excluded and hangs out with someone outside the circle, the following day they are the three muskateers. That's a separate topic and I'm having discussions with my daughter and with the other moms to try to find out what's going on, and to encourage them all to be kinder.
In the meantime, she has her 8th birthday coming up. She wants to have a sleepover and I've told her she can have up to three girls. The problem is, the invitation list changes from day to day. Sometimes it's the threesome, sometimes it's just one of them, sometimes it's someone outside the group... depending on the drama du jour. At what point do I draw a line in the sand and tell her we're extending invitations and this is the final cut? Wait until the week before to see where things are? I like to give people ample time to get it on their calendars, as we're all busy.
Thanks, ladies. I think you're right, they should both be invited. I do worry about someone winding up in tears, which has happened on playdates and field trips in the past. But hopefully we'll make progress on the kindness thing in the interim.
Now I just have to time the sending of the invitations for a day when she likes them both, since she's making the guest list.
They are all friends. Invite both.
My bestie at that age was my cousin, Mandy. We fought and made up on a 3-day rotation. No matter how ticked I might have been, she would be invited and we would still have fun. They'll make up and vow never to fight again (until the next fight).
:-)
Just a quick note: talk with your daughter about not "uninviting" her "besties" to her party just because she is mad. I know that young girls will often get mad and then say "You're not invited to my party."
I also disagree about not getting involved with your daughter's social situations. I have always guided my daughter through her social situations, she comes to me and we work on what to do together. I hope that she sees me as a resource and that she continues to come to me as she grows older. I never just listen, I always help her figure out what to do. She wouldn't come to me if she had all the answers. She usually comes up with solutions, but we work out how to implement them together. This has handled bullying and friend drama.
Social situations are hard enough when you're a child. I can't imagine just making your child go through them alone. My daughter has blossomed socially, and she now has social SKILLS. Skills are learned and practiced, and you can't learn without a teacher.
Invite the 2 besties, no matter what the drama at the time. It changes so rapidly from day to day, hour to hour. There would be waaaaay more drama and hurt feelings if one was left out.
IMHO I would only invite one friend for the sleepover that she gets a long with. If there is too much drama I wouldn't even have the sleep over. Sleepovers are SO overated and someone always ends up with their feelings hurt, feeling left out and the drama is just not worth it.
We don't do group sleepovers, just one girl gets to stay over once in a while and that's it. Or we do a regular party at the bowling alley or at our home. If our girls want a sleepover we let them choose one girl.
Just my 2 cents!
MFM
Invites should go out at least 2 weeks in advance. If DD is on the "outs" with one of the girls, explain that by the time the party rolls around, that will have changed and the bottom line is, even though they fight, they are good friends.
BTW, I wouldn't be having any discussions with the other girls' parents. Let the girls work it out on their own - it's called problem solving and it's a good life lesson/skill. Just be there to listen to your daughter when it's her turn to be on the "outs" but don't offer much advice or say anything negative, just tell her you are sorry that happened or that she feels the way she does or whatever. Empathize with her without saying anything at all about the other girls.
