"Petite" Moms and Weight

Oh thank you for bringing it up. Its all body mass index, I am 5'1 and 130lbs. Granted I don't look "big" but I feel it, I can see what others don't when I'm naked in the mirror. I have decided to refer to my weight issues as "toning up" people seem to except this better. Blah, blah, blah. I still would like to lose 2olbs. Don't let them get you down. I get tired of being told that its ridiculous for me to want to lose weight. Its just insensitivity. Thanks again!!! Maybe some of these "friends" will read this. Have a wonderful day.

Don't be silly. 5, 10, 15lbs looks a lot different on a 5'0, 5'1'', etc. frame. I am 5'1" and am struggling trying to lose 10-15lbs after the birth of my daughter in October. I have always had to watch my weight as lbs are easily gained and harder to lose. I am thankful that I did not go overboard when pregnant as that was a fear of mine and only gained 37 lbs. But being the height I am I struggle to be in the recommended weight range but I am certainly trying. I always wished I had a few more inches to play with height-wise! As long as you feel great, you probably look great too!

Hi K.,

LOL! I am 5' even and even a 2 pound weight gain can send me to the next size! I always get laughed at too when I tell people that I gained 3 pounds and clothes aren't fitting. Good for you to get back to pre-preg weight, I am almost 15 pounds over and seems like my body wants to stay here save for a drastic diet and excercise program.

hey K.~
i have kinda been thru something like this. i was overweight though and then lost weight. when i see that some weight starts creeping back on i'll comment that i need to start working on getting rid of the extra pounds and that's when people will start saying that i should be happy i'm not overweight anymore and that i look fine just the way i am. i've just kind of learned not to mention it around them anymore and just do what makes me happy.
i think that if you want to lose 5 pounds...go for it! do not justify yourself to them...maybe just don't talk about it around them....it makes no sense but being that i have been overweight before i do remember hearing "skinny" girls talking about losing weight and in my mind i had no idea why they would want to since they already looked great. i guess sometimes people don't realize that even smaller people have goals of what they want to look like and that they have to struggle just as hard to lose 5 pounds compared to their 25 pounds.
good luck to you!

Hi K.! I am 38 (eww, turning 39 next week!). I am 4'11" and until recently always held steady between 97 and 100 pounds. I, too, gained over 40 pounds will all three pregnancies and was successful returning to my prepregnancy weight until my last baby was born (3 years ago). I just went for my annual gyno checkup and was HORRIFIED to be told I gained 7 pounds!!!! That actually put me at 108. Yep, people laugh that I am so upset. I'm just responding to you so that you know someone does completely understand. I don't feel good about myself physically, my butt isn't where it use to be and my panties leave marks on my hips!!! If I am with a friend I know is struggling with a larger weight problem I try not to whine about my own if I know they won't be particularly sympathetic. What some people don't understand is that it is not even about a particular "number on the scale". It's how we percieve ourself and how we feel in our own skin (and clothes). And that is just as upsetting to us as it is to someone much taller with more weight to lose. So your feelings are NOT trivial!!!:)

K.,
You are not alone!
I just turned 36, weighs 120lbs and stands at 4"11.
Our one and only daughter turned 4yrs old in Nov'07, and I did experience some of what you've mentioned above.

Honestly, it used to bother me before I got married/ pregnant, but now, I am just happy that I am not obese. There's alot of nice clothings that fit me - although sometime I may need to hem my pants and/or jeans. But it's no biggie!

Anyways, due that I know my gene and body well, no matter what people say about my outlook; it doesn't bother me anymore. I am just so blessed that I'm healthy, though petite, weighs a decent load and still live a healthy lifestyle. I still look the same, except I've gained almost 20lbs since I got married - which I am still struggling to get rid of these baby-phat. The thing is I love food and appreciate good food!

I know our daughter will be the same except that she will be much taller than I am when she grows older. But, hey, she's got the asian blood in her.

To-date, I am still considered the tiniest girl at work, in my neigborhood and amongst my friends here in Richmond.

No sweat what others say. I am sure you look lovely!

A little about me:
Me and my husband both work fulltime in the IT industry, our daughter is 4yrs old in preschool. We all love food but eat at an appropriate amount. Everybody's healthy in both sides of our family.

I know the feeling. I'm 5 even and very small. During my last pregnancy, when I had gained 33 pounds, I wasn't taking it too well. No one could quite understand until some one put it this way. I had gained a third of my original weight. When you put it that way, people are a little more understanding.

For the most part, though, no one is really going to get it.

Ignore them! They are envious that you were able to get back down to your pre-baby weight. If they want to lose their own baby weight, it is up to them. I am sure you have a higher metabolism and probably do things which aid in the loss without even realizing it. I have 25lbs to lose myself, but the only person stopping me is myself. You should feel proud. Ignore them! Putting you down won't make them any thinner, it's up to them.

LOL....it's not trivial. You do you. I'm 5'3" but far from "small." I always joke with my co-worker about her desire to lose weight because we are the same height but she is a size 4/6 and i'm a size 12/14. My bone structure is just bigger is all. So, I would just say be conscious about what makes you happy and don't pay attention to other's comments. You don't need to justify anything.

D.

I feel your pain K.. I am also 5 foot 1 inch and during my pregnancy I gained 50 with one and almost 60 with the other and lost it all the first time and with the second lost but 10 pounds and then worked on losing that. Now that I have quit smoking and reached my "40's" and had a hysterectomy, I had gained 5 pounds and it has been a struggle to lose those 5 pounds... I have a range where I like to have my weight and it is my "comfort zone" and I always get the look too when I discuss losing weight. My husband always tells me to be careful who I discuss it with because some people have more weight to lose than I do.

hi K.,

i have struggled with what you're describing all my life. in my case, it has always been my goal to GAIN weight. i have always been thin, so much so that i grew up thinking that "skinny" meant ugly. i am currently 5' 7" and weigh 110. that's right, 110. i am perfectly healthy, eat three square meals a day plus snacks, but am just really thin. so here's what i do: i basically try to avoid the subject with my friends. they don't understand why i want to tone up my stomach after having my daughter. that's okay - i know what i need to do to be healthy. sometimes i feel guilty eating ice cream and other high-calorie treats in front of my dieting friends, but i try to let go of that. if they're serious about losing weight, then my actions shouldn't stop them. i guess what i'm trying to say is i understand and have been there. my advice is to just shrug it off. in many cases, they're just jealous!

K. don't let anyone tell you what your body weight should be. If you are comfortable being at 117, then that is normal for your height. I have the same problem and I'm 5 foot 2 inches. I look great, but I feel horrible when I don't exercise. I leveled off at 122 after losing 13 lbs. I did weight watchers and it took me about 6 months to loose the baby weight from my 2nd child who is now 16 months old. I will tell you that I feel like have to justify my weight loss and gain all the time because some people just don't understand that to us being a certain weight is a big deal and it effects our entire outlook on life. There is an old saying that if you feel good you do good. If you don't feel good about your body, then you won't act like it either. Now don't get me wrong, there is a weight that is ideal for every height. For everyone it is different, so be careful and don't worry about what anyone else thinks about your weight. You just take care of yourself and stay healthy and when people will see that you are happy, they'll eventually stop making you feel like you have to justify yourself and your weight.

K. - THANK GOD!!!! I just posted something yesterday asking for stories from mothers on weight loss and struggles. It’s so wild that I came on here this morning and ready your post. Let me say that I am 5'2 and 3/4. My birth mother is 4'9. So, I sooo understand what you are saying.
For me, what makes it worse is that I am allergic to so many things and have a heart condition (P.O.T.S.) as well as sadly share it with some of my children. So, I understand health and we have been living a Organic lifestyle for 6 years now. I posted my questions because I just feel like the people who know me and are around me think I am silly for wanting to loose weight. Most of my adult life I was 110 lbs and averaged between a sizes 0-4. I learned when I reached a size 12 in college that processed rice and Taco Bell did not do well for me. After the birth of my son I was a size 12 and it took me 2 years to get back to 115 lbs and a size 4. Then I had my second son who took me to a size 16. It took me 5 years to loose enough weight to get back to a size 6. And you guessed it. Along came my daughter who took me to a size 18. As of January 1 - I weighed 140 lbs and was in a size 8. And my husband who wants to be 155 was 190 lbs. So, we both felt the need to try and find something to work. Because of my health struggles and allergies I am unable to try too many pills or food weight loss programs out there.
25 days ago my husband and I decided to start a cleanse and nutritional program that has allowed both of us to cut the cost of supplements from $500/month to $70/month because we get all the supplements in a shake. WE also have cut our groceries from $1500 a month to $600 a month. (Remember that we eat Organic so that’s why my groceries are so high!)
The program is mostly Organic and seems to be working for us. He has lost 21 lbs and over 10" from his body and I have lost 10 lbs and over 9" from my body.
BUT... I weigh 130 now and just today was able to get into a size 6. I want to get to 115 lbs and size 4. None of our friends seem to understand my need to loose weight, and actually laugh at me when I talk about it. I would be rich If I could collect money for the number of times someone has said "oh, you don’t need to loose weight you weigh 140." I want to scream!!!
My husband’s coworkers are much more supportive for him. But I have no coworkers and just our friends.
So, I come to Mom sites to try and find others that I can learn and understand from as well as recv some support.
The only thing I can say is that I understand your need to loose what you are looking to!
For my husband and I, we will continue to use these products from this program because they are nutritional, easy, forgiving and you can take and make anywhere! WE have seen significant weight loss in my husband and our health seems to be just fine with out the 40 supplements we were taking a day.
But none of my friends are open to listen to us! Even when they complain about weight all the time. They are not positive and make us feel horrible for wanting to get healthier! The past 25 days have been so eye opening from our "support group" that we thought we had. Thank goodness for websites like these!

HTH - Jenn Mama to Bryce~9 Austin~7 Taylor~2
Step Mama to Nich~16 Christian~15

I am a bit in the same boat...although just a few more lbs to lose! But I think my friends would probably say the same thing to me (friends that I know back home). But I guess I am thinking that if I kept persuing it, that they would understand that it was important to me and to respect it. Not sure why your friends can't just respect what is desire, wether they think it is absurd or not. I would probably just flat out ask them that. (Although, I know harder said than done!). But I think if you did ask...you'd put them on the spot, and they would quickly understand to stop their belittling. Try meeting new people at a gym or something that will have the same desires as you, and accept how you feel. THere is definitely nothing wrong with what you want...I think they are just coming from the idea that they wish they weighed/looked as you do...that is their "goal" and yours is higher...hard for them to get.

I am 40 yrs old and 5'0 with a 6 year old son. I gained 60 pounds when preganant and was all of 100 pounds my whole life before pregnancy. I was very active, dancer and flight attendant and relocated from Maryland to NYC, so I walked alot. I have spent the past 6 years on and off at weight watchers and lost 40 pounds. I still have 15 or so to go, and its really hard to lose. I did find I have a thyroid disorder and am now taking meds for it, although it did not affect my weight gain/loss :(. I no longer look to approval from friends or discuss my weight, as I did not get much sympathy either. However, people were just being honest, I really didn't look that bad. It was me who felt bad. And I now try to lose weight and stay healty for just that - health reasons. Being petite means every pound shows, and the clothes just dont fit right. I look to role models like Tina Turner and others at my gym who are older than me and look better and are more fit. Do what feels best for you. And look after your health as only you can. Stacie A.

Don't listen to your friends and do what you think is best. If they tell you that your desire to lose weight is laughable, that's their stuff. Your decisions or self esteem doesn't need to be based on their opinions. Just lose the weight and ignore them. If they continue to make fun of you for wanting to lose weight, maybe they are more focused on themselves and not wanting to support you to accomplish your goals. Friends are supposed to be behind you when you want to better yourself, not putting you down for the desire. Maybe they are a little jealous of your ability to lose weight when they are struggling. Either way, just don't worry about what they say, and maybe just don't share that goal with them if they are going to laugh at you for it.

I agree with the other mom who talked about "toning up". If you frame it in the context of getting healthy they may see it different. I'm in the same boat. I gained 40 lbs with both kids and when I was down to 120 people were saying I looked great! No I didn't. My weight when I'm in great shape is between 105 and 110. Find some people in your life who will celebrate you being healthy and getting in great shape. it's not about the numbers, it's about being healthy. Focus on eating healthy and making your body strong for you and your family. Maybe your friends will follow suit. Make it a lifestyle change.
Good luck!

Hi K.~

I'm 5'9" and have never been petite! My weight issues, particularly after having my beautiful boys, have always been accepted... I get positive encouragement from family and friends. My need to lose weight may be more obvious, but it is in no way more important than yours. You shouldn't be apologetic about this being "trivial". You should be respected. I have a friend who, at 45 years old, wanted a tummy tuck. She was a size 2, if that, and probably 5'3". She had the tummy tuck, and though it wasn't noticeable to me, it made her feel better, and that's what is important. I'm certainly not suggesting surgery, but if you want to the lose 5 lbs you gained, you should have some encouragement, not sneers. I think we all need to take a serious look at our body image... why do we want to lose weight? I want to lose weight to be healthier and able to keep up with my growing boys. Good luck to you. :)

I too am not a tall person. I understand your quest to be what you consider your ideal weight. I not sure why you need your friends to validate you wanting to lose 5 pounds. I am also not sure why you need to have it be just as important as them needing to lose 25. It sounds like you've done a great job reaching your goal. Stay positive. Be healthy. And from my point of view - if it is between EXTRA time for the gym or time with your kids. Pick your kids. They don't care about your five pounds. They love you.

HI! My name is A. and I am the mother of two sweet boys, ages 7 and 5. About your weight loss/gain - if it comes up in conversation how much everyone has gained and is trying to lose, don't participate. OR When someone rolls their eyes about your 5 pounds, inform them that you have to work twice as hard because you have a smaller body type. So it's really like you're trying to lose 10 of their pounds. OR Don't let them make you feel bad. It's not a competition abouy who works the hardest to lose weight or who loses the most weight. Don't compare yourself to others. The only comparing you should do is against yourself and your own goals. My mother is only 5 foot tall and her mother is 4 ft 9in tall. All three of us are small. I understand how careful you have to be in order to maintain a healthy weight. I put on almost 80 pounds with my first baby and lost only about 50 before getting pregnant with my second. I gained 40 back during my second pregnancy and then lost about 60. It is still a daily mental challenge to keep myself healthy. Best of luck and God Bless!

I can sympathize. I am only 5 ft and before I was pregnant with my son I weighed 98 pounds. i didn't gain much, under 20, but still after 2 1/2 years I can't shed the last 7-8 pounds. Because we are petite it looks like a lot more, at least to me. Your body def changes from pregnancy and now I have this 'muffin top' that is quite annoying. People who are overweight hate hearing about this but it is still bothersome. I'm not sure what to say to your friends but let them know that your body image, though different from them, is just as important as theirs. Hope thst helps.

Well, currently, I have about 20 lbs or more to lose, but I have friends who are bigger than I am (I carry my weight pretty well), but I too have been laughed at, or given "the look" like I'm crazy talking to someone bigger than me about wanting/needing to lose weight. Sometimes the best thing to do is think about how you would feel if someone skinnier than you were complaining about their weight, and just shrug some of it off! Or, what I have said to others before, is, "you might think I'm crazy, but I am just not used to being this size, and I'm not comfortable this way!" or something like that! If you emphasize that you are doing it for your own happiness or whatever, and not for superficial, look like a magazine model reasons, maybe they will understand more. Or just keep it to yourself! Also, in my case, after my second son, most of my weight just came right off and I continued to eat/do what I wanted, and when he stopped nursing I started gaining again! Now I am almost 10 lbs away from my highest pregnancy weight and I'm having to do something about it for the first time in my life! Go check out Sparkpeople.com...its a cool calorie counting, exercise tracking website w/lots of healthy advice and EVERYTHING is FREE! you may even find other moms/ladies w/the same issues! I just found the site about 2 weeks ago! My sons are about the same age as yours (only my oldest is 4.5).

Hi there! I don't know that I have the greatest advice, but have had the same problem. I'm short too-- about 5' and have been struggling with my weight ever since our first child was born (almost 3 years ago). So, I'm actually jealous that you're losing the weight!! :) Anyway, I used to have to explain all the time that 5 pounds on me was like 10-15 pounds on someone who was "normal" height. I'm sure you've all ready done this, and I don't know if any of my "normal" height friends ever believed me-- but as you know it's true!! I understand what you're going through and I take my hat off to you for losing the weight!! I guess just try to explain the height difference and remind them of when you were pregnant (I'm assuming you were like me then too). When I was pregnant I got HUGE!! Which made sense because the baby didn't have anywere to go but out. Everyone thought I was having twins because I was so big. The weight is just the same. 5 pounds can spread out more on someone who is taller and not impact their clothes size as much as it does for us. I'm not sure that this helped any or not. Good luck and congratulations on getting the baby weight off!!

Ahhh, the joys of being vertically challenged! I too am petite, and I understand that 5 pounds on us looks like 15-20 on someone taller because they can carry the weight more proportionally. When your friends make light of your struggles(or accomplishments!)just smile & say sweetly "Weight loss is hard no matter how tall we are!" Keep your head high, your shoulders back, eat healthy, exercise & enjoy your little guys!

I am so glad to hear that I am not the only one with this same problem. I am 4'11 and "petite" and am trying to lose the last 6-8 pounds from my last baby (#5!). When I tell people I am trying to lose weight, they just say "yah right". But what they don't understand is that just because we are smaller, doesn't mean we don't have body issues of our own. Plus, I don't feel healthy until those last few pounds are off. On a small frame a few pounds is a lot more than people realize. As for advice about those who don't understand, they may never understand, and maybe we can just take it as a compliment. I guess I didn't solve the problem, but at least you know there is someone out there that understands what you are going through. Good luck!- C. J.

Hi K.,
When I graduated from High School I weighed 117lbs and I am 5 foot 5in. I now weight 125. It was the same then as it is now, everyone would say something about how thin I was and how I needed some 'meat on my bones'. It got on my nerves but I didnt really have a response other than smile.
Fast forward 6 years to the birth of my first child and I gained 60lbs, yes, 60!
I had afew people who would actually say to me things like 'now you know what it feels like, boy you look better with weight on but I wouldnt gain anymore, and even things like 'does your husband ever get upset that you have kept so much weight on?' It hurt. But within 2 years I lost 52 lbs.
And when I spoke of diet and excercise programs to help me get the extra weight off they would also say how ridiculous it was for me to be on a diet and people like me hurt thier feelings when I said I needed to loose weight because that ment they were 'fat'.
It took me 3 years to loose most of that wieght and I endured all the negative while doing so. But,I was very happy when I finally weighed 125. That is my ideal weight.
I had my son 9 yrs later and was stuggling to loose the last 10 lbs and again, people started with the negative attitudes towards my wanting to loose weight.
One day at work I sat down in the lunchroom and started eating my usual grapes, cheese and grahm crackers with a glass of skim milk. A coworker who was about 50 lbs over weight asked me if that was all I was going to eat and I said yes. It was balanced nutrition and I enjoyed it. She proceeded to tell me how annoying 'people like me' are always complaining about our weight and how we act like we are so fat and how she would do anything to be my size. Loosing 10 more pounds was stupid.....
It went on and on till I finally had enough and unfortunatly I said something that was true but it came out as an insult. I said " well, maybe if people like you would have worried about your health and weight when you were only 10-15 pounds over like I am than you wouldn't be 50-60 pounds over weight now. And if you were smart you would start doing something about it now before you are 90 lbs over weight."
After that I realized how true that statement was and I use it whenever someone makes a negative comment about my being too skinny now. But I do try to soften it a little and ask them if they would like to join me for my daily walk and a copy of my healthy menus. Most decline but they dont make comments to me anymore about how I make them made when I talk about the 5lbs I have gained and need to loose.
So the next time someone says to you that you are being rediculous, tell them that they are right, 5 lbs isnt much to loose and thats why you want to do it now before the 5 becomes 25. that is polite and to the point,and leads to no need for further comment. But in case they continue.....ask if they want diet or exercise with you.
B.

I understand how you feel. Do not worry abot what others think. I had my baby April 2007. I am tall and slim, always been that way. After my baby, lost all my pregnancy weight plus some. I am on a no meat diet which was the cause of some of my weight loss. I used to discuss my weight loss with friends and coworkers but the response was all the same. So I stopped talking about it and now I get comments about how much weight I lost and questions on how I did it. Some women are insecure about their weight, either too big or small. If they can only
accept themselves for what they are and not envy you. As long as you are happy forget the rest...

K.,

I can't say that I've been where you are, but I can (I hope) give you some perspective on what your friends might be feeling or thinking and that might help you to address the issue better.

I'm in the catagory of ... never lost all of the baby weight from the first pregancy (14 years and 4 kids ago). I understand the struggle with weight all too well. I was a slyvette young woman, but gained 87 pounds with my first child, due in no small part to a nightmare pregnancy filled with no end of complications. Post pardum depression added to it and then genetics put in their two cents and that was all she wrote. I've been consistanly at least 40 pounds over weight since then. Remember back to how you felt when you will still carring that baby weight just after your sweet little angles where born. I suspect it was hard for you too. Now imagine that that feeling stayed with you everyday.. it never left.. your struggle was never over..now imagine sitting at tea with your amazing friend.. she is vibrant, beautiful, smart, a great mom and great friend.. she is small and at a weight you only long to be at. Then she tells you how she longs to loose weight too. It's hard to look at someone whom to you seems to have all you want and listen to them telling you how unhappy they are with what they have. To you it might seem that they are ungrateful for their gifts. Maybe what you need to do is start off my using words of support for your very over weight friend.. then tell them that you understand the struggle.. it's just as hard with 5 pounds to loose as it is with 25.. but the struggle for you might not take as long. Tell her you support her, maybe suggest something you can do together to help eachoter. Good luck sweetie.. with your friends and with you weight.

I don't think it's trivial. My sister is petite, and she has the same issue. When you are small, 5 pounds makes a big difference. I would convert it to percentages, like they do on Biggest Loser, and just say you want to lose __% of your body weight. If it's the same % as they want to lose, then they have no right to complain.

I am currently in your same position. First, let me explain that I am not petite. I'm 5'5". Before my pregnancies,I was an average 150 to 160. After hard work, I lost all my pregnacy weight, plus an additional 30 lbs. Now I have put 10 lbs. back on. It was a cumulation of Christmas, moving, and I stopped nursing. I want so desparately to lose that 10 lbs. and feel skinny like I did before. Everytime I speak with my husband, other family members and friends about it, they say I look great now and that it's a crazy thing to worry about. But if you don't feel comfortable in your own skin, then who are they to say that. I am the one living in my body. It is just as important to lose 5 lbs. as it is 40. Do what makes you happy!

Ya know sweety i am not a small girl like yourself i am 5'9 on a good day but my mom is only 5 ft and i have some short sisters at only 5'2and 5'3 so i see the struggle the have with those little 5 pounds.Lets face it on a smaller figure 5lbs makes a big difference. For example i at 5'9 and 140 lbs was a size 6 my sister at 5'2 and 140 lbs was a size 10/12. So just let your friends know that when your small every little pound counts because you dont have as much space to hide it all.And dont worry sweety when it comes to women and weight issues it is never a trivial thing so dont be imbaressed about your question!!! Love abby

Hi there- first, let me say that this is my first posting on thie site. so we can be newbies together!
unlike you, i am not petite. i'm at that stage where people look at me and think "curvy"- not that i need to loose a bunch of weight.
I have friends that run the full spectrum- from size 0 to 250 lbs. every one of them are beautiful women. now, since we are women- we talk about our weight, and the things we would like to change about our bodies.
at first, i would feel bad about bemoaning my extra 15 lbs, when my friend next to me is a size 22. seems kinda awkward, especially when those friends easily turn the tables and tell my size 8 butt to shut up. :)
so here is the line i use- and i think it could apply to your situation. feel free to steal it. :)
"i want to be the best version of me possible."
and if that means i will always have my grandmother's legs, then so be it. but i am going to do the best i can with what God gave me.
keep your chin up

Just do it- take it off by whatever means you can to make yourself happy and healthy- just don't talk about it-and certainly don't complain about it-
by the way i am also 5'2" and returned to my previous weight after both pregnancies- i just don't talk about it- or complain about it- I eat what I like and exercise when I can-weight looks different on a smaller frame-end of story-enjoy your boys!

Hi K., I too am a petite mom of two. I am about 5 2.5 inches tall and weigh around 113-115 lbs. I encounter the same issues with other women when I discuss my weight or desire to lose weight. The thing to remember is that 5 pounds on a 5 foot person is whole lot different than 5 pounds on a 5 foot 6 in person. Our weight is distributed differently and we are more compact. Someone who is taller may be able to distribute that weight a little better and may be able to "hide" it more easily.

I would explain in that way. If I gain 5 lbs, my jeans don't fit well, etc. etc. Or, just don't discuss weight. That way there are no comments made. That's actually what I have had to do because my friends just weren't able to understand.

Best of luck.

5 pounds is a dress size for us shorties!

However, I lost 50 pounds in a few months (doctors still aren't sure why and I ahve been tested 6 ways to Sunday). I now refuse to discuss myw eight--and if someone pushes the subject I'll tell them that. Aren't we more than our weight, for heavens sake!

Hi K.,

I just wanted to offer my words of wisdom. I am medium size so I have been on both ends of the spectrum. I have friends larger than me and smaller than me so I know what you are feeling and I've been the one to make others feel it too. The biggest thing that I've learned is that as women, none of us are ever happy with our weight. All of us are always complaining. Your weight IS just as important as theirs because it's connected to YOUR happiness. However, what they are telling you is girlfriend...you look good, what are you worried about. Try and take thier remarks for the compliment that it is. We need to be happy with ourselves now. I tell people to go back and look at old pictures. I often say...wow, I wish I looked like that again. Fast forward yourself another 10 years and picture yourself looking at the you now wishing you could be that way again. Love you, love who you are....don't focus all your energy on a few pounds...it's a never ending battle. You'll lose em, you'll gain em back, you'll lose em, you'll gain em back...it's a vicious cycle. So...go grab a martini with your girlfriends today and celebrate life!

Actually, it's not trivial, and certainly not to you since it bothers you. I'd remind them that it's relative. I'm about your size and my sister is a little taller. Five pounds sits differently on each of us. I'd honestly tell them it bothers you and if you continue to have these conversations, leave the exact poundage out of it. You have weight to lose, and so do they. The amount is relative to the size of the body. The point is how you feel about it.

OH MY GOSH, I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND!!!! I weigh aprox. 120ish (my scale is currently broken) and am 5'2" which falls within "normal" however, for my bone structure that is a lot for me. I never wieghed over 100lbs before I had children and only wieghed 127 lbs when I was 9mos. pregnant with my 1st child. ( I gained a healthy 30lbs with her) The fact that I weigh close to my pregnancy weight is a little disappointing to me. I in no way would like, (nor could I reasonably maintain) being my pre-pregnancy wieght but I think a healthy weight for me is around 110 lbs. My two best friends (who have no children) have always struggled with their weight and get irritated when I speak of my "problem areas". I have found that the best way to handle them and anyone else is to say the following, " I realize that my current weight is most people's goal weight but for me however it is uncomfortable because of my petite build. Since I've had three children and now that I'm older I also am gaining in areas that I've never had problems before and have just as many difficulties losing the wieght and toning up as everyone else." Once they stop looking at you as someone who is within the goal they would like to reach and realize that you have the same struggles as they do and can relate to you they seem to understand. I also remind people that everyone has flaws and parts of their body that they would like to change and if it is within your power to do so healthfully why wouldn't you be the best you can be? Hope that helps.

K., it sounds like you are talking straight to me! I am also 5 feet and petite and have struggled with the 5-7 lbs that won't come off. Now I am pregnant with my third, a girl, after having two wonderful boys, 6 and 4 years old. I went into this pregnancy 8lbs over my "normal" weight with such trepidation. I am definitely nervous about losing all that I am gaining right now along with the extra I started with originally. It is a huge struggle and I know what you mean about "it's only 5lbs!" when for me that is an entire dress and pant size. It is no fun when your cute clothes do not fit and you don't feel like yourself. I don't know that I am being helpful, but definitely sympathetic. My strategy is to work out at the gym and try not to eat so much sugar (chocolate, etc.) It is very hard!!! M.

Your desire to maintain a"healthy", weight is not trivial at all. Being a petite person myself and constantly stuggling to get back to my normal weight, I understand how hard it is for you. Do not try to justify why you feel you need to loss, normal height perple will never understand the strain carrying extra poundages puts on our smaller frames. Do what you feel you must do to feel and most of all be healthy.

K. this is not a trivial issue if it is important to you. You know your own body and the weight that is comfortable for you. Everyone carries weight differently and so long as you are healthy, try not to worry about what others are saying. I myself am an almost 34yr old mom of 2 boys. I watch my weight very closely because type 2 diabetes runs very strongly in my family. I am the short and small framed one in my family, but I am definitely not light. I carry a lot of weight for someone my size, but I have a lot of muscle. At my weight, I am a size 6-8. My sister at the same weight would be a size 14-16. And I do know about those 5 pounds being just as important. For me it is just as hard to lose 5 pounds as for my family members to lose 15-20. Your frustration seems perfrectly normal to me. Hang in there!

I to am 5'1" and have 2 children. I was back to my 125 after my first and am working back to a hopeful 120 after my second (now 5 month old). I too have the same conversations with my friends . I will tell you I honestly just let them talk and eat cake. I listen and eat carrots!!!! The weight that I feel comfortable is important to me, and I work daily towards that goal. If I am pressured and feel the need to justify my weight goals my usual reply is "That is just the weight at which I feel comfortable."
I have been overweight in the past and I lost 70 pounds, that is a challenge I don't want to face again. I choose the fight the first 5 lbs like you and not let it get to 25..

I don't think it's trivial...you have a desire to be the fittest your frame is meant to be! I am the friend that would need to lose the 40 or more and have many friends that are very tiny...but I understand how important it is to get to your desired weight no matter the pounds needed to lose....I'd safely say they aren't laughing at you to be cruel or that your 5 lbs don't matter...but you can let them know just like you did in your comment by saying "my five pounds are just as important to you as your 25 are"...and it's usually those last few pounds that are the hardest to lose....so good luck with your 5 lbs.

petite or not petite..your weight matters to you just like their weight matters to them....I am tall and thin boned so I can get away with a few extra pounds but my friends think I am crazy when I want to lose weight...they tell me how skinny I am they think I am 115 lbs (I have never said that) but am actually pushing 140 so again what matters to you is what is important...I try to explain that to my husband (not that it helps) your feelings are just that "YOURS" hope it helped...S.

Hey K.,

As a petite person, just over 5 ft, with a very small frame. I can relate to what you are saying. People would always do that to me, not understanding that 5 (or even 2-3) lbs on a petite person is like 10 on someone taller. Ignore them! Do what is right for you so that you feel good about yourself.
A word of caution, I am a lot older than you, and in my experience I have found that in your late 30's, early 40's it gets so much harder to lose weight! You are on a good track, get to a comfortable weight now and try to stay there. Try to do resistance training, building up your muscles helps to keep your metabolism up, which unfortunately can slow with aging. One more piece of advice-avoid white food! (white sugar, white flour, white pasta, you get the idea.) That's always helped me.

K., sorry to say this, but they may never sympathize with you. I have been in your position myself. I suffer from an auto-immune disease and sometimes have to take steroids, which often results in weight gain. I am generally a thin person and so when I gain weight, some women often enjoy seeing that! I had one friend who would call and ask how I was doing. I would give her a brief run-down and her only question would then be..."Are the steroids making you gain weight?" Mean, yep.
The reality is that if your clothes don't fit right, then you don't feel right in them, no matter what your size.
It is difficult for people who truly struggle w/weight loss to sympathize w/people who loose weight easily. There is such a stigma attached to our weight and women are often unkind and unsupportive of each other in this matter. I dare say, if you were very over-weight and in a weight loss program w/another woman also very over-weight, there would be some competition there as well. Don't know why we are not kinder to each other about this topic.
I guess if you look at it from their perspective...try this. Imagine if you had really horrible acne. I mean really a bad scenario. let's say you have a friend who has one little zit and then she's complaining about it. How would you feel? I think that's just a glimpse about how your friends may be feeling about your small weight loss issue. Make sense?

Honestly, my suggestion would be to not discuss your weight concerns with these particular friends. It is obviously a sensitive issue w/them and perhaps just as upsetting to them. I know we girls like to talk about everything, but some things are not worth the trouble. It's nice to think that we can discuss all things with our friends, but the truth is, that some things are better left unsaid. If these friends are good to you and supportive in other matters, then I'd chalk this one up to better left alone.
Hope this helps! Oh, and I for one do not feel you are shallow or trivial!
M.

Sorry but it sounds to me like your friends are trying to make everyone fat because they are. I'm a 5'4" 105lb woman and I lost every pound of baby fat without trying but it took a year. Now that I FINALLy feel like I have time again I'm back into running and lifting weights. I'm training for a 10K coming up in May. Being fit and exercising is part of my lifestyle. It makes me happy to take care of myself just as taking care of your property or your kids, or anything in life.. your job etc does. It's good to be responsible and the benefit of being responsible with your body is you look great too!! :-) Why would you care so much about others opinions... especially when they are clearly wrong? Maybe you need to surround yourself with less negative people?? I got super lucky with the women in my neighborhood. They are all into triathalons, marathons, etc. VEry odd to find such women but it's great! Good luck with it.

Don't talk to your friends about pounds. Just tell them you want to be healthy. You don't need to please anyone in this matter except yourself and your husband. Be happy! God thinks you are beautiful! AF

I am a petite person as well who never had to struggle to maintain my weight, until now. i have decided not to talk about it with people who are not authentically healthy people or not athletic type people. otherwise you get a whole bunch of junk about how you're so skinny you don't have to worry about your weight (you've probably heard it all already.) i would advise you to quit talking about your weight with people who are overweight and not doing anything about it.

Hi K.,

You are right, things are relative. Your 5 pounds feels important to you. Their 25 pounds feels important to them. As women, we are conditioned to compare ourselves and our bodies to one another. I imagine there is a little bit of this going on on both sides the the equation here. The challenge for us is to learn to feel comfortable in our skin no matter what the person next to us looks like. If you sincerely feel as if you need support in this area of losing or gaining weight, ask for that support from someone who can give it to you without getting caught in their own stuff. Otherwise, choose not to engage in the weight conversation with your friends. It is creating a certain amount of suffering for you that is unnecessary. Ask yourself, is this suffering just around the weight discussion, or do i feel not listened to by my friends in other areas as well. If this is the case, request that things be different.

My suggestion is don't talk to them about weight. There are plenty of other things you have in common that you can talk about. Anytime the issue of weight loss comes up, just keep mum and let them complain. Stick to it. Don't worry about what others think. I always just tell people I compare me to me and not to anyone else, that's why I need to lose weight, go the gym, whatever it may be. Best of luck to you!! I hope I can lose the baby weight as successfully as you have!