Any parents have kids who pee when they are angry? My daughter is 2.5 and pretty new to potty training (about 2 months). I notice she pees herself when she is angry or isn't getting enough attention / her way. She has peed at daycare in her chair then tells our provider she did so. She peed in her car seat today because - I believe - she wasn't getting her way.
I have asked her why she pees but i'm not sure she knows the answer. (or am i being fooled!!)
Do you punish? Or does that make them pee more?? Do you ignore?
Help!!
The peeing out of spite has considerably slowed, in fact, it just about stopped until just the other day when she had a difference of opinion with her nanny and peed. We don't scold her much, but try, instead, to explain. She responds well to this and after this most recent episode, reminded me that the conversations need to continue as a reminder to proper behavior. Thanks for your inputs.
My next post will be about training for pre-school (self-sufficent wiping and hand washing). I hope everyone has some good tips for me!
hahaha, I dont have an answer but I thinks it's pretty funny.
I wonder if I can manipulate people around me by doing it?
"You better go get those items at the store Grandma asked for or she'll pee in her chair again...."
:)
HI M.,
Well, your little sweetie may very well be peeing on purpose. Eating and toileting are often issues that kids can use for control, and do, even at this young age. But it's likely that she's just really frustrated and doesn't know how to appropriately communicate about it. It's really very resourceful, I think. By now the enthusiasm for potty training may have worn off, so it might make sense to her to get attention by having an accident.
I would take a look at how you (and the daycare provider) respond to the "accidents." Does she get a lot for attention for doing this? I would also look at any changes that may have occurred recently. Have there been any changes in daycare or at home? A new schedule? A new child joining the group?
Try validating and labeling her feeling when you see she's getting upset, and teach her how to use words to get what she needs. So validating... "Oh Jane, I know how much you want to stay at the park. I see it makes you mad and sad to have to leave when you were playing. I wish we could stay at the park all day and play. Tomorrow we'll come back and swing on the swings." Or labeling feelings... "Jane, I know you wanted to play with that toy, and it's Ted's turn. Are you frustrated because you want a turn now? It's ok to be mad. You'll get a turn as soon as he's finished."
Another possibility could very well be that she too focussed on being upset to notice that she needs to pee. In either case, I would simply acknowledge that she had an accident... "Jane is looks like you had a pee pee accident. That's ok... Let's try to listen to our bodies when we have to go potty and make it to the bathroom next time. Come and let's get cleaned up/ clean up together." No anger, no accusations, just be matter of fact.
She's still so little... it could be just a phase or it could be that she hasn't been potty trained all that long. I pay close attention and see if anything becomes clearer for you. I would not punish her for this.
Good luck!
She's likely having an accident because she's so worked up about whatever a 2 year old gets worked up about (just about anything & everything! lol) that she doesn't notice the signs that she has to go. At this young age they don't have the brainpower to attend to more than one thing at a time. The only times my daughter has had accidents is when she is distracted by something, super focused on something, in a new environment with lots going on or distressed.
It's my job to create a winning environment for her - which means I need (you and your daycare provider needs) to ask her 100x per day if she has to use the potty, be aware how long it's been in between potty breaks, celebrate her success when she gets it right, and say oops, that's ok when she has an accident. The biggest issue for me was to make sure we didn't turn potty training into a control game. Sometimes it has been tricky - I really have to think about my responses and have potty plan for every trip (on planes or to the park). My dd started potty training 1 month before her 3 year b'day and because she was older, it really was easy. She was ready mentally & physically.
We have never punished over accidents - that would be like putting you on probabation at your new job when you made a mistake...completely unfair and it sets the tone for bigger problems as she gets older. I actually comfort her and tell her it's ok to have accidents, no big deal and I move right on!
Good luck!!
oh, heavens!!!
of course she doesn't know the answer! she's only 2!
she's not spiteful and PLEASE don't punish her for it!
i would completely ignore this behavior. clean it up (yes, she can help) and then go on about your business.
yes, she is probably communicating with this behavior, but it's because she is not capable of articulating what's going on which yes, is very likely frustration. you can help her be more verbal about it, but please don't accord this toddler behavior with adult motives and labels.
help her develop better coping and communicating methods and this one will go away. the less attention you give it, the less use she will be able to make of it.
khairete
S.
Punish--no, ignore--yes. She's still a baby, and even if she did it out of frustration with the situation, you can't control when she pees, so don't fight a battle that you can't win. Clean it up, and move on. If sometime in the future, say a year from now, it becomes obvious that she's doing it out of spite, then she can start cleaning up her own messes.
She's 2.5 and apparently she's NOT fully potty trained...yet...shes working on it.
