My oldest son will be 3 in December. The past couple of months he has really been a “terrible two.” I’m looking for recommendations of parenting books that have helped you deal with your toddler.
He’s at the stage where his favorite word is “no” and he doesn’t listen or obey when we try to get him to stop doing something like jumping on the couch, etc. He also is having some issues dealing with his 8 month old brother. He occasionally will hit his brother (not hard) and wants to leave him home whenever we go somewhere as a family. So I’m looking for some help in dealing with his toddler issues as well as trying to get him to be more accepting of his little brother. Thanks!
Thanks everyone for your great responses! I read Love and Logic for Early Childhood and it made a lot of sense. I've tried a couple of the techniques, now I just need to be more consistent and get my husband to read the book. I'll try reading some of the other books as well. Thanks!
I'd also recommend Love and Logic, as well as Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers. The main thing that both advocate is firmly establishing the rules, and then sticking to them. Consistency is key with kids--let them get away with something once, and they will forever test their boundaries.
I believe the best advice comes from family and friends that you trust and agree with their parenting views and want to imitate. There's a lot to be said for mentoring (try to find someone that can mentor you). But there is a book that I have recently started reading called: Parenting By the Book, by John Rosemond, that I really enjoy. He is a great down to earth and no-nonsense kind of guy.
Playful Parenting, How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and Listen So Your Kids Will Talk, and my favorite, Raising An Emotionally Intelligent Child. All of these are really wonderful books!!
Good luck and congratulations on seeking out some helpful resources!
We have 2 boys, and the BEST book that I have ever read is
rasinggodlytomatoes.com (it's a book, but you can read it online for free:)))
I really wish I read it when our first one was born We started late (5 ans 3), but I know people who started from the begining and thier kids(even boys) NEVER went through terrible 2s, horrible 3s or horrendous 4s like we did.
We r about to have our 3rd and will be using it from the start!!!!!!!!
Love and Logic...we have DVDs, books, went to classes....and it works! Our son is 3.5 and most of the time...a joy to be around. Good luck!
I second the recommendation for How to Talk so Your Kids will Listen.... Their other book, Siblings Without Rivalry..., I found extremely helpful with my two.
I also like Love & Logic for Early Childhood, and the No-Cry Discipline Solution.
Accepting his brother will come with time. Make sure you make a little special time for your 3 year old though, maybe put the baby to bed 15 minutes early and read a special book with your son. My son is 9, and I have read every book they have written- from common sense parenting to love and logic, and there is scream free parenting and on and on and on. I have found-looking back- that we read too much into things. Good old fashioned parenting works- I am just 9 years behind the time with my son. No negotiating. If you tell him no- then mean it- right now! I did a lot of "now andrew, I need you do sit down please" "ok, I really mean it- you need to sit down" Ok Andrew I am counting to three" Even the therapist we see says do it here and now. No chances. "andrew I need you to sit down please" Take him by the arm if he doesn't stop and say- " I said stop-and I mean right now" Trust me, I am digging myself out of a huge hole of giving my son second chances- or the 1-2-3 philosphy- it has made my life very VERY difficult and his as well- they have to learn that when an adult speaks- they need to follow direction - right now. Life doesn't give kids second chances- or a 3 second delay- neither should we if we want them to succeed in life.
I've read a bunch of parenting books. My favorites are: 1,2, 3 Magic; The difficult child by Stanley Turecki; and Parenting the strong willed child by Rex Forehand & Nicholas Long. I also liked Kids, Parents & Power Struggles. If you are dealing with typical 2 & 3 year old behavior then 1,2, 3 Magic will probably suffice for you but if you have a strong willed child then you might want to check out the Difficult child & Parenting the strong willed child. Difficult child talks a lot about temperment and helps you see what is just behavior and what is related to your child's temperment. It gives you some strategies to use when dealing with your child's behavior whether it is temperment related or not. Parenting the strong willed child goes more in depth with strategies to use that will help turn your child's behavior around. It won't "fix" all the behaviors but it will help with a lot.
I love Happiest Toddler on the Block by Dr Karp and
1, 2, 3 Magic
I dont think you are going to find it in a book. I think yu will have to go through several books because no child is the same. You will be looking for books forever to find an answer to each behavior you want to deal with.
First of all....look at how yu teach hin to do anything.
The things that worked in teaching him the behaviors you like must be instilled in him amd he will continue to learn.
Jumping on the sofa...not allowed.
What willyou do when he does jump on the sofa.
Are you going to remove him from the sofa for a period of time, are you going to remove him form the room?
Have something in your hand that he amay want as you prepare to request something of him, adk something of him. He must listen then get to share in the prize.
If he isn't listening now...did he before?
You need to figure out how you want to deal with the behaviors before you can actually deal with them.
If you make a rule/order, follow through with it.
You need to make sure you can follow the rule immediately and in any setting.
You will be working on how you deal with him more than you "fixing" him. You will come up with ways/procedures that you can deal with in teaching him how to perform/behave as you would want. You will also be teaching yourself how to understand yourself better.
But first,,,,is this something new, or something you want to stop because it is out of hand?
Hi:) I feel your pain. My boys (1 & 3 this October) are about the same interval apart as yours, and my oldest is definately in the "test your boundaries" phase.
I read Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood (Fay is both authors' last name, I believe). It was a pretty quick read, and some of the strategies worked right away. It's not really magic, and every day still takes a lot of patience; but it helped.
When I read the amazon review, a lot of people noted that the parent book Parenting with Love and Logic is a better buy, fyi.
As far as the brother issues, we've been pretty lucky. If you're not already, include your oldest in the cares of the youngest. Mine really likes to get toys for his brother or help with baths or anything, really. Of course, I heap heap heap on the praise for any kindness he shows his brother!!
Good luck. I was pulling my hair out yesterday and then had two angels today. What a rollercoaster!
happiest toddler on the block. :)
Parenting with Love & Logic is a wonderful book. There are even ones written by the same people specifically geared towards toddlers. Here is their website: http://www.loveandlogic.com/
The Discipline Book by William and Martha Sears. It's coming from an attachment parenting mindset. I've found it very helpful to deal with our very spirited 2 1/2-year-old.
I love Magic 1-2-3 for his behaviors. He is old enough for time outs if he isn't listening when you tell him not to jump on the couch or hit his brother.
Threes are HARD. They far more often are the terrible twos than 2yrs are. Try Happiest Toddler on the Block and Playful Parenting (which gets the kids WANTING to do what you want them to) - also available on audio tape.
One other great book, but probably a little early is "how to talk so kids will listen" It has a lot of examples that have been used in real-life situations over and over.
Here are a list of good books:
http://blogs.theskinnyscoop.com/tag/books/?utm_campaign=t...
I didn't read the other posts - sorry if this is a repeat. The "Love & Logic" books are wonderful. I've used a couple of them now (my kids are 9 and 13) and they are very practical, make a lot of sense, and teach you how to keep your sanity while reaising responsible, self sufficient kids. Not everything they suggest is necessarily easy to do (parenting is hard work!) but I've found that when I do them they work.
Good luck to you!
Love and Logic all the way!!!
i dont really believe in the books..really it just takes alot of patients-and keep setting those boundaries-most of all tell him once-then punish him-arguing is pointless.your the parent hes the child-learning his independance..good luck
Get on the Focus on the Family website and look at the books Dr James Dobson has written - he is incredible and very well known and has excellent advice
