Parenting Advice

Try www.flylady.net. This has helped me feel less overwhelmed, and put myself in a better frame of mind to handle it all. Good luck!

What a lot of great advice!
I'm with mine 24//7 as well because we choose to home school. Life will get easier as the grow up! However right now, I can tell you all the advice about getting them outside is on the money. Kids are completely wound up at the end of a school day. Why don't you take them from school, directly to the park? Pack a snack, then let them have a picnic in the park and work that energy off.

You have about 6 hours in the day without kiddos so that is when you get organized.
Go to Sams and buy a crock pot! That will save your life. You need to have dinner DONE before anyone comes home.

Your kids are also old enough for CHORES. Imagine this, they come home exhausted from the park so they are not all over each other. They get baths or have quiet time, homework time,whatever , then they have their chores. Both of them are old enough to set the table.
Both of them are old enough to help with laundry. Even if it is just piling it into the machine. Show them how much soap to use and let them unload the dryer.
They can put their things away. They will not do this perfectly and that does not matter.
They WILL have a huge sense of accomplishment and feel so great about helping mommy.
THAT will send your husband a powerful message.
Engage your kids whenever possible, involve them in the family chores as well as family fun.On weekends when there is more time, let the kids help prepare dinner. They can tear lettuce, rinse vegetables, all sorts of things. They can certainly put groceries away. Make a game of picking up toys.
Put on a song and give them till the end of the song to race as fast as they can to pick up toys. Make this a fun ritual every day at the same time. They will love it if you turn it into a game. Ask your husband to be responsible for two things each evening whether it is supervising bath time or helping with homework or taking the trash out, just two things. Men have to be told. They simply cannot "guess" what we need from them.
Tell him what you need from him and ask him to do this for family harmony.

Here is the thing, no one has any money right now and your kids don't care. They care that YOU make a fuss over them. They'd rather have a cake mommy made than a store bought cake and they'd rather have your time than a party. When you cannot afford a lot of presents or maybe even one, you can always turn it into a treasure hunt, tie a ribbon to a balloon and have it lead through the house, around furniture, under rugs , down the hall, to the "treasure". That is what they will remember when they grow up. That you made life "fun". Not that they got ten presents or had a bunch of kids over.

Once you get organized during the day, you will find you have some time for yourself. Even if it is just taking a walk around your neighborhood, get out there and have some time to be introspective, just you, alone, in the fresh air. When you can afford it, join a YMCA, they have child care and you can get exercise while someone looks after them!
It will all work out, you just need some organization!

This is a hard one because I think we ALL have been in this situation! BUT I can say that two things have helped:

Send them outside. For some reason when they are outside they are less likely to be on top of each other. They can expend energy without tearing up the house which is a bonus as well.

Have fun with them. Pop in a frozen pizza and sit down and play a game or do something with them that will make you laugh. When the three of you are laughing and having a good time then the competition between the boys for your attention stops. Also, when your husband walks in he may just want to join in on the fun. I do this at the expense of housework, but figure that it is an investment in the boys behavior.

Don't feel bad about the birthday! Homemade cake totally rocks. You can always invite a special friend of two from school to meet you at the park in the future for a playdate.

Tam S. said my thoughts exactly! good luck to you...enjoy them. Time goes so fast.

First get off the guilt trip. Kids never suffer, really, from NOT getting lots of stuff. Your child will appreciate that one toy more than he would have 12 toys!
Second, put them to work. I started my chilren folding wash cloths at age 3. Then it was more as they got older. Tolerate NO fighting. Make it hurt bad enough and they'll think twice. You'll have to figure out what it is that will cause them to feel pain. TV? Games? Take them away. Going to bed w/o supper? Yeah, you have to get a little mean sometimes to get your point across, but they'll learn and love you for it. You might read up on books that teach kids respect. Sounds like your hubby might benefit from reading them, too, if you get get him to. Set your boundaries and stick to them. Good luck.

Check out Love and Logic to help with the kids - parenting style that focuses on kids making decisions. Unless they've ALWAYS been doing this, it may be a reaction to the move - kids express frustration and stress much differently than adults. If you and your husband are stressed out from the relocation, imagine how the kids are feeling. RE. dinner - try slow cooker meals - less work for you :) Don't know if you have a grill, but if you do, see if you can praise your hubby into using it more. They like to grill as opposed to "cooking" LOL.

Re. the birthday party thing - don't drive yourself crazy here. He's too young to care, for one. When I was a kid, we had a party at the house, people brought presents, and we had cake and juice or something. It didn't have to be at some party place, we didn't buy giftbags for the people who came. It's a celebration of your kid's birthday. If it's not too far from the day, and you feel really bad, I say have a party. Get some fruitpunch, make some brownies or something and have fun.

It might be nice to have a little open house or something to meet his friends and friends parents. Perhaps the pre-school could help with that. Ask if they have some kind of social event or open house coming up, as you're new to the area and want to get to know your son's classmates and parents - they may have something on the calendar, especially with halloween around the corner. Then you can meet the people. You don't get to know people, well, until you get to know them :)

A., I found myself (when my kids were younger) having the same problems, ESP with my son. I would like to suggest that first you're a great Mom. You are the Mom so you shouldn't have to reason with your kids. I started taking things away from them for ex: a favorette toy or reward th when they're doing good and it doesn't have to be something you buy, you could give them the choice of what your having for dinner that night or do it as a family incintive ( nut you can give th several choices to choose from)? It's hard raising kids and honestly no one has all the answers but it's good to get some different ideas like you are. I'm not sure how old your other son is but they could also start helping you in the kitchen by alternating unloading or drying if u wash by hand? Anyways wishing you the best and let us all know if the suggestions don't help and we will try to think of other ideas. Best always, Michelle

I feel your pain, I have 2 boys (5 and almost 9)and they act the same way! They play very well together and they fight/wrestle/chase eachother all the time! It drives me nuts, even the dog gets in on it! But they are boys and like someone said "boys play hard"! I do try to get them to go outside - usually it's an energy issue. When they get home from school, they get their snack and get tv time and you can tell when the commercials are on because the chase begins! I did give them a chore chart with allowance tied to it, that has helped - gives them a sense of belonging and helps me out some too! We (me too!)have a schedule, they know when they have play time, homework time, chore time, and bedtime etc. They love when I play a game with them - sometimes I use this as a reward for them being quiet in the house. I have had to crack down on seperating them when they fight too seriously, they each go to their room (no matter who started it) and can come out in 30 min and try to get along. They don't like being seperated, so this usually works. Bottom line, I think they fight when they're bored.. but they also need to learn to entertain themselves and help with the household chores. I have found too, that I'm happier when I play a game with them- I feel more connected to them. I have a husband who helps out tremendously, I think you need to call a family meeting and explain the changes that are going to happen and tell your husband what you need from him! People will treat you the way you allow them to treat you - this is working for your kids and husband - you need to put a stop to it and stand up for yourself because you deserve it!
As far as the birthday party, don't sweat it! What a treat to have a homemade birthday cake! Kids don't look at things like we do, he knows he felt loved and happy on his birthday and THAT is what he'll remember! We shouldn't be thowing huge extravaganzas for our kids anyway! At least not EVERY year! Your financial situation will get better and you can throw him a friend party the next time - or as one mammasource Mom suggested, at the milestones 5/10/13 etc, I thought that was a great idea! Sorry this got so long, I just know exactly where you're coming from! Best wishes!!!!

well i was going through the same thing and what i did was i did a strike for 2 days i didnt help any of them for anything i didnt do dishes clean or wash ironed or anything i went to my room and got in my own lil bubble but i still picked them up from skool and made them food but they had to serve themselvsa and pick up after themselves then they learned to appreciate me and beged for me to be a mom again lol since then i have little angels in my house and about the finacial part im sure they prefered the cake and toy but to be with the people who love them then to be surrounded by strangers and about not knowing their friends you should invite them one day for a sleep over or something like movie night at home etc good luck and best wishes

Hi A.,

Motherhood is definitely the most challenging job in the world, even if it is the most rewarding! Having lost one of my two boys at age 8, I want to first offer my condolences for little Hudson. I hope he and my James are playing together in Heaven as we speak! That is something we moms get through and yet never get "over."

For great advice on how to stop the bickering and get the boys to help around the house, look at www.loveandlogic.com.
You can subscribe to their newsletter and get great tips all the time for free.

If you are ready to make a change to the "financially struggling" aspect of your message, give me a call and let's get together for coffee. I would love to show you the answer that I have found for that particular challenge. You can call me at ###-###-####, 24 hours/day to schedule an appointment.

God bless you and your family!

M.

Sorry to hear you are struggling. Make sure you are taking care of yourself. Eating right, getting some exercise, sleeping at least 7-8 hours, etc. With your kids both being at school and not home all day you should really be feeling more energetic by the time the crew arrives home. Your home stays clean the majority of the day, they aren't there making messes.

It sounds like their behavior might be coming from missing and needing you to spend time with them, not just pick up after them. Kids misbehave to get your attention. Better negative attention than no attention at all. With them being gone all day the house should be fairly picked up and clean when they get home and then work with them (not alone) to keep it that way. They will even enjoy clean up time with you as long as you are all doing it together. I totally agree with getting them outside. Your preschooler is probably getting a lot of playtime each day, but your 6 year old probably isn't getting more than 30 minutes each day at school of true playtime. They are boys and they need to get outside and play hard and run.

As for your husband, maybe if he sees you really enjoying your sons and interacting with them he will want to also. It isn't fun to come home to a wife who is grumpy and doesn't want to interact with you or your children.

I say all this not because my life is perfect, but because I have been there, done that and still revisit it from time to time! :) The only difference is I homeschool all 3 of my kiddos (10, 7, 7) so there is not a break, except for when my wonderful husband takes them all somewhere for an hour or two a couple of times a week to give me some time alone.

Good luck. Hang in there. Love them. They grow fast. Oh, and don't worry about what you felt like was a skimpy birthday. That is what we should ALL be doing! :)

A.,

Put the bat down and stop beating yourself up. You are a great Mom! Please don't worry about your son's birthday party. You did the right thing. I think sometimes as Moms we think we have to "keep up with the Jones" especially on the Preschool party circuit. (I know I did and it was exhausting physically and financially. And you know what...my daughter doesn't even remember where her 4-year-old party was or who was there or what presents she received. She just remembered being exciting that her Grandmother came.

As far as your husband. Tell him you really need his help to keep the family running smoothly and give him SPECIFIC jobs to do. And put your little ones to work, too.

I wish you the best.

A., I feel your pain. I to have the same situation. My husband doesn't help where need be. I once asked he could listen to the 7 year old read. I return to see he's not reading. When asked why? He's response he don't wont to. Are you serious. So I started having him sit at the table while I was cleaning the kitchen or putting things away and have him to read to me. I finally got so tired of all the caotic mess. I put my foot down. Don't want to do homework? Put it back in folder take it to your teacher tell her you don't won't to do homework. finally got the message. And yes they can help out big or small things for them to do. My small children are now 8,4 and 3. My 4 y/o helps fold towels. Of course she does better wi th the wash rags and smaller ones. But hey she tries. She empties the dishwasher puts them on counter so I can put them away. For some reason she loves doing this. Anyhow give it a shot. Homework done right after school helps alot. Out to play for awhile helps get that stored energy out. The picking and fighting ME TOO!! Time out or different rooms. It doesn't happen overnight. But you have to be persistant. Not always easy either. Good luck and Blessings:)

Create a chart for the kids- chore chart have them clean up toys and if they clean up toys then they can go outside or watch a special movie. Have the 6 year old, help put away dishes or put dishes in the dishwasher, sweep, laundry,etc... have him get a reward after doing his chores or helping you.

You and your husband could divide up some of the cleaning. He could fold laundry, while you do the laundry. He could load the dishwasher and you unload the dishes. He could vaccuum while you dust,etc...

As far as discipline goes, have you offered choices-giving them some power and control? Both Love and Logic and Parenting by Design suggest offering choices to kids. Yes there should be consequences, if time out doesn't work or spanking doesn't work. Find something that does. Either take away TV time or video time, take away outside time or riding their bike,etc...

I would highly suggest you take a class in Love and Logic or Parenting By Design. They both have books, DVD's and CD's for sale. Our Foster Care Agency offers Love and Logic training for a fee. Maybe you could go to the library and check some books about Love and Logic? Authors are Jim Faye and a Psychiatrist (can't think of his name). You can subscribe to their newsletters-email.

Hope this helps. C.