Overwhelmed - Rancho Cordova,CA

Dear Denise,
Have you ever heard of the website: www.flylady.net
My daughter and a friends have used this website to help them de-clutter their home!!
Good luck!
M.

Hi. Maybe a list is the way to go. On the weekends, I do lists to get things done that I don't do during the week. Is there anyone that can help you... work with you to help you get organized... like a sister, friend or mom... that might be the way to get started. It's keeping it up after it all gets done. Maybe you could do the organization part and then reward yourself by having someone come in and do the cleaning and that might get you started in the right direction. I wish you the best of luck.

Denise,
I think you need to change your mindset about yourself first. You wrote several reasons why you don't keep your house clean ie: you are slow, you don't stay focused, etc. Now why don't you tell yourself, "yes, I work slowly and methodically, but I WILL get the job done." Don't tackle the kids rooms first...they ARE overwhelming. Start in one room and as you go through things ask yourself, "is this a blessing in my life?" If it is not, toss it, donate it, whatever. Get rid of as much stuff as possible. I think we can all agree we all have way more than we need. Also, your kids are old enough to help out. Mine are the same age and each has a chore chart they do when they get home from school. First thing to do are their lunch boxes and backpacks. Then they clean anything of theirs from our family room (we never seem to get to all of it the night before). Then they pick up their rooms (I don't expect perfection, but they do need to pick up any clothes and toys on the floor). After that they each have one small chore, such as taking out the garbage. With everyone pitching in and with only things that are necessary or that we really love in the house it stays much cleaner and more organized. Good luck!

I too have used fly lady off and on and I recommend it as well. Also make sure that the rest of the family is helping out with taking care of their items and with chores around the house. It is good for them and for you. Good Luck. And don't feel guilty or upset when it is messy, that only drains you of energy, instead just go to it.

Another vote for www.flylady.net!! I absolutely love her system.

Hi Denise,

I too struggle with organization. My husband gets frustrated with me, but knows that I'm working on it. Here's what we did to help me with it all. We instituted a chore chart for the kids. I have a total of 5, but only my 3 oldest do the bigger chores. My 4 yr old does recycling, helps put his laundry away & has to clean his room & make his bed. My older children, 6, 8, & 10 have laundry days where they have to wash, dry & put away their laundry, dishes, vacuuming & cleaning their rooms. If they get stars all week for 4 weeks, they get to go to the prize box. They get a weekly allowance based on the chores they do correctly. This has GREATLY reduced my stress level when it comes to cleaning. My daughter is 2 weeks old today & if I had to clean the house on top of everything else, I'd lose my mind. Just do a little bit every day. It's a great thing to teach the kids to pick up after themselves, they are old enough. It's not your job to pick up after them when they are capable to do it themselves. You can do it, and you'll feel great because it's a family/team effort, not a mom only effort.

Good luck! Just take it one day at a time.
B.

When I read your email, I felt like I was hearing myself several years ago. My house was a mess too, but it was really just a symptom. I was depressed and most things overwhelmed me. I couldn't seem to get anything accomplished and even when I did, nothing was good enough. I don't know if this is the case for you, but please consider that you may need some help with feeling better about yourself. An antidepressant helped me get out of the "sink hole" I had fallen into. It didn't make me ecstatic - no pill will- but it helped me have the energy to help myself. I started to be able to meet those little goals I set for myself each day. I started to feel more effective. Think about it. Sometimes we feel overwhelmed because we have lost connection with anything that makes us feel good.

Take care of yourself and everything else will fall in place. You can do it!

Gt your kdis involved. We have a 5 and 3 year old boys and they clean their room and the play room every weekend. Yes we assist them, but they help around the house as they live there too. You should not be cleaning your kids room (especially the 7 year old's). They shold be cleaning ti and learning responsibility now. Our kids help fold their clothes and put them in their dresser too. Do they fold them perfectly? No, but they feel great helping and they are learning how to fold clothes. They help vacuum too and love it. The oldest doesn't like the vacuum so he chose to sweep the bathroom floors for one of his chores. We all do chores at the same time each week and then get to play afterwards. They really do appreciate things more and like to help out. No, it is not always easy to get them to do their chores, but once we get through the morning of chores and get to play football or ride bikes afterwads they feel great. Have your kids help a lot!

P.

Good Morning Denise, Have you heard of Flylady? It's an online organization that gives advice about keeping up with housework and a bunch of other stuff. Their main premise is that you can do anything for 15 min. You set your timer and tackle whatever seems insurmountable in your household knowing that when the timer goes off you will quit and do something else. You might not come back to it until the next day but you will be surprised at the amount of progress you can make in 15 min and that in itself is motivating. They have a program for getting your children involved with doing their own housekeeping called the House Fairy. The house fairy has assignments for them and also leaves rewards. This is the addy of their homepage.
http://www.flylady.net/index.asp If you sign up to join you will receive emails everyday with the area of the house that flylady is concentrating on that day and the assignment to accomplish. You will also receive a number of testamonial emails of ladies who are using the program and how they are adapting it to their own situation and what success they are having. The number of emails you get everyday may seem overwhelming at first so I end up deleting at the end of the day the ones I didn't get to but if it is one from someone with a really great idea that worked for them I save it. Check it out. I really enjoy it and have been able to put some order in my home. I'm a 60 y/o g-ma with 8 grandkids, 5 of whom I watch twice a week while my daughter is at work. They range from 22 months to 14 years and keep me young.

What motivated me was watching the TV reality show called Clean House. Plus, cleaning/organizing my kids stuff helped me learn what to do for myself. It's easier for me to help others than help myself. At the same time, I've been teaching my kids that there is a place for everything and that they need to put back the game they took out before going on to their next game (I learned this from my kids' Montessori Preschools).

I wanted my kids to learn the proper way to clean a house by setting up a good example for them. My parents never really modeled what cleaning a house truly meant. They never got rid of anything of value. To them, cleaning meant shuffling stuff from one place to another. So, I fell into the same habit.

After watching Clean House, I came to realize that I needed to sell, donate, or throw away valuable stuff and memories that take up space on a regular basis. Plus, it teaches us that for every 1 thing we buy/bring home, we need to sell, donate, or throw away 2 things.

I now go by the 3 decorative item per table or surface area. You can imagine how this makes dusting easier, but having to deal with shuffling around of less stuff is what has made life so much easier.

Cleaning the house is a never ending process, but that doesn't mean you need to stay home all the time. But, you would need to dedicate a single day to do it each time you tackle a section of the closet or portion of the house if the clutter is severe.

After you've mastered the above, you'll eventually be brave enough to venture into the next level...organizing. In terms of organizing the stuff you have left, it helps to buy bins for them. I purchase plastic Sterlite shoe boxes for 99 cents at Target for organizing the smaller items.

Once everything is organized, you will only need a routine of 15 minutes of cleaning each day. That's it!

Try www.flylady.net F-L-Y stands for Finally Loving Yourself. Marla who runs the site, has come up with a system for decluttering and keeping things running smoothly in your home so that you can have PEACE in your home and in your life! Each day you get an email with jobs to do so that you don't get burned out. This is a process, not a quick fix but it is the only thing that ever worked for me.

Look around the website then make sure to sign up for the daily email! She also has a book if you prefer to read that way. It is called Sink Reflections. (The whole process starts with cleaning and shining your kitchen sink since your kitchen tends to be the center of your home.) Look it up on Amazon.com and read a little about the concept. I think you'll love it.

Good luck!

Hi Denise

I so know where you are coming from and here is what ya gots ta do..lol...
First, know that many of us are this way (myself included) Remember the post for the helping moms business...I have a solid reason for doing this. I know what it takes to get the things done we need to...others!!!! If your like me it is easier to do everything if company is coming to dinner, or grandpartens are visiting so I can clean a whole house in as little as 8 hours however, if I just want it done because its driving me nuts...not gonna happen!
I know that if I had someone coming every once in a while to help motivate me I would get tons more done at home. Anyeays, I am here if you need help call me on my business phone ###-###-#### I am not working right now so I have time. Oh and dont worrie no charge to just find out if my venture will help you ok? (first time is free) :o)

C.

Go to www.flylady.net. Sign up, get the podcasts and listen to them.

Here are a few of my favorite things she'll teach you when you are living in CHAOS (Can't Have Anyone Over Syndrome.)

1) Get up everyday and get dressed all the way to lace up shoes. If you're in your franny frumpy clothes its hard to get motivated. But when you get up and put lace up shoes on, you'll be motivated to get things done.

2) You can do anything for 15 minutes. Set your timer and see how much you can accomplish. You'll be amazed.

3) Your house didn't get messy in one day, and it won't get cleaned in one day either.

4) You can't organize clutter. Pick up a small pile that you can accomplish in 15 minutes. Sort it into 3 piles, Stuff to Keep, Stuff to Give Away and Trash. When your timer goes off. Throw away the junk, put the donate bag in your car, so next time you are out and about you can bless other people with the things you don't love or need anymore, and of course, put away the things that you are keeping.

I love the Flylady system because she is super encouraging. You can go to iTunes and download her podcasts. There is no "bandwagon" to fall off of, you just get started where you are and go from there. Beware, there are about 10 emails a day. I started an email account up from for her. Now that I've been with the program for a year, I do the digest version which is only one email a day.

It never hurts to call in a trusted friend or family member or a cleaning service for a good old fashioned Spring Cleaning to get you started on the right path. Once you've got the house in order, Flylady will teach you how to maintain that.

I struggle with this, too. I work full time and have a 45 min commute both directions, so it's pretty much a 10 hr day... I take the kids with me, mine are 3 and 5 and go to school close to my work. My hubby is a slob and it's inherited, his mom and brother are, too... I came from a family who cleaned up after themselves. My Mom's house is seemingly spotless. She's no Marie Barone, but her house is sparkling compared to mine. I can't have company over or invite someone who might drop by in because of the mess. I usually wind up blowing a whole weekend day on cleaning and then I"m grumpy and argumentative with everyone when I should be spending quality time with them. I've tried doing a little everyday, but it doesn't even seem to help. I usually just tell myself that if everyone has clean clothes to wear and no food on their faces..... well, that might be as good as it will get! Good luck and let me know if anyone has any solutions!!!

Totally understand...you are not alone! Flylady is for you! I was turned on to Flylady during a mom's group and it has changed my life! Trust me ...jump right in...baby steps...the timer is your best friend. You will see an end to the CHAOS.