Oppositional Defiant Disorder - Sutton,MA

I don't know if this will help with oppositional behaviors, but it terms of the ADD, you might want to try a diet. I know there are some out there that seem to give some kids a bit of balance. I think a little googling would find a diet pretty quickly. Good Luck.

Hi C.-
I don't know if I can speak directly to your issues with your daughter, but am able to support you fully and applaud your decision to seek help, get the diagnosis and to get counseling for your daughter. I think ADD and Oppositional Disorder is something sometimes not recognized until it is quite late (especially in girls who are often labeled as merely being "too social"), as in my case where my daughter was not diagnosed until she was 15 and on the verge of quitting high school. The thing that finally drove me to seek counseling was her actual physical "acting-out" towards me, which made me fear for my own safety and question my parenting. I was lucky to find a remarkable counselor who has brought us through the slow process of change.
A few questions:
1) Do you have an educational plan with your special needs person at your daughter's school? (In Mass. it is a 504 plan)
2) Is your daughter depressed? Depression causes extreme irritability and usually goes hand-in-hand with ADD.
3) Are you also able to get some counseling for yourself? Sometimes parents of these children need to look at their own reactions in times of great stress and conflict. In my case, I needed to set very clear boundaries about physical contact and firmly stick to them. I also needed to be treated for my own depression, which was making it difficult for me to interact with my daughter in positive ways. I couldn't have done this without the continuous support of my counselor.

I hope I've helped a little. Stay tough, be strong, get good help and know that your daughter will eventually mature :)

D. P.

C., I am so sorry that you are dealing with this. I am a licenced clinician of children and I have dealt with many children with these diagnoses. For those of you who have responded that it is a discipline problem, you really need to do more research and not accuse others of slacking in their parenting skills. I am sure that C. has tried many different approaches of discipline, especially since she is working with counselors. Children with these diagnoses need concrete and consistent schedules and rules. Parenting a child with these diagnoses is probably one of the most difficult things in the world to do. C., I do agree however that you should seek out either a counselor for yourself or a support group of parents dealing with the same things.
Best wishes

C.,

I am so sorry to hear about your daughter's mental health issues.
I have a son who was diagnosed with a mental illness many years ago and have since become very involved with mental health in our state, serving on many mental health Boards and Committees. Run, don't walk, to the National Alliance on Mental Illness in Nashua or Manchester (there are many others in the state as well - not sure where you live.)

They offer a parent's 8 week educational program as well as support groups where you will meet others who have many of the same challenges.

Rebecca Ladd (Rebecca Ladd ###-###-#### ____@____.com)
is a NAMI NH member who lives in Piermont who I know and have heard speak of one of her children who also has this diagnosis. I know that if you write or call her, she will be helpful to you as well. Know you are not alone and there are "voces of experience" out there, ready and willing to help. You can also contact NAMI NH at 1-800-242-6264 or check their web site at www.naminh.org or the national site www.nami.org.

You will be glad you did. You can always write me at ____@____.com

MANCHESTER, NH - Parents Meeting the Challenge
Contact: C. Hayward ###-###-#### or Sue Allen ###-###-####
Email: C. ____@____.com, Sue ____@____.com
Location: YWCA, 72 Concord Street, Manchester
Date: 1st and 3rd Wednesday of the month
Time: 5:30-7:30 PM

NASHUA, NH - Parents Meeting the Challenge
Contact: Pam Banks ###-###-#### ____@____.com or
Tena Ewing ###-###-#### ____@____.com or
Tracy Girouard ###-###-#### ____@____.com
Location: St. Joseph's Hospital, 174 Kinsley Street, Nashua - most meetings in the Carl Amelio Room ... but check at information desk to confirm
Date: 2nd and 4th Monday of the month
Time: 6:30-8:15 PM

i have never heard of this disorder.

Hi C.,

My name is A.. I also live in Merrimac and have a daughter 8 years old who has ADHD and oppositional defiant disorder. First things first, you are absolutely right. It is not a discipline problem, therefore behavior charts and what not will not work, why? Because kids with oppositionalism and ADHD cannot wait 3-7 days for a reward, nor can they make it usually through a whole day without some kiind of meltdown. They key is to keep it in the day. I highly reccomeend a book called From Defiance to Cooperation. I forget who wrote it and I lent my copy out, but it helped me tremendously with my daughter. I used to take it all personal, I was at my wits end with suggestions from people who had no clue and then I read this boook and things started to change. The biggest thing I learned was not to yell and take things away, but to give my daughter choices that had the same end result, such as....Please go clean your room....NO. Ok well you can choose to either go clean your room on your own or you can go clean it and then stay there for the day. It took a couple times, but she started making the right decisions. Another example. Please get your coat...No I don't need it. Ok, you can either get your coat or freeze to death. Well she left without her coat, froze and then the next time I told her to get he coat, she did.
Anyway, just some suggestions. However I am interested in this support group you found. Could you forward the infor to me.

A.

Hi C., just hang in there. I would encourage you to read some books. Please keep an open mind when reading them, they are a bit difficult to understand. I had a hard time as well, The Children of Now, and The Indigo Children. You may of heard of these before, but I urge you to read them. They did wonders for my little boy. He was constantly hitting and misbehaving. After reading these a few times over carefully, I found that he didn't have ADD or autism. I also suggest that you don't medicate her at all. That medicine is bad news! The medications that they use now for depression, ADD, and other mental disorders are only there to cover reality. It doesn't help with the true problem, instead it just makes the child function like a robot so that the parents can control them. When they come off of the drug, the effects can be more harmful than before. Just keep talking to her, therapy is good. Maybe if she talks with other kids like her who aren't on medication, she might get some positive feedback from them on how to deal with her issues. It seems that she's taking out her frustration in a negative way. The anxiety may be from her distant past, so try talking about that. Oppositional defiant disorder isn't real. That's just a name that doctor's have decided to use to catergorize children who misbehave very frequently. If she can't concentrate during school because of the ADD, then find a teacher or possibly another school that can help her. There are many schools that help kids with her issues that won't medicate, rush her, or make her feel different. Most school systems automatically tell parents that the child won't concentrate or do the assigned work. Your child's reply may be that she doesn't need it or it's boring, which is typical. Help your daughter to find herself and do activities that she enjoys, and build school around that. It's not what most schools would prefer, but I think that it would help your daughter. Just because this behavior runs in her family, doesn't mean that these are hard core disorders that she's suffering from. Emotions and energies can be passed from anyone, especially family members. You can help her break this with positive energy and keep telling her that you love her. She seems like she's ready to be herself and independent. Let her make most of her own choices as long as they're reasonable of course. Taking away things from her will just make her want to rebell more. The world keeps saying that kids are changing, they don't have respect like they used to! Kids are changing and even though we are biologically they're parents, we can't demand so much from them. They came through us and are they're own. If we want the child to respect us, then we must show them the same amount of respect. Most children can handle a lot more than we give them credit for. Try reiki therapy too! I wish you good luck and please let me know if you need any more help :)

I have read all the responses and have seen most of these behaviors.
C.,
I also have a 13yr old daughter with ODD/ she also has memory and processing delays and a spacial thing going on. She has an IEP and has co-taught classes with math and reading labs during the week, her difiancey to not do her homework has led the principal to assign her to homework club.. Its mandatory that she stays after school 3 days a week.
She gets home at 430pm in the afternoon, which is a very long day..school starts at 730am.
Is your daughter involved in after school activities, i see a difference in behaviors when she has stayed after school.
But the worst one for us is after she gets new clothes, or its a holiday. its that night or the next day where she is totally miserable and screaming like, she does not remember getting treated the day before. Its a real challenge and my Dh has issues dealing with it at times.
We have tryed the consulting gig. we have tryed meds, but she would just zoombie out and then developed a coughing head jerking tick that went away after 9m0's off of meds.

Because of her behavior she never goes to the store with me, she has to earn the right to go, she has chores that she has to do every saturday. The one and only thing she is allowed to do at night is go to girl scouts every 2 weeks.

Having a child with ODD is a real challenge, i think it helps to know that you are not alone and that you are not the only one that has a child with these behaviors.
It is a very challengeing life and we still have behavior every single day.
I do need to add that all is not bad all the time, i do see a sweet young 13yr old going thru puberty and growing up/but with many many challenges
I think its great that you have parent support groups in your area,, there is nothing around here for ODD.

The most effective form of oppositional defiant disorder treatment is parental management. Parental management involves the parents learning to relate to the child, in a systematic way in order to change the child's negative behaviors. Parental management can be very effective with many children with ODD, but the effectiveness depends on the training that the parent receives.
http://www.disorderscentral.com/odd-in-children.html