Opposite Sex Bathrooms

Just take him in with you - I don't see what the big deal is since everyone will be behind a stall. Remember Ali McBeal - they had co-ed washrooms in their workplace and they don't only exist on TV!! Let the prudes speak and ignore them. I won't be leaving my sons outside the washroom when they're seven either...

I would keep my child safe and foremost. If someone has an issue with going behind closed doors to use the bathroom with a 7 year old in the bathroom, they can wait. It's not like he is sitting there actually watching them go to the bathroom. And it's not like he went in there on his own. He is with his parent. I would feel the same way if my husband took my daughter to the bathroom with him. It is safer to take her in with him then leave her in the hall. I think in that case he could just bring her into a stall to go to the bathroom if they are not alone in there. Otherwise, no big deal. We all go to the bathroom, it's a part of life.

Nope, I wouldn't leave my 7 yo out in the hallway either. Let him stand near the sink and chat with you. If it's O. huge room with toilet & sink, he can still go with you and not "watch" you.

I know the world has changed since I raised my daughter 35 years ago. However, the two main changes that have altered our perception of danger to our children are…

1. … how many people there are sharing the planet now. The same huge percentage of all us are still interested in obeying the law and being helpful to our fellow men, women and children. The same incredibly tiny percentage of people have a predilection for molesting or snatching children.

2. … news reporting. The more sensational, outrageous, or heart-wrenching a story, the more coverage it will get. This leaves many of us with the sense that the world is a terribly dangerous place. Studies show that there's a direct correlation between how much commercial TV a person watches and how dangerous that viewer thinks the world is. And some news reporting is especially egregious in this regard – focusing on the exaggerated faults and evil intentions of everybody else but you, the enthralled viewer.

How sad for our children to think they can't possibly be safe outside the sight of mom or dad, to think there is no stranger they can go to if they need help, to be frightened any time a friendly stranger greets them or comments on their sweet smile, their good throwing arm, their fabulous vocabulary. My goodness, ladies, why would we even want to bring children into such a dreadfully threatening world?

Kids are far more likely to be harmed at home than in public. Most of those events will be accidental, and there will ALWAYS be a way for a child to fall, get burned or poisoned even when we think we've taken every possible precaution. But there's also the "projection" factor – while we're busy believing our kids are in danger from threats from other people, we blithely ignore the many risks we ourselves expose them to – momentary inattention or bad behavior when we're driving; feeding them highly-processed foods laden with unnatural fats, sugars, preservatives and colorings; allowing smoking in the house; daily use of household cleaners, fabric softeners, air "fresheners," and chemicals proven to have serious health risks.

So let's try to apply some simple reason here. Is a child young enough to be physically carried off by a kidnapper in front of other people? Then it's totally fine to keep him beside you, even in the ladies' room. Is he likely to trust anybody who promises him candy or offers him a ride? Then ditto. But if he's a reasonably intelligent 6, 7, 8 years, he's learned to process a lot of information, he runs pretty fast, he knows how to call for help, right? Does anybody fear the emotional/social stunting of our children by teaching them to fear everything and everybody? I sure do.

Funny this question should come up for me now. While at the Portland Zoo last Friday, a little girl (about 10 or so) came up to me and told me that boys were not allowed in the women's restroom. I had my 7 year old (who is really tall for his age but trusting and very innocent) and a stroller with my 3 month old. I was the one who had to use the bathroom. As usual, I took both my sons into the bathroom. I normally try to find the handicap stall so we can all go in. After the little girl washed her hands, she came back to me to ask if I had heard her. I told her thank you on both occasions. Finally, her mother came up to me and told me it was inappropriate for my son to be in the ladies room. She said that she was trying to teach her daughter about modesty and privacy. I was so dumbfounded, I could barely speak.

When I told my husband about it, he agreed that we should continue to do what we are doing. He reminded me that noone else is responsible for our children and first and formost, their saftey and well being comes first. If that makes other people uncomfortable in the ladies room then they always have the choice to leave or wait until we have left.

I try to be sensitive to others while in the bathroom but I am just not willing to leave my 7 year old outside alone. Frankly, I don't see what the big deal is, we all have to use the bathroom and the only part that is in public view, is the sink.

I think you should do what feels 'right' for you in each situation. I will.

I have girls but in my opinion screw what the woman think in the bathroom! We walk in, go into a stall, shut and lock the door, do our business then walk out of the stall! I wouldnt feel comftorable with my 6 year old daughter standing in the hall while I went to the bathroom! It only takes seconds for someone to grab our kids! Maybe you could take him into the handicap stall and ask him to turn away from you so he isnt watching you or out where the other woman are. I wouldnt care if a boy of that age was in the bathroom unless he was disrupting or trying to peak under the stalls, but I wouldnt want a girl to do that either! Good luck!

I do not care what any women would have to say about me bringing my young son to a lady's room. I have always brought my children in with me. My son is now 11 and he now goes into the mens room with me outside yelling in to make sure he is OK. I typically only let him in bathrooms that are single. I have gone as far as not letting anyone in the mens room while my son is in there. Take him with you, if a women says anything to you .......tell her she has nothing my son wants to see. All womens bathrooms have doors on the stalls anyway. Take him with you MOMMA!!

I would take a 7 year old in with me. If anyone gets offended..too bad. Too many freaks out there.

I agree that a 7 year old entering a women's restroom is inappropriate. It's not so much that it would make me uncomfortable, but it's likely to make HIM uncomfortable. I think that 7 is old enough to stand outside and wait for a few minutes. Give him clear rules - stay right "here" and do not speak to anyone while you wait. I should clarify that I do not disagree with bringing your child into the restroom - I have a 5 year old and I do. But I do think it might make a boy uncomfortable to be in there with a bunch of strange women, and at some point, you need to give him some responsibility and trust. There's a great book called "Protecting the Gift" and it's about keeping children and teenagers safe while not totally going overboard.

I agree he should come in with you. Especially in bathrooms, no one is naked in there. You are completely vulnerable and unavailable to help if something happens, so that whole idea of shouting for help or the whistle won't work while you are in the bathroom with pants down. My son will be coming in the restroom with me for a long time, I guess. Fortunately, I hate public bathrooms so I have pretty much trained my bladder to not need to pee in public. I rarely use them. I like the idea of a whistle for an older child in his own bathroom, but not outside in the hall. And I don't know where all these moms live that say there are family rooms everywhere, because we have very few of them. I am always thrilled to find a new one. I agree with the moms who said they will choose thier child's life and safety over someone else's comfort level any day.

Added
There are things we can control and things we can't control. Making sure my child is safe in a situation that I have absolute control over, is a no-brainer for me. Forgoing that and choosing the option that gives me zero control and places him at risk is not an option. Realistically I can't avoid getting in a car, but I can make choices that make that safer. I can't avoid using public restrooms (much as I'd like to) but I can make choices that make those safer too. I am actually not a helicopter mom, but there are times when it is a matter of life and death, or lifelong damage, that I will always choose to err on the side of caution. There are plenty of other opportunities to let my child gain his self confidence and courage.

Take him in there. There are doors on the stalls -it's not like he's standing there watching them go to the bathroom!

It would be so different if women's restrooms were like mens with open stalls. But, women's rooms are very private.

I, personally, would have NO problem with a child being in there for the sake of protecting them in a public place.

Our son is almost 4, and he goes into the women's room with me more than the men's room with his dad. He's always asking something inappropriate when it's quiet, and people are minding their own business. Most of the time it's greeted with laughter.

The world is a different place than it was a generation ago, and I think most people are mindful of protecting our kids as our first priority.

My son is 6, and I agree, I will not leave him outside alone. He comes in and stands outside the stall door where I can see his feet. That way I know he is safe and we are also being age appropriate.

My son will also be 7 in June and there is no way that I would leave him in the hall either. Go for the big stall; it's not just for handicaps. If someone finds it offensive that he might see them wash or dry their hands - they obviously don't have kids.

My son is turning 9 this summer, and there are *still some places where I'm not comfortable having him wait outside for me, even though he's old enough to be mortified to have to come in and wait in the ladies room.
I'm ok with leaving him outside the door in restaurants or small store, but at the park or the rest area on the freeway--no way! When he has to come in, he waits just inside the door.
Like the other moms said, there are stalls for privacy, so it's not like we're putting anyone's modesty at risk. And no one has said anything negative to me about it--if there is any response at all, it's an understanding smile from another mom.

I bring him in with me.

I posted the same thing yesterday...I don't understand the issue - women use stalls...is it a big deal to have a 7 year old boy watch you wash your hands? In my opinion, the bigger concern should be what to do with a 7 year old girl who is with dad and dad needs to use the bathroom...urinals are not as concealing as the stalls in the women's bathroom!

Just take him with you. Never mind any dirty looks you get. Few people will be bothered enough to complain to management.

I brought my sons with me at that age. They aren't peeping Toms for heavens sake. They aren't going to see anything they "shouldn't" unless someone comes out of a stall naked. Take him with you until he is a little older.

Anyone with any common sense wont be offended, obviously your sons safety comes first. My son isnt old enough for this to be an issue for me, but my mother always had my brothers come into the womens room with us and wait outside the stall unless my father was with us.

My son is 9 and I will now allow him to stand outside but only in a store that I trust, not Walmart. Plus I haven't been anywhere without one of his big sisters aong with us.
I have also walked into men's rooms and simply said I have a little guy in here he's taking a long time.

Totally bring him with you! I have no idea how people think their modesty is compromised. Yeesh. As long as a kid isn't looking into the stall, I am totally fine with a little boy being in the ladies room.
I bring my almost 7 year old in with me all the time.

I agree with you......your child's safety comes first!

It can take just 3 minutes or less, for a kid to be abducted. I read that in the news once.

I take my kids with me.
My husband does too if he is with them.

In this day and age, I have NO problem with opposite sex children in the restroom with parents. Anyone who does, probably doesn't have children. And don't most if not all restrooms have stalls for privacy? Seriously folks, what's the big deal? We are dealing with this issue with my 4 year old son in the ladies locker room at our gym. I am just waiting for someone to say something to me, or worse, to him... grrrr

I don't see what the big deal is about bringing a boy into the women's restroom. All the private things are done behind closed doors. I have a ten year old so that sometimes goes into public restrooms with me. I wouldn't take him at his age into a locker room but a bathroom is fine.

Women's restrooms are not the same as locker/shower rooms. I don't see an issue.

I would have more of an issue with a 7-yo boy in a women's locker/shower room.

i take my 8 year old son in the women's bathroom and we use the handicap stall. i make him go in there with me that way i know he is safe!!

Other mothers will understand. Take him in lift the seat and stand outside his stall door. If women who are childless do object just call them a barren uterus and let it go.
Your son does not need to be anxious about public restrooms when he needs to use one. When he's bigger you can stand outside the mens room as I often did very concerned until he reappeared.

Now I am going to tell you a true horror story. Earlier this month my friend's 8 year old son was in a train station with his father who had to use the restroom. He trustingly left the boy outside with his younger brother. The older boy saw a train for a large city in the station and got on it while his father was inside the mens room. When the boy got to his destination he rode the buses around town sightseeing until a bus driver realized he was alone without money or a ticket. The police brought him home.
Take the kid with you. It's better than an adventure that was unplanned.

My strategy: Find a less busy women's restroom, wait til it clears out, boys go straight into a stall to use the toilet and wait there til I'm done. When the public part of the restroom is clear, the boys quickly wash hands and zip back out.

If you are the one who needs to use the bathroom, it's a good time for your child to go, too, just for the heck of it. It may save you from having to find a restroom again a half hour later.

I have two boys and I would bring my kids with me into the ladies bathroom, if I think is necessary. I will careless what other people in the restroom will think, honestly. For those who may give you a comment over bringing your son into the restroom, I "politely" will tell them: did he see you going to do your business? if not, why you are upset over it? and then, turn around and leave...probably, in your mind your will be saying more than just this...lol...I personally do not put up with ridiculous and prejudged attitudes.

Since all women using the restroom are in a stall safely out of sight, I don't think you will ever get complaints or dirty looks for letting your son come into the restroom with you... as long as you make sure he is not peeping through the door cracks on other women. Have him stand by the sinks and wait for you there.
The real question is what does DAD do when he needs to go and has our 8 year old daughter with him. While it is perfectly fine to have a boy in the women's restroom, a girl standing by the urinals is a whole other situation!

I brought him in with me until I felt safe leaving him outside. I don't remember when that was, but I know that at 7 I still brought my sons in with me. Occasionally someone in the restroom would have a fit about it, but most people were okay about it.

Hi T.,
I have seen moms bring there boys (older than that) just inside the door and make them stand at the door (inside) until they are through.

N.

I was the one who posted the question earlier in the week about bringing my 4 year old into the bathroom and the women's locker room at the pool. I do agree that giving your older children some freedom to go into the bathroom on their own is important and teaches them to be independent, but it really comes down to the parent's decision about ages. I also let my 4 and 7 year old play in the cul-de-sac with the neighborhood kids unattended. I really do believe in freedom for them to be kids. However, I totally disagree with the argument about weighing the odds of child molestation and abductions against crib and car accidents. For me, I can't imagine how horrible I would feel if that one time happened to my child. Of course we do what we can to drive safe cars and purchase safe equipment for them, but to have no control over others around them...this can be very frightening. All I'm saying is that in a world where we have chat roulette and 1 out of 4 men are displaying their private parts, I have a feeling men are more "animal" than we like to believe. Does that mean they will act out inappropriately with children, not often, but sometimes. I truly think it's best to guard our children as much as possible, while still allowing them the freedom to roam when it's safer.

I agree with Dana. As a woman I would have NO issue with a little boy in the restroom with his mom. I commend you for not leaving him in the hallway! Before my husband and I had kids, I would take care of my nephews who were 4 and 7 at the time, and I would ALWAYS take them in the woman's restroom when we were out and I had to use the bathroom. I know one time my youngest nephew tried to peek under a stall, which I was mortified about, but luckily the lady whose stall he tried to look under was very accepting of my apology. LOL. I'm sure your son would not do that, so as long as he is not trying to peek under stalls I think it's fine! ;-)