We are expecting our second son to arrive next Friday and my husband and I have yet to tell anyone the baby's name because there has been some hostility about the middle name for the past few months.
History about our first child: All the first born males in my husbands family have had the same middle name for 5 generations so to follow the tradition our first son has that middle name. Coinsidently my father-in-law goes by his middle name (our 1st sons middle name)so my family thinks that we were honoring my husband's dad which is and was not the case. We have explained this to my family but I dont think they have listened because comments are still made.
Now that we are expecting another son my mom has mentioned many many times that the middle name should reflect my father. My family has no traditions and to be honest I do not really like his first name as I feel it is very old fashioned and although I do like his middle name my husband does not. Has anyone dealt with this???? My husband is upset about it now and wont even talk about other options for middle names but just says "do what will make your mom happy". What do you do???
If all the men have had the same middle name for 5 generations I wouldn't want to be the one that doesn't . It is a nice tradition . I would do what feels right to you. Wait until you have the baby and you will know what to do. Good luck :)
Wait a second...people actually get upset about this stuff? It's as simple as can be. Your child/your choice. End of story. IF people are going to get that upset about what you do with YOUR child, so be it.
Jeez.
Good luck.
I'm having our second boy soon and my paretns don't like the name we've picked out. I told them too bad...we like it and end of conversation!
A.,
Maybe this would help...name your baby what YOU (and your DH) want to. IF, and only IF, someone from your family says something unkind, try not to get upset. Simply reply, "Well, they were able to choose their children's names, and we appreciate doing the same."
If your Mother, Father, etc. is upset by your choice, let them be. It is THEIR PROBLEM, not yours. Don't let THEIR expectations shadow your decision, nor should you feel the need to defend your decision.
If you have already spent ANY time explaining your choice for your first or second child's name, then I think it's already enough (or even too much).
Parents/grandparents will never see eye to eye on every issue. That's why THEY had their children and raised them how they saw fit. Now it's your turn.
Sure you're going to make mistakes. Sure you're not going to be "Mom of the Year" all the time. So what! Simply put them in their place by saying you're doing the best you can, what you think is right, etc. DO NOT spend anymore time worrying about this or stressing out. This is THEIR issue - not yours.
I'm sorry if this sounds rude to your family or soapboxish, but I really believe families need to BUTT OUT. ESPECIALLY when it involves them laying guilt trips or having expectations that clearly make us uncomfortable...besides, it doesn't seem like they are taking YOUR feelings (nor your husband's into consideration), so don't let THEIR FEELINGS change your mind. They'll just learn to accept that YOU are now the parents and rule makers, they are the cheerleaders. I sincerely believe the role of Grandparents is to be supportive, good listeners and sympathatic when things go wrong for us. For the grandkids, I think their job is to be a rah rah, show unending interest in them and try to support OUR parental decisions in raising them the best we can.
If you don't stand up for yourself and your family NOW, I think that sets a precedent you will be dealing with for a long time to come.
Best of luck!
Sara
Just pick a name you like and send your dad a beautiful letter explaining how much you love him, but that you are picking a name you like for your son (put it more delicately). But seriously, it is your child not your mom's and she needs to get over it. Sorry-I am expecting and getting a little cranky lately-but it has always been a sore spot for me (the naming thing-because I think too many parents name their kids for the wrong reasons-this is something your child will have to live with forever so make it something they can be proud of and that is unique for them.
Told my family our short list of names last night. Immediately they all started brainstorming names. After letting them ramble on for a little bit (I was busy doing something else), I said, "our son's name is either going to be Kieron or Rory. End of story. That is our short list. We are done looking at names."
They shut up immediately. I'd just say, "our kid, our choice" and leave it at that. It's their problem, not yours.
I think that you should name your baby any name you and your husband want!
Your family should be excited about the new addition and shouldn't even comment on the baby's name.
First of all, I am so sorry. Families can be such a pain about names when in fact it is NONE of their business.
When I was pregnant with my son, my father in law came up with an unsolicited list of names and suggested that we use one of them. I told him thanks for suggesting them, but we already have our name chosen....but he kept persisiting. So, I (boldly) but politely told him that we had our name chosen and it was not one of his suggestions. We really hope that he likes the name but would appreciate if he didn't like it if he could keep his comments to himself. (And now that I write this I think that I must have been REALLY hormonal when I told him this. lol)My FIL, was so excited when our son was born that he didn't even say a word about the name.. thankfully :-)
I might set your Mom's expectations by letting her know that you are not using your Dad's name. You can add, while I really love Dad, we really love the middle name x and found that it went perfectly with our last name. Otherwise, you can just tell her when the baby arrives and she is holding him. There is no way anyone can look into a newborn's eyes and think I don't like your name.:-) Hopefully, when the day comes she will be so excited for her new grandson that she will completely forget about the name drama.
All the best to you and your new addition.
A.
I was going to type a response but then I read the very first one (by Mom S, I think) and just chuckled.
Please...write that down on a piece of paper and make it your daily mantra!
Your baby, your choice.
You're going to feel annoyance about it for years, if not forever, if you don't pick a name you and your husband like. Choose a name YOU like! You won't regret it, I promise you.
Tell your mom he's free to change it when he turns 18 if he agrees with her by then. Congratulations on your little guy on the way!
p.s. We picked a name for my second son that my mom didn't like. He's 5 now and we still love the name - and she hasn't said another word about it. Once the name is on the cute baby, what can they say?
If there's one thing I've learned since I had kids, it's that you and your husband are now a family and everyone else is "extended family". What I mean is, you have to realize that it no longer matters what your parents or his parents or anyone else says. It's all about you two and what you two TOGETHER want.
Of course they're going to have opinions, everyone does. But you don't have to let them affect your decisions.
I wish I would have learned this eariler and saved myself a lot of arguments with my husband. He's said this all along, and it took me many years to realize he's right.
When I got pregnant with my first, I found out that my mom had already picked out a boy and a girl's name since before we were married. I finally had to tell her "Thanks for the suggestions, but you already had your chance to name children. Now it's my turn."
I'd like to say that took care of it, but it didn't. It's still a battle I fight with her on a regular basis, 6 years later.
Good luck. They'll either get over it, or miss out on your precious new one. Congrats on your baby!
I think this situation is so ridiculous and SO something my family would do. In fact, my M. did! Personally, I think they need to realize what’s more important than the baby’s name is the BABY. Who cares what you name him. Although I feel your parents should realize the justification of the matter, they obviously don’t. Maybe you can do this. Pick 3 middle names and give them to your parents and let them decide of those 3 names what they want to choose. That way they’re involved but it’s still on your terms. Perhaps that can help. If they demand that they’re not budging on your father’s name being involved one way or another, than they need to realize that this is your baby, your decision. You were being generous by letting them decide of those 3 names but if they can’t do that, then forget it. They lost their chance to be cooperatively involved in a way that would be kind to them.
While I agree with those who say it's up to you, not your family, I do think it would be kind of cool for both of your sons to have middle names associated with their grandfathers. It's just a middle name, which many people don't use very often anyway. I used names from my grandmother (Josephine) and my husband's grandmother (Eleanor) as middle names for my 2 girls, even though they are "old fashioned" names. I think if one son has a grandfather's name, it would make sense to do the same for your second son. Just my opinion, though! Good luck with your choice!
I understand you wanting to keep the name a secret until the baby is born, especially when you had such a problem with your first son. When I told my mom what we were naming our daughter (due any day now) she said "You're not seriously going to name MY granddaughter that, are you?". And then she proceeded to "help" us find other names that she liked better. I simply told her that she was incredibly rude and that if she wanted any part of her granddaughter's life, she would back off and respect the name we have chosen. It's been about 4 months, and she has mentioned it only a few more times, saying things like "I guess I can learn to live with her name being such and such", and then she has stopped making comments all together. I am considering letting her pick out the middle name, because my husband and her have actually come up with the same list of middle names. So I would be pleasing my husband also. But it should be you and your husband's decision, not your mom's. If your husband is really against it--don't do it. It will be a source of fighting for many years to come, and it's not worth it. Your mom should respect your decision, and if not, tell her she's being rude and don't talk to her. Maybe she will get the hint like my mom did. I really feel for you. Good luck and let us know what you decide! :)
it is completely up to you. Find a name you and your husband like and then look up your ancestors and find one that has a name first middle whatever... there is bound to be one somewhere with a name you have chosen.
Like said previous.. your baby your choice... do not name your child something you don't want thats crazy.
So search AFTER you have picked a name and just tell them its after so and so... make sense? you are bound to have a relative somewhere that has one of the names you picked! ;0) ... of course you can be bold and say my baby my choice as stated previously which really they should understand! Good luck!
Well there are all kinds of reasons that things get messed up-
In the case of my sister- her husbands family had the same 1st born middle name thing
her husband ended up picking the first name too- So my sister picked a second middle name to reflect her heritage (our grandfather's name which was also my father's middle name). Now, all three of their boys have Irish first and middle names (with second middle names from my sister-it's a little one sided- and at the moment their marriage is very rocky.
I would probaby tell my husband that since he was able to choose the middle name without much input from you- to be fair it is now your turn to make a choice. Ask your husband "Now it's my turn- Do you trust me to make a good choice? Will you honor my wishes?" Tell your family that you will pick a name that will honor your side of the family. Then share the name when the time is right (when he is born maybe) Yes, I would consider names from your side of the family- or perhaps from your family heritage- maybe something that would surprise everyone!
I agree with everyone else- it's YOUR baby- YOU get to choose the name. My entire pregnancy my Mom and sisters constantly suggested names. They would make lists and hand them to me when I saw them. It drove me crazy.
My Mom also had a problem with my daughter's middle name (which is Rosa Lyn- her paternal grandmother's name is Rosa and my Mom's middle name is Lynn). My Mom was upset because the other grandmother's name was first (ridiculous I know) and because her middle name is spelled Lynn. She laid all kinds of guilt trips on me about that. It hurt me because I really thought I was honoring both grandmothers but I finally told we could change it if she didn't like it and it could just be Rosa. That shut her up pretty quick.
You just have to put your foot down and tell her that the baby is yours and your husband's and so it is your decision. And if she has a problem- please keep it to herself. After that talk to your husband and tell him the same thing and you need his input.
Good luck and congrats on the new baby!
I totally agree that this is your child and you should name your child whatever you please! Be prepared for your mother to say something. But, have a response prepared and don't budge. You have worked long and hard for this baby and you deserve to name him whatever you feel suits him!
If you really want to, you might select a name with the first letter of your father's first name. Like if his name is "Leonard" you can go with Liam. "Bruce" become Brian or whatever. I am all for old-fashioned girls names, like Lily and Ruby. But, I agree that some of those "old-timer" mens' names are a tough sell in 2009!
If your father's ethnic heritage plays a role in his/your life, perhaps by selecting a name from that culture you can honor him?
