How would you discipline a seven (almost eight) year old boy if they told your somewhat overweight friend(42 years old) while over for dinner, their "Nick Name" should be Miss Piggy? He knows who Miss Piggy is and "thought it was funny" when asked why he would say that. Needless to say it was mortifying!
Well, this is my boyfriends child and he had a talk with him and apparently he said the same thing to his mother and she was not too happy with this and told him (she is all but 90 pounds). My boyfriend took away a swim date and let his son play video games, IPod, Ds and go swimming all day. We are in disagreement as to what should be done. I feel this is the second time he has offended someone and he needs the fun things (DS, IPod, video games and the pool) taken away for one to two days so he learns this is not okay. On the other hand this is my boyfriends child and he apparently feels taking away a play date and letting his child play fun games, watch TV and swim is enough. I love his little boy and have been part of his life for two years now and I don't want him to speak to his mother or anyone else like this. This little boy says inappropriate things quite often and there is no discipline other than telling him not to. By the way, I don’t feel it was said to hurt anyone yet he was already told by his mother it was not okay to say. I know what you are thinking (NOT YOUR CHILD) and you are right, but I am with him 90% of the time and I don’t want him to continue saying inappropriate things to people. Thank you for your input.
Wow as soon as he said it I would have picked him up and put him in the corner. At 7 he should already know at how that makes someone feel. You need to sit with him and find out why he is acting out. Where is he getting that from.
Have a long talk with him about why saying that was hurtful to your friend. Ask him if anyone ever said anything to hurt his feelings and ask him how that felt, and explain that we don't ever want to make anyone else feel that way.
Then a hand written apology is in order. Good luck.
Maybe he should lose a privilege or have to do a chore. But as an somewhat overweight person I would caution you against making him apologize to your friend at this point. If it were me i'd just be embarrassed all over again.
I don't think an actual punishment is deserved. He needs a stern talking to about people and how we are all different, and how to use discretion with some of his opinions. I'm pretty sure he probably didnt realize what he was saying could be hurtful, I'm sure he likes Miss Piggy. It was just a bad comparison. I hope your curvy friend has a sense of humor.
With a long hard talk about compassion, acceptance and thinking before we speak.
Then he needs to write a sincere apology to the friend for hurting her feelings and not thinking before he spoke.
Ang -
I don't think "discipline" is necessary in terms of punishment. Let your son know that words are hurtful, and that what he said hurt your friends feelings and embarrassed you.. Under any other circumstances, I would say he should apologize, but your friend might be even more mortified if the subject were brought up again. Have a long talk with your son about being more sensitive to people's feelings, then let it to. Just my opinion!
He would marched over to that friend's house and be told to apologize. A note of apology would follow that up, mailed with an envelope he addressed and stamped himself. THEN, since he would be grounded from all his most favorite activities for a period of time (a weekend), he would be doing a few extra, nasty chores, like weeding or tidying the linen closet.
The "groundation" would continue until my son showed appropriate remorse for his comments. My now 17 year old would get it within hours. My youngest sometime took a day or two. It depends on how stubborn they're feeling.
Good luck!
Well, an apology letter to the friend would be in order. He also needs to apologize for embarrassing you. However, at almost 8 years old, if he thought it would be funny to say this, and didn't know inferring that someone is fat would hurt their feelings or be disrespectful to an adult, you do have to ask yourself what lessons your son has not learned from you. I could see a 3 year old saying this but by 8, he should know better and if he doesn't, you need to teach him. Now.
If he is 7 explain why he should not say that and go from there. At 6 my son said I have 2 pop pops 1 skinny and 1 fat pop pop. That is how he identified but when I would say pop pop is on the phone he would ask which one, skinny or fat pop pop. Which was hurtful for his grandfather to hear. Explain why it is hurtful verses don't say that to help him to understand. Overreacting just may give him a kick so don't over react but it it happens address it right then, not later.
Hi,
We raised 4 boys and I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell what we would have done. we would make them apologize and ask forgiveness (apologies in our home are only for mistakes or accidents, if it was something intentional they had to also seek forgiveness). after that, we'd have taken away a "treat" of his mouth...we took a meal away each time they lied and I can say all 4 of our kids lost a total of about 5 meals between them however for other "sins of the mouth" which included but wasn't limited to calling names and being downright mean, or joking in crude ways, we took snacks, chips, juices, desserts and all "extra" mouth related goodies. It curbed the behavior real quick. Most boys are very motivated by their mouths. They love their food. Anyhow..that's what we would have and did do many times.
incidentally we now have 4 teenagers that are fun and blessing to ourselves and others. And LOTS of great stories of terrible things said and done and the consequences of them!
Best wishes.
K.
You're speaking of discipline and not punishment, right? I think that he should not be punished. The discipline should be in teaching him the importance of controlling his tongue so he doesn't hurt someone's feelings. Talk, talk, talk to him. Maybe say something that might hurt his feelings (mildly) just to show him how it feels. You know your child, so you know what will actually teach him.
To those who are questioning the parenting on why a SEVEN year old BOY would say something like that, do these parents have boys? Or brothers? Or are married to a MAN? Men and women think very differently and boys are more inclined to speak their minds and not have the same hurtful reactions that girls do. However, I am NOT condoning what he said. He does need to be sensitive to others' feelings and need to be continuously taught that words can hurt as much as physical pain. I have a hard time with discipline when the rules are not clearly defined before. I think a quiet, simple discussion, along with some reflection time, would go farther than taking away privileges or assigning extra chores. Then after you've had this discussion, if he does something similar in the future, purposefully disregarding someone else's feelings, then discipline should come into play. Just my thoughts.
Have him write a letter of apology explaining why it was wrong to say what he did and why he will not do it again. Ye, he is old enough to be able to write a letter.
Boys that age say those things. When my son said something very similar he got punished by having a time out in the corner and the loss of his video games for a couple of days. We also had a long talk about respecting others feelings and not saying things that will hurt others.
He needs a discussion on "filters" and how the brain has one and it is important to think before speaking. To decided whether or not it is going to hurt someone elses feelings. Also figure out exactly what he was saying. Was he saying it because she is overweight? because she is bossy? because she is fashionable? kids say some things that are taken out of context. he may have not been meaning to hurt her feelings (then again maybe he was)
my middle son when a freshman in highschool had a really good crowd of friends. however there was a girl that no one seemed to like but that was always around and the boys just sort of tolerated her at dinner one night a conversation was going on and my daughter said she's a hoodrat (the girl the boys all sleep with but no one takes out) I said joe stay away from that girl you might catch something. HE TOLD HER THAT!!! We had to have a big discussion about how what is said around our own dinner table is not necessarily for the public. She was hurt, he was mad and I was embarrassed.
