We have a fabulous 8 year old Son. We lived in Ten. for 15 years and Adored it!
However, we were far from family (both sides live in Arizona and california)
After our son was born, we moved to Arizona..so that he could get to know his Grandparents, Cousins,
Aunts and uncles.
It has been 8 years, and I still miss Tennessee. I cannot adjust to the hot temperatures/my husband does o.k..
his work is here..mine was left in Tennessee...
Although family is here..we don't see them ALL the time. I think my expectations were to high thinking
that they would fill a sibling void, only to be disappointed. They are busy with their own lives...and I understand this.
It is wonderful when we get together on holidays, etc....
One of his cousins is only and hour away..he adores him/and yearns to see them..However, they have their own friends
and they are going through their own phase....A midlife party phase-
Do you with only children..feel the need to live around extended families...Do you feel let down? or do you choose to live in the State you love regardless of where everyone else is living- and just not worry.
I need to get out of this only Child Guilt Rut...
Sometimes I believe we did the best things (he knows his grandparents, aunts, spends time with everyone once a month)
othertimes I question it.
(I lost a baby and had a miscarriage..so, this was not by choice :) I am blessed to have one.
Thx!
LL
We have an only daughter (15) and we live a plane ticket away from everyone by choice.
We see family on occasion but it is not what makes our life.
Daughter is well adjusted, leader, honors and we'd have it no other way.
However, we are not that "close" with our families from the beginning so that makes a difference. For us, visiting family is a chore.
We made our own family, traditions and we're having a great time.
I feel like I could have written your post! I have 2 girls, however we moved from San Francisco (which we LOVED) to Fresno (or "Fresneck" as my husband calls it - you can tell how much we love it here, ha ha) to be closer to my family. Well, surprise, we uproot our lives and move down here, and my parents don't have the time of day for us! They bugged us forever to move down here, we did, and our kids saw them maybe once a month! Free babysitting from the grandparents? Forget about it - it happened maybe twice a year. And THEN, my dad gets transferred out of state for work. I mean, seriously, we are just over the whole thing, and are moving back to SF. (Oh, but now my parents are telling us how great their new state is and how we should move there! LOL - Riiiiiiiight!)
So the conclusion I've come to is, family is great if they actually want to participate in your lives, and you in theirs. Otherwise, live where you like and visit on holidays!
Well I can understand how you feel.... but it will take a change in your mental construct and expectations.... to make it more positive.
Instead of expecting family to fill this void... nurture other relationships... friends, friends of your son.... etc. Join clubs and Mommy clubs.... see if there is perhaps a group for only-child type things... or maybe create a group yourself, for only-children! THEN that way you both can have a special sort of bonding and understanding with others.
If you look online for your area... I am sure there are Mommy groups or clubs your son can join. Or maybe even a Lego club. Most States have one. Its real fun. Get creative and think of ways to reach out and thus fill that void for your son. Then that way, you will not be dependent on relatives filling that void.
Thus, revamping your mind construct of how you can solve this problem.
good luck,
Susan
I am an only child (adult). When we moved to Seattle from Dallas, it was the best time of my life. It didn't matter that we were away from family b/c there were no other cousins my age - I was literally the only child in the family, on both sides. I would say to move! My husband and I moved back from Colorado to have children so we could be closer to family - I have regretted it everyday! My husband is very close to his family and there are many cousins for our boys to play with so we aren't going to move back. But I hate it here, although, it is a sacrifice I am willing to make for my family :(
if you will be able to afford to see them at least on a yearly basis.
Ultimately it is what works for you.
My story is we moved from family thinking we would be visiting once a year. We have only been back twice in 9 years. We make it work, but I do feel my son misses out on alot. It definetly is a huge sacrifice.
I have five siblings, and the one I talk to the most is the farthest (4 states away). We speak several days a week and sometimes video chat online. We realized that we make more of an effort to keep our kids in touch because we're so far apart. It is for this reason that my hubby and I decided a few years ago to move out of state. We realized that living our dream was most important for us, and we trust that my son's relationships with his cousins will continue to grow with this new age of internet accessibility.
You are correct to say that everyone is busy with their own lives and priorities, so it is your right (and responsibility) to live your life to the fullest!
Just a quick note... I am an only child who grew up in very close proximity to my cousins, and I had several around my age. For me, they DID fill the void of not having a sibling. Today a couple of my cousins I grew up with are my closest friends, we still live close, and basically regard ourselves as "more like sisters." That said, I spent A LOT of time with these ladies growing up (by a lot, I mean like at least every weekend, sometimes for the whole weekends, all holidays, all events, etc.), so we had many opportunites to develop our close bonds, bonds that mean the world to me now. I am not sure your son is developing the same kinds of relationships with his family, but I just wanted to let you know that in my experience, I am so thankful I had my family around.
I have been fine being away from my family and seeing them approx once a year until we started our family. His family is gone now and we always said we'd move when we weren't tied to the bay area. Well guess what...the crapy economy now has us tied to the bay area for a few more years. We finally took the kids over xmas to WA to spend with my family and we and the kids had the greatest time. I wish we could be there now. Hopefully the economy rebounds faster than they are anticipating. =) Don't we all. =)
If you aren't spending time with family then move back to where you want to be and see your family about the same as you do now, or maybe a little less. I know if we were near my family they would be around a lot. I can't wait to move closer to them. Good luck.
My answer would be to live where you like to be.
We live in California. My family is in France and my husband's family is in Spain. very far from here (9 hours difference)
We video-conference with my mom and my mother in law at least 5 days a week (and usually, every day) and with my siblings a few times a month.
When we go to Europe for the holidays, we actually see them less (even though we stay at their place) because they go on with their lives. When we arrive, everybody hugs everybody because we've missed each other so much, then we spent the night talking and talking. And that's it.The following days, everyone needs to go to work or school or their normal business.
My son loves his cousins but in fact he talks more often with them when he is far away!
My dad was commenting me that he sees my children nearly everyday and his other grand-children only a few times a month, even though they live only a couple of miles away.
I cannot comment on the "only child" because I have 2 children but I don't think that extended family can fill the void if you are not actually living in the same street. Your son's friends will be his neighbors and classmates. I've read a few weeks ago that today nearly half of the families (making 23% of children) have singletons, and also that many of the singletons parents feel guilty if their child is "bored". Don't feel guilty. Even with close siblings, a child can be bored and that's OK.
Do what you will enjoy more. The key to a happy child is happy and loving parents.
