One on One Time

Updated on July 09, 2010
C.W. asks from Thousand Oaks, CA
4 answers

I am a teacher home for the summer with my wonderful almost 4 year old. I am happy to be off for the summer and able to be with my daughter. I am enjoying catching up on playdates with friends we don't get to see as much during the school year. She has swim lessons and other activities i am taking her to as well as I am trying to schedule at least one special day trip a week (the zoo or museum or farm). It is also nice to have down time at home playing dollhouse or board games or whatever. My question to all you stay at home moms is how much direct playtime do you have with your child? I feel guilty sometimes as we are playing that I am wishing I could get to that house project I have put off all school year. I am trying to balance playtime with laundry and dishes etc as well as those extra projects I save for summer. I agree that she should have time to play by herself but I think I have working moms guilt that I have to make it up to her when I am home for school vacations.

So how much do you play with your kids throughout the day? How do you balance chores?

Thanks in advance

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L.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

My husband was the one home with my son most of the time (he was in day care a couple of times a week). I know my husband would try to include my son in some of the chores he did so they could do them together - food shopping, gardening, folding laundry, etc. At some point my husband would tell my son he had to do some work and my son would play on his own in his playroom and maybe watch some tv or video. When my husband was finished they would play games together. A couple of times a week they would go to the zoo or the aquarium or the place with the jumpers or have a play date.

It sounds like you're doing a lot with your daughter so you shouldn't feel guilty if you need some time to do some things. It gives your daughter the opportunity to learn to play on her own.

When I get home from work, I give my son all my attention until I put him to sleep - I feel guilty because since he was 2 months old I have never been home with him! He's almost 8 years old and he keeps asking me when I'm going to stop working. You're lucky you have the summers with her but you still need to have time to do your own things.

Hope this helps!

1 mom found this helpful
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J.B.

answers from Boston on

I am also a teacher, so I completely understand. My kids are a little older now (6 and 9) but guilt is part of being a mom. It sounds like you are doing a great job getting her involved in different activities, spending time with friends, AND spending time with alone with you. There is nothing wrong with giving her an art activity to do at the table while you do the dishes or clean the kitchen. You can still interact with her. My daughter always loved (still does) "helping" me fold laundry. I give her the wash clothes and her shirts to fold and put away. We get to spend fun time together while getting things done.
At the same time, her playing for a little while on her own is healthy for both of you. She needs to learn how to entertain herself while you need to accomplish some tasks. Pretend play is so good for kids and works on important executive functioning skills that kids need. Tell her to practice a "dance" for you on her own and in ten minutes she can perform it. Then start over.... I would encourage my daughter to make up a "play" with her My Little Ponies and then perform it for me. I would tell her ten minutes, but she would be engaged in the activity for much longer.
I'm assuming she is your only child - it was a lot harder with my first child. I wish I would have helped him learn to play more on his own, the way I did with my second. She is much more independent than he is overall. Live and learn...
My friend always said that guilt walks in with you in the delivery room and doesn't leave until you die...I think she might be right ;-)
Let us know how it goes!

1 mom found this helpful
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S.F.

answers from Reno on

I'm also a teacher; here's what I do.

I get up an hour or two before my kids to putter around and do things that are important to me, such as a house project, reading, or making my husband breakfast. Once the boys are up and fed, we do a few chores together to get the house and yard ready for the day. Whenever possible, I include them in my house project. After that, we either run our errands, do a field trip (like what you have planned) or just generally hang out. Sometimes we'll watch movies or play games. Other days, we'll have a read fest. If they want to "play" with me, great. If not, they'll do their own thing and everyone's happy.

I don't think you have to "make up" anything. Let the guilt go; it doesn't serve a good purpose.

Good luck!

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R.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

Have your daughter help. At 4 she should be able to follow simple directions, like helping you sort clothes and put them in the machine, and I am sure she would be super interested in watching or helping with painting a room, or fixing the faucet. Kids love to know how things work!
Good luck!
R.

1 mom found this helpful
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