One of My Biggest Fears Happened This Morning

So, is the idea to sleep until one of the kids wakes up because you are getting to bed so late?

Annoying or not, it's time to get an alarm on the door. You lucked out this time that he only went to play with a friend. Next time, you might not be so lucky!

Well, my kids are under strict orders NOT to wake me in the morning. They are age 3 to 8. I'll get up for the 1 YO thought.

The house is safe. I do worry about the 3 YO. Last year he got out from the fence and we bought a bunch of door alarms.

I have only "spanked" my 2 kids twice, their first tantrum and the first time they walked out the front door on their own. Neither one of them ever did either thing again.

Also, my kids are now 14 and 11. A couple years ago my oldest decided to wander around the neighborhood in the middle of the night. We only found out when she told her teacher the next day at school. I went to Lowe's and bought one of those door chimes for each door. They are about $25 each. It did chime every time the door was open but we got used to it. It was a small (although annoying) price to pay for peace of mind. Good luck.

Seems like a lot of responsibility for such a young child. Have you ever heard of an alarm clock?

That lock thing on your door is a safety hazard. What happens if the key gets lost or falls out while the kids are trying to get out the door in an emergency. I believe here in CA it is illegal to have a deadbolt that needs a key to open from the inside. There are slide locks that you can put at the top of the door that would work. Pretty much just go to the hardware store and ask a sales person. They will know.

I wouldn't wait for the landlord. Are you telling me that you won't spend a slight amount of money to ensure your child's safety and that you are counting on the landlord for that?

Sorry, but you and hubby are not taking any responsibility here and are tryng to lay everything in poor little Oliver's lap.

Re-read your post - you and hubby have made no mistakes - it's Oliver and the landlord who are the problem. Really?????

I wouldn't leave it to any child's imaginary guardian angel to watch over them.

There is a simple thing called being an adult. I don't know why it escapes you that the onus of the responsibility is on both you and your husband. If he doesn't like the chime of an alarm being 'annoying' he's going to be even more annoyed when the neighbors call CPS. A loud alarm clock is likely necessary in this situation. I know sleep is precious, but your child's life is even more so.

Instead, it sounds like both you and your husband are expecting the one person who SHOULD be exempt of responsibility to be the responsible one.

A three year old. Think about it. They don't know what's what.

You and our husband need to get your act together. Start working as a parenting team, take these responses to heart and childproof your home.

The fact that I read further down that this *isn't the first time* you've had this 'nightmare' and still have the mindbogglingly inane idea that your kid is the problem? (shakes head.)

I wouldn't depend on a three year old to wake me up. Either I'd get up by other means ( an alarm or phone call) and take a nap later or I'd hire a sitter so I could sleep in. He should not be punished for something that is not his responsibility. You and your husband have to figure it out.

I looked at previous posts and see Oliver is around 3 and 1/2 yo. I do not understand some of your logic. Sounds like you have a double key dead bolt on your outside door. Why do you leave the key in the lock. Doing so defeats the purpose of having a double sided lock. Hang the key nearby and high enough that Oliver can't reach it. You can outwit a 3-4 yo. If you change the deadbolt to one opened with a knob then he can unlock it by climbing on something. The double key deadbolt seems like the best choice to me. I have security doors with double deadbolts. I do not leave the keys in the locks.

If you leave the key I because you fear fire, tge likelihood of fire is hundreds, thousands time less likely to happen then your son opening the door.

It sounds to me that you're extremely frightened. Look at this as as a goid thing. You now know you have to change some things. He's safe. No need to panic. Take time to think thru ways of keeping him in the house. Because you are such a sound sleeper I agree he needs to stay in your room.

When my granddaughter was that age and slept in my room she would turn on the TV. I could continue resting and she was involved and didn't wander.

I don't see your situation as much of a crisis or bad parenting. I suggest perhaps you've been a bit too casual making mornings work and then over reacted to his getting out. Time to get back to the middle while making plans.

I would consider hiring a preteen to come in in the mornings to get Oliver up and fed breakfast so that you can sleep. How does the baby fit in? You need good sleep. I would use a mother's helper for both children in the morning or get up on a regular schedule and get more sleep when your husband gets home. So, keep the double key deadbolt, put the key nearby out of Oliver's reach and have a preteen manage him until you're up.

Something similar has happened to me. My granddaughter, at 3, left their apartment while I was doing dishes. A neighbor stopped her from leaving the building. As a police officer I have responded to babies and young children wandering outside. This initiated an investigation which included looking for other signs of neglect. I suggest that if the police had been called the officer would've asked you some questions concerning safety and maybe toured your apartment to see how safe it was and if you have sufficient food. If all was ok they would not take further action for a one time "escape." The police would not consider this a parenting failure. Neither would CSD. So relax. Make and implement plans. Your greatest fear did not happen.

How old is Oliver? Why are you making him responsible for waking you up? You're the mom, not him. Set an alarm. Put a baby gate in front of your door. Put a high up dead bolt (my sister had to because her kid was a deadbolt houdini. The one she got attached at the top of the door.). Don't make him responsible for being the adult.

This is one of MANY examples why "easy" doesn't work in parenting... Sounds like a lot needs to change, and none of the changing is your child's responsibility... Believe me, CPS won't care what's easy for you and your husband if they find your child wandering outside... You need an alarm clock and a new way of looking at your responsibility as a parent.

Really, the solution eludes you? You set your alarm for before he normally gets up like every other mom on earth with small children. An extra five or ten minutes of sleep here or there is not worth your child being killed.

When someone is getting up after enough time that he has flown the coop, what an hour, two hours, three? that is unacceptable! She is lucky she didn't have child services called on her!

A friend sent me a link to her FB. This is from her FB dated March 12th!

"My nightmare proved to be hilarious this morning... I've always been afraid that Justin would leave the bedroom door open when he left in the morning and that Oliver would walk out without waking me up... This morning I woke up at 11 to find Oliver gone from the bedroom and the bedroom door wide open. Ran out to find how he spent his morning... We keep a bag of new toys on top of the fridge to give to him if he goes poop on the potty. His high chair had been pushed up to the fridge and all of those toys were strewn across the kitchen floor. He had also stolen a pair of scissors off of the fridge to aid him in getting the packages open. I had a pop sitting on top of the counter that he gladly emptied. The medicine from last night was also still on the counter. He couldn't get into the actual medicine bottle, but the dropper and the thermometer turned into new toys. And the BEST part... He moved his pet frog from the small tank to the big tank with his hands. He has since told me a story of how he gave the frog a ride in his fire truck, but I'm not sure if I believe that. Even though the frog has only ever been in the aquarium and hasn't ever had a chance to 'hop' before, I'm pretty sure he would have figured it out and hopped away from the terrifying toddler holding him hostage."

Still feel sorry for her? Frankly I am shocked she doesn't see how poor her parenting is that she would find this funny. More so that was four months ago and she learned nothing!

She wakes up at 11!!! Can you imagine what your kids could get into by 11?!

How do you get him to wake you up in the mornings? You don't. Why are you making a child responsible for your getting up?

Buy an alarm clock and use it.

As others have noted: Put a bolt or chain (or both) very high up on the door. Use them. Every single night.

And get a door alarm as well.

The fact your husband thinks the alarm would be "annoying" should worry you. Why doesn't it? Does your husband really put being "annoyed" ahead of keeping his kid safe? The alarm will only go off IF your child is actually opening the door -- in which case dad, and you, should not be annoyed but terrified that son is escaping, and you should already be halfway to the door to find him. Get the alarm as a backup to the locks you put up high.

And please rethink how you regard your child. He is the child, you are the adult, and he is far too young to be made responsible for waking you. He is not connecting your punishments with what you want him to do for you. Save discipline for when it's appropriate. It is not appropriate to discipline him for not waking you up -- that just does not compute in a young child's mind. You discipline a kid his age for hitting, or throwing things, and you do it the instant he misbehaves -- not later in the day and not for failing to remember that it's his daily job to wake an adult.

Please do some reading on age-appropriate expectations for a child his age or you will continue to expect things of him that are not realistic -- you will continue to punish him for things he is not capable of doing yet -- and that will create more resistance and resentment from him later, and you'll wonder why.

He's going to be able to reach the deadbolt. And if he can't reach it, he'l drag a stool or chair over to reach it. I put a swing bar high up on my door like they have at hotels. Like this one. http://www.homedepot.com/p/Prime-Line-Satin-Nickel-Swing-...

I never had the problem of my kids not waking me because they slept in their room. For a while that meant locking their door until they fell asleep. I had the doorknob flipped around so I could put them in their room while I showered (I was a single parent at the time) and not worry about them getting into things. Instead of punishing him for not waking you (which will backfire in the future), I suggest that you teach him to sleep in his room where he belongs.

ETA: I see an edit that is just full of excuses.

Oliver is what...3? And he can reach the chain on a chair? I honestly find this hard to swallow, because I put up a swing bar on my door and my kids were never able to reach it, even with a chair. Put it up higher then.

Your son isn't responsible for waking you in the morning. You are. If you know he usually wakes at 7:30, set your alarm for 7:30 and get up and start your day.

Stop doing what is easy and start doing what is best for your children.

I agree that it should not be his responsibility to wake you. It would be convenient, but it's ridiculous to punish him for it. Punish him for opening the door when he shouldn't.

I think that you should sleep on the floor at the door. Seriously. Your situation seems dire, and you have to do what you have to do. If you KNOW that your kid will open doors and walk through them without your permission, then you get creative and do whatever you need to do to safely keep that from happening. If it means that you actually put your body in the way because you sleep so hard that you can't know if he's awake or walking out the front door, your child's safety is worth that.

You can't help that you're a hard sleeper. When I KNOW that I'll be alone with my 3yo and I canNOT keep my eyes open (and he's not particularly tired), I put my arm around him and kinda pin him down with the TV on. I do that until I can at least open my eyes again. As soon as I am able to be alive again--even if not upright--I give him my attention, even if just enough to keep him safe. I have called relatives and said, "I need to sleep. Will you please come over?" That might not be an option for you, but maybe you can make an arrangement with the other boy's mother to let him stay with her until you can wake and be fully present. And you can offer her money or a similar favor in return. Maybe you can operate on just a few hours of sleep a night if you know that you can get relief on a certain day every week.

When my son got tall enough to take an interest in the front door knob and lock, we actively addressed our options for keeping him from getting out, including burning into his brain that he was NOT to unlock or open the door.

I don't doubt that you want the best for your son. Maybe it just never occurred to you that it could get this intense. Parenting can certainly be an inconvenience to how you thought your life should be, but that's what you signed on for. You chose to have children under these circumstances. An "easy" first child is a blessing and a trap.

Are your current work schedules permanent? I hate to be stating the obvious to you, but sometimes these things aren't so obvious when you're in it. Here are my suggestions: sleep at the door; look into changing your work schedule(s), including job change if necessary; change kiddo's sleep schedule; solicit help from someone else to care for him when you are just too tired; put a lock at the top of the door, out of his reach; remove the key from the current lock; keep teaching him about not going out on his own or opening the door at all. Set an alarm to wake up and check on him, even if he is still asleep; schedule a nap for yourself later when he naps. Put all the chairs where he can't slide one to the door. Tell him to wake you when he wakes, but that should be the backup to the backup to the backup.... Your first, second, third...lines of defense are gonna be your own actions, and you're gonna have to think outside any box that you've ever known of.

This isn't your child's responsibility. You are the parent, if him waking up and LEAVING won't wake up you literally and figuratively, you need to arrange for some other care for him during the day. This is unacceptable.

Put hook and eye locks up high on all the doors that you don't want him exiting.

Uh...call me crazy but I'd just set an alarm for MYSELF.
It is NOT his responsibility to get YOU up.
Sorry-that's YOUR job, Mom.

Why don't you just install an additional lock up high on the door, where he can't reach it? You can do this even if you are in a rental. Just pay for it yourself.

I agree that punishments aren't appropriate for this. Anyway, you want peace of mind, so you can sleep well. Just install the lock.

We put an alarm on our door for this reason. Long before having our DS, our upstairs neighbor was woken by the police returning their child. He had let himself out of their apartment, the building and was wandering on a 12 lane boulevard in his footy pyjamas by himself. Thankfully some kind strangers saw him, got him to the police, and back home.

We won't take similar risks with our houdini.

Best,
F. B.

PS- glad your kid is safe.

I think some of these responses are very harsh - I don't think you need to set your alarm just in case your child gets up! You need your rest and there is no way you're going to be able to function if you are consistently getting 3 hours less sleep just in case your child wakes up.

I think your husband needs to re-think his definition of "annoying" and think about safety first. So an alarm is feasible.

I agree you can't expect your child to wake you up. What about a doorknob cover inside his room so that he cannot open his door? Is he close enough that he could yell to you and wake you? I'm not sure how old he is and whether he is potty trained and therefore needs to be able to get to the bathroom. Some people just put a potty seat in the bedroom. A lot of people put in some sort of alarm clock and let their child know that they either go back to sleep or play quietly in their rooms until the alarm goes off or lights up (there are different types). Look in one of the teacher catalogs (for teaching how to tell time) or in the child safety catalogs (regular or on line).

I don't understand why a deadbolt or chain can't be put high enough that Oliver can't reach it, even with a chair. And there's no reason that a deadbolt can't be key-operated rather than knob-operated - your husband locks it on his way out, but you don't keep your key in the lock. You hang it up high or put it on top of the door jamb so only you can see it and reach it.

I don't think it's productive to teach a child to wake you up. At this age, it's not so successful, and you're not going to relax and get any decent sleep hoping that he fulfills his responsibility. Same goes for punishing - you have to catch him doing the wrong thing for that to work at this age.

How old is this child? Old enough to know not to leave the house sounds like! You say you discipline him for "not waking you up"....but yet, he has no fear of doing all these other things he shouldn't do. Does he know he's not allowed to go outside? I would tighten up discipline all kids of ways on this kid, but I wouldn't expect the child to wake me....yet if his behavior was in check he could do that I guess the way he could "Not" go outside and do whatever he wants...

If you WANT to wake up when he does, then you need to wake yourself up. It would be one thing if you had to keep sleeping and you needed him to behave, but you WANT to get up when he does so do it. Get a loud alarm. And I guess one of those alarm things that goes off when he opens doors? I'm just floored he has complete comfort doing whatever he can physically manage with seemingly no idea at all what he's not supposed to do. I thought this was an 18 month old or something before the part about going outside...
Increased general discipline and and alarm!

How about you set an alarm so you get up BEFORE him! That would solve problem. Put a lick where he cannot possibly get to. Like very top of door!! I hope you realize how lucky you are that nothing happened to him. He came back unharmed. Put your son first. You come second. Get up before him.

Or how about daycare. Your husband can drop them both off in the morning for 1/2 day.

How old is Oliver? What time does he typically get up? The one solution I see is to set your alarm to that time and get yourself up so you are awake and available while your child is awake.

You need a 'door monkey' on your bedroom door:
http://www.amazon.com/Door-Monkey-Childproof-Pinch-Guard/...

We have one on our master bedroom door, and you can easily place it high enough so little hands can't reach it (even if they are industrious enough to get a stool or chair to try).

ETA: To the posters who said you should just wake before him, my children wake anytime between 5 am and 8 am. I am not setting an alarm for for 4:30 in the morning just in case it's an early day for one of them. It's not about wanting to sleep late, I have chores at night and need a decent night's sleep to be a good mom. You have a job at night, I'm guessing you need to sleep sometime.

Can't you install a chain lock way up high on your apartment door.
If he can't reach it he can't get it open or get out.
Make sure he can't pull a chair over to get to it.

V. Rae,

Maybe **THIS** is your wake up call?? I'm glad/happy that nothing happened and Oliver is safe.

Oliver is a CHILD. It's NOT his responsibility to wake his MOTHER up.

YOU are the adult. YOU need to wake yourself up. Get an alarm. If you can't do that. Hire a nanny to come in and care for your children while you sleep.

If you can't hire a nanny to do care for your children? YOU need to stop using excuses of being a heavy sleeper and EXPECTING A CHILD to wake you...maybe Justin can wake you when he leaves??

Both you and Justin are being selfish. Sorry. But you are keeping your children in your room for "EASE" of YOUR life. You are eventually going to have to parent your children and they are eventually going to have to go to their OWN ROOM.

Obliviously Oliver is NOT fearing discipline from you. So your time outs are NOT working. No child should be put in time out because he didn't wake his mommy up.

When my daughter was 4, we were living in Belgium. I worked a shift job, as did my husband, luckily our shifts were split. We talked together and gave our daughter things to do QUIETLY until one of us woke up. At no time was she EVER to be responsible for waking us up. She KNEW not to answer the door or leave the house. We also had a dog, a large Great Pyrenees, that was protective over her.

As I've already stated, it is obvious that Oliver has no fear of discipline from you, time outs aren't working (and he should NOT be put in time out for not waking up mommy). Get him in his own room. Get TWO baby gates and stack them on top of each other so he can't climb over it.

If find it INCREDIBLY sad that an adult is expecting a 3 or 4 year old to wake the parent.

As I sit here at my parents home, I can hear chirping when a door or window is opened. Maybe you can get an alarm system on your apartment? Maybe door chimes? They can be purchased at Home Depot.

Bottom line?
Stop expecting a CHILD to wake you.

Teach your child to sleep in HIS room.
Get an alarm that will wake YOU up.
Get alarms or better locks for your doors.

It is not your young child's responsibility to wake you up, and you know that (hopefully you know that).

Just set your alarm clock or cell phone alarm to wake you up a few minutes before your son usually gets up.

(picture me using my hands like a balance, weighing which is more important): on one hand: alarm on a door might be annoying. On the other hand: child may wander out of the house, risking his safety.

This one is easy.

You need to set an alarm or get someone in to watch the children until you are up. Did you think that maybe he is tried of trying to wake you? Maybe just maybe he can not wake you up? .. It is your responsibility to get up.

I think your priority's are messed up. You are the adult, be the adult.

Good luck.

My daughters get locked into their room at night. They are 2 1/2 and 3 1/2. And they could easily get outside if I allowed them to wander around the house. I wake up an hour or two before them. Sometimes even just 20 minutes. But if I happen to oversleep, which happens rarely, they are stuck in their room until I wake up. When I go to sleep is MY problem and so is their safety.

Oh and if your kiddo is not tired enough for bedtime then his schedule needs to change.

Get two pressure baby gates, set them up in the doorway of your choice, one on top of the other so he can't climb over. Him fussing over those will wake you.

We've used ours for over 7 years! They have really come in handy with our cats and the kids.

You are expecting way too much from a little child. He is not going to remember to wake you up on a regular basis. So stop punishing him for that.

There are many clever and effective ways to lock a door beside a dead bolt. Go to the hardware store with your husband and choose one for the front door and one for your bedroom. Place them super high so they are completely out of his reach, even with the help of a stool.

You need your sleep, so make sure there are safe, quiet activities for him to occupy himself with for a short period of time. When he tries to leave the room again, the efforts should wake you.

The alarms have a setting where it sounds until you turn it off, a setting where it chimes like a door bell and an off setting so you can have it set to off during the day and then surely your husband can deal with the annoyance of having it set at night. Also, get a chain lock and put it at the top of the door where it can't be reached. Does your son get up around the same time everyday? If so, maybe you could set an alarm so you both get up at that time.

I don't know how old your son is but my girls are 4 and 7 and they usually wake us up after playing for a bit on their own. My youngest escaped once when she accidentally let the dog out and tried to catch him.

On the doors leading to our back yard, we have self-closing hinges and a hook-shaped latch that catches the door in addition to a slide-bar and deadbolt. So you have to undo the deadbolt and slide-bar first- this can theoretically be done on a chair. However, to open the door you have to reach up towards the top of the door and push the hook-shaped latch to the side while turning the door knob and pulling the door open. And if you let go of the door, it swings shut. If you are on a chair, it is impossible to hold the door and pull it open at the same time. Standing, you have to be able to reach over 6' to push the hook latch aside.
All of this cost about $50 and is available at any Home Depot or similar store.

Turn the doorknob around so it locks from the outside on his bedroom door. Make sure his bedroom is child safe. Put him to bed in his own bedroom and lock the door. If he wakes up before you, he is safe in his bedroom.

I wish I could keep my daughter from waking me up in the morning!!

Oliver is to young to be this responsible. You need a back up plan. I'd say to go for the alarm on the door.

I agree that you might need a keyed deadbolt. Just be sure that they key hangs somewhere very close by for emergencies.

Sounds like both you and your husband are trying to take the easy way out here. Maybe your son doesn't need a nap (if he takes one) or needs to learn to stay in his room and play quietly until he goes to sleep? If he is going to bed when your husband goes to bed...he won't sleep late enough for you to get more than a few hours.

So you either need to set an alarm to get up before he does, your husband needs to keep him up later at night so he will sleep a little later in the morning, or you need to hire someone to come over and stay with him while you/hsuband sleep.

oh sweetie. how scary. i'm SO glad this had a happy ending.
i don't think you should punish him. he's so young, and it's a very adult responsibility. the alarm, annoying as it is, is a better idea. can you guys put a chain on the door, high enough so oliver can't reach it? i'm sure if you explain the situation to your landlord he'll agree that little fellows wandering around is a bigger deal than whatever rules are in place about securing your property. hopefully your deadbolt is fixed now.
i don't think him sleeping in your room is an issue. you just have to figure out how to get yourself awake when you need to, and/or to keep your little nomad safe until you do. and that involves good locks, and alarms if necessary, not guilt or judgment (or putting the onus on the kid.)
i'm sorry you're getting toasted.
my 2 year old wandered out one day. we live in the country, and i wasn't super-vigilant about the doors. our yard was big, and we got it for our kids to play in. but my baby wandered over, and was standing in a neighbor's driveway as she got ready to back her huge van out. thanks to all the gods, she leaned out past her mirror's perspective and saw him. we all just about died over that one.
sometimes we drop the ball. most of the time we all get through it, and you did too. don't beat yourself up, or let anyone else do it. just take the necessary steps to make sure it doesn't happen again.
{{{{}}}}}
khairete
S.

1) I suggest that you take the key out of the deadbolt. We have the same kind of locks and my husband won't leave the key in the lock. I like to do so, but he doesn't, and it's not hard to have a nearby place that you keep they key. It can be up high and your son doesn't need to know where it is. We just use a key hanger by the door but we have never had your problem.

2) Get those doorknob cover/thingies and put one on the inside knob - you don't say how old your son is, and he sounds independent, but those things are hard to open.

3) Buy the alarm and tell your husband ...well, whatever you need to tell him. The alarm is a lot less "annoying" than a lifetime of heartache.

We have never made it our kids job to wake us up but they usually do. And when they haven't, they did not leave the house. So....my kids never did what you describe, but 2 of my 3 were "runners". Once we went past the # of hands we could hold, we got a child "leash" and we used it when we went somewhere busy. We weren't bothered by the nasty looks.... because WE KNEW it was better than having one particular kid (who liked to bolt the minute we weren't looking) get hit by a car.

Good luck to you!
e

ETA: As for where your kids sleep, my mantra is "whatever works for all of you." Some folks have strong feelings about kids in/not in Mom& Dad's bed....but that's not why this is a problem, so try not to worry about that!

My oldest would open the door and go outside and/or to the neighbors (even if I was just in the bathroom). We put a chain lock at the very top of the door (even with a chair he couldn't reach it). Different house...my youngest would move the bar blocking the sliding glass door and go out. We installed a lock at the top (it can be locked with a key too but it's high enough that it is not necessary). These would be your best bet.

If the deadbolt works, is your husband able to lock it from the outside when he leaves and you still be able to unlock when you need to? Otherwise, it's not going to help unless you lock it form the inside after your husband leaves. Doesn't help your sleep issue much.

The alarm option would let you know...IF it was loud enough to wake you. Though it is nice as a back up.

You don't say how old your son is but I don't think him waking you or punishing him is the best option unless he's at least school aged...in which case he can certainly sleep in his own room and follow rules of not going outside when you are asleep.

He's too young to do what you want. He cannot think like an adult. He is all about the "Id" now - he wants what he wants and he will do what he wants unless you prevent him.

What to do now? You put him back in his room and make him stay in there until you wake up and go get him.

Child proof his room. Make sure there are books and safe toys to content him while he's in there if he wakes up early. Put a sippy cup with water there for him. If he is taking off his diaper, duct tape it on. Whatever you need to do to deal with any of his antics while you are asleep.

Turn the doorknob around so that the lock is on the outside of the door. Lock it when you come in at 2 am. Period. You have found out the hard way that letting a child out of their room without adult supervision is potentially deadly.

Don't let anyone tell you that you shouldn't lock him in his bedroom. They have NOT had a child get hurt before while wandering the house unsupervised, particularly at night or while family is asleep. If you have his room totally safe, he will be safe. He won't like it...not one bit. Too bad. You have to have your sleep, and he has to be safe. He will get used to it if you don't bail him out.

By the way, install a keyed deadbolt lock on your outer doors. If he can get out while you're asleep, he can get out while you're cooking...

People are really beating you up... I can see wanting to sleep as late as possible. Why wake up at a set time if Oliver doesn't and you miss out on an extra 1/2 hour of sleep sometimes?... What I don't get is why you can't take the key out of the deadbolt though so he can't open it. That doesn't make sense to me. I used to do that with our key. My kids weren't looking to escape so I could leave it right close by but you should be able to kind of hide it or an extra one in case of fire. Take the regular one with you to bed and put it under your pillow. Also, can he learn to turn on the tv? That should occupy him for a while. Then I would set an alarm for a reasonable time. Say 1/2 hour or 45 min after he typically gets up.

Have you tried using those baby deterrent handle things? I would also ask the landlord about installing a chain or latch lock way out of his reach on the inside of the door, or install one of those door hanger alarm things you can take to a hotel.

You should also discuss with him how leaving the house is not allowed and is dangerous. Tell him he should come to your room and knock when he gets up.

ETA: No that it is a 3 yr old's job to wake you, but if he is tasked with getting you vs letting himself out, he may follow through on that. My DD is a kid who likes to know what she should/can do and if I tell her to come to my room (or turn on the TV) then those are things she will do and has done since she was 3. If he climbs over the baby gate, you may also consider installing a lock on the outside of his door (so you can lock him in at night) or putting two gates, one above the other, on his doorway. For a long time we had a baby door handle lock thing on the inside of DD's door - she couldn't get out, but I could easily get in.

It stinks, but I think you need to just set an alarm clock to wake you about 15 to 30 minutes before he usually wakes up. It's really the safest thing to do.

I understand the Houdini's! My 5 year old has definitely surprised us by getting out of, what we thought was, a fully locked house. We now have the deadbolts with a key hole on both sides.

I'm not sure that him sleeping in his own room has anything to do with him getting out of the apartment, but when you get home could you pick him up and put him in his own bed? Chances are he's in a dead sleep and wouldn't even notice.

ETA - A chain lock isn't going to help, even if he can't reach it, as your husband can't lock it when he leaves in the morning.

ETA 2 - I missed the part about you leaving the key in the lock. Since you said the landlord needs to fix the lock, I'm assuming you leaving the key in the lock has something to do with it being broken. Once the lock is fixed I would absolutely make sure you leave that key somewhere else.

Our keys hang on hooks that our son can't reach, but we have had to change our spot a few times because our son kept finding them and figuring out a way to get to them and unlock the door. I'm sure this is a trait that will serve our son well in the future, but right now it can be a challenge to stay one step ahead of him.

You might need to place your keys in a cabinet, in a bowl, on the top shelf ... you get the idea.

Your son sounds very smart, which is a good thing :-) But he is going to keep you on your toes.

Well your system has worked for a while and now it doesn't. Time to change your plan. I am sure on some level, all of our kids have done the Houdini trick and disappeared. This could have easily happened while you were in the shower or collecting laundry in another room. So I can see how this could happen, it could happen to any of us. (I know lots of people who co-sleep for extended periods...that choice is totally up to you and your hubby.) But I do I think it is a tad ridiculous to expect a preschooler to wake you up, that should not be his responsibility. If you sleep so heavily, how are you certain he didn't try to get you up and then gave up? I think you have a few options. 1. Set your alarm. I imagine at his age, his schedule is pretty set. Get up with him. 2. Hire a nanny or mother's helper to watch him in the morning while you sleep. (Or consider part time day care if that is a viable option for you). 3. Door alarms. Either something that goes in the doorway or install something permenant. Most of those things can be removed or turned off when you aren't using them, so I am not certain why hubby objects. At this point, annoying or not, it is a question of safety. 4. Extra safety latches on the door. We installed a flip switch at the top of our pantry because our toddler wouldn't stay out of there. We put it at the very top. Even on a chair, it couldn't be reached. Door knob covers are fantastic deterrents. And they make those for knobs and handle door knobs.

Kids are escape artists. Your kiddo is smart and determined. Stop expecting him to wake you up. Make the house more kid proof and get yourself up.

My oldest child was an escape artist. She was well beyond her years when it came to opening doors and such. We installed a lock at the top of the door that couldn't be reached easily. Also, there are these simple alarms that make an ear-piercing noise when the door/window is opened. They stick on with adhesive. You can get them at WalMart and other such stores.

I do agree, though, that you need to set your alarm to go off before your little one wakes up normally. Your child's safety is more important than a little extra sleep.

Best of luck!!

Here's what I would do. I'd have hubby be responsible for taking care of Oliver when he gets up. Then when he's about to leave he wakes you up.

Unless hubby leave at 5-7am that should work.

You know what? I'd probably put kiddo in child care since you do get home so late. Or pay the little boy next doors mom to watch him when hubby leaves for work. You could pay her $10 per day to watch kiddo until 11am. From the time dad leaves until 11am isn't many hours right?

You need your sleep. If you don't get enough rest your immune system gets weak if you don't have enough sleep.

If your little one has figured out how to open door knobs that have door knob protectors on the door then you don't have many options except to hire someone to watch little one a few hours in the morning so you can sleep a full amount.

When I worked until 2am I got off work, came home, ate a meal, watched a bit of TV, got on the computer, and then went to bed. I got in bed usually by 3:30.

Then I almost always slept until 11 or 11:30.

This is what we had on our doorknobs, closet knobs, and bathroom doors.

Kids can drown in the toilet until they're close to 3 1/2 - 4. Until they have that growth spurt during that pre-school age and their neck muscles strengthen. Until then the kiddos are top heavy and if they lean over to look in the toilet they can topple over and CANNOT pull themselves out. Their head is just way too heavy.

So keeping Oliver out of the bathroom and from going outside is the most important thing you can do.

http://www.toysrus.com/buy/door-window-safety/safety-1st-...#

They have these everywhere. We got ours at Lowes but they also have them at Walmart.

It's not up to your young child to wake you in the morning. It's up to you to set your alarm....2, 3, 4 alarms if you need to.
I get it, I used to work a swing shift and get home at 3 or 4 in the morning and be EXHAUSTED when my toddler woke up....but I had to get up! THen I napped when he and the baby did.
I DID put a lock at the top of the door though so I could go to the bathroom and not worry about him running out the door. he was sneaky.
So, there's your solution. Get up, with an alarm.

This is so serious. Fix the deadbolt yourself. Hopefully your landlord will reimburse you but if not it would be well worth the expense IMO.

I remember seeing these travel door alarms you would use in hotel rooms. Maybe something like that would work.

When my kids were that age I asked them not to wake me up when they got up in the morning. I showed them what they could do while they waited for me to get up (where to get a snack, how to turn on the tv etc), and since they weren't prone to wander or to get into trouble we never had a problem. Maybe give him something he can do in the apartment while he waits for you to wake up so he won't be tempted to leave? Maybe video games or something else he would enjoy?

I would add a door alarm to every exterior door in your apartment. They sell them mostly for people who have swimming pools, so you always hear a chime when anyone opens the door. They're pretty loud. I don't know how old your son is to know how developmentally appropriate it is to expect him to wake you up. What time does he wake up? Can you set your alarm to go off at that time so you'll wake up, too?

Who is taking care of the baby during this time?? maybe that person could take care of your 3 yr old as well?? I assume someone must be taking care of the baby???

Yes- my daughter escaped and went outside. At 20 mos. We had just moved into our current house, so we were still getting used to having so many doors with various locks. We were unboxing items in the office when we noticed it was oddly quiet and my daughter was no longer in the room with us. I called out- nothing. Looked in the house- nothing. Then I majorly freaked out. We couldn't find her anywhere, and in a new neighborhood, I didn't know where she might have gone. About 15 minutes of looking in our very large backyard, I went to the front yard where I found her. She had gotten out, toddled into my husband's Jeep (he had left the door open while moving things out), and was sitting there playing with the radio buttons. That was a lesson well learned.
Instead of punishing him for not waking you up, you should punish him for leaving the house without permission. My now almost 4 yo still likes to play escape artist and she gets in BIG trouble every time she attempts to go outside without permission- even if I am watching her do it.Tell him what he IS allowed to do- read a book, watch TV, play quietly. Also, if he has a usual time he wakes up each day, you could possibly set an alarm for yourself as a last resort.

How old is he? How about sticker chart with a sticker every morning if he wakes you up and a prize/treat/fun family experience when he earns 10, 20, etc. If he's old enough, set a time he's not allowed to leave the bedroom before, say 7 am, and that's what you set your alarm for. We covered the minutes on my daughters alarm clock and only left the hour showing. Starting around age 6, she knew she couldn't get up until a 7 showed on her clock.

My darling daughter escaped outside when she was about three. I was doing laundry and didn't have the front door locked. We live in the country and have a large lake outside so Im usually very careful about locking. This time I did the ":Im only going to be a second putting the laundry into the dryer from the washer" thing. In that time she had gone outside (naked of course) and walked over to the lake where my neighbour was fishing (they own half the lake) and was casually standing there watching him. To his credit he was trying not to look, but he is an unmarried man in his fifties, and I was scared to death. It's a learning experience!