OKAY OKAY OKAY...last For the day...need Input.

Focus on getting your daughter and your family they help that you all need. Make that the priority in your life rather than getting this other guy in the picture and making things even harder and more confusing for your children. Remember - they didn't ask for any of this to happen. Get started in counseling/therapy and eventually maybe ask the therapist what he/she thinks about introducing a new person to them at some point and when that might be an okay time to do so. Your kids and their well-being needs to come first. You also don't want them getting attached to different men as possible father figures if marriage is not in the picture, and then boom, they are gone.

I haven't read your other posts, but you need to realize that your kids didn't fall out of love with their dad. And they are very likely still grieving the loss of their family. It takes a couple of years before you can think about introducing someone to your kids. At least give your kids that. You need to focus on them and getting them healthy before you bring someone new around. They don't need that right now. Also, if they aren't in therapy you should seriously consider that. Sometimes it's hard for kids to talk to their parents about all the anger and sadness they feel over divorce. See this guy on the days you don't have your kids.

I agree with everything below. Especially where your daughter is having behavior problems, she is clearly still in the acute trauma phase of processing your divorce and her new life. 110% of your time with your kids needs to be focused on them and they don't need anyone new in their lives, especially someone who they will see as competition for daddy. Keep your love life separate for a long, long time. Like years. Chances are, just based on the timing of the situation, your current guy could very well likely be a short-term relationship (Mr. Rebound) so there's no need to introduce them to someone who might not be there long-term. And if this relationship lasts, there will be an appropriate time later to integrate him into your family as you're planning on a permanent relationship.

Also make sure that you don't let the new relationship occupy too many of your thoughts while you are not on kid-free nights or weekends. It's easier said than done, I know! I was a single mom and even though I tried to not let my relationship with my boyfriend encroach on my everyday life (and I had no kid-free time) there were definitely times when I was trying to play cars with my son or toss a ball with him when I was distracted by thoughts about my bf, and that wasn't fair to my son at all. My situation was a little different because my son never met his birth father, and my bf and I had been friends for a year through our kids (his daughter is the same age as my son, it was just kiddie playdates at first) but even with all of that groundwork, my son still flipped out when we started dating. He was 3 and would say things like "don't touch my mom" or "oh why his HE here AGAIN." Unfortunately, they're still not close even though we've been married for 7 years and have known each other for 10.

So...take it very, very slowly, for your sake as well as your children's. Enjoy the company of your guy, but keep it as something you do on your own time and don't try to integrate him into your life with your kids.

Keep them separate till you know it's going somewhere serious. I think the last thing your children need is to get used to a guy, then if you guys break up, have their new role model (since your ex is being very crummy) ripped away from them.
Separate and when you two both agree it's going somewhere serious and permanent, introduce them.

Never involve your children unless you are COMPLETELY sure that you are going to be serious, long-term and in a committed relationship or marriage with a person. Its too much for them to handle otherwise. GL!

M

Heres what I did, (I didn;t read your other posts, so maybe this isn't right for you) I spoke with her dad, and let him know so he could give imput, he wasn't to happy but we agreed to go to his therapist who also specializes in kids and ask his advice instead of arguing. Her dad had concerns that she would get close and then lose someone, and a bunch of other concerns, fearing I would allow to much time. The therapist agreed with M., that as a friend it would not affect her badly, and said if it was around once a month with no affection in front of her until we were ALOT more serious it would be fine...my main reason was, yes there is a chance she'll get close and then he'll go away over time, but we'd have to keep her from everyone, making new friends ...if we were worried one day they would move or drift...I know that relatives I was close with growing up drifted or moved.....and he agreed that as her parents we will have to guide her through life and while we can not protect her from the worl as long as we have her best interest at mind and help her through the tough times then she will be well adjusted and ok.
The therapist said as long as we're friends to consult eachother when we can before major decisions...he also said hes a phone call away if we disagree to avoid arguing and he'll be our mediator throughout her life. Which is awesome! I think ecspecially as divorced parents you need that even more, since you're not interacting as friends as much anymore so at times you're only getting the negative...it seems even more imprtant to be on the same page when divorced.
Most of all you J. have to make sure your kids needs are first, and if there is any chance this will affect them negatively then DON"T do it!! Also it depends on your kids ages, my daughter is 4, the concept of boyfriend is not on top of her mind, and if I introoduce him as a friend, J. like shes met other friends she wouldn;t think twice , if your kids are older and may no whats going on ...WAIT....i also suggest speaking with your ex and a therapist like we do when issues arise, its helped us ALOT!

Not everyone agrees with Dr. Laura.... lol....but I have heard things said and including her that once you are in a relationship, you should keep your kids out of it for a long time. If your sure marriage is around the corner then you introduce them and still not show the serious extents of the relationship until you have a ring and a date. This will avoid any "father figures" not running in and out of the kids lives. That is just an opinion of some counslors ....

I would say with the problems your little girl is having I would wait on bringing something new into her life. I didnt read the last post. I hope you get her counseling, and maybe ask a counselor what to do about that. But, personally until she feels better, I would just keep all focus on her. Good luck!