Okay for Grandparents to Skip Birth Because of Vacation?

He needs to let it go.

There is no need for grandparents to be at the birth.
It was unrealistic of him to expect them to drop their plans and race home.
The baby was not going anywhere.

More important is the grandparents they are now.

You don't need grandparents for a birth! Mom is required and it is nice to have Dad there - but not necessary. He needs to get over himself and stop being so selfish.

Was this their first grandchild? I'm betting not.

I don't think this is that big of a deal. Unless they are continuing to be uninvolved in their grandchild's life, he needs to just let it go.

This STILL bothers you and your hubby? Is he a momma's boy?

I must be weird because I didn't want anyone around me except my hubby when our daughter was born. It was a special time for OUR new family.

We introduced her to the rest of the family on our own time and our schedule.

No hard feelings for anyone because they knew our plans from the get go.

Did you and your hubby communicate this clearly with his parents? Did your hubby expect the world to stop revolving until everyone he wanted was there for the birth of his child? Did you really want inlaws at the hospital with you?

I don't understand the deep hurt and resentment your husband has, he is a new father with his own family and should be grown up by now and not need mom and dad hovering. Of course the birth of a child is a huge event and extended family is excited.

For us, the birth of our daughter was a milestone for our family and we wanted to celebrate privately and introduce our daughter on our own terms.

Hubby needs to grow up and get over it. There are more important things for him to focus on.

OMG! Get over it!
Do they really need to see this new baby and you in the hospital? What difference does it make? I am sure if there had been a problem, they'd have been on the next plane.
LBC

He needs to get over it. What if they had changed their plans and the baby didn't come??? I sometimes think we expect too much from people. Your husband needs to just forgive and get over it. Nothing good will come from him holding onto this grudge.

I wouldn't expect anybody but my husband to change plans surrounding the birth of my child. Other people should not stop what they're doing just because I'm havign a baby. It's nice if somebody wants to, but there is no obligation. I'm sorry that your husband is so bothered by this--even now--but I think that it's silly to hold this grudge.

I wouldn't have expected any grandparents to be present at the birth. In fact, I didn't want ANY visitors for the first couple of weeks at all. I was tired, emotional, trying to figure out breastfeeding, lucky if I could get a shower, and the house was a mess! I needed privacy! What could grandpa have done for you that he needed to change his vacation for? I'm thinking it would be an awkward, uncomfortable place for a granpa to be.

Good grief!

Sorry... but really... your hubby expected them to be there WHEN the child was born?

We lived 6 hours away from my family... they came up probably the next day.. I don't remember for sure, but then they stayed for a week helping out.

I'm thinking that with child #3, that my daughter came about a week early, and they were on a trip... I sure didn't expect them to drop everything and come hold my hand! They did come when they finished that trip.....

So... your hubby expected them to lose the money for his sports camp, pay EXTRA for tickets (they are very expensive when you buy plane tickets at such short notice), just to be there the moment the baby was born? What if the flight was delayed, or you had a very short delivery?

Your inlaws, as you have figured out already, have a very active life and don't feel they should be at the beck and call of your son... he is grown up and needs to stand on his own, also.

I feel fortunate that my daughter is close by and I was able to be in the room for the birth of my first grandchild.... but I don't think my other kids will expect the same.....

I really think your hubby needs to grow up and forget about what he feels was such a deliberate act against him. Be thankful that they ARE involved!

She came a week early. That is the thing about birth, we cannot plan for everything. Is he mad at your child for not waiting as planned to arive?

Our daughter came 3 weeks early and none of us was prepared.

No I was not upset, neither was my husband that not everyone could dash over. I would never want anyone to cancel a big trip just to come for a few minutes to see the baby.

I think your husband needs to search deeper to figure out why he cannot let this go.

To hold this grudge is not healthy.

He needs to calm down about it.
Many grandparents dont show up until after the birth.
Sounds like your husband has some sort of an insecurity problem about his parent's attention... from "something" in his past maybe?

This beautiful baby is yours--not theirs. They had their trip planned and it just so happened that your daughter was born the same week. In my opinion, it was fair for them to stay. They rushed to your side as soon as they returned. And, if they're otherwise good grandparents, why would you hold this against them?

There must be more than just this one incident that's bothering him. Personally, it sounds selfish and childish on his part, I never expected my mom or in laws to be at my kids' births or any other event for that matter. They were always welcome and frequently came to things over the years (especially my MIL) but they have a life of their own and lots of other family and friends, they traveled frequently AND they were always very active in their church, bowling club and cultural club. I wouldn't dream of asking them to drop what they were doing just because I was in labor.
It IS a shame that your MIL wanted to come, but the fact that she isn't willing to travel on her own is really HER problem, you know? It's not like she was being held prisoner.
Sounds like a strange family dynamic. I hope your husband can get over it, there's no point in holding grudges.

I see nothing wrong with what the grandparents did. It's their vacation time. They don't have to be there for the actual birth. Your husband needs to get over it. You say they are very good grandparents now, so holding onto that is going to cause him to be more stressed out in the long run. I don't think it's healthy to keep holding a grudge, espically something like that.

I have flown to be at births & then I have not been able to go to a birth (that of my 1st Granson) that was a short 4 hr. drive because of circumstances. I don't believe that my DH or myself would have left a vacation that we had planned for a year to be @ a birth unless we were told that there were problems. I consider us to be great grans (in fact we are GreatGrans to a 1yr old GGD! To whom we weren't able to be there for the birth of & still haven't seen personally & she is our 1st GGD!) we have/are raised/raising 3 of our 11 Grans & have been since 2000. We must live our lives as best we can & as we get older we realize our time here grows shorter so we need to be 'selfish' about how we spend it with ALL of our loved ones, ESPECIALLY our spouses. I, personally would not have left the camp to come home for a normal delivery.

I would tell him to get over it. I would have changed my plans but its in the past. My mother in law lived in Florida when my kids were born and never flew up and my husband and I were never mad about it.

I think your in laws were right in staying. They have lives and plans outside of their adult children's lives. They came to see the baby as soon as they were back. My mother wasn't around for the birth of my children. She usually came about 10 days later (to optimize her usage - figured we were in the hospital for 2 days and the hubby was supposed to be home the first week - so I would need her more starting day 10). I was never offended that she wasn't there for the birth. It doesnt mean that she didnt care.

Wow, that is weird that he is still so mad about that. I would say that this connects to anger towards his parents from way earlier...maybe he always felt ignored by his dad in favor of sports or other pursuits, and his mom was too much of a wuss to balance things out...then when the baby was coming your husband saw it as his ultimate chance to wrest his dad's attention towards more important things...like "SURELY he will have to give up the sports thing for me this time" but he was sorely disappointed. Does that sound right?

I wouldn't expect my parents, or my husband's parents to change plans based on my due date though. I don't think that's quite rational. You're adults, and coming a week later is soon enough, I think.

Wish you all the best.

I do fantasy football and have seen how elaborate and fun filled some drafts can be. They are usually done the same weekend/week each year and a lot of times that is the only time each year these people see each other. Plus plane fare fees and cancellation and also rather expensive.
I understand your husband being disappointed his parents made the choice to miss his child's birth. The birth of his child was extremely important to him and he had a expectation that they would be there and they chose the camp.
That said, your husband needs to put himselves in their shoes and realize that his parents might have missed the birth, but they came as soon after as they could. They were probably more helpful the week later because you were home and could use the help. He needs to get over it because life is to short to be harboring resentment over this matter.

We had no grandparents at the birth, in the hospital, or even in town for weeks after the births of our children, and I was glad to not have to entertain (and I CERTAINLY didn't WANT anyone in the birthing room but my husband and hospital staff, but I'm pretty private that way).

I am a little late to answer this, but my aprents went on a cruise and missed my daughters birth, the last grandchild! I was frustrated becasue they scheduled the cruise after I told them my due date. So for me, it hurt a little, but I knew they would feel bad, and they do. Don't let anyone steal your joy!

Definitely not fair to still be mad. Just because someone else doesn't do what you would do, does not mean they were wrong. The birth of a child is not super predictable! You cannot expect everyone else to have their life in flux. Yes, you do and yes the dad does but nobody else....

My in laws live 2 1/2 hours away and for child #1 they were here the day after the birth. (she was 4 weeks early.) For child #2, they came up 2 days after and for child #3 I think it was a week and a half after because that's what was convenient for them. Yes, I thought they should have and could have come sooner but what can I say. They are good grandparents and they do alot for the kids within their ability to so what can I do.

Disappointed... maybe. Resentful years later.... never. They had a planned vacation and your baby came early.They are good grandparents, have an active life and I assume your child is happy and healthy. There are so many more important things to fret over -- unless your life is perfect and then maybe not!

Your husband's resentment only hurts him and accomplishes nothing. He needs counseling.

I think your in laws were more than justified and your husband needs to let it go.

First of all, they go to this camp every year. It is obviously important to them.

Second of all, they had their plans established before they knew that the baby MIGHT come early. To change the plans may have cost them a lot of money.

Third, once they were already there, it isn't fair to expect them to drop everything and fly home (at likely a great expense) to see the newborn.

Fourth, they came straight to see you when they got home, without even going to their own house first. They obviously cared, wanted to see the baby, and made it their absolute first priority when they returned to town.

Fifth, as you mentioned, the baby doesn't change a ton from day 1 to day 8.

Sixth, I was so exhausted when I delivered my first, that I got overwhelmed by all the visitors in the hospital. It was nice to have a few people wait until the next week when we were settled in at home.

There are tons of people out there who live hundreds or thousands of miles away from their parents, and so the grandparents are not able to be present for the birth. They come as soon as they can. Sometimes it is a few days, sometimes it is a few months.

Since they had their plans first, I really don't think they did anything wrong. I understand why your husband is upset, but I think it's time for him to move past it.

This is an interesting question.

I've known several families with this circumstance, where the grand parents took off on a vacation during the 'due date' window. I don't know if "justified" is the best word for me to choose--frankly, it's really subjective. Your Father-in-Law wasn't around because he was doing sometime he really looks forward to every year. You Mother-in-Law decided not to come because she's codependent, from your description. (We still need to let her own her decision, however.;) )

The birth itself only one very small sliver of time in your daughter's life. SHE won't remember it. Your husband, however, was disappointed. Perhaps he has previously been disappointed by his father, but built a bit of a fantasy around this event and all the emotions that might go with it-- a feeling of having become a peer with his father, accepted into that realm of 'men that are now parents'... and he might have been looking forward to sharing that with his father. Being able to hand the first grandchild to his own dad and the good feelings that go with it.

It could also be that your husband has felt that his father has placed his own desires before family, and that's a whole other story to deal with.

Could your husband just get it out of his system by talking to them about it? 'Listen, Mom and Dad, I was really hurt that you didn't leave camp early for the birth of our little girl, and it's really been bothering me..." I hope that he can find a way to eventually forgive his parents for a very human mistake and move forward, or find some way to have peace within himself about it. My guess is that perhaps he has internalized it as some sort of rejection of his own self (and his life with his own family-- you and daughter) when he was seeking validation. That's a tough one to get over, but if your husband can address it with his folks or talk to someone else to help him forgive them and know that "it's not him, it's them", he might feel better in the long run.

The long and the short of it --as I hear these differing stories of grandparents choosing to take a vacation or go do something else-- is this: This birth is not *their* birth/baby and some grandparents just aren't as interested. They've had their kids and are glad you are having yours and they just may not feel the need to be there.

I think they did fine.
We knew when I was due, but didn't have any plans for family to show up for the birth.
My Mom was 8 hours away and I didn't even call her till after labor was over.
My Mom wanted to visit at 2 months and I was fine with that.
I was exhausted and was pulling myself together, my husband was wonderful with helping with everything and my Mom likes to do things her own way and I was in no shape to be dealing with that.
When I was born, I was the first grandchild and my grand father and uncle came to visit for a week with my Mom.
Here she was, sick as a dog, with a new baby and these guys (my Dad included) were wanting to be waited on hand and foot.
And on top of that my grandfather had his first heart attack at her house.
My Mom's a firm believer in giving people their space.
I didn't need a three ring circus going on while I was getting breast feeding into a routine.
Your husband had some scenario in his head that didn't get played out and it most likely still would not have played out even had his folks dropped everything and came running soon as the labor pangs began.
He can hold onto the resentment as long as he wants but the only person it's eating at is him.

My ex husbands father and grandmother (the only family he has) were not present for the birth of our first child, in fac they live 10 min from the hospital i delivered at and didnt come see us till 2 days later. Never really held it against them the only one that would have bothered me is if my mother had not been there. This of course was not an issue she was with me the full 10 hrs of labor and was anxiously waiting in the waiting room at 3:09am after my emergency c-section. Now for the birth of our second child (the first girl born on my ex husbands side of the family in 4 generations) everyone was there for her scheduled arrival by c-section.

I think your husband needs to just get over it as long as they are involved grandparents now what does it matter if they dropped everything to come to the hospital cause the baby came early.

When I was due with #3 my parents had a trip to Sturgis planned with my aunt and uncle and another couple. Everything was paid for already. I knew that there was a chance that they wouldn't be there for the birth of my son. I was upset because I wanted them there, but I also understood that this was planned before I even got pregnant and they would have been out all that money.

Thankfully my son came the day before they left so they were able to be there and the extra bonus my aunt and uncle also got to come to the hospital.

But the point is that they had this planned and while bummed out its not something they can control and I wouldn't have expected them to come home or stay behind for the birth of my son.

When I had #4 nobody was there but my husband. My uncle ( the one who was there for #3) was killed in a motorcycle accident and all of my family was 6 hours away getting things ready for his wake. Had we not drove down the next day when I got out of the hospital to be at the funeral nobody would have seen my son for 3 days. They knew I was being induced that day. My husbands family didn't see our son until he was a month old due to the distance between us.

His parents came straight to the house after landing so they did/ do care. Your husband needs to understand that even though they do this once a year its something they enjoy. It is true your little one didn't know the difference even though you did. But it didn't stop them from bonding with your child and they are active with your child. He needs to be thankful that they are there for all of you now even if they did keep their plans and missed the birth. He needs to realize that in the grand scheme of things it shouldn't change anything missing the moment your child was born. Think of all of the grandparents that live to far away who can't make it! Your husband needs to let go of this grudge.

I can understand being resentful immediately after the fact -- but years later??? Let it go.

A lot of grandparents do not live close to their children/grandparents and a very typical thing is to wait a few days or a week to let mom rest and Dad take care of his wife and new baby. Then as Dad goes back to work, one of the grandmoms helps recovering mom and baby esp after a C section or diff birth. Maybe in some cultures Grandparents are always there for the birth?? I have not heard of this? So in my humble opinion I have no idea why your hubby is resentful.

Heck, yeah, they were justified in staying on their vacation, which they planned for some time. Everyone's life could not revolve around the arrival of the baby.

My dad was visiting me when my niece was born. He didn't fly home the minute my brother called. He continued his visit with me and knew she'd still be there (and a tiny baby) when he got home.

I think you in-laws were justified in staying, it is something that is planned each year and probably already paid for. When I had my first son none of our family was there. He came early and my family flights were set for about a week later. I couldn't expect them to spend extra money to fly in earlier, they already had to save to come in the first place. His parents live out of town and had plans that couldn't be cancelled with his sister. With my second son, his family drove up the day he was born and none of my family flew in. I don't think them being there for a birth shows anything, it is what they do after the baby is born and how apart of their life the grandparents are.

Did your husband and his parents ever talk and agree -- clearly and explicitly -- that they would come for this birth? Was it crystal clear to mom and dad that they were wanted there and was it also agreed, without any "maybe" about it, that they had said they would come?

I would bet not. It sounds more as if your husband just automatically expected them to drop everything. And, sorry, but....this is his child and yours, not theirs. Many folks in the older generation do not rush to the delivery room or even to the hospital later, because their generation feels like it's intrusive to do so; they may well have felt (even if they never said it) that they did not want to be in the way of your own nuclear family at this special time. If they rushed to his sister's bedside before her babies even crowned, well, yeah, he could be forgiven for feeling left out and like those kids are favored. But that's more about a lifetime of issues with his sister, with sibling rivalry and parental favoritism, than it is about "mom and dad don't like this baby we just had."

You and he had an "expectation" that since one set of grandparents dropped everything, the other set should, too. They're different people. Some folks love to rush to someone's side; others hold back or feel they'd be intruding. But here's the key thing: People who hold back are not therefore bad or unloving people. When my child was born I did not want my mother there, and she and I were extremely close and loving! She saw our baby when the baby was six weeks old and we were all fine with that. She was old-fashioned and very private herself, and figured other folks wanted their privacy too, especially during something as intimate as childbirth and the early weeks of bonding. That didn't make her uncaring; I think it made her incredibly thoughtful.

I think your husband needs to really sit down and think whether this truly is about the baby or whether it's about his bigger, lifelong relationship with his parents. It would be a shame to create a huge rift over this if his parents felt that it was best for them to stay out of the way until you and the baby are more settled. They may be utterly shocked if they realized that they were expected to be there, unless there was a clear and unequivocal invitation.

Just because your parents took a different tack does not mean his are awful people. (And remember, parents may feel that the girl of the family -- his sister --needs more support, when the boy does not. It's not realistic, but that is just how some in the older generation look at the genders. So he should not take it so personally; they may have always assumed that their adult son will be fine but their adult daughter needs mommy and daddy -- even if she's a professional, perfectly capable, etc. This is not evil, it's just generational, and your husband needs to learn to back off on the emotion and think of it that way, if it's the case here.)

Give them a break and let them be grandparents. He really has to focus on the baby, not on what he perceives as a slight. He needs to expend his mental and emotional energy right now on the baby, not on brooding over this.

It is okay for the grandparents not to be present at the birth.

I had a friend whose daughter was in the early stages of labor and wanted everyone to be there. Well after an hour of siting and standing and pacing the floor with everyone I went home to get something to eat and to change clothes. I intended to return but didn't. She didn't have the baby until the next day around noon and I was at work.

Hubby must remember that this is a special event for the immediate parents to be. If others can be part and celebrate it is fine but everyone now days has their own life. Be glad that they are in the child's life now.

Resentment and hatred can shorten your life and it is not worth it. Life is too short. Have him talk to dad and get it out of his system and move on.

The other S.

Your husband needs to let it go. I would not have come back early. Their plans were probably made before you got pregnant. I am sure this camp was also paid for.

I can see both sides of the story. My dad didn't come to the hospital when my nephew ( his first grandchild) was born, and in fact didn't meet him until he was about 3 months old. My SIL and I were driving through town and recognized my dad's car, and decided to follow him. As soon as we pulled into the parking lot behind him, she pulled her son out of his car seat and said, "Here, meet your grandson." My dad held the baby for a couple minutes while chatting, then handed him back and said, "Gotta go. Got stuff to do." That's just the kind of dad/grandpa he is.

However, when I had my son, my dad was there, because, as he put it, "It was actually his child going through the medical procedure, not some stranger his son knocked up." My brother still harbors resentment towards our father for that, and I'm afraid he always will.

On the other hand, my mom and step dad have been planning to go to Washington on vacation in July for over a year, and they had just booked their plane tickets when I found out I'm expecting. Of course, they fly out July 14th and my actual due date is July 18th. Since I know I'm having a planned c-section, I asked my doctor if I could have the baby a week early without causing any harm to her, and since she is growing well, and it's been a healthy pregnancy, we plan on having her July 11th, so my mom and step dad can be there with me. I would never have asked them to reschedule their vacation, especially since they don't really have the extra money to change plane tickets.

My father in-law missed a few of them & my in-laws had 4th of July plans with a son out of state 2 years ago... they watch the kids when we had the others - so when my baby was born on July 2nd... my hubby almost had to miss the delivery because it was interfering with them going to his brothers house (who has never been married & has no kids). That was till his brother told their parents that they couldn't leave till after the baby was born or he wouldn't unlock the door for them to come in. So, hubby did get to stay for the birth, but had to go before he was all cleaned up and in my arms... his parents didn't see the baby till he was almost a week old & yes they came to our house on there way home from his brothers (BTW - his brother still though it was messed up how it all panned out!)

As for my mom... she was there in the room for the 1st (I was 17) along w/ hubby. The second she visited... the third - she worked at the hospital & REFUSED hours because she didn't want to see the baby or me (still don't know why)... the fourth didn't even want to know when I was in the hospital or anything about it (still don't know why)... the fifth - she only came to see it because my ex-step-dad (who now lives with her again, pays her bills, but she won't marry) wanted to & she then had to go, but when I ended up back in the hospital a week later w/ a bloodclot - she didn't visit... with the sixth - she did visit and actually held her! And the real shocker was when I ended up in ICU 1 1/2 weeks later (mini-stroke & brain bleed) she did show-up & caused issues between hubby & doctors, but as soon as they figured out I wasn't dieing she was gone & refused to even go see her own mom in the hospital because we were on the same floor for a week after I got out of ICU. What is really sad is that she never was out of town & only lives about 10 min from the hospital... and she really never has plans to do anything and she doesn't work. So, honestly she has no reason not to be there, but she just don't want to "waist her time".

I just have to deal with the fact that I mean very little to my mom - actually I don't think any of us do unless it mean $$$ for her. And as to my in-laws, my brother-in-law will always be more important... he has always been - he is not the "odd ball" like my hubby is. But when we need them the in-laws are always there or atleast most of the time... and when things went really bad after the 6th - even my hubby's real mom stepped up and traveled from out of state to help (eventhough they had not talked in nearly 3 years). Sometimes we have to turn the other cheek & let things go! Someday only the good times will matter!

My parents were in Hawaii when their first grandchild was born (my oldest son). They were on the last leg of a long-planned trip to Australia and New Zealand. I would not have dreamed of asking them to change their plans.

To me it would seem even less of a big deal that your in-laws weren't there (most daughters want their own moms).

This sounds like a deeper issue with your husband and his parents. Has he come 2nd to siblings? Was Dad abusive and mom passive (so your husband was not high on the list of priorities)? Your husband sounds angry about something (and maybe rightfully so) but it's coming out on a relatively small matter.

I would just try to keep the peace if I were you.

If possible, I would encourage your DH to talk to his dad. The only way I can fully let go of resentment is to work it out with the person. Maybe some counseling for you DH to work through everything. I would never EXPECT anyone to be at the hospital (aside from Dad of course). Good luck sorting this out!

As weird as it sounds, some grandparents (and aunts and uncles) really do relate to the kids of man differently than the kids of a woman. My sister and I often think of our brother's wedding as our SIL's wedding (as if our own brother doesn't matter). We also sometimes about our neices as her kids rather than his. I actually feel bad admitting this, as I in no way think of them any differently than my sister's kids, I just tend to think of them in relation to their mom.

My husband sometimes thinks his parents favor his sister's kids. I think that has more to do with the fact that they live in the same house and before that in the same town. We live 2 hours away. Still, I understand why he sometimes feels that way.

I think you just need to encourage your husband (and be proactive your self) to find opportunities for his parents to spend time with your kids. When my MIL tries to visit, one of the other kids always wants to come with her to play with my kids. She tries to find ways to visit by herself. She wants to spend time with my kids, not just chauffeur her other grandchildren. I think it's sweet!

Find ways to build up those relationships. If your husband feels good about the relationship his parents have with his kids and is happy with what they are able to do, he'll stop focusing on what the are not able to do.

Put yourself in their place. They had made reservations, made plans, had friends that they connected with year after year. You MIL told you that she had wanted to fly home but besides missing out on the appointments they had planned they may not have been able to fly home immediately. It would've also cost them money to change their return dates. How would he have felt if they had cancelled their plans, stayed for it, and then you delivered on time? They would've missed out on their yearly ritual.

I think they made a good effort in that they showed up straight from the airport. Didn't even go home to unpack, shower, call you in the morning.

For my first, everyone was in the waiting room, 5+ people. I misunderstood the 'you can see him for 2 hrs rule' and didn't invite them back. Then they came and took him to the nursery and everyone had to wait 4 more hours to see him. Some had cancelled some plans to be there. So yes they were there for the birth, but could have kept their plans and still seen him on time.

For my daughter, everyone was in town, but my mom was the only one at the hospital with us. She was going to wait outside, but wait with who? Ended up being in the room and watching the birth. The other grandparents didn't get a chance to get to the hospital until later that evening or the next day.

It really doesn't matter right now whose right or whose wrong. Your hubby just needs to get over it. It's in the past. "forgive and forget."There's an old saying, "to err is human, but to forgive is divine."

Now, if you want my answer on where your MILs justified to stay on vacation...Yes. They probably already pre-paid for everything and couldn't get their money back. Plane tickets are not cheap. Also, what if they didn't go on their traditional vacation, stayed, and the baby came late? They would have wished they would have went. Sure they could have rescheduled their vacation, but was there something going on at that sports camp that is only on a certain date? It's was probably the only enjoyment they had to look forward to. Also your hubby shouldn't blame his mom, since she really wanted to run home ASAP. Hubby really needs to grow up. They were there, even though they were far away. What is the whole purpose of the cell phone if not for this reason. If he continues to act like an idiot, they might decide to miss the next one on purpose too.

I can understand your husband's hurt feelings. If he had an expectation from his parents, and the expectation wasn't met, then feelings can be hurt. Maybe he's always felt he was second to whatever else they deemed more important and that can hurt. He will be the one who has to move past this, but I think his feelings are valid. Even as adults, if we were hurt or affected deeply enough by something our parents did, or didn't, do when we were growing up, it can have a lifelong impact.