Not Sure What to Do... - Hawthorne,NY

I don't mean to sound unsympathetic... your MIL sounds like a real peach.

But I don't see the big difference in waiting an extra week to tell her. You are just postponing the inevitable one more week, and that's nothing in the grand scheme. I'd say that if you want to tell your mom, to just go ahead and tell MIL too. I would, however, calmly and nicely speak with hubby about laying some ground rules with his mother, namely NO NAME CALLING, and HANDS OFF!

Congratulations to you and best of luck!

With people like that, you just have to stand up for yourself and tell her, pointedly and 'nicely'... do not touch my belly I don't like that. Do not make fat comments to me ONLY my Doctor's advice is what counts, stop making harmful comments to me, back off.

Your MIL is just, very very obnoxious and hurtful. You know that.
People like that, bait you, in order to hurt you and insult you.
Their intentions, are not good. It is toxic.

Just tell her "Don't touch my belly. I don't like it." Then move away and put YOUR hand on your belly as a 'protective' gesture.

It is stress, what you are going through... and it is ALL because of your MIL. Your Husband needs to know that. How it is affecting you. And how your MIL is affecting you.
Tell your Husband, "stress" is NOT good for your pregnancy or you.

Just the stress alone and the 'anticipation' of your MIL's reactions and treatment of you... has you all in a stressed out bad mood.
Tell your Husband this. Clearly articulate that. So he understands the psychology behind it.
So he, helps you.
Don't take it out on him. Have him on your side.
It is not him, it is the anticipated MEAN treatment of your MIL... upon you. And she is not nice to you.
That alone, is creating a TON of stress in you.

SO of course, you do not want to tell your MIL about the pregnancy.
You can tell YOUR Mom. Your Mom, is usually the FIRST person you tell. You are her daughter. And your Mom does not attack you like MIL does.

Your Husband, needs to back you up.
He KNOWS his Mom is MEAN. Geez, what a Witch.
I wouldn't want to tel her anything either.

For us, we did not tell family, until I was 3 months.

When/if your MIL asks you how much weight you gained and other pregnancy questions, just TELL her: "That is personal. Only my Doctor's professional advice counts."

I will never understand the belly touching thing. I have had three children and multiple people, even strangers, would touch my belly. There is something so endearing about a beautiful pregnant woman and knowing that baby is in there, it compels people to touch. This in your MIL. Try to keep in mind that this is a NON insulting thing she does. Kindly ask her not to if she does it, or get over it and deal with the bigger issues....

Now the weight thing - unreal. Her comments are uncalled for and disrespectful. The only thing I can suggest is really standing up for yourself when she calls you fat. Tell her the comments are not appreciated. Tell her your main focus is a healthy baby, no matter how much weight you gain. Try the "makes me sad" route. If that doesn't work, have your husband step up again. If that still doesn't work, start insulting her. Surely she has some issue you could talk about. A big nose? Saggy boobs? A big butt? Those are always sensitive spots.

I would say wait on telling EVERYONE until you and your husband can be on the same page. You have many more months of pregnancy.

I wish you luck. Happy Pregnancy!!

Your MIL is intrusive it sounds. I hate when people would touch my belly when I was pregnant. Drove me nuts. My hubbys family would do that too, and it would always catch me off guard and then I would jerk away, and it would cause something.

I never minded my own mother touching my belly because she is the one who brought me into the world, I figure no biggie. But my Mom and I are really close too.

I think that maybe it's best to wait and tell everyone in a week, so you can have a talk with your husband and tell him that you arent meaning to be mean this last week, its just hard work being pregnant and as he should know, hormones are evil! Lol. But as for telling everyone, it might be best to do it when everyone's together. Have a bbq and then make the announcement, and hopefully if you prepare yourself just right, your MIL wont touch your belly.

I would like you said along with making your announcement, tell people that touching the belly is a no, no. Have your husband say that part, and be like alright everyone, I dont want anyone touching my baby's baby belly! Got it? And then maybe pull his mom aside later on and remind her that you dont like to be touched and would appreciate it if she didnt. If she gets upset, then that is her problem to deal with. Dont let her make you feel bad for it either. She just sounds ridiculous.

When she asks how much weight you have gained, just politely tell her you have no idea, you decided this time you werent going to keep track and leave it at that. If she persists, flat out tell her that its none of anyones business and that is that.

Congrats on the new baby! Take it one day at a time, and remember deep breaths!

Its hormones but I think you are blowing it way out of proportion. I think it was more than ok that your MIL touched your belly. Yes it is nice to ask but seriously???? Now you should have a boundary in that she does not insult you. It really is none of her business how much weight you gain...Her editiorial comments need to be curtailed...Tell them when you feel like it.

Just tell them. Come out with it and let the stress be over with. When your MIL touches you without permission/invitation on the belly, politely and firmly move her hands away and tell her, "I'm feeling rather sensitive, please don't touch my belly." You don't need your husband to step in on this one because she's invading your personal space. If she asks you questions that are too personal or she makes rude comments, you can say something like, "I'm sorry, did you just actually say that out loud?" "Why do you want to know?" "Why would you say something like that?" Turn the questions back on her. Ask them innocently and sweetly and then don't answer what she's asking. Get up and walk away after you turn the tables.

Sometimes people (like MILs) feel entitled to be able to touch. I would politely and clearly tell her to ask before touching the belly. If she does it in the future without asking then touch her belly in response. The first time do it laughingly......she will catch on quickly how weird it feels to have someone touch like that when it happens right back to her. Do it back every time. She will hate it and get the point.

If she asks you how much weight you've gained, once again laughingly ask how much weight she has gained in the last 3 months, year, 5 years... It is an uncomfortable question to answer for everyone that isn't a size 2 and has maintained their high school slenderness. If that describes your MIL then this might not work. Don't answer the question if she asks it. Your weight gain is normal, necessary and between you and your doctor.

It would be great if you could find a tee shirt that says 'Don't touch the belly'.
Sit down with MIL and tell her that since she is your hubby's mother and son's grandmother you would like to have a relationship with her but she needs to respect your boundries. No touching the belly unless she asks and NO FAT COMMENTS.

My ex MIl was an overbearing, control freak, who knew it all. I got so sick of her after a couple of years of being married to my ex that everytime we went there I would take a book off the shelf and read until it was time to go. My ex got to spend time with his Mom who in his opinion was second only to God and she got to see her grandkids. He still wonders why I divorced him.

How wonderful! A new BABY!!! That's terrific -- my very best wishes to you and your (growing) family.

I'm sorry that getting to the wonderful part of having a new baby means going through the yucky part of feeling like everything about you is now public fodder (or at least MIL fodder). You're right: be more upfront this time, but do it with a smile -- even if it hurts.

Why is it that people think a pregnant woman's body is OK to touch? I remember an older couple in the grocery store thinking my (very pregnant) belly was adorable -- and then the husband reached out and patted my belly! A total stranger! I was mortified. At least all I had to do was leave the produce aisle. I'm sorry there's no comparable way to deal with your mother in law.

Hugs to you (but only if it's OK to touch you!).

If your husband doesn't want you to tell your mom then don't. Yes, he's mad you won't tell him mom and that's why he doesn't want you to tell yours. And yes, I think he's right. Be very direct w/ your MIL. She asks how much weight you've gained, tell her that is between you and your doctor and then ignore all other comments or questions. She will eventually take the hint. Last time, after her pestering, you would cave and tell her. Grow a backbone along w/ your baby and stand up for yourself. If she touches your belly, back away and ask her not to do that again. Tell her it makes your uncomfortable. If she does it again, tell your husband you are ready to go home (or leave the room if you are at home). I agree that no one should be touching my belly, pregnant or not. But I was also very clear about this and said no when asked or moved when they tried. Stop dancing around the issues and deal w/ them head on. You'll be happier for it in the long run.