How Would You Feel If You Were Asked This Question? and How Would You Respond?

How would I feel? Like I need to ramp-up the exercise... cut back on my portions... and stop eating the kids' food. If they have that much leftover, then the portion size was too big to start with!

How would I respond? "No" and leave it at that. The person was probably mortified, so no need to make it worse.

I would feel sad, mad that people can't mind their own dang business, and hopefully motivated even more to change. I don't think I would waste my time with snarkiness. I mean, people are rude. Is it really worth it, to have a battle of snarkiness wits? That doesn't make you better, and it probably wouldn't actually make you feel better. Leveling to someone who you feel is rude, never really does make one feel stronger or better. After all, no one is TRYING to be mean to you. They made a mistake. Are you still exercising? If so, just feel proud and motivated. Just keep doing what you are doing!!

I might say "no I'm not and that's why you're never supposed to ask someone that question!" in a humorous tone. That way you're not being snarky but you're reminding them they're breaking a cardinal rule. And if she has a big butt and you don't like her, maybe say "yeah, I wish it went to my butt instead like it does for most people" and give a knowing glance. I also don't think they mean to be rude or anything though. I've seen women where I wonder. It really looks like they're pregnant. But I do know the cardinal rule... I also carry any excess weight at all in my stomach and I know it's a tough spot. All you can do is dress differently and exercise.

I would tell them no. But I sure would begin to work on my personal appearance especially after more than 10 people asked the same question.

As another person said, make the kids portions smaller. Don't put the food in your mouth. Learn not to clean the plates and feel guilty knowing that it ends up on you in the wrong places.

The fix to this whole thing is how you feel about yourself and what you are willing to do to make you not look pregnant. If that means ab exercises and crunches it is time to start to do them. After you get the kinks out of the body and begin to work more you will be happy how you look. But nothing good comes easy. It didn't take you nine months to look this way and it won't take you nine months to get it off. But work at it reasonably and you will really see the difference.

Good luck to the new you. You have the power to make the difference so go for it.

the other S.

PS Learn to grow a thicker skin so you are not so easily offended by comments.

"Nope, just still working on shedding the extra from my last baby."

I have been asked it very rarely, but probably because I am "chubby" all over. If you are thin in most areas but have a protruding belly, it probably does look like you are pregnant.

But now, here I am, 18 weeks pregnant and no one has asked me about it. Guess when you're already obese it takes a LONG time to show the baby belly, or if someone suspect a heavy person is pregnant they might not ask for fear of offending.

Try to realize that they made innocent mistakes. If it makes you feel really bad, use it as motivation for your weight loss.

Oh, I have SOOO been there and still end up there now. If I get slack and don't dye my hair and let the grey show, no one asks.

I ahve been asked and used an answer that I stole from someone else:
Stranger:"Oh! When are you due?"
Me: "18 months ago and they are doing great"

Yes it stings, yes is sucks. If your belly is the only place you are gaining, I would ask my doc for a diabetes test, thyroid test and metabolic disorder test as these medical issues can make you gain in just the midsection. The sooner you know the better, because if it is due to one of these things then the centralized weight is the hardest to remove! Better to stop the gain than fight the pudge. I spent 3 years gaining in the belly before the doc says "oh, your body is changing shape. guess we should test you for diabetes"
Crappy part was that she knew I had PCOS and that causes metabolic problems that can lead to diabetes and one of the first signs of diabetes is becoming 'apple shaped'. I had perfect hourglass before then. Oh well.
No one has ever been mean when they asked. All have either apologized or been embarrassed when told that I wasnt'.
I would still rather be asked if I am pregnant than to be called my daughters grandmother just because I have grey hair though!!! (It has been done several times, GRRRR!)

It is extremely rude of them but I am sure they are not trying to be rude or mean. First, you should never ask if someone is pregnant because if they aren't it can be quite embarassing. Second, why do people think it's ok to touch other people's bellies (pregnant or not!)? I don't get that especially without asking.

You have a right to feel as you do (I would too) but please know they probably didn't mean to be offensive. It probably bothers you more because you are aware that you have a problem area and are already self conscience and certainly didn't need them to point it out to you.

My response would have been "No, I'm not pregnant. Are you?" Just respond like they ask everyone that question and not because you are "chubby". Let them be the embarassed one.

LOL! I'm not laughing at your pain. I'm laughing because I have been asked if I was pregnant (while not pregnant) many times over the years. The people asking have been relatives and complete strangers. But none of them were trying to be snarky -- in fact, I got the sense that they wanted to pat me on the back (or belly) and say congratulations.

Alas, after three pregnancies, my abs are shot. I am otherwise quite skinny and fit (5'2" and 113 lbs and run three miles at an 8-1/2 minute mile pace), but the belly is here to stay. At best, I can get my belly down to looking like I am only three months pregnant. We have the money for a tummy tuck, but I don't think I'm going to take the plunge. I think J.B. gave great advice about not wearing clothes that could pass for maternity clothes.

By the way, I do feel embarrassed and demoralized when I get that question. But I do get small pleasure in watching the person who asked the question stammer and apologize when I tell them that I'm not pregnant.

I thought it was bad enough being asked if I was pregnant when I'm not. About a month ago, someone asked if my four-year-old son was my grandson!!!! I'm only 40. I hope that makes you feel a little better ;-)

Wow I can't believe how many people are that rude and invasive! A question for you though...is it possible that your wardrobe is making people think this? I am overweight by a lot, and much of it is also in my belly and no one has ever mistaken me for being pregnant when I wasn't. I am very, very, very careful to avoid wearing anything that could be mistaken for maternity wear. No fitted tops that emphasize the belly, no empire waists, no flowy tunics, no giant oversized shirts, no yoga pants in public, etc.. I'm thinking with this happening more than once, maybe it's something in the way you dress that's prompting people to assume something that's so presumptuous? Just something to consider - I know I've tried on many a top while shopping that I put back because I was afraid that someone would think it was a maternity top.

That said, I would be crushed if someone said that to me, and they are beyond rude. Sorry you've had to deal with this.

I cannot believe people don't think before opening their mouths. And you just named a lot of thoughtless people!

Truth is, I can picture what you look like. You are one of those people that carry your weight like a pregnancy. I have seen those women before. And you know what, there are women who carry their weight in their butt, too. Some in their hips, their arms, you name it, it goes there.

You are no different than someone who carries their weight in their butt, except that people don't rub the other woman's butt.

Maybe you should try that next time. "Oh are you expecting?!" **rubbing woman's butt** (Ok, I humor myself way too easily)

How would I feel? Frustrated, and irritated that people are so stupid. And that would result in two things.
1) Confirmation that yep, people are stupid
2) Realization that if it bothers me this much, it is time for action. Let's stop eating the kids' leftovers and start working on being a healthier, more fit me.

Stop letting rude people dictate how you feel. And go for a walk, it will do wonders for your state of mind!

HUGS!

It would make me really sad.
But when you responded "no" to those asking, I PROMISE, they feel far worse than you do. And really, really embarrassed.

It's not their fault for asking an honest question (although that is kind of one that you don't ask...you wait for someone to offer it)...so it's not fair to be upset with them for thinking that you are.

A simple "no", without further response is sufficient, I think.

People should know not to ask this, my gawd!

Really, the appropriate answers should be "No, I'm not. Do you ever think before you speak?" "No, I'm not. Are you always this rude." "No, I'm not. Didn't your mother ever teach you any manners?"

You probably don't want to actually say these things, but you're more than entitled to think them.

And, I probably would have reacted in exactly the same way. "Just a little chubby" is a brave and impressive response. It's one I'd want borrow if MY excess weight didn't decide to settle in my hips, thighs, and butt and just make me have no waist whatsoever ... sigh.

My first instinct would be to reply, "No. Are you?" no matter what sex the person asking me was or what body type s/he had.

Or you could go the Dear Abby/Miss Manners route and answer the question with a question. "Now why on earth would you ask a personal question like that?"

As for reaching for your belly, pregnant or not, that's a huge invasion of personal space. When I WAS pregnant, I was in the grocery store and some strange woman reached out to touch my belly. I stepped away from her and she stepped closer and reached again, and I slapped the living daylights out of her hand. And she had the nerve to get pissed at me!

I am a bit snarky and for anyone who touched me i would reach and touch the same body part and say not pregnant, and you? Makes them understand how invasive both personal space and privacy of personal issues they went. However about body.... Arr you happy where your at if so come up with more retorts, if not come up with a plan to not finish kids food, remove nonfoods from your life and exercise, find your happy and you willfind it easier to help others like your kids find theirs.

I am so sorry you are struggling. Try and remind yourself that these folks mean no ill will. They just aren't thinking and I think your answer was perfect.

Love yourself. Chubby or not. Love who you are. Your tummy does not define you! We all have struggles. Some are not as easy to see as others. Try and remember that.

Kudos to you for trying to get healthier! How about finding a support group, or creating one. Invite some trusted friends to meet once a month. The core of the group has to be "no judging, just supporting." Sounds to me like you could use a little of that!

Good luck!

If anyone ever asks again try to laugh it off - Say, nope, just the aftermath of a 25 lb. baby. Or, I wish I could say I am but it's just leftover amniotic fluid. Or say, no, I'm not - but when are you due and then chuckle.

And do not beat yourself up. Especially if you are working on it. Just keep on going. And get a pair of undies that will suck you in a bit. They will do wonders - and you can get them at so many price points.

Feeling hurt is a choice. You don't have to let this bother you this much. This is a situation which calls for talking to yourself in a supportive way. "Oh, my, here I go again. I know I'm carrying extra in my tummy. I'm working on it. Too bad that person was so thoughtless. I know she didn't mean to hurt my feelings." And then move on to going on with your day.

I'm anazed you've encountered 4 people that rude & clueless in that short amount if time! Lol
I'm sure it hurts a bit. But you're entitled to your feelings and they are valid.
However, I think what you do with those valid feelings next is the important part!

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If it was someone I knew, I'd say, "No. If I was expecting and wanted people to know, I'd have told you." If it was someone I didn't know well, I'd say firmly and simply, "No. I am not pregnant." If it was a total stranger, I'd say, "No, and that was rather rude to ask." You don't owe them any details about how you feel about your weight, how you are dieting or not, what exercises you are doing. It's not their business.

I had an 8lb baby on a 5ft frame. Let's say that so far the abs have not rebounded and I've gained/kept about 10lbs. Some days I really really do not like the way I look. Something that might help is wearing shirts that flow away from the belly. Or I'll layer a tighter fitting cami under another shirt and on "fat feeling" days, I avoid form-fitting shirts.

But I do think your son's friend's mom was rude. First, you never assume someone is pregnant! Especially early on. And second, you should keep your hands to yourself! Always!

How would I feel? Annoyed and ticked off.

I would be mortified and cry! Then, I'd be ramping up my cardio and core exercises. :)

Sheesh, people should know you don't say a thing unless someone is clearly wearing maternity clothes and due any day.

I'm so sorry. You have every right to feel crushed.

O! M! G!!! I cannot believe that people are still doing this!!!! How awful for you!!!!!!! Yes, I would feel so bad. I would feel hurt and embarrassed. I would also put on my armor and have fun with them.

Someone rubbing on my belly? I didn't even allow this when I WAS pregnant. Just sit there and grin and let her rub on it. Then, say with a smile, "Nope, not pregnant this time."

When people ask, just look at them like they need to wear a STUPID sign--because they do--and shake your head as if you feel sorry for their stupid stupidity. If you want to say something, let it be "Seriously? You're asking me that?" Look them in the eye the whole time. If they have any sense at all, they'll tuck their tails and run.

You could also exaggerate--"Not pregnant, just FAT."

Continue with your walking. See a doctor if you think that this might eb due to some hormonal imbalance. If all your weight is in your belly, you're gonna have to take extra care of your heart.

Good luck!!

So, you have a problem area. We all have them and figure out ways to deal with our own.

I suggest you buy a pair of those undergarments that hold you in. Spanx? They are comfortable from what I hear, not like the girdles of the past.

I'm wondering if you exercise or do anything that might strengthen those abdominal muscles. Even something like laying on your back, lifting your legs, spreading them apart then back together, then down, repeat. You can do this while laying down and watching TV. It's not a time consuming thing. It just takes a few minutes. Maybe it's a habit you could start working on.

"No, I am just fat. But thanks for pointing that out." with a solid stare and angry eyes.
THat's usually enough for someone to feel pretty shitty about a stupid comment.

UGH! Common sense is just NOT that common, is it? Was I the only person taught to NEVER ask if a woman is pregnant? I'll admit that I have twice suspected that CLOSE FRIENDS were pregnant and didn't ask them because I figured, heck, when they want me to know, they'll tell me! (Turns out I was right on both occasions... and neither suspicion was based on weight gain I might add).

You are right to be offended. Even if you WERE pregnant, you'd be right to be offended. That is a hugely personal question to ask someone. I'd suggest that you stop baring the burden of the embarrassment all alone as you have been. Saying "oh she's so rude" to yourself is one thing, but it doesn't stop her from staying that way. Don't politely say no and then run to the bathroom to cry, tell her that you are offended, and that you find that to be a very personal and inappropriate question to ask someone.

If you're feeling particularly snarky something like "If I am, do you think THIS is how I plan to announce it? If I'm not, perhaps I should comment on the least attractive part of YOUR body." Slightly less snarky, I'd go with, "No, I'm not, and honestly I feel a bit offended that you would ask me that."

HTH
T.

The best response ever, "Nope, but thanks for assuming I have a sex life!"
That'll get 'em every time. :-)
I've been asked & yes it sucks. Don't let it get you too down.

I had the opposite happen to me I was about 6 months preggers and people would say no way are you pregnant. Gee thanks I guess I'm just fat. I am over weight but carry it well. If I were you I would just say no I am not and by the way there are two questions you never ask a woman 1. How old are you 2. Are you pregnant (unless it is TOALLY OBVIOUS).

Updated

I had the opposite happen to me I was about 6 months preggers and people would say no way are you pregnant. Gee thanks I guess I'm just fat. I am over weight but carry it well. If I were you I would just say no I am not and by the way there are two questions you never ask a woman 1. How old are you 2. Are you pregnant (unless it is TOALLY OBVIOUS).

First of all, people are extremely rude these days; not much we can do about it, unfortunately. Don't let what people say bother you. If you know you're working on losing the weight, then that's all that matters.

If someone asked about being pregnant, I probably would have just been a smarta** and answered with something like: "I haven't decided yet" or something totally off the wall. As for them touching you, that would have really pissed me off! I don't know why people feel they have to touch a pregnant tummy - especially without asking!!

When I had my two babies, I was determined not to gain weight - sorry, but I've never had a weight problem and having kids was not going to be an excuse to develop one - I always made sure I didn't make large meals, and I never served myself until I knew my kids were finished eating and then I would eat what was left on their plates alone NOT in addition to what would have also been on my plate!

I know the tummy area can be the hardest to get rid of. I did a bunch of sit-ups and a lot of walking. I tried getting exercise videos from the library but I could never stick with those. Just being more active was really the key. I didn't lose every ounce I gained but I did get back to a comfortable weight.

Hang in there!!

Good luck!!

My answer would have been "No?! Are you?"

When I was pregnant I was pretty sure I would deck the first person to touch my belly. I must have radiated the "ohnoyoudon't, don't go there" vibe because only my husband and a dear auntie friend took the liberty. :)~

The skinny mom?I don't know.... airhead or bitchy? Touching your belly? How rude! Do you think she was one of those Queen Bee types, who was making a passive-aggressive point, or just ditzy and thoughtless? I can deal with the latter far better.

Do what you feel makes *you* happier and don't worry about the people who can't seem to keep their foot out of their mouth. Must taste like shoe for some of'em. And it might be a small consolation, but consider yourself ahead of the game for having better manners than they do and not making people feel badly about themselves.:)

Idiots! People don't think before they speak. This happened to me when a friend's aunt asked when I was due. I stammered & turned beat red then said, " Well I'm not pregnant but I guess WE just both look like we are" & winked at her like we shared this in common., I know it was caddy but really.....then ran to the bathroom, cried my eyes out & 2 years later I have a tummy tuck that was the best money ever spent. Carrying weight in the belly area is hereditary on the maternal side of my family. My mom is tiny but she carried weight in her belly (after 4 kids) & looks pregnant(her words) No idiot ever asks her if she's pregnant! Could be because she's 70 years old but still....:) Try not to let it get you down. When that skinny mom who asked you is in her 70's she will look like a gaunt & shrunken old bag & then hopefully you can arrange to run into her & ask her if she'd like to use the plastic surgeon you had used for a tummy tuck years ago for a face lift? ha ha....just trying to make you laugh!

Oh I'm so sorry, that sucks :-(
I still remember when my youngest started Kindergarten. I totally thought her teacher was pregnant, because she was tall and thin all over, but she had a very pronounced belly. I'm so glad I never said anything because throughout the course of the year her belly never grew and I realized that's just how she was built!
It's too bad some people don't think before they speak. It may help somewhat to reply with a comment equal in their rudeness, with a straight face say "no I'm just fat." That may shock them enough to think twice before doing it to someone else.
And as someone else mentioned, Spanx are great! I have a thick middle with some muffin top (which barely responds to exercise or weight loss) and they really help smooth things out.