Keep Getting Asked If Pregnant and I'm Not

Maybe remind them that it is never, EVER a good idea to ask a woman if she's pregnant unless you actually SEE an infant emerging from her vagina. And even then I wouldn't ask.

Just thought I'd share ~ a co-worker recently shared about allergies. She is sensitive to wheat and it makes her abdomen swell making her look pregnant. Because I had never heard of this and no one else mentioned it thought I would put that out there. She is petite, and it gives her a "baby bump" apearance. Just something to consider, she did not learn this until later in life after having a baby.

Since your body type doesn't bother you, have fun with your ansers. Make stuff up (try to catch the asker off gaurd). Tell them in 11 months, or your just wearing pillow to see what would be like. If it's a guy with a big belly say same time as you. The trick is to sound absolutly serious.

Currently, I am having the same situation happen to me. Prior to having children, this was not an issue, so it is very tough for me to swallow. I must confess, I am appalled at most of the responses that you have received so far! I think it is such a shame how society is making it shameful for people to question a person's pregnancy. Pregnancy is something that MANY people are excited for and when they question a person about their pregnancy, they are asking out of excitement (as mentioned by someone). I think responding in a snide, sacrastic manner, which can make them never question again is terrible. Going through this situation right now, I try to keep the atmosphere more upbeat and respond in a way that I try to smile and say "No, I am still working on it." I would never want to make a person feel so bad about being excited about a pregancy that they don't feel comfortable asking someone. In reading the response about it being more of a medical problem, I truly understand - the separation the abdomen, because with my first, my stomach muscles really separated and now having a second, I don't think they are going to go back and he made them worse. I have often said, after we have a child, we should work with a physical therapist or someone, to do an exam of some sort to help us get our bodies healed properly - instead of searchign on our own on what to do - back aches, spread hips, separated abdomens, and extra weight, etc.
I can say, when someone asks me, I am a bit embarrassed, but I don't want to make them feel the same way that I do. If we are going to live in a society that someone (friend, family, or even stranger) can not be happy about a pregnancy and show excitement for such a wonderful time in a person's life, what a shame!!
I hope that you are able to find a way to handle your situation, whether it look into separated muscles, losing weight, changing clothes, or whatever else has been suggested, but I hope that all will understand how horrible it is to make a person feel shameful for asking. Best of luck to you!

Hey A.,

I too have the same problem. I am about 5'5" and weigh about 155 lbs. I get asked the same question because I carry all my weight around my middle. However I am 41 but it still makes you feel bad. I have four children, my youngest being 2 so I always just say it's left over from the last one. I used to get really offended but then one day I realized how bad they feel when they say something like that and it's not the case. So I always just say, "no it's left over from the last babies - don't feel bad though I do carry my weight in my stomach". They do feel as bad as you do and I don't want that. Unfortunately it's in our genetics where we carry our weight. Ughhhh!! Thanks Mom!!

Hope this helps a little to know you are not alone.

L.

I hope you won't totally dislike me for this, but I am one of "them." I was quite a bit younger when I did this, but I should have known better. I said something to the effect of "looks like you'll be expecting a little one soon.." and the girl told me that she had an eating disorder. I was horrified at my stupidity! I apologized profusely and she said it was really ok, that it happened once in awhile. It was a good thing we had started up a nice conversation before hand so we were already on friendly terms. I felt so bad though. I will NEVER do that again! In fact, I have yet to comment on any woman's pregnancy, even if she's already 9 months along. I figure a polite smile is enough. Every one could use one of those, no matter what type of body they have. So, if I may speak for all of us who have put their foot in their mouth, we're very sorry! :)

A.,

I once heard that an appropriate response to the question, "When are you due?" is "Nine months from tonight!"

T.

A., you probably have diastasis from your previous pg with your son. (I have a bad case of it myself, I look 5 months pg all the time, LOL) Basically, your abdominal muscles get separated when the uterus grows and expands,and when the pg is over, they do not come back together the way they should. The abdominal muscles should be holding your intestines in place behind the muscle, but instead because they are separated, do not hold the intestines back and your belly sticks out further than normal because of it. It can cause back pain as your abdomen is not helping to support your back the way it used to. Apparently crunches and sit ups only make the problem worse.
The only real solution for it is a tummy tuck. I'm hoping to get one once we're done having children.
I have seen a resource called Lose the Mummy Tummy that's a book and dvd I believe. It suggests specific exercises to strengthen the side abdominal muscles to try to bring them back together in the middle. I have not gotten it so I can't speak for it.
But I know the pain of people asking if you are pregnant when you're not (and we're trying to have a baby with infertility assistance, so it hurts even more when I hear the ?s). I just say no and share that my abdominal muscles never moved back in place after my pregnancy and most people shut up pretty quickly. I prefer honesty myself in dealing with rude questions.

It's true some people do carry more weight on their stomaches than others. I am 185 lbs & my waist is the same size as my 125 lbs sister. I carry it on my hips, thighs & breasts. I know that not getting enough omega 3s in your diet can make the problem worse. I take fish oil every day which is a rich source of it. It's something to try, I would take a little more than the dose as well since maybe you need more of it.
Brekka

first of all, in order to save your self-confidence, stop using the "no thanks im just fat" excuse. its really self-hateful.

i have a hard time with this comment. i dont receive it, and i have a pooch too.

first of all, you could take my advice and wear looser clothing. normal tshirts should not make your stomach look that pregnant. any and all peasant, high waisted shirts make a person with a pooch look like a pregnant lady.

second, if you want to start losing weight, you could change your diet. i just came from a conference and took a class on healthy eating, and it was fantastic. its a pretty drastic change, but you can make the changes little by little.

http://www.ncwchip.com/

its FANTASTIC, and i highly recommend it - especially if there is a group in your area. its scientific, and if you like, Biblical.

enjoy! and love yourself, no matter how you are built. you dont even have to respond at all to those comments. or you could say something like, "no im not pregnant, and its between me and my doctor"
or something
just DONT make those hurtful comments about yourself. LOL

As a nurse, when wearing scrubs in the hospital I've been congratulated on my pregnancies... at the times when I've not been pregnant. No, it doesn't feel good. Unfortunately, it probably happens to a lot of people at various times for various reasons. Just remember that these people aren't TRYING to offend you... and once you say something as simple as "I'm not pregnant" and change the subject, the person will probably be very embarrassed. Perhaps recognize the fact that if this happens to you a lot, maybe there is something about your body type or clothing styles that help you to "look" pregnant... and see if there is anything you can change about that. Good luck :-)

The same thing happens to me :) I too am large chested and my bit of extra weight in the tummy area. When I was in 9th grade (and THIN) there were two rumors about me being pregnant! I agree you are NOT fat :) 147 is a perfectly wonderful weight if you are over 18!!

Recently I was in line at a theatre and the elderly attendant for the handicapped restroom asked "are you pregnant dear?" Thinking about it I should've said I was and save 5 minutes waiting but i smiled my best #$% you smile and simply said "no." I was polite as she was very elderly. Respect thing for the 80+ set but..........Usually I do tell them exactly what you did. It may be a bit rude to answer that way, but I figure a stranger presuming someone is pregnant and they have a right to know anything about it is equally rude, ( I belive Dear Abby agrees with that!) so a little smart comeback isn't all that bad. If you do it with a smile, oh so the better!

That response usually keeps them from ever asking a woman that ever again! My boyfriend goes is a semi-regular at a bar where we live and he thought the bartender was looking pregnant so he asked the very same question. She was most definately NOT pregnant and made no bones about being offended. His exact words were, "from now on, I'm not going to presume anything and NOT ask that quesiton again!" I then reminded him about 9th grade and yeah, he's cured!

Hi, A.!

I get asked if I'm pregnant a lot also! I'm actually 5'9" and 138 pounds or so, so I'm more on the slim slide. The way my body is, I just look I'm pregnant. I acknowledge that about myself and I'm okay with it. I usually come back with a sarcastic comment to make the person feel really bad then I tell them I'm just kidding - it's okay. Just don't let it bother you.

Re: Laura S.'s response, that is the kindest response, and it really diffuses an embarrasing situation. Most people who ask "when are you due?" (and it's happened to me as well) do so in a "happy for you" manner, not in a snide, sarcastic one, to imply that you are fat. (At least the grown-ups) Most are totally embarrassed when they find out that they assumed incorrectly, but by a comforting response, you take some of the sting of what was said out of the message. Kudos to Laura's response.

You are not fat. You are normal. To hell with the people who take pot-shots this or any other way at you about your weight. You are not required to even respond to them, so ignoring their extreme rudeness is always an option.
You can respond to the women (or the men with beer bellies) who ask you this by asking them the same thing. Or you can say, "Yes I'm due. I'm due at the meeting for people who mind their own business."

Your physique sounds lovely. If you ever have a chance, a way to celebrate your femininity would be to start taking middle eastern dance lessons (aka 'bellydance'). Send me an email if you would like to know who teaches in your area.

if it doesn't bother you that you have a pooch just let the people know you were due like a crazy amount of time (like say 3yrs ago or something like that and then say so when are you do?=)) just so they get the hint;) that's what i would do=) i don't know if that makes sense to you but oh well. bye and have a good day=)

WOW!!!! That is pretty gutsy to say that to someone and not know for sure. I would NEVER in a million years say that, unless you knew 100% sure. Thats great that it really doesnt bother you, I think your response is fine, I think it will make them realize to keep their mouth shut!!!

If you say you wear a size 9-11 you must be wearing clothes from the juniors section. These are cut a little different than woman's clothes (even sizes 8, 10 etc) and tend to have less room in the hip area. This often leads to the "muffin top" look. If you have a stomach you may just be wearing the wrong size. What you think fits may not be the most flattering on you and probably not that comfortable. I personally can't stand to have anything tight around my midsection. Stop worrying about what size something says and try on different things....maybe get help from a personal shopper or store associate? I have heard that spanx are wonderful and belts over the tops make a difference too. Good luck!

A little off of the subject of your question, but... Since it sounds like you're having weight problems, you might want to get your thyroid gland checked. It could be that you have hypothyroidism, which can make it extremely difficult to lose weight, no matter how hard you try.

Hi A.,
First I want to say I really like your response to people that assume your pregnant! You know what they say about the word "assume". Anyway, I use to say the same type of things to people. People should really NOT make these types of comments unless someone says they are pregnant first, ya think! I'm also 5'4" and carry most of my fat in the belly. If you really feel like getting in awesome shape I highly recommend P90X. It's a 3 month commitment to exercise & nutrition but I've never had such amazing results! It's not easy, but I felt GREAT! I hated when people asked me when I was due too, 2 yrs after my last baby!?! I figured if I could have a baby, I could try this out. It was a challenge I figured I could handle. Not sure if this was helpful but it was just a thought. Good Luck.

Hi A.
The politically correct response for that rudeness is
"Why do you ask?"

Be confident in who you are.

B. J- 47yo med prof, wellness coach and mom of almost 7yo twin girls

Tell them no why is my skin glowing. That way it has nothing to do with having a pouch and it will not make you feel self conscious or rude. It in a way tells them to back off without being mean about it. It takes the focus off of your tummy. I agree that most people do ask out of excitement...but sometimes not so tactfully.

Hi A.!

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I hope this helps! C.

well quite frankly its rude for someone to ask about your state of pregnancy- or lack thereof- if they dont know you.

anyone with any sense of cuthe knows, when in doubt leave it out.

I like your response- but since you dont feel fat maybe tweak it a little to say something similar and leave the fat out.

not too many women dont have a pooch. since you DO have a son maybe say --oh i just had him ......7 yrs ago....
not as dramatic as say what I would say-- 18 yrs ago- but the yrs add up fast ;)

keep strong and know that some of us wouldnt dream of asking and are willing to help you combat those who do.

smiles :)

ps- wear what you want- shouldnt have to dress a certain way just to try and keep people from being rude

Ahhh I feel for you - one of the lovely side effects of child bearing. I think what you may be explaining, could be- that when your pregnant your tummy muscles actually separate so much that you could probably put 4 fingers across into the middle of these muscles - when you've had the bub these muscles should go back together...but sometimes they need a bit of help. I live in Western Australia - originally from MN but here I know for this problem you would see a physio, but I think it's a physical therapist in MN (they will be able to give you special exercises to help the the tummy go back together as much as possible - this may be something that will need to be dealt with sooner rather than later - good luck in all your efforts! Kind Regards, L.
* PS: Love the name A. - that's my daughter’s name!

Well...You can say "Not yet..." (If you are thinking about it) or "I'm not sure.."(keep them guessing) (I'd say something that is witty and a little snippy at the same time..(and let them wonder)