Not Sure What to Do...

HI KJ~

My cousin did this when her son was a few months old. yes she made great money BUT now looking back it is something she regrests doing. Only you can be the one to decide if this is something for you. Good Luck deciding.

There is nothing wrong with a "dancing" job if it will help you take better care of your child. I don't think it even carries the same stigma that it used to, but anyone who gives you an attitude for doing something to take care of your child is someone you probably shouldn't listen to anyway. I say go for it!!!

Hi there darlin -

My advice to you is do not take this job. I know that the money is there and when you need the money you are willing to do almost anything. Even though this may seem like easy money - the long term damage that it can do to YOU is not worth it. It is not because I think that someone is bad for having these jobs - I feel as though they are just lost and alone and in need of a good friend. If you want to chat more with me you can always email me at ____@____.com
I am stay at home mom of two ages 5 and 3. Sending hugs and encouragement your way

H.

I think you know deep down what is best for yourself and for your child or you wouldn't have asked the question. One thing you have to hold on to is the simple fact that what children need more than ANY material thing is your time, your love and your attention. Sitting on the floor playing with the same puzzle for an hour is what that child will remember, not how many puzzles he or she had growing up. There are many programs out there for single moms that will help you make ends meet so you can get a respectable, safe job. Your child only has you and you have to be sure nothing happens to you!

I wish you lots of luck!

It's not easy being a single mom, I can't imagine what you must go through. There are pros and cons to every situation, sometimes you have to do what you have to do to support your child. I may not do that for myself but I am not in your situation and haven't walked in your shoes. If your child is young enough, you do what you have to do until you can get a better paying job. They won't remember. Just be prepared for what other people may have to say. It's not their life but when does that stop anyone. Do what you feel is right.

When money is tight, you're willing to do anything to protect your little one. But please, don't take this job! Think about the type of men who go to strip clubs. They may be the nicest, most upstanding citizens during the day, but they go to the club to see YOU nearly naked and wrapped around a pole, or worse, in their laps. You become an object, and they have absolutely no feelings for you other than as relates to their physical fantasies. In that environment, slowly but surely the decent parts of your moral judgment will fall away. You start to say, "Well, it's just me, it's just this club, it's just for a few hours, it's just for a few years," etc. etc. And then there's the justification that everyone likes to use, "It's not hurting anyone." Well, yeah, it does hurt, because relativism takes the place of good moral judgment. And you need that good judgment to raise a good person.
And if that argument doesn't work, I'd also say that being naked in a crowd of men late at night is dangerous. I know there are bouncers to protect the ladies in the building and in the parking lot, but what about the one weirdo who won't go home to his wife, who sits in his car down the street and decides to stalk you and follow you home? It's just too awful to think about your child losing his mother that way.
If you have to ask this question, then there is part of you saying that this is wrong. Listen to that! And if you get a lot of people answering whose opinions are against dancing, then you can expect that you'll get the same reaction from the general public. I know in an ideal world, we wouldn't judge each other, but the fact of the matter is, people do just that. You'll get a far different reaction from people, and they'll think certain thoughts about you when you say, "I'm a stripper," versus saying, "I'm a librarian."

Well to be honest u are a single mom and u gotta do whatu gotta do to take care of ur kid....its not the most respectable job but really why care what people think, especially if they aint paying ur bills....jus dont go doin tricks or anything like that....to all who are reading this doesnt sound the most educated however i do type slang....
really KJ life is hard and harder as a single parent, there are other jobs u could work but like u said its hard to make ends meet.....its not like ur child will be wtching and maybe its not something u wanna do when they are older...in the end its up to u

Whether or not it's wrong or not is really up to your beliefs. Also you might want to consider if this is something you are going to want to do for a long time or just a year or two. Know what I mean? If this is a long-term option for you, you will eventually have to explain it to your child. If this is a short-term thing, your kid might never need to know. It's whatever you are comfortable with.

Honey I think you just have to think of hat's best for your daughter. Things like what all are you cutting out of her life. And if you feel her haveing thoes things in her life will effect her and if you think haveing thoes things in her life will help her then do what you have to do. But you have to be prepaired for the putdowns but remember to each their own. Honestly I don't like the thought of how to explain your job to your baby. But just remember that if this job gives you what you feel you need then do what you have to do. Your the mommy and deep down you know the anwser to this and you know what you feel you need to do. And forget everyone else it's your life and your only looking out for what's best and more money effecent for you and the baby and that in my eyes is all that matters. So good luck to you for all that's going to be said to you.

Hi there,
Well, there are a few things you have to consider first. What kind of club is it? There are many different kinds of strip clubs and some are safer than others. Your safety is most important because you sure can't take of your child if something happens to you. My sister was a stripper for a long time (she doesn't have any children though). There are aspects of it she loved and ones she hated. She said that the most difficult part about it was that she would look at these men and realize they were looking right through her. Me personally, I wouldn't be able to handle that. But she is able to view situations from an empowering perspective and she saw the whole experience as empowering for her (because she saw it as the men who were weak at her mercy, I suppose). In any case, everyone is different and if you think you can handle the negative aspects that go along with it, then maybe it'll work for you. You have to be a very strong person with a really high self-esteem for this kind of job. Otherwise, they'll tear you apart up there. Good luck.

Not to sound preachy, but there are other ways to make money. Stripping is not something I would recommend for a mom. Your child could find out one day. Just, please use your better judgement.

Oh honey...you sure are going to get some answers! The bottom line is--you have to do what you have to do for you and your child. We're not supposed to judge others, right? My mindset has always been, it's my life, i'll do with it what I please. You need to not care what anyone thinks and decide for yourself. The only way this could be bad for your child is if you were taking them with you when you went to work, otherwise, how will they know what you are doing other than simply working. I'm not saying jump on the boat, do it, go for it. But, I am saying, once again, you must do what you need to do. I know a few people that have danced that were single moms, and they were able to give their children things they wouldn't have been able to otherwise. This was not their career, it was simply a means to an end at the time. Since then she's opened her own daycare, she's a teacher, a therapist....simply a beautiful, honest, happy, enlightened person. And I'm sure others reading this are thinking yeah, right...BS....well I'm speaking only truth. She has a beautiful daughter who understand so much more about this world than most adults. So I guess what it boils down to is what you're ultimately going to do. Don't get caught up in it...don't make it your career...but if you can use it to make your situation better, to get you to the next door...do what you need to do. Don't worry about those that might judge you, for that's not what we are here to do. It is not our responsibility to tell others what is right and wrong for them or what they should or shouldn't do. Only YOU can really know what you must do.

hunny i am also a 20something single mother of one, unfortunately i dont have the body to do that. you need to do whats best for your situation and make sure that you and your baby have the necessities you need to survive

Just like a lot of the women, I know what it is like when your money is REALLY, REALLY tight. Bills, bill collectors, shut off notice from PSE&G, etc. I am married with 2 small children (ages 3 and 7 months). At one point I was VERY tempted to take a job for phone sex. I'm so glad I didn't. What I thought about was would I feel good if my family or children every found out about it. Also, you can never be sure what in your past won't come to haunt you in the future. So I prayed a lot and kept my eyes opened for the right job opportunity. Eventually, my prayers were answered. I now work 3rd shift, 11pm-7:30am. This works for us because my kids are home with my husband and we don't have to pay childcare. Stay strong and pray. Things will work out for you. And also, don't be afraid to ask others for help. Family and friends. If you don't have a strong support system, get one. My prayers are with you. Hang in there, girl!

Hey KJ

I wil not pass judgement on you. My girlfriend was a dancer also. If you need to do this to help you and your child , you should. But PLEASE make sure you are working at a good place. If you are working at a sleezy place bad things could happen to you, no money in the whole is worth your safety. Also you may want to think about the repurcusions of it. I know that my girlfriend is going through a messy divorce and her ex(who meant her there) is now trying to use this against her. She did it while we were in college and now has a great career as a teacher but he is stilling using it against her and it is working(with psychologist and whatnot). She is now at risk of losing custody of her kids.

You need to do what you need to but be careful.

Good luck
S. F

I worked in a bar like this as a waitress years ago. It was a very nice place with upscale clientel and the dancers made a ton of money and had nice clothes. One thing they all had in common- they completely lost all self esteem and sense of self worth. They had wealthy men all over them, but chose loser boyfriends that leached off them. Do not sell your soul. Possessions are one thing, a mom at peace with herself is more important. I was a single mom going to college and supporting my child on my own. I worked odd jobs waitressing, assisting in the office at school. I spent no more than $40/week on groceries, but we got by. You can do it and God can provide a path if you put your faith in Him and see where He is guiding you.

Look I can understand, being a single mom and trying to get by. There are consequences to dancing though....The money is good and I know you can spend more time with your child during the week but dancing attracts the wrong kind of people into your life. You do not want to expose your child to that. You need to look hard and find something that pays good money that is exceptable and that you will not be embarrassed of doing. This is America 'Land of Oppotunity" I am sure there is something out there for you if you have faith. You can do this dancing thing if you want...It is up to you but you will soon regret it later in life. I wish you many blesssings and God speed.

Well, I guess you have to ask yourself some questions. "How will I explain this to my child if I continue to do this job?"...."am I comfortable in doing this?"....."Is there no other way?".
I would guess that you are not quite sure this is a good idea, because you have asked what others think. I would say that if you were 100% sure, that this is what you wanted, then you would not care what others had to say.
Here is what I am trying to say. If you are not 100% sure, than I would not take the job. You really have to consider the fact that you do have a child and you need to teach him/her values/morals. That, in my opinion, is worth more than all the toys in the world.

When I was a single mom and had my daughter who was at the time 5, I went back to school. The gov't will pay COMPLETELY for your school! Then you can go to the placement office on campus and they will find you a decent job. That is how i got by.

I think that easy money isn't always "easy money", I have heard stories from friends that know "dancers" and it's not a good scene. It seems like most of them get into it with good intentions (to pay for school, support their child, etc.) and expect to only do it for "a little while" but it never seems to work out that way. A friend of mine knew the stripper that got thrown off the Burlington-Bristol Bridge a few years back. She was a nice college girl that tried to stay away from the drugs that were surrounding her but she got sucked in. There are many dangers to that job and it slowly pulls you in and sucks the life out of you. I know you probably think you know everything at age 21 (who doesn't?) but in a few years when your child is old enough to understand what you are doing, you will be glad if you don't do this.

Do you have a little girl? Can you imagine if your little girl were to come to you at age 18 and tell you that she wants to be a "dancer"? Can you imagine if your child finds out when he/she is ten or twelve years old what you had done? Believe me, the disappointment in your child's eyes will never be worth the money. What if you teenagers friends find out? Children can be harsh, what things would they say to your child about his mother? Please think about your future and your child's. From what I understand most of the "dancers" need a little "help" in the form of hard core drugs to get through a night of work. I don't think that you will be any good to your child if you get yourself addicted to drugs. And what if you are offered a really great job and they find out that you were a stripper and they decide they can't hire you b/c of your background? So many bad things can come from this, not many good. I hope you make the right decision, I know it's hard b/c you want better for your child but money isn't important to children. Your child needs you to be his/her role model and what example are you setting if you do this? Good luck, I hope this helps.

Do what you have to do to support your child. Don't get all caught up in the hype of it and stay true to yourself.

i think if you feel that you can dance and still look yourself in the mirror every time then do what you feel is right.

I would do whatever it takes to give my son a better life, so I think you should do whatever you decide. If you are ok with the job, then go for it. I know there can be a decent amount of money in it. Also just because you take the job now doesn't mean you have to do it for the rest of your life. You can just do it for now to get a little savings nest egg going and then quit. You are the only that can decide if dancing is right for you. Good luck in whatever you decide.

Sit quiet and look into your heart, it will guide you. Our hearts always know the way. Its our minds that get in the way. Look at your expenses and see where you can cut back more. Look at your child and wonder how you would explain your job if in the future they found out. Only you know what's right for you and your family. At times, I want people to tell me what to do because I can't decide or I don't want to look inside because I am scared of what I will find or I don't want to see the truth or I don't want to take responsibility for my decisions and actions. Good luck and know whatever decision you make, its your decision. Be proud and stand tall.

Sweetie you are going to get alot of neg. responses...you know that. Here is my take, sometimes we have to do what we have to do to put food on the table and to have a better live. Most women look at being a dancer as bad, evil and other wise degrading, I dont...they are looking at it from a jealous wifes view not a actual view. It is a job, like any other job. You make money at it, and if you go through a agent you even g3t paid to be at some of the clubs. You can be a dancer and do it respectfully. You dont have to drink or do drug to dance. I canced for 5 years because my then husband didnt want to get a job and then again when I left him...I did it very tasteful, was picky about where I worked out. Never did private parties and went straight home afterwards.b Dont et caught up in the BS the guys will hand you and make sure at all times you hold your head high and know you are not doing anything wrong or illegal..lol that was the other thing that got my it is not illeagel so why do people have a problem with it. I have great job now and have gone to college...and dancing got me and my childed through to where we are now. The money is good just use your head...good luck let me know what you decided.

My morals would say no. Can you live with yourself doing this type of work? Remember you don't answer to people you have to explain to God why you felt this was a good idea. I'm not saying yes or no, only you can decide that since you are the one living with the results of your decisions. Good luck to you!

I understand how desperate it can get when money is tight. Instead of taking this "dancing" job on the weekends take another job like a cocktail waitress or bartender that have the same hours. It is not wrong to do the other job if you can accept it but it sounds like you really aren't willing to sacrifice yourself like that. You can never go back and redo things in your life that you wish you had never done so think long and hard about it before you do it.

Ok, I'm gonna totally ignore the whole morals thing, because I think it's possible to take a job like that and not end up teaching your child the wrong thing. But in your request it's not clear if you would keep your other job and work this one too. If that's the case, then my concern would be time lost with your child. Having a parent who has time for them is one of the most important things a child can have. So if this job would let you spend more time and have less financial worry, then I would totally do it. If not, then I'm gonna suggest a whole different idea....you could try to go to college. You would get student loans and grants and could even go part time and work part time if you needed. My husband makes very little money, and we have two kids, but the money i get refunded from school makes ends meet. And I know that I'm working towards something that will ultimately end up making us more money. Good luck to you, whatever you decide.

Being the mother of 2 myself with a husband in the military, I know how tight things can get. I raised my first child on my own for the first few years(until I met my husband) If you are asking this question then this job is not for you. If you don't feel comfortable then don't do it...it's not worth it! This may be an option. I work with Pure Romance. I work mostly at home with my children and the money is awesome plus you have the time for another job without taking away from your little one. This is a business that you can be proud of. There is usally a very small start up cost however you remind me so much of myself I would be willing to help you out with that. You need the money so anything I can do to help another young mom in need I will do. Please contact me I would love to talk to you more about this job. I live in Ellwood City (Pittsburgh Area) so if you are not to far away maybe we can even meet up for a play date and I can show you what I do. (I am 26 and have a 5yr old & a 7 month old) Look forward to hearing from you.

Chrissy carter
Pure Romance Consulant
###-###-####
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____@____.com
www.chrissycarter.pureromance.com
We put the "O" in Romance!

Ok, I understand where you are coming from, I was 19 and single with my first child. I , in my own opinion, think you're child would respect you more in the end if he had less toys etc. and a mom with self respect. I hope you don't take that the wrong way, but you are worth more than that. There are jobs out there, I waitressed for years to get by and my son (now 16), is happy as can be.

Pray on it.

L.

Hi. Well, of course you are an adult and can do as you please, but you should probably think about three main things here. Even if you only do this for a few years,(and if you start, that probably won't be the case)eventually, your child will find out that you supported them this way. They may not understand why you chose to support them in this way.Secondly, if you are asking other people for advice about it, you know in your heart it may not be the right thing for you personally. Third, there is a stigma that goes along with dancing. Other people will judge you for it, and can you live with that for the rest of your life? My stepdaughter danced for about two years, and to this day, that is the first thing that gets brought up whenever she is mentioned. Also, remember that this lifestyle has a way of drawing you in and never letting you out. You get used to making easy money, and it becomes impossible to quit.Even if you have a lot of self-confidence and self-esteem, it may take a toll on that as well. I think there is a certain kind of person who can be sucessful and happy with dancing, but I don't think it is the mother of a beautiful child who she loves and cares about. Just think abou everything before you make a choice you may regret.

As a single mom of 3 I would have to say, if you are ok with it, go for it. I know the last thing I want to ever do is let my kids go without. The only thing is, will you still have time to spend with your child. I think that is the most important thing of all. You make the decision that is best for the two of you.

KJ, You do what you feel you need to do. I had a very dear friend who "danced" to provide for her two duaghters. She was a single mom as well. She never did anything then her job. An made nice money from it. Wether your a mom or not doesn't matter. If you treat it like a job and nothing else and take care of your child. Which is the most important thing. Then take the job. Alot of women feel that dancing and showing your body of to men is wrong. Well there are alot that feel that way. Someone is going to get that job and you need the job. You think about your child and yourself. How will taking this job affect you both. Do a pro's and con's list. Then go with the one that makes the most sence to you. GL and tc froma single mom of 3.

I personally wouldnt do but if you are having a hard time providing "NESSECITIES" for your child. A roof over his head, food, and clothing(Not talking about all Nike or Addias but just normal priced clothing.) then I would do it. Anything other than those three things are a want not a need. Kids dont need alot of over-priced toys. Shoot my kids dont get any toys but on thier birthday and Christmas and they dont get alot but what we get them they hardly play with. My son is happy playing with hot wheel cars. He refuses to play with anything else. I think alot of parents forget what is really important. Its not about how much stuff you give your child. Its about providing what they need.