Not Feeling like Myself - Sioux Falls,SD

I never experienced this with my first two but with my third I felt "out of it". I would bust out crying for now reason, I wouldn't be able to smile, I wasn't into talking with anyone. I took care of the kids and everything but there were days that I just didn't enjoy life. It's been almost a year since his birth and I have my "blue" days as I call them but they are fewer and farther apart. I talk to my friends most every night so i have adult conversations and I also get time off to shop by myself. My husband works second shift so he watches the kids in the morning once and awhile so I can be by myself. Whatever I want to do, shop, watch a movie, go to a friend's house, whatever. It's helped a lot.

You know I am 26 years old with a 4 year old and a 3 year. I felt like not myself once I had my children. I no longer did the things I did pre-pregnancy. I didn't dress the same. Most of my old friends, who didn't have children yet, no longer invited me out or wanted to be around me. Which of course hurt. I was now a mom and no fun I guess! LOL! My entire life and social environment changed. I couldn't go out on the spur of the moment. I had to have a sitter which I'm sure most know takes days to line up and is never available on the spur of the moment. So yea my friends evaporated and quickly.

Well now that they are both little kids really. No longer babies or even toddlers. So I feel much more secure leaving them. I've started to reclaim my life and get comfortable in my old skin again. I've started to dress like myself again, dye my hair again. Basically go back to old me! It took a long time but i've done it. You can and will too when you feel up to it. So just relax and start to reclaim what makes you comfortable! That is what I did!

It sounds like you are just overextended like I am right now. I thought it would be no big deal to work full time, go to school full time and be a mom too. Wait until after graduation-sounds like it is coming soon. Take a weekend and treat yourself. Once school is over things will still be "routine" but you should be able to deal with it better because you won't be so overextended.

It sounds like a touch of post partum. I know they say it should last only about six months after birth, but I have had two children. One is 14 and one is 3 and both times it took me until the kids were about 2 1/2 close to 3 before I started feeling safe to be myself again. The kids take so much energy and focus that you just have to give into that or you will be miserable. Don't worry as they grow more independent you will see spots of time to try on clothes, or do your hair in a new style you wanted to try, and go back to some of your own interests and hobbies. That's why parenting is considered a sacrifice.

Hi L.~
Congrats on your status as a mom and soon-to-be graduate. Being a mom can be tough and drains us at times. What I find that has helped me tremendously......vitamins. Your body just went thru pregnancy and delivery (OK 2 years ago but.....). Baby sapped your body of a lot of your vitamins and minerals to keep YOU healthy. It hasn't been totally replenished. When running around chasing a 2 year old, you are using up about the same amount of vitamins and minerals as when pregnant. Find a good multi vitamin/mineral, take 2 a day. I personally like C-energy. It comes in individual packets as a powder and in many flavors. They mix with water or juice (I like the cranberry flavored ones mixed in Raspberry tea. I take these once a day). When I start becoming short over the smallest things, I stop and think when was the last time I had my vitamins and I make some up. Vitamins....sometimes the miracle drug :)
Hope this helps! God's Blessings.
V.

Welcome to being a Mom! Yes, it's wonderful, and also a major life transition, all-in-one. What you are going through is completely normal and you may find that many moms share your thoughts. My advice is to join a local Mom's group. After being home for 10 months with my first child, I finally got my head above water, and realized that I had forgotten about myself completely. I joined a group and found a fun bunch of moms, who were having the same issues as I was. It helped to know that I wasn't alone.

I too, have had lingering thoughts of what my life was like before kids, but then I look into the faces of by two boys and know that, although my life will never be the same, it is so totally worth it.

Also, you don't have to give up everything you used to do. Find little breaks in life. Leave your child with your husband/mom/babysitter, and take the afternoon off do just listen to some music, read a book, go to a gallery, whatever. If your child still naps, let him sleep in his stroller while you take a walk in the park or at the mall or wherever.

Hang in there!

T.

Hi L., I just wanted to let you know I felt the same way after my daughter was born. I didn't feel like me at all. It still comes and goes. Something that really helped me was to force myself to do things that I used to like to do. Also I used to take really long baths. It gives you the chance to check out of your life for a couple of hours, and then check back in. Those helped me so much, I would just read a book. Now I sell Tupperware so I get to check out two to three times a week, make a bit of money and enjoy myself. This is something that helps me a lot. If you would like to give it a shot let me know.
I hope some of this helps because I do know how you feel.
C.

I felt that way after my youngest was born. To me it seemed like I was in a routine too. I started to take a weekend trip w/a girlfriend of mine. Where I learned what I liked again. We had alot of fun & when I came back I was energized & ready to get back to my life. Life is always busy for all of us but my hubby helped find a way b/c I was so much better when I came back. Even a day of nothimg but you time to do what you want to do.
That is how I got thru it. Hope I helped.

Its ok to not feel like yourself right now, you are a very busy person, you work probably full time and go to school full time and you are a mom full time, it leaves very little if any time for just you. That makes life in general hard, and who can blame you for feeling so blah or however. It could be post partum too, but usually that is getting done by the time the baby reaches 24 months. Depression is an easy thing to miss, and many of us out there refuse to believe that it is possible, or that we are bad people for being depressed. If medicines are not in the picture for you, then try some other things like finding a baby sitter on a day where you dont have much, and spend some time with yourself. Read a book, do some shopping, whatever your favorite activity is. Or if you would feel guilty about leaving him for a while to get you time, then try an earlier bedtime and again do somethings you enjoy but never take time to do. When your busy its easy to forget about ones self. Good Luck and hang in there, there are more out there like you then you think!

Hi L.. I was just wondering if you have entertained the idea of postpartum depression at all? It can be seen in many different forms- not just feeling "down" as most people think of it. That may want to be something you discuss with your doctor. Also, I am not sure of what you meant about "hanging out", but is there ways you can incorporate your son into things you used to enjoy, such as your music? If you are missing your life as a person without responsibilities, such as children, it's hard to help, but there's plenty of ways to incorporate being a mother into things you enjoy. Are there any local classes/playgroups you could join to get to know other moms? Do you have many mom friends? Since you enjoy music, you may want to check out Kindermusik classes....these are music classes for moms & preschoolers. I hope you find what you are looking for and maybe develope a new identify as "mom" :-).

Hi L. ~
It sounds like you're so busy right now that you're not able to find any time for yourself. I'm sure graduating will really help free up some time for you.
I have a son who will be 5 in 2 weeks. I used to feel the same way. It took me until about last year to really get back into feeling like myself & feeling like it was ok to be me & to have some "me" time.
I think we get so focused on being a mom & so focused on our kids that we forget about ourselves. It's so easy to do b/c we love them so much, but we have to remember to take care of ourselves. Our kids don't want impatient & unhappy moms. Anyway, try finding sometime for yourself. Do you have someone that babysits for you? I don't know if you feel like b/c you're so busy that when you do have free time you don't want to not be with your son & you really don't want to send him to a babysitter, but try to remember it's for both of your own good. Even just a few hours a week that you can have to do some of the things you used to do will make a huge difference.
Anyway I hope my response helps. Congrats on your upcoming graduation!

I am 25 and I have two children- daughter 4 and son 1. I have felt many times throughout their lives that I am not me. Even when I first got married there was a time when I wasn't me anymore. It also sounds like you have so much going on with work and school. It is easy to get wrapped up in routine and not do very many fun things.
My suggestions: Have someone watch your son once a week, even if only one hour, and do something just for you. have your girlfriends come over in the evening, after your son is in bed, and just have some quality girl time. Find a really good friend to have coffee with or something and talk about how you are feeling. Sharing my concerns with someone who cares about me always helps me feel better.
Your son will benefit from having a mommy who loves herself and takes care of herself and him!

L., I understand completely. I felt that same way. I felt like I had given up myself entirely to being a mother. In my experience, going from no children to one is much harder than adding on to an existing family.

Part of the solution is that you have to incorporate your child into what you used to do. Have you tried introducing your son to the music you love? Just the other night, my husband cranked the music way up high and he and our 5 year old and 2 year old sons danced together in the kitchen! I love teaching my 5 year old about all my favorite music. I let him listen to all sorts of music, from jazz to the Grateful Dead.

You will get used to being a mother and it will become your identity. So much so that when your son turns 18, graduates, and leaves the house, you may not know what to do with yourself!

Don't forget to give yourself time. We mothers need to remind each other of this. If you feel empty, you have nothing to give to your son. Going to school full time, working full time and being a mother at the same time are very difficult. See if you can find a friend to watch your son while you do something for yourself.

Finally, and this is something that I really struggle with, realize that you have your whole life to accomplish your dreams. You are young and you have 40-50- or more years to do everything you want to do!

Good luck!

I know exactly how you feel. It's called depression. It may not be very severe, but it's affecting you every day. I talked to my doctor about it. You could also mention it to your son's doctor if you have him for a check up sometime soon. Mine was severe enough to require medication. I also see a therapist. I think that's been the biggest help, just having someone I can talk to who can help me come up with ways of coping with daily stress. But talk to your doctor about how you're feeling and the two of you can come up with the solution that works best for you. It's nothing to be embarassed about. It happens to a ton of people. I would recommend most finding a therapist or a councelor to talk to. That's what's helped me the most.

yup! I am in the middle of it right now with my second who is 5 months old. I have turned to friends and family for support. I have recieved gifts that are forcing me to take rejuvenation time in the form of spa gift certificates and clothing money. And, I told my husband that the only thing I want for my birthday next week is a set bed time for my oldest so that both he and I have time for ourselves and each other each day at least a half hour. I am really hoping that these things help enough and then the rest is up to me to find times with my girls to rejuvenate, become more efficient with chores and to maximize my use of any alone time I get. It is not easy redefining yourself.

good luck!

I know exactly how you feel, I was there once myself too. It almost sounds like you might have post-partum depression, if you're really worried about it, consult your doctor. After awhile, I just started to force myself to do things for me, we tend to forget about ourselves after having a child. I hope this helps!

What you are feeling is normal. We talk about it a lot here...
http://www.mayasmom.com/groups/a4186/anxious_depressed_an...
They say if you aren't feeling like yourself for more than 2 weeks you should talk to a health care professional. There are lots of options, if you live here in Des Moines I have several people I could refer you- Iowa Acupuncture Clinic, Bill Terril or Dr. Bandstra with Prevention and Healing of Iowa (he is a chiropractor that can help with in this area too) or there are lots psychologists and psychiatrists in that area if you want to take medications. Just some ideas :)

I went to a shrink and found out I had Post-partum (sp?) depression. I didn't think I was depressed, but it turns out I really really was. He put me on Wellbutrin XL and two weeks later I felt like myself again. It was like a weight had been taken off my shoulders...I felt lighter. It's given me more energy, helped me loose those last pounds, everything....I highly recommend that you go see a psychologist. It worked enough for me that I sent my friend to the same doctor and she's also having great results. Good luck, I know how hard it can be. I went through it for 3 years before I got a handle on mine. Hope this helps.