Normal 6 Year Old or Anger Issues?

Maybe she is having a hard time with the schoolwork or maybe another kid in class. Even though she is respectful and well behaved she still might be having a hard time keeping up with other kids academically. That can really add stress to a 1st grader where a lot more is expected than was in kindergarten. Try talking to the teacher. They might know be able to tell you what might be going on. Good luck

Try switching up the routine. Instead of frizzing her brain and your nerves for 30 minutes, allow her to watch television during that time. While she's watching television peacefully, you prepare her afternoon snack. Once she is done with her snack then sit her down to do her homework. That way everyone will get that needed down time before tackling her homework.

Since she doesn't like school, because she has a hard time completing her work and misses out on some special activities...why don't you get her to do all of the easy stuff first and reward her for it. You could simply let her know how proud you are of her for completing the work correctly all by herself and give her the biggest hug any mother could give their child and a messy loving kiss.

All of the work that she has trouble with save for last. Then the two of you do it together. After she is done with that task let her know how proud you are of her for her efforts. Reassure her that she will learn it soon enough, and when she does you want to be the first to know. Guarantee she will do her best to figure it out because she will want to please you.

Another thing that you could do is vounteer in her class so that you get an idea of what her day is like. That way you will have a better understanding of what she goes through. You could also just stand in the hallway of her class and watch the class so that she doesn't know that you are watching her. Then you get to see what the day is "really" like.

I hope these tips help you out.

I think your daughter's actions are a normal way of telling you that she's trying as hard as she can and the world is getting hard for her. In my opinion, she needs some help. The help may be medicine, it may be more structure, it may be more playtime, or athletics. My gut says find out if there is an attention/ auditory/ visual/ chemical/ classroom problems/ something preventing her from finishing her school work that is beyond her control.
Give her lots of unconditional love (hug and hold her no matter what her mood is, stay firm with your decisions, and look into every problem she "asks" for help in) keep love in your thoughts and voice whenever YOU are stressed by her, and keep asking your resources (like mommasource) anytime you need us.

I think that is normal for anyone at any age. Work it out or act it out but out it will come. Many times they reserve their best behavior for school and you get what remains. It sounds as though she is having problems at school and it may extend beyond her inability to complete her work. Is she being bullied? This is far more prevelent than you would think. Try to have her open up and talk to you or someone elce. The transition from kindergarten to first grade is a difficult one. They still want to play and now it is more about classwork. Good luck.

I think you need to talk to the school and find out what is going on. I think your child is telling you something is off with school.

Also, I would suggest perhaps getting her some physical activity before having her settle down to do her school work. She may need to unwind after her day.

I agree about a snack on the ride home too. I also think maybe you need to visit her classroom to see the teacher's style first hand. She might be behaved at school because of the teacher's strictness and feels "pent up" and vents at you. She could use the TV as a reason to carry on and vent. When she cuts out the faces does she keep them or the rest of the pictures? I'd be more concerned if she X'd or scribbled them out. Have you tried letting her watch TV for 30 minutes before homework? She might need down time before she can focus.
L.

First, I commend you for seeking help and being honest. Second, I do not have an opinion on normal or not normal behavior, as all children exhibit emotions differently. I do not think she needs medication or a psychiatrist. Do not go to the extreme right away. She does express unhappiness about school. I do believe the expectations are higher in first grade in 2008. The academics and behavior expectations are higher and the schools are more crowded with less teachers. They have less time for eating lunch and recess than in previous years. My son is also 6 and I was just discussing the same behavior type scenarios with a parent of a 6 year old son today at his soccer game when we saw the children getting upset over small things. My son internalized his stress about school as his teacher was very strict this year and the punishment was to take away fun times. It is school policy and most are fine with it. It took him a month longer than others to adjust to the new expectations of 1st grade. He was fine with the academic load, though. I did have him talk with the school counselor and that helped a lot. He went three times on his own to learn to accept his mistakes and deal with the consequences without outbursts, etc. He is much better now. His teacher is a perm. sub. as his teacher went on early mat. leave unexpectedly and the sub.is not fully qualified or trained to teach 1st grade. I am helping in the classroom and helping to organize volunteers, upon her recommendation. My son is also learning to accept things like this change he has no control over. Also, I found that his gym class had 50, yes, 50 6 year olds in it. Two first grade classes and 1/2 of another, due to overcrowding in Howard County. They do have 3 teachers, and they are fabulous. But I am sure this can be difficult to deal with on days when say you are a little tired. I am also now assisting in a middle school in Ho. Co. and have heard several comments from teachers that they have noticed children are more talkative, stressed than most years, more challenging to control, calm down, etc. I think the academic workload is higher than in the past and is challenging more than some child's brains have developed. The world is fast today. I suggest mostly to work with her teacher to see what is the problem, and with the guidance counselor to help her deal with her emotions. Maybe a snack right after school and a little scooter or bike ride or walk for 1/2 hour before settling into schoolwork. Or even try a different time, after dinner perhaps. We have found success for homework at a different venue, like a quiet restaurant with a fireplace for atmosphere (Panera's, LaMadeline, etc) right after school, as a treat on rainy days, instead of tv or video games for downtime. Best of luck.

Since you say that your daughter does better after she has a snack, maybe she is suffering from low blood sugar or something. Does she get a chance to eat a snack between breakfast and lunch at school? Could you give her a little trail mix and tell her to be sure she eats it? I am NOT a medical professional, but maybe a nutritionist could help you. As kids' bodies grow and change their nutritional needs do, too, and maybe she is just at a point where she needs constant little "boosts" during the day. Good luck and I hope you find something that helps.

S.

J., I don't think this is age appropriate behavior. Cutting out the faces in pictures is especially worrisome to me. I suggest that you have her evaulated by a psychologist to determine the cause of these behaviors.

First off, let me say I have no experience here. I have a 6 year old and a couple times she has come home angry, and I found out later from her teacher that she had a problem at school that day, so that kind of explained it. What I would do, though, in your case, is call the school counselor. He/she may have seen this before and could talk to the teacher and/or your daughter. They may also be able to recommend counseling outside of the school. I mean, it could be something simple like a chemistry issue (blood sugar levels or hormones can do crazy things to people), but hopefully getting a third party used to dealing with emotional kids might be able to tell you if it's something to worry about and if you should follow up with someone else. Good luck!

Hi, you mentioned she ususally calms down after a snack.... I am wondering if she has low blood sugar or some other food type allergy. My daughter gets very moody if she only eats carbs. Sounds weird, but think about all the snacks we offer. goldfish, crackers, pretzels, easy stuff. When I limit her carb intake or give carbs with a protien, she is so much happier. Also, make sure she is drinking enough water. Very easy things to monitor, and do to see if it helps any. I also would investigate the school issue, by talking to her teacher. I am sure you have!!! Low self esteem can cause erratic behavior. Find something for her to do that she's great at! Good luck!! I know how you feel! I have 3 daughters, and my middle one is exactly like you mentioned!

Hi J.,
I'm just going to throw this out there. Maybe snack and one show after school would help her unwind before doing homework. She might feel the pressure to finish or she'll "never get to watch tv ever again". I hope your meeting with the teacher goes well.
J.

J.:

First off - I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. I will keep you in my prayers.

My daughter, now 22, had "melt down" moments - although she never destroyed pictures. She did dig into a wall and destroy the wall while she was in her room "cooling off". This only happened once. When things didn't go her way, she would yell, scream and cry - I told her when she was calm we would talk about the issues, until that time - there was no sense in talking. She would have her fit and then come back and talk over the issues. Sometimes it was stress from school or from home (her dad and I divorced when she was 10).

My daughter, like me, if hypo-glycemic - eating small meals every few hours helps. Ensure they are healthy snacks, as things like candy bars give a sugar boost but the "let down" is fast.

I personally don't think her behavior is acceptable - to destroy items is wrong. There are some things that cannot be replaced. In my expereince, her actions of destroying things is not a blood-sugar level thing. I have a friend whose son has anger issues - he way of dealing with his anger is to destroy things that the person he is mad at cares about. He is in therapy once a week - I'm not sure they say causes this - he is learning how to control his anger in these sessions.

I would talk with your pediatrician and ask for a referal to a mental health expert. Work with the teacher(s) and counselors at your school to get her on the right track.

I truly hope that everything works out. You and your daughter will be in my prayers.

Best regards,

Cheryl

I would definitely try to determine if she is being bullied or even if she is just having trouble making friends.

There is a book call The Five Love Languages of Children. I highly recommend it. You can get it at the library if you don't want to buy it. In the introduction of the book there was a couple who where having trouble with their child and as soon as they figured out what their child's love language was and did more of that for their child they saw tremendous changes. I am actually reading the book to help me parent my children better and to be in tune with their love languages. I guess most children have different ones. It's up to us parents to figure out what it is and to help our children build healthy sense of self worth and security. I hope that this helps. C.

J., first, my heart goes out to your daughter and to you too. I have a second-grade daughter who in first grade also had some periods of stress and was very emotional about it, though her outlet was tears and self-criticism rather than anger towards others. Please know that I think it's common for many kids to experience new stress in first grade because expectations are so high; they have homework for the first time; they want to be perfect for the teacher but feel they can't; they are coping with new friends and new social pressures--yes, it starts this young.

But the recommendation would be the same: See the counselor and the teacher right away. Though she's outwardly respectful to the teacher at school and has no apparent behavior problems while there, your daughter is internalizing her worry and fear and lets it lash out at home. The fact she said she "had problems finishing her work at school" really jumped out at me because my daughter went through a time of "I can't get my work done, my 'work in progress' folder is too full" etc. and she was becoming very stressed about it at home but wouldn't talk to her teacher at school for great fear of "I'll get in trouble with the teacher." Now is the time for your daughter to learn that she CAN and must trust her teacher and talk to her about strategies to get her work done in the time allotted; or the teacher may, to your child's surprise, allow her to bring home unfinished classwork. I talked to the counselor as well, and she recommended that my daughter keep a "worry notebook" in her desk at school and another at home; when my daughter started feeling worried or stressed, she was allowed by the teacher to slip the notebook out, write down her worries, and put it away again; I also encouraged her to write down worries at home. The idea was: "Close the cover of the notebook and put your worries away there." It did help. If your daughter isn't a confident writer yet, maybe there's another technique for helping her process this stress before she gets home and melts down. But this is what counselors and, to an extent, teachers are there for--use them.

The extreme half-hour blow-ups and actions like destroying photos are worrisome; I'd ask the counselor about whether he or she should talk to your daughter about handling anger. (That is a topic that usually comes up in classroom counseling sessions--does your school have the counselor regularly visit the classrooms for lessons with the kids? Ours does and it's valuable.) The counselor may want to talk to your daughter alone a few times. If the counselor is a good one, a few friendly chats could really help your child. It's important to emphasize that seeing the counselor or talking to the teacher are NOT punishments in any way, and if possible to make any talks feel like privileges. (My daughter adored her teacher so that helped, and the teacher was very understanding.)

Also, the other people who posted are right that your child may need some exercise and a good, healthy snack right after school to help her wind down. Especially if she has a long bus ride after school or is in after-school activities, she may need more down time before homework than she's getting. I do agree with you on no TV until after homework, and stick to your guns on that, but be sure you stay calm and don't rise to her attacks and they should get shorter and shorter.

Please post here and let us know what happens. I really am thinking of you because it's so tough to have our lovely little girls so angry and upset, but unfortunately it's sometimes a part of these early grades. Just let her know, as I'm sure you do, that she can still talk to you even if she's angry with you (and she thinks she's angry with you -- she's really frustrated with herself and her own frustration wtih school). Take care!

My daughter went through the same thing at 6 and now even sometimes at 9. The biggest change we made was keeping her blood sugar even. I often take a snack with me when I pick her up from school. Something like peanuts and raisins, so she has a little sugar boost but also the protein to keep going. This seems to help keep the melt down at bay. The other thing is that she is trying to keep herself together and listen and concentrate all day, that when she gets home she feels free enough to let it go. My daughter's teacher, this year, is working in times during the day for some down time. Speak with the teacher and ask her for some advice, but also sit with your daughter, when she's calm, and problem solve together.
There is a book called "Little Sugar addicts" that explains the incredible need for protein in growing bodies. It was really eye opening. After I read it, I sat with my daughter and explained the need for protein, and together we made a plan for fitting more into her day.
The final aspect is sleep. Make sure she is getting enough.

Good Luck.