No More Kids?? - Torrance,CA

What about an IUD? I got one and love it. We don't have to worry about condoms or remembering to take the pill. It lasts for 5 years and wasn't that bad to get put in. It made my periods lighter and less painful too! Maybe that could be a better alternative for you. And you can have it taken out if you do decide you want more kids!

Hello. i know how you feel. I ave two boys and they are enough for me. I feel the same way, I had the kids, you should get it taken care of and I can't take the pill, the shot or anything thing else with hormones in it. I told my husband it was either get fixed or not get lucky! Well, needless to say, he is getting to the doctor.

I was thinking maybe you could use another kind of protection. All of the men in my family say the same exact thing.

HEY J.,
GET THE DEPO-PREVERA SHOT. MY SISTER TOOK IT FOR FIVE YEARS WITHOUT ANY PROBLEMS. I TRIED IT BUT HORMONES HAVE A BAD EFFECT ON ME. YOU DON'T HAVE ANY PERIODS AND YOU ONLY GET THE SHOT EVERY THREE MONTHS. SHE LOVED IT. IT 'S WORTH LOOKING INTO.
BYE,
N.

My friends husband had it done. It is in and out thing for men. It is an easier procedure; but I guess some men don't want to do it because of their egos. I have been with my husband since the age of 15 and I am now going to be 35 in the summer. We have only one 4.5 year old child from that long relationship. Married 12 years out of those 19 years. We have always used condoms. Did not like the side affects of the pill. We are high school sweet hearts.

I can kind of relate. My husband and I only have one child but dont want any more. I am on the shot and it has worked really well for me. I havent gained any weight or anything. What I would try and do is maybe go with him to seek help in understanding why you want him to get it done. Maybe have him go with you to see how complicated it is going to be and that he will need to take care of the kids day and night till you heal. With my husband I told him that he needs to set up his appointment but he hasnt yet. I think its cause deep down he may want more kids. We have talked about it and he insists that he doesnt but I cant think of any other reason he hasnt done it yet. Since you are a full time working mom expalin make sure you check with your company to see if you will be able to still collect a pay check or if you cant. That may be his motivation. Good luck and let me know how it goes.
J.

I have 5 kids...ages 6.5, 4.5, 2.5, 15 months and 2 months! So needless to say, I AM MORE THAN DONE!!! My husband is too. I got the IUD (MIrena) put in, only because a tubal ligation is too invasive for me. I am not comfortable about going under general anesthesia and having a surgical procedure done on me. I gave birth to all 5 kids vaginally (with no tears/stitches or episiotomies). My husband doesnt mind getting a vasectomy, but for him to make an appointment is taking forever...and I cant just sit around wait and risk getting pegnant again! So the Mirena is the most ideal thing for us (for the next 5 yrs at least)...until hubby gets around to calling/going to the urologist! I have heard a lot of great things about Mirena...I know a lot of women who have it, and its my doctor's #1 choice! So good luck to you and hope this helps!

I agree with you about having your husband getting his tubes tied, but my husband is the same, no-way, no-how!! Maybe if you got him some pamphlets and other reading material, so he understands what an easy and relatively painless proceedure it is, or find someone who has had it done to talk to him about it, it would help with his doubts and concerns. My husband is actually warming up to the idea a tiny bit since one of his good friends is preparing to have one. But in the mean time, I have found that an IUD is an excellent alternative. It is not permanent, but it is very effective, and depending on what kind you get, it can last five to ten years. Mine was only the cost of an office visit-$20. I have a mirena, which has a small amount of hormones, I haven't had it quite a year, and my period has almost stopped, but there are others that don't stop your period. Talk to your gyn about it, they can tell you the different kinds and the benefits to each. It is safe and worryfree contraception, and I will probably just have one until I hit menopause, unless my husband does decided to go through with a vascectomy, but if he doesn't, I think and IUD is the only way to go!

I am sorry to hear that your husband isn't willing to "do it". My husband was more than willing to get his vasectomy. The pill can be a pain to remember to take and condoms aren't much fun. I had a IUD put in after my baby was born until my husband had his vasectomy, you might try that. There are different types: some with hormones, some that last 5 or 10 years and so on. It was nice because you don't have to think about it. The only draw back is sometimes the man can feel the strings. You might tell your husband that he can either deal with the strings or get the procedure done. I hope you are able to find a solution that works for both of you. Good Luck.

the depo shot is wonderful. it lasts three months at a time, and usually you don't have your period at all while you are on it, but some do have very light ones for a couple days

Well if you really don not want to be pregnant you can do one of two things one go on strike until he takes care of it or have your tubes tied.

my hubby had a vasectomy while i was pregnant with our 3rd child. Then when I delivered him, he was breech, and so c secion and I hada tubal as well.

From what I hear the vas is less invasive, healing time shorter, and in the long run is a better option than a tubal.

I went through EXACTLY the same thing. The agreement was for him to get "snipped" right after our third child. Well, after two years, what I became tired of was as you said the worry, not to mention how I just wasn't enjoying the experiences with my husband because the prevention always rested on ME. I was never able to take the pill. My body just rejected every type. And the condom & rythym thing just took the spontaneity out of the experience. So, one day I just made the appointment for a tubal. I had my husband take me the day of surgery without attempting to discuss it. He also had that "I can't bring myself to have that done" attitude. He truly believes in all of the myths. Bottom line, I had it done. It was actually quite a simple procedure, minimally invasive. It took quite a load of stress off of my mind. Of course the decision lies with you and how you personally feel about the procedure, but I truly believe now, that I probably would never have been able to change my husband's mind. To date, I have experienced five less years with that frustration. Best wishes in whatever you decide.

I too have 3 kids and am so done. My husband has now backed out of getting fixed, and it is a bigger deal for women, so yesterday I got the IUD put in. It is good for ten years, you can have sex and use tampons, and the dr. told me it was effective within 24 hours. You did mention your "Pretty sure" not 100 %, so this may be a good option because you can have it removed anytime. Just an idea, but good luck.

I'm 42yrs old and I have four girls, ages 20, 16, 13, & 10. I had my tubaligation a little over 10yrs now and I know it was the best thing for me to do. I now have the freedom of not having to worry about pregnancy no longer. And it is a stress reliever for sures!!! It's a man thing with your husband....that's all. My brother had it done, but that's because he knew for sures he only wanted one child. Do you think your husband wants more children? I think some men feel that their manhood is taking away from them if they go get the procedure done, ya' know? That may be what he's feeling?? Would you want to take that away from your husband?? I don't think so. Unless you have discussed w/your husband whether or not he wants more children, then maybe you should reconsider. It's best for you in long run...I think. But, again it's your decision.

hi J. my name is B. and we wnt throught the same thing neither one of us wanted to do anything permanent so i got the mirena iud it last 5 years and at the end of 5 years it can be replaced if you still dont want anymore kids, it has woked for me and has actually made my periods alot shorter from7 days to 3 days, i would look in to it if i were you, hope this helps have a great day

I also have the same problem with my husband, I have two adult children from a previos marriage and we have a three year old daughter together. Six moths ago we decided to not have anymore children due to our age, I have been on BC pills, since we had our daughter and I am constantly missing days at a time, I know it will be just a matter of time before we end up pregnant again. I have made 3 consultation appointments for him which he did not go to, anyway last month when it was time for me to start my new month of BC pills I told him that this was the last month I was taking them and it was now on him from now on, it has only been 6 days with no protection and he's been out of town on business all 6 days, however he returns tomorrow and I am sure he will be happy to see me if you know what I mean, I am standing my ground with him so hopefully he'll take care of it....be stearn with your husband and give him the alternatives, he gets fixed, he has more children or he gets no sex. Good Luck, I'll need it too:)

If you want an alternative to the pill, you should think about an IUD (intra-uterine device) They're good for 5 years and greatly decrease your monthly flow. Ask your doctor about it.
-S.

Get an IUD it's good for 5 years. It took a month or two for my body to adjust to it but it's well worth it. My youngest turned five and my husband started getting nervous that it wouldn't be effective anymore. He took the initiative to get "snipped" but when I go in to get it removed I'm going to ask for a new one since I love not having a cycle.

Well, if you don't want something SO permanent and invasive, try the IUD. Your OB puts it in and you forget about it for either 5 years or 10 years (depending which one). Yet another option other than surgery! Good luck =)

I agree with those suggesting the IUD... I got one after my daughter was born and I LOVE it. I actually do not get periods because of it (not true for all woman). Never have to forget about taking a pill of getting nausious from the pill or weight gain always there, as previously mentioned you can get the 5 or 10 year one! Good luck!

Dear J.,

If your husband says that, in that way, then believe him, and quietly do something for yourself. You will save yourself a lot of bad days and worry , freting, and mean thoughts about being put upon. He is just not going to do it so you need to. Then get on with your life and have fun, fun, fun, with your little girls. Aren't they just the cutest ? I call my great grandaughter my precious angel, and she is. I haven't seen her for about eight months and it is painful. I will be seeing her in April. Thank Goodness. Sorry about being so mean, but it is the truth, and the truth is better than some nice cutsy lie, isn't it? C. N.

You sound like a perfect candidate for an IUD. Or interuterine Device. It's called Mirena and your OBGYN can put it in you at the office. It works for up to 5 years! If you decide you want to have another baby, your doctor can take it out, and you are fertile again. I also have 3 little ones, and my husband sounds just like yours. We are ideal candidates for Mirena. Look it up, and talk to your doctor about it. Good Luck!

J.,

Have you consider using a intrauterine dispositive like the Copper T, is something that you Dr. inserts and you do not have to worry, you can have it for years.
You just need to go to your annual check up to replace it.
It is 99% effective, and not too expensive (I think!)
Hope this helps!

i am going through the same thing right now. we just had our 2nd (most likely last) baby. this birth was bad, i broke my tail bone, and the thought of getting my tubes tied scares me but my boyfriend won't even consider the procedure for himself. my doctor did tell me about an iud that is almost more effective than tubal ligation. it's the mirena iud. i cannot take the pill because i get migraines and the hormones are not good for this. the mirena has only one hormone i think progesterone and most of it is local only so it doesn't give you all the side effects of the pill. it's supposed to work for 5 years and if you change your mind it can be taken out and you'll immediately be able to start trying again. the best thing is you can have it put in at an office visit with out the pain of the alternative. good luck.
T.

2 words paragaurd IUD it lasts 10 years I have had it for 2 and no worries.

hen I would have the DH go to the doctor with you and explain that it is easier for him to get "fixed" then it is for you. Also have them throw in the down time. My DH isn't too good at baby care so that would get him.

My problem is the forgetting part with pills. I told my doctor about this and she suggested a Mirena IUD. I've asked around and everyone that's had it loves it. They have 5 year and 10 year ones. The nice thing about it is if you change your mind the doctor just pulls it out and you can have another one. Something to think about. I'm getting mine done in 2 weeks. Good Luck.

Hi:

I was in a similar situation. Here's the deal. Men are selfish. Point blank! Me and my husband went to the Dr as I was willing to get my tubes tied because we also have three children (6/3/2), so I know how hard it is with 3. When we got to the dr she told us that it would take like 5 minutes for my husband to have a visectomy (real quick, in and out, and back to work the next day), for me to have the procedure it would be like having major surgery. So we decided that he would do it instead of me. Needless to say, that was three years ago,and unfortunately I did get pregnant again and was unable to keep the baby! So, my advice to you would be to get the proceedure done, if you are certain that you don't want to have any more children. My godmother once told me that if me and my husband were to split that I would be the one ultimately responsible for my children, and she is right. It's real easy for a man to walk away from his family, and start a new life. No one wants to ever think that the person that they married would do something like that but you can never put anything past someone! What you think would never happen, just might! Hope this helps!

Honestly if you really don't want more kids then do what you have to do cause if you leave it up to him you'll have more kids. I got mine done and because my husband is so potent he had his done as well. Just a little tid-bit I had a friend that had her tubes tied and 3 years later got pregnant again. I also had another friend of a friend who both her husband and her got fixed and they had 2 more kids. I'm getting a hysterectomy just to be very sure.

Hi, I read your request and it reminded me of several issues that I have had to learn from. I've had to learn that you can't change other people and that you have to be happy with your life regardless of others. You asked your husband to do something about getting something done so that you guys don't have to worry about any more children. Since he has stated that he will not do that, thats about all you can do in that area. There's no sense in continuing to agrue about something that isnt going to happen. It will only put stress on you and your family. And if you argue to the point where he finally agrees, there will be resentment. He hasn't agreed because he wants to but because he's tired of the arguments. Do what you need to do. I hope it all works out for you. Good luck!

You should really talk to your doctor about an IUD. I was on the pill after my first child, but I never remembered to take it, and gained my wieght back. So after my second child I got an IUD put in. It is so nice to not to have to worry about birth control. It works for five years. You should really check into.

JENNIIFER,
I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL MINE IS THE SAME WAY! SO I TOOK MATTERS INTO MY OWN HANDS I GOT THE MIRENA IUD I CANT EVEN FEEL IT I'VE HAD IT NOW FOR 4 YEARS AND I LOVE IT!! IYOU CAN ONLY HAVE IT FOR 5 YEARS AT A TIME . IT HAS HORMONES IN IT WHICH RELEASE WITH TIME 1 YEARS INTO IT MY PERIODS WENT AWAY WHICH IS ONE OF THE SIDE EFFECTS THE DOCTOR TOLD ME THAT MIGHT HAPPEN IT DOESN'T HAPPEN TO EVERY ONE BUT IT HAPPENED TO ME!!IT WAS MY ALTURNATIVE TO SURGERY!!AND IN 5 YEARS I CAN GET IT AGAIN IF I WANT YOU JUST NEED A NEW ONE !! IT'S REALLY EASY !!NO AFTER CARE OR ANY THING ,OF COURSE JUST YOUR REGULAR CHECK UPS BUT NOTHING MORE !! HOPE THIS HELPS !!

whatever you decide to do, just promise me this:
DO NOT TAKE THE DEPO SHOT!!!
this has been black labeled by the FDA, it really screwed me up when i was on it years ago. my current obgyn won't even administer it and he never had. a lot of docs aren't.

i gained weight, my period stopped completly, lost my sex drive, became a raging you-know-what, etc. not only that, but my obgyn and our RE both HIGHLY suspect that the shot was the underlining cause to our unexplained infertility problems for 5+ years. i understand that you are fortunate enough not to worry about that, but to any others looking at this thread, just google depo provera.

PLEASE, STAY AWAY FROM THE DEPO SHOT!

the IUD might be something to look at. i cramp badly during my periods, so the IUD is not for me. also, the pill makes my migraines worse. so it's just condoms for now :)

good luck!

Hi J.,
A thought could be the patch. That's what I'm on for right now and i love it!! I am really bad about taking pills so the patch is perfect for me... it's low maintenance!! they also have the nuva ring now too!!

Good luck!
L.

IUD seem a little scary to me but I got the DepoVera shot good for 3 months at a time.