Nice Kids, Mean Mom What to Do?

At those ages, contact with the adults should be minimal for just day to day playing/hanging out.
A few years from now when they start driving, that may be a different story.
Good luck.

I don't socialize much with the parents of my kid's friends. I'm polite, I keep conversations to neutral subjects (weather, curriculum, etc.) and I've never had a problem. I know most of them from the school, but I always try to keep "an arms length" away. The kids have enough drama without the parents joining in.

Don't engage in the ranting, etc. Just say you can't talk right now, or that you're on your way out the door.

At your kids' ages, they can be friends without much engagement between you and the mom. They can call and set up plans to hang out, go to the movies, etc, without you (with your permission in advance, but you don't need to be involved really. You don't even need to get out of the car when you drop off and pick up). Encourage your kids to be in charge of their own social lives, and keep as much distance as you can from the mom.

I would just avoid her. When/if she sends texts or emails you find inappropriate or offensive TELL her that you no longer want to receive them (I had to do this once with a mom who was trying to get a teacher fired.) Your kids are old enough to still be friends with each other with minimal interaction between you and this woman.

If you want the kids, I think you need the mom. It's a package deal in my book.
Sorry.

well, if your kids are hanging with hers, you can't actually 'escape' her, right? you don't want to NOT be in contact with anyone whose kids are in your care and vice versa. but you don't have to be close with her. my kids had lots of friends with whose parents i was pleasant and business-like but not *friendly* per se. you can courteously and firmly shut down any gossipy or nasty conversation starters and go on about your business. it doesn't have to be nasty or preclude the kids hanging out.
khairete
S.

It sounds like she needs people to talk to.
Introduce her to Mamapedia (- keep your online identity anonymous).
Most people here enjoy a good rant every once in awhile and she'd have an outlet to discuss her life/kids/husband without alienating her friends and family.
As the kids get older the parental involvement drops way back.

You kind of stopped me in my tracks here. I just sent a text asking a friend if they know a certain person that I overheard harassing our principal about closing school due to weather. I guess I was passing judgement but also, trying to get more info to figure out why this woman acted this way, and also I felt like my friend would be sympathetic to my feeling uncomfortable over the interaction that I witnessed and we could share that experience.

Does this mom perhaps feel close to you and trusts you with her vents? I guess I don't have any experience on what I would consider cyberbullying in adults. I don't get that. and I guess I would want to actually hear the details for me to understand what you mean by that and if it really was nasty and hurtful or if someone was too sensitive.

I am also a little confused on how much contact you have w the mom, I actually wish my kids friends parents would be more interested in having converastions w me instead the norm seems for the 10yos to set up their own playdates and no adult to come to the door to greet them or get out of the car to pick them up. we chat if we run into each other at school events but we aren't FB friends.
I wouldn't engage and just chalk her up as a crazy who is probably miserable with hubs being gone and no one to talk to. I would keep the kid friendship intact if the kids are nice and a good influence, they probably love having normal role models.

I would ignore her. Is she speaking negatively to you directly? Tell her to stop it. Keep your distance. If she's just venting about something or someone else, ignore her or reply with something like, "Yeah, I don't have that issue."

Your kids are close to and in HS. That's a time when friendships change. By senior year, they can have a whole new set of friends. Try to hang on till your kids feel like a change. In the mean time cut your communication with mom. Send out an email saying your email is acting up. Then block her. Ok, I know it's not honest but you don't need that kind of drama. Quit replying to texts right away. Wait at least a day. You can figure this out.

I wish I had a good answer here. Lately people who are mean really bother me so much that my stomach actually hurts. Can't stand it. So I am learning wherever possible I do not see them, talk to them and cut them off quickly where it is acceptable. The suggestion that you are just straight with this person is wonderful but in my experience I have never been successful with this. People like that often don't even realize they are like this or unless they ask you are defensive if you say anything. They think they are so nice most of the time. I saw one of the other mothers worried she could be like this and I thought that is definitely not the kind of person you are talking about she seemed kind and sensitive towards others. I am assuming you are talking about a person (people) who are just plain nasty and rude. I don't have a handle on this yet at all. Good luck.

You have the kids to your house or take them all to the movies or the mall or the park, but don't let your kids go to her house.

Block her texts from your phone if you can, or tell her outright that you can't stomach that kind of talk and that, if she wants the kids to be friends, she has to have more self-control because you won't have your kids around that. Tell her you will drive but the kids can't be in her car until she can go a month without any ranting or bullying. Tell her that her kids will suffer without friends if she treats other kids and their parents that way.

Otherwise, find other friends for your kids. Sorry - it's a shame and this woman's kids probably need all the normal parenting they can find. So welcome them into your home, let her know that you love having them over and don't let her think she has to make it "even" by having your kids to her house. You don't want them exposed to gossiping, bullying, ranting, or anything else. The school probably has an anti bullying program and the mom is undoing it if the kids just get it when they're around her. Focus on YOUR kids, not her kids. Do not criticize her parenting. If you speak to her, you can tell her how nice, polite, etc. her kids are so she must have many wonderful qualities, but it's a shame when her other side gets in the way and takes over. Also, make sure from your kids that her kids are really terrific all the time and not just the "Eddie Haskell" type who are polite to you and then backstabbers when no adult is present.

Try not to talk about this with other parents if you can - it gets around and at some point will get to her kids, which will make them embarrassed and humiliated. And it becomes a situation where you wind up doing what you hate in her actions - talking behind people's backs. But definitely protect your kids.

I feel badly for you - it's got to be painful.

Husband is probably torturing her-maybe it's an opportunity to be extra kind to her and see what happens.-you know, empathy.

I would fly under the radar with someone like this. Do not initiate any contact, and answer her texts and e-mails 'at your convenience'. You may even want to ignore a few, too. Just start the slow backing away from her.

Given the ages of your kids, it's okay to start steering them toward new friends and activities. Until then, try to have much of their time together take place at your house.

Good luck- you're in a tough position! Hang in there!

I hear what you are saying, but then choose how much contact AND what type of contact you will have with her.