Infant New Baby

Girls, respond well the being the " Big Sister" and having a role to play. The more you are excited about her being able to give the baby love that only she can give and the little things she can do for the baby the less time she will have to pay attention to the lack of time you might have to spend with only her. Create special things she will be the only one to do. Singing, how long she can shake a rattle, give the baby special very light kisses. You can start with a special doll (a new doll) just for her. It's a great idea that i was given that they should get a big kid present and a bag of stuff to do when the baby comes. They have great Crayola packages now that include everything you need for trips and what not. Congratulations, and good luck with everything.

I don't know if you've tried this before, but you might let her get excited about getting to help Mommy and Daddy feed the baby and change his diaper and things like that. If you get her involved in the care of the baby then it will feel to her like it's everybody's baby, not just Mommy and Daddy's. That make any sense?

The best advice I can give is let her have playtime to herself! By this I mean, can she play alone? Without Mommy? Can she look at a book or play alone with her toys for 10 to 20 minutes? If not, start letting her have some 'self' play time. This way it will not be a big shocker when Mommy is not in the room or at arm's reach 24/7! She needs to be confident in being alone. Depending on her attention span, she might even play for 30 minutes or so with her building blocks, dolls, etc. "Thirty minutes!", you say. Yes, of course you can check on her! Make sure that her toys are easily accessible for her and that she can reach helpful baby items- wipes, diapers, burp cloths. She will want to help when baby arrives! Let her help you put away the diapers, etc. This way she has a part in 'decorating' baby's room too! Give her a picture of Mommy and Daddy with her. Put it in a frame by her bed. Make sure it's one she can hold without breaking-Michael's has neat brown, paper like frames that the three of you could decorate together- stickers, markers...be creative! You will not believe how big and independent she is upon baby's arrival! She will mature overnight! Lastly, be sure to have at least an hour a week where it is just her and Mommy! It will be hard, but well worth the time and energy! Best!

The first thing is if she wants in your lap while you are feeding the baby, let her. I started this in the hospital with my son when my daughter was born. I never told him he couldn't get in my lap, he mostly wanted to look at his sister. Also when you are not with the baby, spend time with her, don't push her aside or she will feel like she is being replaced. When you feel comfortable with it probably when he is 2 months or so, let her "hold" him. My kids are 16 months and 3 now and the best of friends. We also had them share a room from when she moved into the crib at 7 weeks until she turned 1. Then he got his "Big" boy room that we made a big deal out of.

I am going through this right now. I had another baby in July. My 19 month old handled it pretty well - depending on how you look at it. She was really clingy with me when I came home from the hospital; however, she was very excited about the new baby. She had a ton of dolls to play with before the baby was born and we did what you are doing with my tummy. I let her look at my tummy and talk to her sister. When her baby sister was finally born she wanted to help care for her. I asked her to help me change her sisters diaper by getting me a diaper. Also, she wanted to sit next to me when I nursed. So, I always did it on the couch or in bed where she could sit next to me an watch. She is doing great now; and is not as clingy now that we have our new routine in place. There will be an adjustment period; however, get your daughter as involved as possible with the baby so that she feels included.

Just a small thing that I did when my second was born..After I had the new one's picture taken I got out my first born's baby picture and put them up side by side in full view of everyone who came to visit the new baby. I made sure to comment on both their pictures and all the visitors graciously did the same. It really made him feel as special as the new one!
B.

Congrats on baby #2! I would suggest getting a baby doll so she can feed it, change it and practice caring for a baby. Also we got books that talked about having a new baby in the house and what it was like to be a big sister or brother. I know that your daughter is little but someone else I know let the older child help pick out decorations, bedding even the name for the new baby to make them feel more included.

You've already got some great advice.

I think a lot of it will come natural to your daughter too.

I have a 5 year old who LOVES babies and has always loved them. Shortly after I had her I got pregnant again but it was an ectopic pregnancy. I truly believe the reason she is so good with babies and likes them so much is because she knows she was supposed to have a little baby brother or sister.

I pray blessings over you, your husband and your beautiful family.

Take care and God bless!

My son was 26 months old when my daughter was born and I was so happy that he has been the best big brother we could have hoped for. We didn't go overboard with preperation, but we did get the storybook and read it to him every night for the last couple of months of my pregnancy. (We have the J. Cole book someone else mentioned, and he still loves reading it often.) We also talked about the baby a lot, and how Lexi would be joining us soon and that she would be a tiny baby. In fact, we didn't even realize he was grasping the whole idea until the day she was born. My parents brought him to the hospital to see us and he walked right in as happy as a clam and announced "Hi Mommy, Hi Daddy, Hi Lucky Baby." (He couldn't pronounce Lexi, and the nickname has now stuck.) We also made sure to seperate his things from hers early during my pregnancy so as he didn't feel Lexi was taking anything of his. So any toys or items that your older one has outgrown, I would hide now so she forgets they are hers and they can reappear as belonging to the baby at a later date. This has worked well for us. My son knows which toys are hers and which are his, and has not once claimed something that used to belong to him. We also tried to time other major transitions as far away from the birth as possible. Don't push potty training or big beds during this time. Keep as little about her life and schedule the same as you can. Once the baby was born, I also instituted special mommy/son time. All we do is take a trip to Target once a week together and leave the baby home with daddy. We get Starbucks and walk around the store and I buy him a cheap toy. He even likes to pick out things for the baby. He loves his Target time and it gives us a great bonding opportunity totally away from the baby.

Get a soft baby doll for her to tend to her (baby) while you are tending to yours, an maybe have her be a little helper by getting a diaper etc for you, and then tell her how proud you are of her with a hug. and be sure to set aside a time to just hold her and read a story or something, so she still feels included.

Hi J.! I also recommend the baby doll. I have two sets of twins, and when the babies were born, a family member gave our older boys a set of twin baby dolls. I hadn't even thought about a baby doll since they were boys (they were almost 3 y/o), but it was the perfect idea! You should have seen them nurturing their little babies!

Congratulations on your pregnancy, J.!!

There are lots of videos and books written for all ages out there. Check your local library or Barnes and Noble.

We had several, but I really liked the "I'm A Big Sister" book by Joanna Cole. It's nice for preparation and for after the baby is born to remind the bigger sibling that they are still important.

Stay well!

Hi J.

Congrats on the little one. I was reading your request and it stuck a cord with me. I have a 22 month old and 6 month old triplets. So as you can see my big girl had to get ready for 3 little girls to share me with. And she has done awesome. She has never once thrown a fit, hit a baby, cried for my attention (or husband) she didn't do any of those things they warn you about. Believe me I was scared...I mean come on I was about to have triplets. I think the big things we did...was my old daughter would always be addressed first. When people would come over she would always get talked to first. When daddy came home he talked to her first. When she wants to play I don't put it off, I play. I include her in everything with the baby, and also bought her one that cries and everything. We went above and beyond not to change what she was use to. When grandparents are here...there is special things that they do, my mom takes her outside to walk the dog. She actually started holding the leash when we went on walks. And I never refered to the girls as the babies...only sisters. I don't get worried when she is around them like they might break. I can't say that there is one answer that is going to fit the situation. What I will say is it is up to to; if you make a big deal then it will be one.

Sorry I was reading someones response. I didn't give my daughter her baby until her sisters came home. That way everyone had a baby.

get her a baby doll that she can feed/change/bath. and when her new sibling arrives give your daughter the new baby doll. each time you do something with your new baby, have your daughter do the same with her baby doll. set a specific time each day to spend with your daughter one on one.

good luck.

I am so glad you asked this question! I am in the same boat, my 20 month old will be 26 months old when she becomes a big sister.

One piece of advice a friend gave me was to really emphasize the importance of being a big sister. Make this a special and important role and something to be very proud of.

My friend said it worked wonders for his son who became a big brother at 20 months. I am working with my little girl some now, but I have not yet seen any sort of recognition from her about what is happening. We'll just keep reinfocing the concepts and I'll be adopting some of the tips and advice listed here.

Thanks again, and good luck!

My kids were 20 months apart...first a girl and second was a boy. We let our daughter tell people we were going to have a new baby. She loved the excitement that followed the announcing! When Ryan was born, we gave her a little boy doll to take care of. She could duplicate some of what Ryan needed (I nursed, she play nursed, Ryan was bathed, her baby got a bath, etc.). She wasn't much into dolls, but this did help a lot.

The nice thing about newborns is that they sleep alot. During the morning nap, Kayla and I always played together then. We had tea parties & playdough time together. Then during his afternoon nap, I would get Ryan settled to join Kayla for reading books and our nap time (take the afternoon nap with your daughter...you will need it)!

Kayla also had some simple chores to help out. She was the diaper handler...she got diapers and disposed of diapers for me. She liked helping out. If she could "help" I tried to let her. That made her feel involved and helpful, like big girls can be.

Good luck! I loved having my kids close together. They were close until junior high hit for Kayla, but I think that closeness will come back as they age!

Hi J.-

We only have one kiddo here, but I highly recommend story books to prepare your daughter. We used several books when we were about to move and it really helped my son. A few titles I know are Julius, Baby of the World by Kevin Henkes and The Baby Sister (or something like that)by Tomie dePaula. I think there is also a Berenstein Bear book about it- when sister bear is born. I hope this helps- and congratulations!

Get her a baby doll now that SHE can care for so she can "practice". Let her "help" care for the new baby, but if there is anything you do not feel she is ready to do with the new baby yet, have her get the baby doll and participate by caring for the doll.

About 2 or 3 weeks before the baby is to arrive, get about 4 to 6 raw eggs and draw faces on them with crayon. Take them outside with your daughter (this might get messy). Hand her the egg and tell her it is a "baby" egg. Ask her to do things like "play with the baby egg" OR "hug the baby egg" OR "bath the baby egg." When one breaks, say "We have to be careful with a baby so we do not hurt it" in a loving sweet voice. Hand her another egg and play some more. Each time one breaks be sure to say the word: careful. This teaches what it MEANS to be careful. Two year olds don't REALLY know what it means to be careful, so this exercise will teach her the concept. :o) Every time you ask her to be careful with the baby, remind her of the egg: "We have to be careful with the baby so we do not hurt it; remember the egg?"

Also, be sure you and your husband each set aside special time with her early in the day and in the evening so you can keep the bond you already have. Take a walk without the baby. Read a book without the baby. Go to the store for a quick trip for just anything WITHOUT the baby. It is important for her to keep her individuality and not feel that she is one of a pair, but that she is your oldest daughter.

I hope this helps. :o)

Blessings,

P. <><

All I can say is make her think the baby is hers. Our daughter was 18 months when we had our son. She loved helping by getting the diaper, pacifier, or whatever he needed. She loved knowing that he was hers instead of someone she had to share us with.

Congratulations on your new baby!