I'm struggling with a situation and this site always helps me! Ok, so after the first few days of school with my kindergartener getting home at 5pm, a neighbor and I decided that we would pick the girls up in the afternoons, no bus. This gets them home at 3:40. So she and I basically take turns picking up the 2 girls. I should mention this was her idea, she offered and I thought it was a great idea. When it's my turn, I take her daughter to their driveway(4 houses down), pull in, get her unbuckled, and send her in. The mom doesn't come outside to say hello, thank you, nothing. When it is my neighbors turn, I go outside when I know they're due home, and sit on the porch with my son. My neighbor has to pass my house to get her hers. She doesn't stop in or near my driveway, just pulls in her own garage, and disappears into the house. (Seriously, she like runs or something. Nowhere to be found.) Meanwhile, the girls get themselves out of their boosters, and get out. I meet my daughter to watch her cross the street, and we head to our house.
Finally, my question... am I being avoided? Am I loosing my mind? Should I continue this process? It really is going well. The girls are home more than an hour earlier. I don't know what to think. She'll call me to invite me to her church functions, invites me out to exercise in the mornings with a few other neighbors. On the days they aren't in school, I'll text to see if "A" can come over to play, and she'll just write back, "No, we're cleaning and stuff." All of these just hot and cold kind of actions. hmmm
My 1st thought is maybe she has to poop, lol. What if that just happens to be her time of day :) Maybe she is socially challenged and doesn't know how to act or feels embarrassed around people.
Yes I think her behavior is a little off, but I felt I needed to say this. I have a medical condition that keeps me in the house and if I do leave I can only do so for short periods of time. If I do leave, I literally have to do what she does-run to house and let the kids handle themselves. But, if I were her I would have at least let you know a little of what was going on. Who knows, maybe she is running in to watch Ellen.
I would just not take it personally, no telling what other things she is doing.
Just continue to do what your doing.. I am sure at some point she will say something..
Some people are just very different.
A question for you, do you want to be friends with this neighbor mom? If your looking for a neighborhood friend to have morning coffee with and shoot the breeze on a daily basis then she probably isnt the one for you. But, if your looking for a nice neighbor mom to share the daily job of getting the girls home early then shes perfect.
I guess it just depends on what your looking to get out of it. My son has a friend whose mom may take them somewhere and when they return she always returns him to her home. Perhaps shes just got a lot on her plate and doesnt need and or want a neighborhood pal?
I hope this helps you and is at least close to what your looking to hear. :)
Why would you not want to continue picking them up? You have 3 choices---quit doing it because she's not doing it the way you'd like, even though your daughter is home much earlier, ignore it and stop taking it personally, or speak to her. It sounds like she's just in a hurry to get home. It doesn't mean she's avoiding you , or bipolar.
I do think it's strange that she wouldn't pull into your driveway when she know you do it for her daughter. Maybe she's in a hurry to watch a favorite tv show or maybe has a bladder problem??? Just some thoughts, but I dint think it's you.
I really wouldn't expect her to come out when you drop her daughter off---you ARE being unreasonable there. But, I do find it strange that she doesn't pull in your driveway to drop your daughter off. My neighbors live right next door and I pull in when I have her daughter.
She is not bipolar though! She is not even trying to avoid you. If anything you are being paranoid!
And I cannot believe that a bus ride would be THAT long! Holy mackeral- No wonder you want to carpool on that.
I don't know where all the "bipolar' comments are coming from. Did I just miss you mentioning that??
Anyway, I agree with the others that for pickups after school she is a great fit. But probably not first choice for a neighbor buddy to hang with when you are without kids. As far as her "bizarre" behavior of pulling into her garage, why don't you just nicely ask her if she would mind pulling into your drive for a second to let your daughter out, so that she doesn't have to cross the street? I can't imagine she would say "no" without some reasonable explanation... Is it difficult to back back out of your driveway into the street or something?
Well....some people react to others differently. Maybe she is going through some personal issues and can't cope with one on one niceties. I agree she should pull up into your driveway. But the fact that she does invite you to group things...church functions and group neighbor exercises tells me that maybe she is having personal issues. I'm kinda like that if something serious and personal is going on; I can function ok with a number of people but one on one not so good. (one on one usually turns to more personal conversations where groups are usually fun and not so personal) If it's working for you both I would leave things as they are...maybe she just needs time to come out of her shell. Just a thought! Good luck!!
LOL @ Leah!!! I imagined her running in to poop too! I dont know what her deal is, but it is kinda strange. I would just brush it off and as long as you know your daughter is safe, and it doesnt get any weirder, I would just go with it. It is helping you out right? She does sound weird though. Doesnt seem like the type you would want to be bff's with, and we cant have it all I guess.
I do think it's strange behavior on her part and would not want my daughter to be around that!! Good luck
I understand your confusion...especially if you are not close friends with her so you don't know her quirks.
Is she into conservation/ saving gas? I hate pulling into my neighbor's drive when the kids can walk...to me it seems like a waste to keep my car in idle when I can have it parked in the garage. But I will sometime (weather issues) but usually turn off the engine waiting for the kids to exit.
Another consideration, maybe she is just uncomfortable with "small talk". She may not want to chit chat at that time in the day. She may need to use the bathroom (as already mentioned) or maybe her favorite show is on and she wants to get back to it before it ends.
Don't take it personally. Just enjoy the carpool sharing and go on with the rest of your day.
She's got some issues, don't take it personally.
I have Irritable Bowel. Often I run to the bathroom. It is not something I like to share, but have realized I must to avoid looking rude.
She needs to pull in your driveway.
It is worth getting these girls home earlier, so I would just go with the flow and keep up with your routine....her behavior is a little odd, but as long as the schedule is working for your daughter, I would leave it alone, and enjoy the time with your daughter.
Sounds like you need to have a conversation with her about this. COMMUNICATION wards off so many bad feelings, miscommunication, problems, ets.
How about approaching it by asking her to drop her off - even at the end of the driveway - it's a start. Talk about it in terms of safety for the kids, etc. You may not always be able to be sitting there waiting. Then what?
Tell her you don't mind dropping her child off, getting her unbuckled, etc. but that you want others to treat your child with the same care and respect as you treat yours AND theirs. That's not asking too much. Otherwise, it comes across as that she just doesn't care.
With regard to playing, how about setting a specific DAY of the week for that. If you have to change it for an appointment or whatever, then fine, but at least you've got scheduled time just for that and you won't have to wonder about why she can't come over. She can schedule her "cleaning and stuff" around that play time. And seriously......how much cleaning is a kindergartener doing?????
Scheduling time helps kids with learning balance. That way, you know a room has to be cleaned, but you have school, play time scheduled, etc and helps them learn to balance and set priorities in the most basic way.
That does sound odd.
I would just talk to her and ask if she is still happy with the arrangement. If she say yes, comment tactfully on the behavior, and ask if there is an issue you can help with. She may be embarassed (sp) by your mentioning it, but maybe that will open the door for her to explain her behavior.
