Hi everyone... I just don't know what to do anymore.
Here are some facts: We have been living in this house for about 3 years. Across the street there is a family with 3 kids (9 girl, 8 boy, and 5 girl). There are several more kids that play together on the street. The youngest of this family has always played outside without supervision. These are some problems we have faced: she lies ALL the time for EVERYTHING; we have seen her peeing on the grass through her clothes - and when confronted she denies peeing and keeps playing; the other day she told my son and daughter (5 and 3) that your "cheeks get red when you make love"; she sneaks toys from my garage without asking; and some other things. I told my kids I don't want them playing with her... but they don't fully understand and with such a big group of kids outside, it is hard not to play with her. She is not allowed in my house anymore... What else could I do???
First I would like to thank ALL of you for writing to me. It is hard sometimes to get the whole picture after what was written in a few lines. I have been talking to her for more than a year about all these issues. These behaviors are not new. There is much more to it. She sneaks out of her house everyday without asking her grandmother. For several weeks I kept asking if he asked her grandmother that day, she would lie saying yes, and minutes later would come her grandmother mad at her because she left without permission. I could not let her play here and teach my kids that it was ok to lie... that was the reason I told her she couldnt play here anymore... the rest just add up.
Anyway... I am sticking with my decision, and seriously contemplating moving as soon as we can...
If you feel like something weird might be going on in their household, could you call CPS? If she lies all the time about everything and seems to know details about sexual things at this age, maybe she is being abused. I don't know, maybe CPS will find nothing and the kid is just weird, but I'd hate to pass up an opportunity to help this child if she's in need of help.
When I was 6, I met a little girl who was the youngest and product of a single mom who worked long hours. The older siblings were not good influences. My mom took her under her wing and gave her clean panties to wear, my outgrown dresses, let her spend the night and read the Bible to her as she did every night to me. We moved away when I was 12. Years later when I was reunited with my friend, she told me what a difference my mom made in her life. She said she knew how a family should be by the example she saw in our home. Yes, my friend did know too much about things children shouldn't know, and I learned some things from her I shouldn't have known that young, but my mom's teaching was stronger. Today we are in our 60s and good friends. She credits my mom with keeping her from going down the wrong road. You just never know what God is going to do through you if you will allow it.
I am not really agreeing with anyone else here, sorry.
She sounds like a 5 year old.
Maybe she doesn't WANT to be confronted by the fact that she had an accident in the neighbors yard. Maybe she figures if she keeps on playing, whoever is confronting her will go away.
Your cheeks DO get red when you make love. That made me laugh out loud. It's kid of wierd that she would know that, but maybe her family is more open then most. Maybe she was awake and heard her parents talking, maybe she saw her mom all flushed and asked and her mother said that without thinking it was a big deal.
Maybe she doesn't think she is sneaking toys. Maybe she sees your kids running in and out of the garage and playing with the toys, and since they are all playing together she assumes that she can play with the toys too. If you don't want her playing with the toys than close the door.
Here's the thing. To you this little girl is a bit strange. What are you teaching your children? That if someone is different than us that we CAN NOT play with them? That if someone has accidents they are not worthy of our time? I think you really need to take a step back and understand that maybe the lesson you are teaching your kids is not the one you want to...
L.
I agree with not letting her in your house anymore. Keep the garage door closed! You can only enforce and state your rules when on your property.
You can't parent other peoples children! I can't stand it when people try to do that!
Have you tried talking to her parents?
I have read your question over and over looking for something that would want to make a person move.
Why have you not spoken to the parents? The girl could get kidnapped.
Maybe the grandparent really locks her out so she can't go in to the bathroom and then "pretends" that she's mad that the girl went outside without her knowing.
A five year old "stealing" toys from your garage? At that age, do they know the difference between playing with available toys and stealing? Does she take them home? Close your garage door. Adults might wander in and steal things much more valuable.
So parents, let me know what you think about these recommendations:
Gather your courage to speak to the parents with the attitude that they don't know about it and you don't want to see this little girl kidnapped, etc.
Do not call CPS before talking to the parent. If you do talk to the parents and the child is still out everyday without supervision, then perhaps call the CPS to see if that is something that they respond to.
I know it may be shocking now but that is the way we kids did things in the 50's. But we had neighbors who cared and the parents all knew each other, had each other's phone numbers, and invited the kids in for board games, etc. Our biggest problem was the neighborhood bully whose parents weren't involved like the rest.
Stop quering the child.
Don't show your children how to handle this in the worst possible way. (You would remove your children away from their neighborhood friends, school friends, etc. and spend thousands of dollars realtors and closing fees, go through the stress and work of moving all your belongings all over a 5 year old who acts like an unsupervised 5 year old. Try to fix it, don't run from it. These problems aren't that bad. You might experience worse in another neighborhood from kids, to neighbors, to barking dogs, to vandalism, etc.
I agree keeping her out of your home and close your garage. Who is confronting her about peeing on her own lawn?? You can only parent your children and bring them up the best way you can. I agree its hard to keep your children away from her when they are all playing together. But I don't think I would make the little girl feel bad about not being able to play with your children. Your children are so young also. Its kind of hard explaining this to 5 year olds. Unless she is bullying or being mean to your children there is really nothing for you to do. You can speak to her parents......good luck with that one. When she does do things maybe you can be nice to her and explain that we do not take things without asking (if she takes something of yours). Good luck!
Wow. I would speak to her parents, though it seems like they may be the type of people who are unwilling to listen. I would try to keep my kids away from them. Given the 9 & 8 year old, there are probably older kids playing as well. The youngest probably picked up some bad things from her older siblings, and if her parents let her wet herself outside, there is clearly something wrong in the household. I would make other friends that can come play with your kids or get them involved in activities. I would really not want my kids associating with kids like that. Good luck!
I am not sure there is much else you can do. MOVE! :o)
I think telling her she is not allowed at your house may make her tell her mom but that may open up the conversation for you. Will the other kids come to your house and play while that little girl is not allowed or do the other neighbor kids play at their house? Can you start to take your kids to the park or on playdates at least once a week to get them away but yet playing outside. I would get down to her level and look her in the eye and say, "you are NOT to come to our home and take anything without asking, do you understand???" I would start closing your garage too if you are not out there to watch her. They can play 'around' her but ignore her....
what the heck does her mom say about having pee pants all the time?? gross!
keep your garage closed & have your kids play in your backyard & tell the girl she cannot play in the backyard with your kids.....we don't have a fenced yard but my kids (almost 3, 4 1/2, almost 6) know they aren't allowed to leave our backyard & they listen, your kids are definately old enough to understand & listen! ........your house your rules, enforce them
I agree with Tracy - anyone who lets their young kids play unsupervised AND wet themselves in the front yard has some issues going on. They may not care that you say anything at all - it may just create more drama.
Ugh! Best of luck to you guys! : /
