I need some advice. Our family lives in Michigan and we go back home alot to visit everyone. My inlaws haven't came to our house here in illinois for over 2 years. We invite them out and they say. " Its easier for us to go there". My parents and family make an effort. It is laziness on their part. So when we were home for christmas they were demanding that we come back for a whole week in July because my husbands sister was coming in from Arizona. I said that I was not coming for a whole week, I would come for a long weekend. Because the following week I have to be back for my parents 50th b-day party that my sister and I are giving them. It like whenever THe sister comes in we have to drop waht we are doing for them. Its not fair. Jennifer is never around for any holiday or anything. So just yesterday Lisa the step mom calls and says can you e mail some pictures of your house and anthony. I told my hsband NO. They know where we live, if they can take the time to fly to Arizona in 3 weeks they can make an effort to fly here. I am tired of catering to selfish people. It has been 2 monts since I last spoke to them. I tried e mailing and she hasn't wrote back. They aren't in Michigan thery are In california for 2 months then they are traveling to another state for another job. For my husbands fathers work. So I guess my question is do I tell Lisa the step mom how I feel. Or ignore it. I am tired of catering to them. I never liked her I just put up with her. She is really moody, bitchy, and always has to know every single detail, and she will drill you until you tell her. I can't and wont give her the POWER. She is not a grandma and he is not a grandpa. They aren't close to my son and I don't see any effort on their part trying to be close to him. I call them Holiday grandparents and long weekend grandparents. Get this instead of calling me she sends a post card. please give me some advice. Especially if there is anybody going through this too.
My in-laws can be trying, but your best bet... let your husband deal with his parents and you deal with yours.
Just be careful...not sure how your hubby feels about it, but do not get yourself between him and his family...you do not want him to have to choose.
Best bet...I would tell her how you feel and then put your best foot forward. Try to make the best out of it...if you can't make it out to them for something, well then you can't. If they choose not to come by you, well that is their problem. If you try to do your best then you will feel better. Put the problem back on them!
Good luck
K.
First of all thank you for venting!!! I hate when we as women hold it in and suffer.
Since they cannot be bothered to come to you why go to them. If you are visiting your family I might drop by their. When she contacts you and wants to know everything tell you do not have the time please email your questions. Then reply to her like she did to you.
Who is a addicted person in her life. Is she the addict? Controll issues are about addiction or growing up with an addict. Moodiness and other things you say make me think she is hiding a big problem.
Here is my vent. I just divorced or shall I say I was just forced into paying for the divorce by my second husband. I have been waiting seven and a half years for his mother to come and see our son. My ex-husband gets birthday, Christmas and other holiday cards and gifts. Our son did get a few gifts in the beginning. He never gets cards, gifts or phone calls. His parents never asked to speak to me during our marriage. They turned from alochol and drugs to Religion as their drug of choice. They have no respect for me. My ex-father-in-law is six months younger than me. He was always trying to run our house long distance. He cannot even run his own life why run mine. My ex-husband is a sociopath. He uses everyone to get what he wants and needs. I thnk he is working on his sixth paster. I do not want him in our lives. He has not seen his son since August of 2007. I hope we will never see him again. He has attempted to enter my home is the last week. This time my house mates found out and are now scared. He probably has a new girlfriend and was looking for a place to have sex with her. He does not want the woman he lives with to know what he is up to. What a peice of work he and his family are.
Since your husband will not deal with his family problems you two need to really talk. I would write out everything that bothers you. I would also decide what you can put up with and what you will not do. Then talk to him. If he will not talk about get a friend or counselor to sit in on it. I do not like to see people's marriages hurt by selfish family members.
Good luck. Keep venting!
I totally hear what you are saying. I'll give you my scenerio. My inlaws live ten minutes away, my father-in-law drives by our house twice a day to and from work. My mother-in-law will get her hair cut litterally three blocks from our house. They NEVER stop by, call to see if myself and daughter are here. She is five. They have only ever done something with her themselves, one time. Partly because they are both smokers and don't try to stop or go outside, etc., when she's around.
My parents live an hour away. They see our daughter every Sunday and have since she was born. There probably have been two times in her life they didn't see her. So, take comfort in knowing that you are not alone.
Hope that helps somewhat.
When my husband's parents moved to Florida we thougth it would be nice to take turns one year they come here for the holidays next year we go there. They were the ones that moved away so I thought it was nice that we were using up our vacation time and dragging two little girls to visit them. By the way we would drive all the way because I do not fly. Well it ended up we drove down there every year and they never came here. It use to really bother me because they had no problem flying and money was not an issue. Plus, they were retired and had no little kids to worry about.Now I look back and I am happy we did. My in-laws have moved back here because my mother in-law has dementia and they needed help. If we had not made all those trips my children would have never known their grandmother. They would only know her now. I will never be away from my grandchildren when I become a grandparent, but to me family is the most important thing there is. Sometimes you just have to look the other way. I would send the pictures and go for a long weekend. Ignore her if you can. Trust me I was no prize in my mother in-law eyes, but now that she has dementia she thinks we are best friends.
